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SATAN’S CHEERLEADERS: 1 in 7 Squads Worship the Devil, Researcher Claims   1 comment

Hundreds of cheerleaders nationwide are in league with the Devil, unlike these characters in the hit movie "Bring It On."

Thousands of cheerleaders nationwide are in league with the Devil, unlike these wholesome, all-American characters in the hit movie “Bring It On.”

By C. Michael Forsyth

AMHERST, Mass. — Bubbly college cheerleaders are living symbols of squeaky-clean purity. But shockingly, 1 in 7 of the baton-twirling beauties are willing tools of Satan, according to a leading expert in the occult.

“These young women sell their souls for beauty and popularity,” declares Bob Sertesko, a Massachusetts-based cult-watcher. “The price is that they must use their enthusiastic chants and gymnastic feats to draw crowds over to the dark side.”

Sertesko reached his alarming conclusion after spending 4 ½ years carefully observing cheerleaders at scores of college football and basketball games.

“I recorded their chants and played them backward — and words cropped up that would make your hair stand on end,” he reveals. “There are prayers to Babylonian demons, as well as phrases in English such as ‘Bow down before your lord and master Lucifer,’” the researcher says.

Typically, the perky, pom-pom-shaking pawns of Satan become increasingly brazen over the course of the school year, as they successfully recruit more and more sports fans.

Claims the expert, “At one football game I attended, the cheerleaders openly chanted, ‘Satan, Satan, he’s our man, you can’t stop him, no one can. Give me an S, give me an A, give me a T, give me an A, give me an N … Satan!”

The Hell-bound hotties choreograph their routines to brainwash unsuspecting onlookers.

RAUNCHY routines like these are designed to corrupt the souls of male sports fans, expert reveals

RAUNCHY routines like these are designed to corrupt the souls of male sports fans, according to researcher.

“I have accumulated a vast collection of video footage of cheerleaders flaunting their bodies in a lascivious manner designed to corrupt the male mind,” Sertesko notes. “On rare occasion, they perform tricks only possible with supernatural aid, such as rotating the upper torso 360 degrees at the waist.”

Satan’s cheerleaders commonly use their formations to create sinister symbols such as the pentagram, an ancient symbol of black magic, according to the researcher. Frighteningly, the Evil One has even made inroads into cheerleading squads at the nation’s most prestigious Christian college.

“At one game, 16 cheerleaders faced me forming a cross,” the expert says. “So far, so good, but when I went to the opposite side of the field, I saw that from that angle, their bodies then formed an UPSIDE DOWN cross – an age-old Satanic symbol.”

Young women who accept Satan as their savior reap considerable rewards. A girl who was homely in high school may suddenly experience a drastic improvement in her appearance.

“Acne clears up; tubby girls develop the trim figures of supermodels; mousy brown hair turns radiantly blond,” explains the researcher. “I’ve spent literally hundreds of man hours scrutinizing the video footage. It shows how girls who were previously flat as an ironing board sprout busts that would make Jayne Mansfield green with envy, and high, taut rear ends.”

Cheerleaders who are in league with the Devil are among the most popular on campus – in part due to the fact that they have sex with practically everyone.

“They are like succubae who wantonly seduce male students and professors – and even lure innocent coeds into their sexual snare,” the researcher warns.

Fledgling cheerleaders are initiated into a Satanic coven in a macabre ceremony involving nudity, candles and the sacrifice of live chickens.

“The cheerleaders vow allegiance to Lucifer,” says Sertesko. “It is a choice they will come to regret when they find themselves suffering eternal damnation in the bowels of Hell.”

By C. Michael Forsyth

If you enjoyed this story by fiction writer C. Michael Forsyth, you might enjoy his novel Hour of the Beast.

In Hour of the Beast, a young bride is raped by a werewolf on her wedding night. When her sons grow up and head to college, things REALLY get out of hand.

In Hour of the Beast, a young bride is raped by a werewolf on her wedding night. When her sons grow up and head to college, things REALLY get out of hand.

