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Top Female Vampire Organization Insists: “We are NOT Lesbians!”   Leave a comment

Unlike the girl-crazy vampire in the Netflix series First Kill, most female bloodsuckers are arrow-straight.

By C. Michael Forsyth

The nation’s most prominent organization of female vampires has angrily denounced Hollywood’s widespread depiction of them as lesbians, branding it “an ugly stereotype.”

“Contrary to popular belief, the vast majority of female vampires are heterosexual,” declared Anita Sweltword, president of the 1,300-member Daughters of Darkness.

“Yes, we primarily choose women as our victims, but that’s because they are generally smaller and weaker. Honestly, do they expect us to take on some lug who looks like Larry the Cable Guy?”

The notion that lady vampires prefer the company of women can be traced back to the classic horror tale Carmilla, penned by J. Sheridan Le Fanu in 1872. In the story, a female vampire preys on a young woman with whom she’s developed a close, intensely powerful bond.

“The word ‘lesbian’ is never used, but it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to understand the nature of their relationship,” explains Dennis Furtwyn, author of Vampires Through Time, a 900-page tome that covers blood-drinkers from their earliest recorded doings in ancient Egypt to the present day.

STRICTLY BUSINESS: Female vampires prey on women because they're easier to overpower, they claim.

STRICTLY BUSINESS: Female vampires prey on women because they’re easier to overpower, they claim.

The lesbian vampire image was cemented in the 1983 film The Hunger in which Catherine Deneuve starred as a centuries-old vampiress who seduces a mortal, played by Susan Sarandon.

“There are graphic scenes of hot and heavy lovemaking between the vampire and her victim,” the author observes.

But such fictional portrayals are highly inaccurate, Sweltword insists.

“You’ve got to understand that most modern-day vampires were converted during the big wave of the late 19th century, the Victorian era,” she points out. “In those days of prudish sexual mores, most young women led sheltered lives — and homosexuality was an unmentionable subject, referred to only vaguely as ‘the love that dare not speak its name.’

“Most newly turned vampires had never even heard of lesbianism. I myself knew nothing about it until the mid-1950s when I entered the bedroom of a professional golfer. After I sucked her blood and turned to go, she grabbed my wrist and begged me to stay the night. At first, I had no idea what she was driving at. But when I finally got the drift, I was horrified and dove out the window like a bat out of hell!”

INACCURATE? In the movie Lesbian Vampire Killers, female vamps are on the prowl for love as well as blood.

Sweltword doesn’t deny that a handful of her fellow female nosferatu have dabbled in same-sex love romps.

“Yes, some of us who joined the ranks in the last few decades experimented with other girls in college, after a few beers or whatever,” she admits. “But in most cases that was before they were converted.

“The idea that we are all a bunch of girl-crazy, lustful lesbians is just plain wrong.”

The LGBTQIA+ community has had a swift response to the unexpected announcement by Daughters of Darkness, with leaders calling it “disappointing.”

The New Orleans Gay Alliance tweeted, “We have had a great relationship with the DOD in the past. It is baffling that they suddenly want to distance themselves from other marginalized people. That the leadership would choose to issue this statement at the height of Pride Month is doubly distressing.”

Copyright C. Michael Forsyth


We hope you got a chuckle out of this mind-bending supernatural news satire by fiction writer C. Michael Forsyth. If you did, please take a moment to check out his latest project…


In the two-part graphic novel Night Cage, vampires overrun a women’s prison–and to escape, four surviving inmates must fight their way through an army of the undead. Picture ‘Salem’s Lot meets Orange is the New Black. Volume One is available on Amazon, and a Kickstarter is underway for Volume 2.


Be sure to check out Volume One of Night Cage, about vampires running amok in a women’s prison, available in paperback and E-book on Amazon. 

If you enjoyed this mind-bending story by C. Michael Forsyth, check out his collection of bizarre news, available on Kindle and in other eBook formats.

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If you found this story by fiction writer C. Michael Forsyth entertaining, you might enjoy his novels…

The creator of Sherlock Holmes and the world's greatest magician probe a paranormal  mystery in new thriller.

The creator of Sherlock Holmes and the world’s greatest magician probe a paranormal mystery in new thriller.

