Archive for the ‘gay women’ Category

Christian Right’s New Weapon: Blonde Who ‘Flips’ Gay Men.   1 comment

Busty Blonde 2

MYSTERY WOMAN is devout born again Christian.

 

By C. Michael Forsyth

CHARLOTTE, N.C. — The Christian right has a potent new superweapon: A 36D-24-36 blonde who can “flip” any gay man in a single encounter!

The mystery woman, identified only as Mary Doe, has converted a whopping 78 homosexuals since January – and she’s just warming up, according to the Moral Family Brigade.

“Gays are running scared. They don’t know where she’s going to strike next, or when,” brags Gavin Laplinksy, the organization’s director. “Even the most hardcore gays – I’m talking about guys who own every Judy Garland movie on DVD – have switched teams after a night with Mary.”

The bodacious bombshell’s face is blurred out in images posted on the outfit’s web site. That’s so when she approaches a gay man at a health club, cooking class or other promising location, he has no way of identifying the threat.

“She’s like a stealth bomber,” Laplinky explains. “They have no idea what hit them until it’s too late.”

Liberace

EVEN a gay man as flamboyant as Liberace isn’t safe.

 

Lionel Huslow, 39, claims the curvaceous crusader for heterosexuality ruined his life.

“Clarence and I were set to finally get married in April,” recalls the Memphis schoolteacher. “Then that woman ‘just happened to’ bump into him at the gourmet food store. They struck up a conversation, she invited him out for coffee and one thing led to another. Clarence didn’t come home that night, and the next morning he came through the door looking like something the cat dragged in, and smelling of perfume. He told me the marriage was off.”

Scant details have been released about the anonymous hottie, other than that she is 26 years old, a devout born-again Christian and employed as a church secretary. But in an interview published in the Moral Family Brigade newsletter, she declared that she is on a holy crusade.

“I was saving myself for marriage until I found out the Lord had given me this gift,” Mary said. “Now this is my ministry.”

The organization has spent a small fortune flying the pious pickup artist from city to city, to do God’s work.

“It’s real nice I’ve gotten to travel, to everywhere from San Francisco to Bangor, Maine,” she said.

Anne Heche 2

JUMPED SHIP: Actress Anne Heche dumped comedienne Ellen and switched to men.

Skeptical experts say it’s almost unheard of for a gay person to change his or her orientation on a dime, with rare exceptions like Ellen DeGeneres’ former girlfriend Anne Heche. Dr. Francine Goertz-Ramirez, a researcher who examined Mary Doe on behalf of the family values group, believes the miracle worker has a unique body chemistry.

“My hypothesis is that she emits a rare type of pheromone that makes her sexually irresistible,” the expert revealed. “It’s not simply that she has a pretty face. To be frank, I’d rate her only about an 8.5.” Even Moral Family Brigade leaders – deeply religious churchgoers – find it difficult to keep their hands off Mary, she continued. “Several admitted to me that they committed adultery in their hearts after meeting her, in some cases multiple times in a day.”

LGBT activists are crying foul.

“Look, it’s one thing to fight marriage equality or keep transgender people out of locker rooms,” fumed a spokesperson for Fair Play for Gays. “This is hitting below the belt – literally.”

But the storm cloud hovering over America’s gay males might have a silver lining.

“I noticed that whenever I was in close proximity to Mary, I found myself becoming aroused,” admitted Dr. Goertz-Ramirez. “There’s a very real danger that for every gay man she turns straight, she inadvertently turns one straight woman gay.”

Copyright C. Michael Forsyth

If you enjoyed this mind-bending story by C. Michael Forsyth, check out his collection of bizarre news, available on Kindle and in other eBook formats.

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After Night of Drunken Sex, COEDS CHARGE EACH OTHER WITH RAPE!   1 comment

By C. Michael Forsyth

MELBOURNE, Australia — When college sophomore Cathy Banyerson woke up nude in bed next to Melissa Wencraft, she realized to her horror that she’d been plied with alcohol and coerced into a night of lesbian sex. So she rushed to school officials and filed sexual harassment charges against her abuser.

