Lazarus, the man Jesus Christ brought back from the dead, may have been Patient Zero in the zombie apocalypse. That is the shocking claim of an infectious disease specialist who contends that in performing His most astounding miracle, the Messiah inadvertently sparked the epidemic.
Dr. Godfrey P. Stockworthy and his team used computer analysis to chart every recorded zombie outbreak of the past 2,000 years and created a digital map.
“The map shows waves of outbreaks in concentric circles with the epicenter in the ancient town of Bethany, where Lazarus was resurrected, and spreading first across the Holy Land, then throughout the Roman Empire, then Asia and Africa,” revealed the British researcher. “The first documented zombie incidents took place in 34 A.D. just a few miles from the West Bank town of al-Eizariyat, as Bethany is now known.”
Chapter 11 of the Gospel According to St. John states that Jesus brought Lazarus back to life after the villager lay rotting in a tomb for four days. Little is known of what became of Lazarus after that, other than that the Bible says fearful chief priests considered putting him down. According to Eastern Orthodox tradition, he was driven from Judea and ended up in Cyprus—incidentally the site of one of the earliest mentions of “the walking death,” as ancient historians called the zombie plague. Another account says that terrified townsfolk set him out to sea in a boat without oars and that years later he was cornered in a cave in Marseilles, France, and beheaded. Contradicting that, a 16th century folktale relates how Rabbi Loew, the intrepid holy man who also took down the Golem of Prague, smote him in the forehead with a silver spike engraved with Hebrew lettering.
“Whichever account you believe, it’s noteworthy that in all of them, Lazarus could only be killed permanently by going for the head, just as with modern-day zombies,” Dr. Stockworthy observes.
Medieval zombies were often mistaken for lepers.
Researchers know now that many cases of what were mistakenly called “lepers” in the Dark Ages and Medieval times were in fact zombies, whose decaying body parts and shambling gait struck fear into the hearts of peasants all over Europe. And historians are in almost unanimous agreement that the Holy Land was ground zero for what has become a widening epidemic. But Dr. Stockworthy is the first expert to pinpoint Lazarus of Bethany as the world’s first zombie.
The study, released April 15 on the eve of Easter, was greeted with skepticism by Bible scholars.
“To suggest that Jesus accidentally created zombies is ludicrous,” declared televangelist Reverend Alvin Becrest. “If Our Lord is responsible for the zombie apocalypse, and I’m not conceding that He is, it must be part of the divine plan.”
Copyright C. Michael Forsyth
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TISSUE samples were taken from baby elephant found frozen on the ship.
By C. Michael Forsyth
GOTEBORG, Sweden — An extensive study of the mitochondrial DNA from 17 mammals discovered dead aboard a mysterious Noah’s Ark-like vessel last year has yielded proof that it originated in a parallel universe, scientists say.
“Each of the mammals is genetically similar to its counterpart on Earth, except for a single mutation found in their mitochondrial DNA. This mutation occurred in their common ancestor approximately 80 million years ago,” revealed Dr. Alberik Hakansson, a leading expert in molecular phylogenetics and a co-author of the study.
“This is consistent with the theory that around that time the two universes diverged and developed two markedly different histories.”
Reports of the discovery of the ship frozen in Antarctic ice by Swedish researchers in February 2011 sparked an uproar in the scientific community. The vessel matched biblical descriptions of the Ark in its physical dimensions and contained representatives of scores of species. However, all the animals as well as the entire crew were frozen stiff, as reported on this site last year.
Scientists, Bible scholars and armchair archaeologists proposed a variety of theories to explain the bizarre find. Some Christian leaders asserted that the ship had been planted in the ice as an elaborate hoax cooked up by atheists. Others suggested that a copycat of Noah built his own ark and ventured out during the Flood with disastrous results.
THE MULTIVERSE theory holds that our universe is but one of a vast number.
