FUGITIVE FROM INJUSTICE: Human oddity made bold dash for freedom.
PYONGYANG — With North Korea teetering on the brink of an all-out nuclear smackdown with the United States, a new crisis erupted on Saturday when the rogue nation’s famous Wolf Girl escaped the private “human zoo” beneath the palace of dictator Kim Jong Un.
According to state-run television, the 17-year-old human oddity, who is covered head to toe in hair, attacked two keepers and broke out of the squalid 6” by 4” cell where she has been held in captivity since infancy.
“Any citizen who encounters this fugitive is instructed to inform the Ministry of People’s Security immediately,” an anchorwoman announced. “Failure to do so will have dire consequences.”
Although deranged despot Kim allegedly abused the pitiful freak of nature for years, he’s now said to be pining for what was the most prized exhibit in his human menagerie, like a little boy whose pet collie has run away.
“The two guards, who suffered multiple bite wounds, have already been tried and executed for their incompetence,” according to a U.S. State Department source. “You’d think that right now Kim Jong Un would be focusing his energy on preparing for nuclear war — ordering civil-defense drills, shuffling his missiles around and stocking his bunker with his favorite snacks such as Butterfingers. Instead, he has made the capture of the Wolf Girl the number one priority of his security forces.”
While the existence of the pudgy strongman’s collection of at least 150 freaks has long been rumored, it was not until a human-rights organization issued a report on the outrage that the world learned of the Wolf Girl. Believed to be suffering from a rare genetic disorder called congenital universal hypertrichosis, the tragic teen is unable to speak, communicating only in grunts and howls. Kept unclothed, she ate slop from a trough and defecated in a bucket. Human-rights crusaders are not surprised that the hirsute young woman made a break for it.
“She yearns for what all of us want: freedom and dignity,” declared Katsumi Yamashima, spokesperson for the Tokyo-based Pan-Asia Foundation for Human Rights.
But experts on North Korea fear that it’s unlikely that the Wolf Girl – whose real name is unknown – will be able to elude the tyrant’s 144,000 Gestapo-like goons for long.
“She’s never been out of her cell before. She knows nothing about the city of Pyongyang or the country’s rugged terrain,” said the State Department source. “The odds of her remaining free are one in a million. It’s heartbreaking to think that she could soon be in Kim’s clutches again.”
THE FACE OF EVIL: Dictator Kim Jong Un cruelly tormented the Wolf Girl before her brave bid for freedom.
Copyright C. Michael Forsyth
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