Meanwhile, when Melissa Wencraft awoke after the booze-fueled night of passion and realized SHE had been sexually abused, she marched over to the administration building and filed charges against Cathy.

The bizarre case on the campus of 150-year-old Havenbrook College has legal experts scratching their heads.

“The two students have each brought the other up on exactly the same charges,” says law professor Gordon H. Berns. “Each young woman seems to be equally right and equally wrong. Even Solomon’s head would be spinning right now.”

But to hardnosed school officials at Havenbrook — which has one of the strictest anti-sexual harassment policies in the country — the correct course of action is crystal clear.

“If both students have violated our Code of Conduct, then both will be punished,” declared Dean Margaret Thinswift. “The victims in each of the two cases will receive appropriate counseling.”

HAVENBROOK College has been rocked by sexual harassment case.

Havenbrook’s code is based on the ground-breaking zero-tolerance anti-sexual harassment policy put in place at America’s Antioch College in the 1990s. Under pressure from campus feminists, the Antioch rules have been adopted in countless colleges in the U.S., Canada, Great Britain and Australia.

According to the Havenbrook College Code of Conduct, a student must receive “verbal authorization” from the other party before initiating any sexual contact, even a peck on the cheek or an affectionate touch on the forearm. The student must then ask permission before each and every succeeding step, and wait to hear a clear “Yes” before continuing — all the way up to intercourse.

“Failure to obtain prior verbal consent is a violation of the Code of Conduct,” the Student Guidebook warns.

Students found guilty of a violation face punishment ranging from suspension to expulsion. A date has not yet been set for the coeds’ appearances in separate hearings before a disciplinary committee, made up of peers and faculty, that will decide their fate.

HAPPIER TIMES: College students Cathy (left) and Melissa (right) considered themselves good pals before the shocking incident.

Both Cathy and Melissa insist they’re not lesbians.

“I’m not like that — I‘m strictly dickly,” maintains 18-year-old Cathy. “I thought Melissa was my friend, but she totally betrayed my trust. I never gave her permission to have sex with me.”

Says Melissa, 19, “I don’t want to offend my friends on the golf team, but I was raised a Christian and I believe homosexuality is a sin. What Cathy did made me feel very, very dirty.”

Cathy remembers little about the night in question. She recalls hanging out at a frat party where she drank four pina coladas and a whiskey sour, then washed them down with a glass of wine.

“Melissa had about six beers,” she recalls. “We were doing a real sexy grinding kind of dance with each other for the benefit of a bunch of guys who were in a circle around us, clapping and hooting. You could tell they were getting turned on and one really cute guy gave me a thumbs up. I remember thinking, ‘Can you spell H-O-O-K-U-P?’ ”

Sadly, that’s not how things turned out. The next thing Cathy knew it was morning and she had a splitting hangover.

“I woke up stark naked in my dorm room with Melissa on top of me, also naked,” recalls still-shaken Cathy. “She had a smile on her face like the cat that ate the canary. My whole skin smelled of her. When it dawned on me what had happened I shoved her off me and hopped up shrieking ‘Eeew! Eeew! Eeew!’ ”

Melissa’s reaction was equally visceral.

“When I realized I’d been victimized, I literally puked,” she remembers.

Cathy’s attorney Ralph Hallis is convinced his client is in the right, but admits that proving that will be an uphill battle.

“I’d give anything to have a videotape of what went on in that dorm room that night,” he says.

Copyright C. Michael Forsyth

If you enjoyed this mind-bending story by C. Michael Forsyth, check out his collection of bizarre news, available on Kindle and in other eBook formats.

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ON THE HOUR OF THE BEAST FRONT…

While promoting my horror novel Hour of the Beast at New York Comic Con I was interviewed by CAC-TV. The result is fairly hilarious as I display some of the items in my booth, from the arrowhead used by Geronimo to kill the Werewolf of Willow Creek to a Werewolf Bite Emergency Kit.
To view, click HERE.

The author of this article has written a critically acclaimed horror novel. The Horror Fiction Review gives Hour of the Beast “two thumbs up and a lusty howl at the moon.”

You can check out Hour of the Beast at Amazon.com or save $4 by clicking HERE.

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