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Dumb Robbers Caught Nude When “Invisiblity Cream” Fails!   Leave a comment

INNOCENT until proven guilty: Alleged would-be jewel thief is led off by Athens police. His face is blurred in this photo courtesy of the Athens Civic Journal.

By C. Michael Forsyth

ATHENS, Greece — A gang of dimwitted thieves conceived the perfect crime when they coated themselves with an invisibility cream sold to them by an elderly Chinese herbalist, then waltzed into a jewelry store naked, certain that they couldn’t be seen.

But the brazen daylight heist turned into a humiliating fiasco because the magic cream was bogus!

The five crooks – who had doffed their duds so their clothes wouldn’t be seen – were busted by police less than 30 seconds after they exited the store in the historic The Plaka district.

“The gang leader Aristotle Panagakos has a reputation in this city as something of a criminal mastermind,” said police spokesman Sgt. Demitri Stathopolos. “The failure of this particular caper exposed his shortcomings.”

The three men and two women have been charged with robbery. Panagakos, interviewed in jail, told a reporter that all seemed well when he and his four cohorts entered the Megalos Jewelry Store off Adrianou Street.

“The sales people did not react to us and we were certain we were invisible to them,” he recalled. “Only when we walked out and I saw policewomen gawking at my privates and giggling, did I realize that something had gone awry.”

Cops from a special police task force, who’d been tipped that a robbery might be going down at one of the many jewelry stores in The Plaka, had instructed employees in the area to remain calm and press a silent alarm if they saw any sign of trouble.

“It was a little difficult keeping a straight face when those people came in, naked as the day they were born, and started poking about in the displays,” explained store manager Callidora Deiphobus. “But I did as the authorities instructed us and triggered the alarm. By the time the thieves left with armfuls of diamond necklaces and gold rings, the police were outside.”

Superstition is common among Greek criminals, who often purchase from Gypsies amulets to ward off police, experts say.

According to a statement given to the police by ring leader Panagakos, the robbers bought the “invisibility cream” from a Chinese herbalist named Chin Ho who purportedly sold magic potions.

“His nephew, a cat burglar I met at a bar, assured me that he had used the cream successfully many times,” Panagokos told cops. “I paid him a handsome sum, 7,700 Euros (about $10,00 U.S.). Now, of course, I realize the whole thing was a rip-off.”

naked woman

BUNS BARING BANDIT: Suspect Phoena Zervas was angered to learn that her gang had been hoodwinked.

 

24-year-old Phoena Zervas, the youngest member of the ring, was quickly covered in a coat by arresting officers a few yards from the store.

She is furious at Chin Ho, whom she now regards as an “a liar and an evil charlatan.”

“The morning of the robbery, the little old Chinaman came to our hideout with jars of the magic cream,” the bosomy brunette said in a jailhouse interview with a Greek TV station. “Chin Ho – if that’s his real name — explained that people wearing the cream could see each other, but no one else could.

“He offered to apply the cream to my body so that I wouldn’t miss a spot. I took him up on the polite offer because he assured me that because he wasn’t wearing the cream he couldn’t see me nude.

“Now I know that not only could he see every inch of me, I let that old pervert rub his slimy hands over me from head to toe. I feel like a fool.”

The crafty con artist remains at large.

“He is doubtless pulling his scam on other gullible criminals,” said Sgt. Stathopolos. “We’re not optimistic about finding him. And even if we do, we’re not sure what crime we could charge him with. All he did was sell some idiots goo that we have discovered to be 90 percent petroleum jelly.”

UNLIKE the dimwitted jewel thieves in this weird crime story, Fantastic Four superhero Susan Storm (Jessica Alba) really can turn invisible.

Copyright C . Michael Forsyth

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Bizarre News Cover 5.

Invisiblity may not be real, but werewolves are! The author of this article has written a critically acclaimed horror novel. The Horror Fiction Review raves that Hour of the Beast is a “rip-snorting, action-packed sexy college romp.”

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GAL’S BIZARRE INDECENT EXPOSURE DEFENSE: “I’M A WEREWOLF!”   12 comments

EVEN GOOD GIRLS can become werewolves, as illustrated here by artist Kacey Miyagami

By C. Michael Forsyth

BUDAPEST, Hungary – When police found a stark-naked woman asleep on a park bench and arrested her for indecent exposure, she offered a novel excuse for her undignified state. The buxom blonde claimed that she’s a werewolf who shed her clothes to romp under the full moon the night before!

“In my 32 years on the bench, I thought I’d heard everything, but this takes ‘weird’ to a new level,” Judge Bartalan Gyori declared.

Irenke Fodor, a 28-year-old factory worker, was discovered on the east side of Varolsliget Park on the morning of October 17, police say.

“She was sprawled out with her legs wide apart, completely naked,” says police officer Peterke Bakos, who made the eye-popping discovery while on patrol with his female partner. “Her hair was a tangled mess, full of leaves, and her body was caked in mud. She was snoring loudly and it took several pokes with our batons to rouse her.

“We naturally assumed she was a party girl who’d had one too many at one of the local bars, stripped and went frolicking in the park.”

Fellow officer Anasztaizia Kardo says, “It was disgusting. She looked like a kurva (total skank). When we finally woke her, she leapt up and tried frantically to cover up her wares – as if she hadn’t put them on lewd display the night before. I frisked her, while my partner read the filthy little hussy her rights.”

The cops slapped handcuffs on the buck-naked beauty and carted her off to jail. It looked like an open and shut case – until Irenke’s lawyer stunned the courtroom at a preliminary hearing.

“My client’s position is that her garments were torn off when, without her volition, she transformed into a werewolf,” attorney Rezso Jozsa told the judge. “There was no criminal intent to expose herself indecently.”

The case has created a stir among court-watchers and Irenke has become a minor celebrity, nicknamed the “Naked Wolf  Girl” by courthouse wags.

Due to harsh laws dating back to the werewolf panic of the 1700s, the young woman faces up to six years behind bars, should she plead guilty to the “crime” of lycanthropy. That’s a far stiffer penalty than the 30 days in jail and 100,000 forint (about $500 U.S) fine she would likely receive if convicted for the first time of indecent exposure. Yet, ignoring her attorney’s pleas, she stubbornly intends to cop a plea to the more serious crime at her next hearing, set for November 24.

“I want people to know that I am a decent woman,” Irenke told a reporter adamantly. “I am not some boozing slut.”

Copyright 2010, C. Michael Forsyth

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