More about Sir Arthur Conan Doyle & Harry Houdini in the Adventure of the Spook House.

The tables turn on an identity thief in the latest thriller by C. Michael Forsyth. To check it out, click HERE.

The tables turn on an identity thief in the latest thriller by C. Michael Forsyth. To check it out, click HERE.


In Hour of the Beast, a young bride is raped by a werewolf on her wedding night. When her sons grow up and head to college, things REALLY get out of hand.

In Hour of the Beast, a young bride is raped by a werewolf on her wedding night. When her sons grow up and head to college, things REALLY get out of hand.

Read Hour of the Beast.

The Blood of Titans is a story of love and adventure set in the golden age of Africa.

The Blood of Titans is a story of love and adventure set in the golden age of Africa.

Check out The Blood of Titans.


ALL FOR SHOW: Tina Wentlock (left) and Jasmine Hirmley (right) pause for a break 36 hours into their marathon kissing session.

By C. Michael Forsyth

BRUSSELS — Tina Wentlock and Jasmine Hirmley won $10,000 apiece by smooching for 84 hours in the International Lesbian Kissing Contest – even though neither one is gay!

What’s more, the 18-year-old American college students aren’t even friends and admit they never really liked each other before embarking on the marathon lip-locking session.

“I always thought Jasmine was standoffish and a little stuck up,” says Tina. “But when we heard about the contest and that prize money, we decided to go for it.”

The biggest event of its kind, the contest has been held annually since 1975 and took place in Bois de la Cambre Park in Brussels. The two vacationing coeds were hanging out with a group of fellow students from their college in Massachusetts when they learned about the July 5 competition. A crowd estimated to be close to 25,000 gathered to watch 148 couples compete.

“At first it was totally weird making out with another girl,” reveals Jasmine. “I mean her lips tasted fine and everything, but I hadn’t kissed a girl since my best friend taught me to French in 7th grade. But after a few hours, I got used to it.”

Onlookers gawked and snapped photos as the coeds played tonsil hockey for hour after hour, taking only five minute breaks for water, snacks and to visit the powder room.

“I would never have imagined they were not madly in love,” marvels attendee Jean-Michel Rimbeaux, 29. “They were not just kissing, they were running their hands all over each other’s bottoms and making very passionate sounds the whole time. Who would have thought it was merely an act?”

Tina says she thought about her boyfriend to keep her in the mood. And she confesses that knowing she and her teammate were getting every red-blooded male in the crowd hot and bothered — not to mention thousands of gay gals — was a big ego boost.

“The look in their eyes while they watched us tongue wrestle was priceless,” she says. “It made us want to ham it up even more.”

Nearly all the other couples were genuine lesbians, according to the organizer – and some were miffed to learn that the winners weren’t in a relationship.

“It doesn’t seem fair,” says Georgette Fortlen of London, who dropped out of the competition along with her longtime girlfriend after 72 hours. “I mean I don’t think straight chicks should have been allowed to compete. The whole point of the event is to celebrate lesbianism.”

Despite their prize-winning performance, the lovely lasses have no plans to switch teams.

“I’m still crazy about my boyfriend,” chuckles Tina. “But Jasmine and I are definitely going to stay in touch through, like Facebook or whatever.”

Copyright C. Michael Forsyth

If you enjoyed this mind-bending story by C. Michael Forsyth, check out his collection of bizarre news, available on Kindle and in other eBook formats.

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The author of this article also wrote the acclaimed horror novel Hour of the Beast. In the opening chapter, the unthinkable happens. Then things get out of hand.

Hour of the Beast is available in hardcover and softcover at But you can save $4 by clicking HERE! The Kindle version is just $7 and the Ebook is a measly $5. Be the first on your block to read this bone-chilling tale — before the motion picture hits the big screen.

After Night of Drunken Sex, COEDS CHARGE EACH OTHER WITH RAPE!   1 comment

By C. Michael Forsyth

MELBOURNE, Australia — When college sophomore Cathy Banyerson woke up nude in bed next to Melissa Wencraft, she realized to her horror that she’d been plied with alcohol and coerced into a night of lesbian sex. So she rushed to school officials and filed sexual harassment charges against her abuser.

