WASHINGTON — Uncle Donald wants YOU — to join the noble band of brothers who will guard Trump Wall, just like the Night’s Watch in the hit HBO series Game of Thrones.
Thousands of patriotic Americans nationwide have already volunteered to man the $25 billion border wall that’s being built to protect the U.S. from Mexicans.
“Letters are pouring in from around the country from men and women who want to join the elite force,” said a White House source. “The wall will be tall, yes, perhaps as high as 40 feet, huge. But it would be comparatively easy for Mexicans to dig under it. We need real heroes to make sure that doesn’t happen.”
In Game of Thrones, the Night’s Watch is a military order that guards the Wall, an immense ice structure that separates the northern border of the Seven Kingdoms from the lands beyond. The Wall keeps out threats such as white walkers, wildings and giants. The Trump Rangers, as the guardians have tentatively been dubbed, will play a similar role guarding the wall that will stretch along the 1900-mile border between the United States and Mexico.
In the popular fantasy series, the Night’s Watch is drawn from the dregs of society, including petty criminals, street urchins, bastards and outcasts. Likewise, a checkered past — including a less-than-unblemished rap sheet — won’t keep you from a spot atop Trump Wall. Almost any American with gumption and an eagerness to serve has what it takes to be a Trump Ranger.
“You don’t need a fancy high school diploma or other special qualifications,” the aide explained. “We’re not looking for people with a background in law enforcement or the military. That would be prohibitively expensive. We’re looking for enthusiasm, patriotism and loyalty to our President. We’ll give you the training you need.”
While the heroes’ job may sound glamorous, conditions at the southern border — blazing hot in the day, freezing at night – will be more uncomfortable than many citizens can bear. So Trump Rangers are likely to include undocumented immigrants.
Said the aide, “These people are willing to do jobs most American’s don’t want.”