Posted February 17, 2015 by C. Michael Forsyth in Uncategorized

Clint Eastwood Vs. The Zombies   Leave a comment

By C. Michael Forsyth

The Man with No Name rides into a town where a zombie outbreak is in full swing.

The Man with No Name rides into a town where a zombie outbreak is in full swing.

Old West zombies tangle with the wrong dude.

Old West zombies tangle with the wrong dude.

By C. Michael Foryth

When zombies overrun a small town in the Old West, only one man can stop the menace – a Man with No Name!

In Dead West, a graphic novel by Rick Spears and Rob G., the steely eyed anti-hero Clint Eastwood portrayed in westerns such as The Good, The Bad and The Ugly, is injected into a classic zombie-siege scenario.

There have been quite a few comics in which cowboys battle zombies, but this little gem is the first I’ve read that is specifically a spaghetti western. All the conventions of both genres are honored. And the Man with No Name — a tough, lethal gunslinger of few words – is just the kind of guy you want around when the zombie apocalypse breaks out.

"I know what you're thinking ... you want to eat my brain."

“I know what you’re thinking … you want to eat my brain.”

Let me hasten to add that Clint’s name is never mentioned, nor is there any direct reference to the old shoot ‘em ups filmed in Italy in the ’60s. I suspect the creators of the slim, black and white book couldn’t afford the rights to the squinty star’s image. But everything about the hero, from the trademark poncho – tossed back for shootouts on Main Street – and the cigar handing from the lips, to his casual gunfighting stance – tells us this is the iconic figure. To boot, his nemesis is a Mexican who relies on animal cunning to stay alive, just like the one played by Eli Wallach in the famous flicks directed by Sergio Leone.

The Man with No Name rides herd over survivors in a zombie siege scenario.

The Man with No Name rides herd over survivors in a zombie siege scenario.

Back to Boot Hill, pardners. It's the quick versus the undead as gunslinger  inspired by Clint's persona in spaghetti westerns takes on a herd of biters.

Back to Boot Hill, pardners. It’s the quick versus the undead as gunslinger inspired by Clint’s persona in spaghetti westerns takes on a herd of biters.

In the graphic novel, an Indian boy’s village is massacred, and when he grows up, he takes horrible revenge on the white townsfolk who did the deed. He casts a spell that causes all dead folks within a circle surrounding the town to rise from their graves and attack the living. A small group of survivors takes refuge in a boarded up room, but they don’t have a prayer until the fearless and resourceful gunfighter rides into town. As with Clint’s westerns, the Man with No Name is cool and amoral on the surface, but proves himself capable of compassion.

The drawing in Dead West is not especially skillful. But the storytelling is excellent, and the mix of genres succeeds.

This review was written by the author of a new thriller, The Identity Thief. Check out the book trailer HERE

The tables turn on an identity thief in the latest thriller by C. Michael Forsyth.

The tables turn on an identity thief in the latest thriller by C. Michael Forsyth.

Famed Demon Hunter to Exorcise the Panties of Peril   1 comment

DESPITE their ordinary appearance, these panties are possessed by a force "beyond human comprehension," expert says.

DESPITE their ordinary appearance, these panties are possessed by a force “beyond human comprehension,” expert says.

By C. Michael Forsyth

BOSTON — The Panties of Peril, universally ranked the world’s most lethal paranormal object, have claimed the lives of eight women – and one man – who were foolish enough to put them on. All perished in bizarre freak accidents. But the dreaded drawers may have finally met their match. America’s toughest exorcist, the Reverend Jim Bookley, has vowed to rid the evil undies of the demonic entity that has possessed them.

“Either those panties are going down, or I’m going down,” declared the 54-year-old demon hunter.

The history of the Panties of Peril is well documented. But Rev. Bookley has an equally impressive track record. Among the many feathers in his cap, he cast out from a possessed German nun the infamous Legion, the only demon to go toe to toe with Jesus in the Holy Bible and live to tell the tale. After a fierce eight-day battle, he successfully exorcised a donkey that had run amok in Palermo, Italy. In 2011, the clergyman was voted Exorcist of the Year, after driving the demon Asmodeus from the body of 24-year-old Brooklyn meter maid Gina Spimacelli and sending him running off with his barbed tail between his legs.

