COMPROMISE: SCHOOL SHOOTINGS ONLY O.K. DURING SPECIAL “HUNTING SEASON.”   Leave a comment

huntingfeature

By C. Michael Forsyth

The ongoing battle between the NRA and high schoolers may soon be over. A new compromise has been proposed that would allow shooting inside school buildings, but only with a special license and during a specified season.

“I think that people of good conscience can come together on this issue,” says moderate Neil Gradeaker, founder of the #letsmeethalfway movement. “Young anti-gun activists want schools to be gun-free zones. The NRA wants many people in schools to have guns. The license idea splits it down the middle.”

According to the compromise measure, anyone could apply for a special permit to discharge a firearm within a school building, just as many citizens now obtain hunting licenses. While it’s expected that primarily teachers, coaches, school nurses, janitors and lunch ladies would get the licenses, parents, former students and other visitors who might hope to be the “good guy with the gun” would also be eligible.

“The only current students who would be eligible are seniors who have demonstrated responsibility, have no record of misbehavior and have maintained a GPA of 3.0 or higher,” Gradeaker reveals. “The season would begin in mid-October, when students have had time to settle in and run through early April.”

Gradeaker came up with the middle-of-the-road approach because he was tired of seeing his Facebook friends argue back and forth about gun control.

“It always came down to, ‘You’re stupid,’ ‘No, YOU’RE stupid!’” he explains.

Not everyone agrees that the compromise is a good idea.

“Having a ‘hunting season’ for school shooters is not the solution,” fumed one teenage gun-control activist.

Some Second Amendment crusaders are also taking potshots at the proposal.

“Gun owners shouldn’t need a special license to protect kids on school property,” one declared. “And who’s supposed to protect them before the season begins and after it ends?”

Elmer fudd

Beloved cartoon hunter Elmer Fudd

Copyright C. Michael Forsyth

If you enjoyed this news satire by fiction writer C. Michael Forsyth, check out his collection of incredible stories, available on Kindle and in other eBook formats.

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