Meanwhile, when Melissa Wencraft awoke after the booze-fueled night of passion and realized SHE had been sexually abused, she marched over to the administration building and filed charges against Cathy.

The bizarre case on the campus of 150-year-old Havenbrook College has legal experts scratching their heads.

“The two students have each brought the other up on exactly the same charges,” says law professor Gordon H. Berns. “Each young woman seems to be equally right and equally wrong. Even Solomon’s head would be spinning right now.”

But to hardnosed school officials at Havenbrook — which has one of the strictest anti-sexual harassment policies in the country — the correct course of action is crystal clear.

“If both students have violated our Code of Conduct, then both will be punished,” declared Dean Margaret Thinswift. “The victims in each of the two cases will receive appropriate counseling.”

HAVENBROOK College has been rocked by sexual harassment case.

Havenbrook’s code is based on the ground-breaking zero-tolerance anti-sexual harassment policy put in place at America’s Antioch College in the 1990s. Under pressure from campus feminists, the Antioch rules have been adopted in countless colleges in the U.S., Canada, Great Britain and Australia.

According to the Havenbrook College Code of Conduct, a student must receive “verbal authorization” from the other party before initiating any sexual contact, even a peck on the cheek or an affectionate touch on the forearm. The student must then ask permission before each and every succeeding step, and wait to hear a clear “Yes” before continuing — all the way up to intercourse.

“Failure to obtain prior verbal consent is a violation of the Code of Conduct,” the Student Guidebook warns.

Students found guilty of a violation face punishment ranging from suspension to expulsion. A date has not yet been set for the coeds’ appearances in separate hearings before a disciplinary committee, made up of peers and faculty, that will decide their fate.

HAPPIER TIMES: College students Cathy (left) and Melissa (right) considered themselves good pals before the shocking incident.

Both Cathy and Melissa insist they’re not lesbians.

“I’m not like that — I‘m strictly dickly,” maintains 18-year-old Cathy. “I thought Melissa was my friend, but she totally betrayed my trust. I never gave her permission to have sex with me.”

Says Melissa, 19, “I don’t want to offend my friends on the golf team, but I was raised a Christian and I believe homosexuality is a sin. What Cathy did made me feel very, very dirty.”

Cathy remembers little about the night in question. She recalls hanging out at a frat party where she drank four pina coladas and a whiskey sour, then washed them down with a glass of wine.

“Melissa had about six beers,” she recalls. “We were doing a real sexy grinding kind of dance with each other for the benefit of a bunch of guys who were in a circle around us, clapping and hooting. You could tell they were getting turned on and one really cute guy gave me a thumbs up. I remember thinking, ‘Can you spell H-O-O-K-U-P?’ ”

Sadly, that’s not how things turned out. The next thing Cathy knew it was morning and she had a splitting hangover.

“I woke up stark naked in my dorm room with Melissa on top of me, also naked,” recalls still-shaken Cathy. “She had a smile on her face like the cat that ate the canary. My whole skin smelled of her. When it dawned on me what had happened I shoved her off me and hopped up shrieking ‘Eeew! Eeew! Eeew!’ ”

Melissa’s reaction was equally visceral.

“When I realized I’d been victimized, I literally puked,” she remembers.

Cathy’s attorney Ralph Hallis is convinced his client is in the right, but admits that proving that will be an uphill battle.

“I’d give anything to have a videotape of what went on in that dorm room that night,” he says.

Copyright C. Michael Forsyth

If you enjoyed this mind-bending story by C. Michael Forsyth, check out his collection of bizarre news, available on Kindle and in other eBook formats.

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While promoting my horror novel Hour of the Beast at New York Comic Con I was interviewed by CAC-TV. The result is fairly hilarious as I display some of the items in my booth, from the arrowhead used by Geronimo to kill the Werewolf of Willow Creek to a Werewolf Bite Emergency Kit.
To view, click HERE.

The author of this article has written a critically acclaimed horror novel. The Horror Fiction Review gives Hour of the Beast “two thumbs up and a lusty howl at the moon.”

You can check out Hour of the Beast at or save $4 by clicking HERE.

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