And Rev. Bookley is coming to this new spiritual showdown loaded for bear. Included in his arsenal, along with usual implements such as holy water, Bibles and crucifixes, are:

• The Holy Collar of Antioch. Once placed on the neck of a possessed person, it renders the demon plaguing them powerless.
• The personal Bible of Pope John Paul II.
• The Chains of St. Augustine. Made of pure silver, they can supposedly bind any demon.
• The boxing gloves of Father McMurphy, once wielded by the famed Irish cleric and demon hunter.

“And it goes without saying I’ll be packing my sawed off shotgun,” he said, patting the trusty firearm.

CLERGYMEN turn to exorcism only as a last resort, as in this scene from the movie "The Last Exorcism."

CLERGYMEN turn to exorcism only as a last resort, as in this scene from the movie “The Last Exorcism.”

The Panties of Peril are currently in the possession of Boston millionaire Laurence Viskerbloom III, who purchased them last July at auction for a reported $650,000 from an unidentified dealer — although their legal ownership is in dispute. Experts say they were stolen in 2013 from the vault of the New Jersey Institute for Paranormal Research, where they were kept under lock and key in a titanium vault.

Authorities believe the culprit was transvestite performer Frank Yinsley, better known as Lady Charlize, who was later found dead in his apartment while wearing the panties. He’d succumbed to the bite of a rabid bat after chasing it with a broom, and breaking a chandelier, investigators determined. The panties vanished from a police evidence room two weeks later.

Viskerbloom purchased the panties for his wife Bethany, a devotee of the occult who believed they could endow her with rare magical powers. Instead, tragically, she was electrocuted when the candles she’d lit for a special ceremony caught her robes on fire. The panties, eerily, were untouched by the blaze.

“Those panties took my Bethany,” Viskerbloom told reporters. “Whatever it is that’s haunting them has to be destroyed.”

DON'T PANIC: The vast majority of panties are safe to wear, experts say.

DON’T PANIC: The vast majority of panties are safe to wear, experts say.

Researchers at the prestigious New Jersey Institute for Paranormal Research have tracked the innocuous-looking pink panties to a sweatshop outside Denpaser, Indonesia. They believe they are possessed by the vengeful spirit of a factory worker who was killed along with 90 others when the building collapsed.

“The worker was a practitioner of kulam, a sinister, voodoo-like form of black magic so dangerous it’s been outlawed by the Indonesian government,” revealed the Institute’s director Dr. Dan Greavesby.

His organization is suing for the return of the panties. And he’s appealing to Rev. Bookley to call off the exorcism, scheduled for next month.

“These are incredibly powerful forces at work here, almost beyond human comprehension,” the expert warns. “To take them on before we’ve had a chance to fully study them is foolhardy.”

Copyright C. Michael Forsyth

This story was written by the author of the acclaimed horror novel Hour of the Beast. Check it out along with his other books HERE.

In Hour of the Beast, a young bride is raped by a werewolf on her wedding night. When her sons grow up and head to college, things REALLY get out of hand.

In Hour of the Beast, a young bride is raped by a werewolf on her wedding night. When her sons grow up and head to college, things REALLY get out of hand.

Tortures Being Renamed — To Sound Like Spa Treatments!   Leave a comment

"Colon Expansion," formerly known as The Judas Cradle, has been used by practitioners of enhanced interrogation techniques since the Middle Ages.

“Colon Expansion,” formerly known as The Judas Cradle, has been used by practitioners of enhanced interrogation techniques since the Middle Ages.

By C. Michael Forsyth

Chiefs of secret police forces worldwide are taking a page from Dick Cheney’s book and renaming torture techniques to sound like spa services — to ensure they can never be charged with war crimes.

Chinese Water Torture, for example, is now called Asian Aquatic Relaxation.

“According to the latest thinking in international law, if an interrogation technique sounds like a spa treatment, it’s not technically a war crime,” explained Hosni El-Shabiz, director of Syria’s Bureau of Information Extraction.

Cheney and CIA underlings dubbed enema torture “rectal hydration,” he noted.