The theory that the ship, dubbed Noah’s Ark 2 by researchers, hailed from an alternate universe was first proposed by quantum physicist Dr. Jeremy Blinkley, often described as the world’s smartest man. The concept that our universe is just one of many in a “multiverse” is accepted by many theoretical physicists. The expert says he’s “tickled pink” by the results of the year-long DNA study.
“This makes the search for the so-called God particle look like a 2nd grade science project,” Dr. Blinkley declared. “It simultaneously provides powerful proof of the multiverse theory, supports basic tenets of evolution and confirms the literal truth of the Bible.”
MITOCHONDRIAL DNA, found in every cell of a human or animal body, is a useful tool in tracing the ancestry of a species.
Mitochondrial DNA, discovered in the 1960s by Margit and Sylvan Nass with an electron microscope, is a form of DNA located in structures known as mitochondria found in every cell of the body.
“Mitochondrial DNA is inherited only from the mother,” explained Dr. Hakansson.“With ‘ordinary’ DNA the offspring gets a mix of genes from both parents creating a garbled genetic history.
“Since mitochondrial DNA allows you to trace a direct genetic line through the mother, that makes it ideal for mapping out evolutionary trees.”
ANIMALS found frozen aboard Noah’s Ark 2 were in a remarkable state of preservation.
The analysis revealed that the animals from Noah’s Ark 2 all share a mutation in their mitochondrial DNA.
“This mutation must have occurred in the common ancestor of all placental mammals,” revealed Dr. Hakansson. “This was the Eomaia scansoria, a shrew-like creature that weighed no more than 9 ounces.”
Eomaia scansoria (Latin for “tree-climbing dawn mother”) was the ancestor of virtually all mammals, experts say.
“The mutation was a subtle shift in a single nucleotide,” the researcher continued. “The elephant, giraffe and donkey, and other species we took tissue samples from all share the trait. Corresponding animals on our Earth, although they look similar, don’t have it.”
Computers played a vital role in the study, filling in blanks with an assortment of complex algorithms.
“The programs helped us reconstruct several genome sequences,” explained Catherine Gorweyde of the U.K., who led the project’s computer paleogenomics team. The study did not include egg-laying mammals such as the platypus, only animals that bear their young live, known as placental mammals, she added.
For millions of years, the history of the alternate universe was probably quite similar to our own, experts believe.
“It had primitive cavemen like our own Adam and Eve and, presumably, all the significant events in Genesis leading up to the Flood occurred,” said Dr. Hakansson. “But obviously after the Flood the history of the other universe would have been dramatically different, since Noah’s Ark 2 foundered off the coast of Antarctica and all aboard perished.
“We are almost certainly talking about a world devoid of both human life and land animals.”
Biblical scholar Reverend Bob Sudlen, who calls the lab results “stunning,” says we may never how Noah’s Ark 2 got here from the other universe or why it sank.
“Perhaps it was a freak storm or maybe someone on board cracked a joke that angered God,” he observed. “We can only be sure that it was part of the divine plan.”
ALL ABOARD! Noah’s Ark saved a handful of humans and two of every animal — at least in OUR universe.
If you enjoy reading fact and fiction woven skillfully together, you might enjoy the thriller Houdini vs. Rasputin, written by the author of this article.
If you enjoyed this mind-bending story by C. Michael Forsyth, check out his collection of bizarre news, available on Kindle and in other eBook formats.
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If you found this story by fiction writer C. Michael Forsyth entertaining, you might enjoy his novels…
The creator of Sherlock Holmes and the world’s greatest magician probe a paranormal mystery in new thriller.
The tables turn on an identity thief in the latest thriller by C. Michael Forsyth. To check it out, click HERE.
In Hour of the Beast, a young bride is raped by a werewolf on her wedding night. When her sons grow up and head to college, things REALLY get out of hand.
C. Michael Forsyth is the author of "Sir Arthur Conan Doyle & Harry Houdini in The Adventure of the Spook House,""The Blood of Titans," "Hour of the Beast" and "The Identity Thief." He is a Yale graduate and former senior writer for The Weekly World News