Landing a cool vampire boyfriend can be a snap, as Sookie Stackhouse does when she wins the heart of vampire Bill in HBO’s “True Blood.”
By C. Michael Forsyth
NEW ORLEANS — Vampires are incredibly sexy and romantic, as anyone knows who’s seen the movie “Twilight,” or the hit HBO series “True Blood.” And you can snag a hot bloodsucker as a boyfriend or girlfriend using one of 20 surefire pickup lines from a knowledgeable insider.
Vinnie Banicelli spent 11 years as a bouncer at a trendy vampire bar in New Orleans, and he made note of the one-liners that worked best with attractive nosferatu.
“To hook up with vampires, it’s important to have a repertoire of pickup lines, just as it would be with ordinary people,” explains Banicelli, author of the upcoming book, Vampire Chic: Inside the Hidden World of the Undead.
“Most vampires come from a time when wit and courtly manners were highly prized. They’re attracted to people who are suave and debonair. They’re very picky when it comes to mates, but if you can show you have confidence and class, you can definitely score with them.”
Here, from the expert, are the top 20 pickup lines:
FROM WOMEN TO MALE VAMPIRES:
1. Are those fangs or are you just happy to see me?
2. That’s a nice looking cape. It would look even nicer on the floor at the foot of my bed.
3. You have permission to enter me anytime.
4. Do you really remember Cleopatra? (Vampire: “Yes.”) I’ll make you forget her!
5. You sound English. I can show you a bloody good time.
6. Hey big boy, I bet you can stay up all night.
7. I can make your heart beat again.
8. Will you turn into a bat for me? (Vampire: “Sure.”) A long, hard one?
9. Is there room for two in your coffin?
10. Is it true what they say about the size of a man’s canine teeth?
Hot female vampires like these gals from the hit movie “Van Helsing” are not out of the reach of a regular Joe, if he has a good rap.
MEN TO FEMALE VAMPIRES:
1. Don’t worry, I won’t impale you…with a stake.
2. Baby, you’re so beautiful, I’d take 1,000 bites just to get one kiss from you.
3. Is it true what they say about lady vampires? That they really know how to suck?
4. You’re so beautiful, Van Helsing wouldn’t kill you.
5. You’re so sexy, you make me want to whip something out — and it’s not a crucifix.
6. Listen to them, children of the night. Let’s give them some competition.
7. Is that bloodlust I’m sensing — or just lust?
8. Is there anything human left in you? (Female vampire: “No.”) Would you like some?
9. If I said you have a beautiful corpse, would you hold it against me?
10. One hour with me and you’ll be seeing THREE reflections in a mirror.
Sexually magnetic and highly romantic, vampires make great boyfriends, as illustrated in the hit “Twilight” movie series.
Copyright C. Michael Forsyth
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TERRIFYING NEW GRAPHIC NOVEL
If you were intrigued and entertained by this mind-bending tale by fiction writer C. Michael Forsyth, check out his graphic novel about vampires running amok in a women’s prison, Night Cage, Volume 2.
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CLAUSTROPHIC TERROR GETS THE MAX
If you got a chuckle out of this article by fiction writer C. Michael Forsyth, check out his new graphic novel Night Cage, about vampires running amok in a women’s prison.
SHARE YOUR BEST PICKUP LINE!
What’s your favorite pickup line for humans? Leave it in the Comments section.
If you enjoyed this mind-bending story by C. Michael Forsyth, check out his collection of bizarre news, available on Kindle and in other eBook formats.
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