Other name changes secret police forces have adopted:

* The Rack is now “Enhanced Spinal Decompression.”
* Bamboo shoots under the fingernails has been replaced by the more benign “Organic Subungual Therapy.”
* Cattle prod to the genitals is now known as “Intimate Area Stimulation.”
* The Iron Maiden has been switched to the friendlier “Deep Tissue Penetration.”

The names can be misleading to prisoners.

“Sometimes when you order a detainee to undress for a Dermal Abrasion session, they do it happily because they think it’s a soothing spa treatment,” El-Shabiz chuckled. “They’re usually quite taken aback when they discover that it means whipping with a cat o’ nine tails!”

Copyright C. Michael Forsyth

If you appreciated the black humor of this story, you might enjoy the irony in his latest thriller The Identity Thief.

The tables turn on an identity thief in the latest thriller by C. Michael Forsyth. To check it out, click HERE.

The tables turn on an identity thief in fast-paced thriller by C. Michael Forsyth.

NSA Warns Spunky Teen Girl Really COULD Topple Police State.   Leave a comment

LIFE IMITATES ART: Concerned NSA officials warn that a rebellious teen might one day lead an uprising against the government, just like Katniss (Jennifer Lawrence) in "The Hunger Games."

LIFE IMITATES ART: Concerned NSA officials warn that a rebellious teen might one day lead an uprising, just like Katniss (Jennifer Lawrence) in “The Hunger Games.”

By C. Michael Forsyth

WASHINGTON — NSA officials who are busily setting up a “security state” fear that a single rebellious teenage girl could one day bring the entire dystopia toppling down!

“Every simulation we’ve run projects the same personality profile emerging as a rebel leader: a brave and resourceful female age 16 to 19,” revealed an agency insider who spoke on the condition of anonymity.

“Anyone with a teenage daughter knows they’re a handful. They hate authority, thumb their noses at rules — and try getting one into some bland, one-size-fits-all uniform! They’re expert at using subterfuge to hide their activities and communications from adults.”

The agency is now quietly compiling a database of girls who fit the profile, based on school files, surveillance of social media, and even satellite imagery, according to the source.

“We’re not talking about ‘rounding up’ anyone at this time,” the insider assured the public. “We will, however be tracking any individuals who have a high probability of tossing a monkey wrench into the system we’re working so hard to construct.”

PLUCKY Beatrice (Shailene Woodley) kicks some Big Brother butt in "Insurgent."

PLUCKY Beatrice (Shailene Woodley) kicks some Big Brother butt in “Insurgent.”

Copyright C. Michael Forsyth

Speaking of gusty heroines, if you enjoyed this story by fiction writer C. Michael Forsyth, check out his novel The Blood of Titans.


"The Blood of Titans" is a tale of love and adventure set in the Golden Age of Africa.

“The Blood of Titans” is a tale of love and adventure set in the Golden Age of Africa.

WORLD’S FASTEST ZOMBIE SHATTERS 100-METER RECORD!   1 comment

QUCK AND THE UNDEAD: Zombie known only as Jacques is the fastest ever recorded.

QUCK AND THE UNDEAD: Zombie known only as Jacques is the fastest ever recorded.

By C. Michael Forsyth

PORT-AU-PRINCE, Haiti — There are slow zombies. There are fast zombies. And then there is a blindingly fast zombie named Jacques who recently shattered the world record for his kind by running the 100 meters in 10:06 seconds!

The lean, French-born athlete pulled off the dazzling feat at the annual Undead Track and Field Tournament held in the Toussaint L’Ouverture Racetrack in Haiti, finishing many strides ahead of his eight competitors.

“Jacques’ astounding performance at this event demolishes the image of zombies as shambling and unfocused,” declared sportswriter Kevin J. Bracksley. “His speed was just a fraction of a second behind the ‘normal human’ record set by Usain Bolt in 2009.”

The remarkable “running dead” sports star is equally impressive in longer distances, recently clocked at 4.12 minutes in the mile.

