It has come to our attention that questions have been raised about the veracity of a story on this site, “Anthropologist Held Hostage by Elves for 7 Years.” As a result, an indefinite freeze has been placed on all stories coming out of Iceland and an internal investigation has been ordered. Among the discrepancies:
ITEM: The photo that ran with the article bears a close similarity to one taken two years earlier of a nude sunbather stranded on a cliff side in the U.S.
ITEM: The anthropologist’s rescuer from Iceland’s national rescue service is identified as “Arnor Guðjohnsen,” but this cannot possibly be true because Guðjohnsen is not an authentic Icelandic name.
ITEM: Arnor Guðjohnsen is the name a former Icelandic soccer player and the chance of two people bearing the same name in a country the size of Iceland is extremely low.
Eagle-eyed internet sleuth Sharon Hill, who runs the website Doubtful News, was the first to suspect no elf activity was involved. In an article entitled “If ‘Anthropologist Held Hostage by Elves Sounds Ridiculous That’s Because it is,” she unearths a mountain of evidence casting doubt on the story.
Theoretical physicist Dr. Jeremy Blinkley, one of the world’s most brilliant men and once hailed as The Thinking Man’s Stephen Hawking, has agreed to scour all the articles on this site in search of other questionable stories.
Right off the bat he has identified five that he suspects might not be entirely accurate:
* “French Tourist’s Speedo Spontaneously Combusts.”
* “Hell Slaps Ban on Nudity.”
* “Vatican Agents Steal Satan’s Pitchfork.”
* “Few Fairies Gay, Folklorists Now Say.”
* “TSA Finds Alien Implant During Body Cavity Search.”
The genius gives high marks to Ms. Hill for bringing the matter to light.
“It takes an extraordinarily keen intellect to detect that a seemingly believable story about elves might actually be pure fiction,” he observes. “And to put hours of painstaking research into digging up facts to debunk it, well, that points to a level of intelligence that few people I’ve encountered possess.
“Without such diligence, readers would be left to their own devices in determining whether or not elves take hostages.”
IN OTHER NEWS…
Had a blast on Halloween. Went as Captain Kirk, my boyhood hero. One gold Star Trek shirt = $15. One night in character as William Shatner = priceless. Here’s my impression.