WASHINGTON — Undersized hands aren’t the only way Donald Trump has come up short. It turns out his border wall may be a measly six feet tall!
The President’s plans for a towering and majestic barrier between the U.S. and Mexico were scaled back after Congress balked at the estimated $38 billion price tag.
“This compromise is a win for both Trump and Republicans in Congress,” explained a Capitol Hill insider. “It allows the President to show supporters that he honored his promise to build a wall, while satisfying deficit hawks that money won’t be wasted. The savings can be used for something more useful, such as tax cuts for large corporations.
“Even though it will be smaller than originally envisioned, Trump Wall will remain a powerful symbol to would-be illegal aliens that they aren’t wanted here.”
As a candidate, the flamboyant real-estate tycoon vowed to build a “great, beautiful wall” as high as 40 feet tall, a magnificent structure that could be seen from space just like the Great Wall of China. But at just 72 inches, the cut-down-to-size Trump Wall will be so teensy, most fit adults would be able to scale it; some high-school track stars could leap right over it — and even miniscule Mexican mouse Speedy Gonzales could scurry up and over in seconds.
Yet supporters of the pared down project aren’t concerned.
“This is truly a case where size doesn’t matter,” the source insisted. “The main concern with the original plan was that the Mexicans might dig tunnels. Well, it’s as hard to tunnel under a 6-foot wall as it is to tunnel under a 40-foot wall.”
The Great Wall of China is one of the eight wonders of the modern world.
During the campaign, Trump claimed that cost wasn’t an issue because Mexico would pay for the wall – and he stuck to his guns even after Mexican President Enrique Peña Nieto vehemently declared that his nation wouldn’t fork over a single pesos for the “insulting” eyesore. After the election, the billionaire prez acknowledged that U.S. taxpayers would foot the full bill for his dream project and demanded funding from Congress — saying money could be taken from less important areas such as the Coast Guard and food for the elderly. But lawmakers refused to include funding in this year’s budget, and furious Trump warned of a government shutdown unless they knuckled under. When they didn’t, the President reluctantly backed down, promising supporters the wall-funding issue would be reconsidered this fall when negotiations for the following year’s budget begin.
“Since then, various more-modest proposals for the wall have been run up the flagpole, including the idea that it would extend only half the length of the border,” the insider revealed. “But when the suggestion of simply building a shorter wall was offered for consideration, it instantly received widespread support.”
FLEET-FOOTED cartoon rodent Speedy Gonzales would be able to get over the smaller, cheaper Trump Wall in no time flat.
To trim costs even further, undocumented aliens will work on the wall – but only on the southern side.
“When the wall is complete and they find themselves stuck on the Mexican side, they’ll get the message: ‘Your services are no longer required – stay out!’ ” said the insider.
As another savings measure, the U.S. government won’t cut checks for those workers when the job is done.
“Even more than the art of the deal, as a real-estate mogul, Mr. Trump mastered the art of stiffing contractors,” the insider noted. “If these Mexican citizens are never paid for their labor, he would have shown he is a man of his word: Mexico in effect did pay for the wall.”
Copyright C. Michael Forsyth
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