Zombie racing is a tradition that dates back to the 18th century, when plantation owners would wager on their most fleet-footed undead field hands. Mark Twain, who saw one of the bizarre races on his many travels, wrote in 1896 that it was “sort of like a tortoise race, but less exciting.”

In the 20th century, the international tournament was expanded to include events such as the shot put and broad jump. Organizers hope that in future years, other athletic events such as beach volleyball will be added.

Zombies arrived from far away as Turkey to compete in the races held on November 14, brought by family members or handlers who’d purchased them. Jacques’ owner is a wealthy, unidentified British sports enthusiast whose team spent months training and conditioning the 6 foot 2, 160-pound athlete.

“Muscle break down and decay is very common among zombies and the lack of oxygen to the brain they suffer before revival usually means their motor control is shot,” explained Bracksley. “That’s a huge hurdle to overcome in competitive sports.”

Although Jacques’ full name has not been revealed, he reportedly was an avid marathon runner who took home several trophies in Europe before falling victim to a zombie outbreak in 2011. That background has doubtless aided the rotting runner, the sportswriter said.

“There’s such a thing as ‘muscle memory’ you don’t lose even when the higher centers of the brain are kaput,” he observed. “And I’d like to think that the competitive spirit that Jacques had before he crossed over is still flickering in that decaying skull of his, and that helped him across the finish line first.”

Copyright C. Michael Forsyth

If you found this story by C. Michael Forsyth entertaining, check out his novel Sir Arthur Conan Doyle & Harry Houdini in the Adventure of The Spook House HERE.

The creator of Sherlock Holmes and the world's greatest magician probe a paranormal  mystery in new thriller.

The creator of Sherlock Holmes and the world’s greatest magician probe a paranormal mystery in new thriller.

Copyright C. Michael Forsyth

Jesus’ Enemy List Found!   Leave a comment

NAUGHTY OR NICE? Those who messed with the Savior of mankind could face divine retribution.

NAUGHTY OR NICE? Those who messed with the Savior of mankind could face divine retribution.

By C. Michael Forsyth

Jesus forgave — but he didn’t forget. Bible scholars now say that from an early age, the Messiah kept a detailed enemies list.

The 8-foot-long scroll contains the names of 105 people who did the Lord wrong, from the age of 7 through the eve of His crucifixion at age 33. The meticulously kept record includes each specific offense, date and location, according to biblical archaeologist Paolo Giametelli.

“Some of the names on the list are to be expected, such as Pontius Pilate, Judas and Satan,” says the expert. “But the text includes some surprises, such has a boy named Azariah, ‘who did cast a rock at my head’ when Jesus was only 9. Further down there is a reference to one Lemuel of Nazareth, who refused to pay for a cabinet he’d ordered during Christ’s days as a young carpenter.”

PONTIUS PILATE ordered the execution of Jesus, earning him a prominent spot on the list.

PONTIUS PILATE ordered the execution of Jesus, earning him a prominent spot on the list.

The scroll was found in fragments in the ruins of a Coptic Christian temple outside Jerusalem excavated by archaeologists. The fragile pieces of parchment were painstakingly put back together and translated. The list includes the Pharisees who opposed His ministry as well as Salome, the temptress responsible for the beheading of Jesus’ friend and ally John the Baptist.

Researchers are uncertain why Jesus, known for preaching love and kindness, kept the enemies list.

“The obvious implication is that our Lord planned retribution, either by using His holy superpowers or calling upon His father in Heaven for vengeance,” said the scholar. “But it is equally possible that this was a list of people to forgive.”

BIBLICAL backstabber Judas Iscariot made the holy enemies list.

BIBLICAL backstabber Judas Iscariot made the holy enemies list.

TREACHEROUS:  After her seductive dance, Salome beheaded John the Baptist.

TREACHEROUS: After her seductive dance, Salome had John the Baptist beheaded.

Copyright C. Michael Forsyth

Speaking of ancient times, if you enjoyed this story by fiction writer C. Michael Forsyth, check out his novel The Blood of Titans.


"The Blood of Titans" is a tale of love and adventure set in the Golden Age of Africa.

“The Blood of Titans” is a tale of love and adventure set in the Golden Age of Africa.

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