JOURNALISM has gone down hill since the days when Bob Woodward and Carl Bernstein broke the Watergate story, many media-watchers say.
It has come to our attention that questions have been raised about the veracity of a story on this site, “Anthropologist Held Hostage by Elves for 7 Years.” As a result, an indefinite freeze has been placed on all stories coming out of Iceland and an internal investigation has been ordered. Among the discrepancies:
ITEM: The photo that ran with the article bears a close similarity to one taken two years earlier of a nude sunbather stranded on a cliff side in the U.S.
ITEM: The anthropologist’s rescuer from Iceland’s national rescue service is identified as “Arnor Guðjohnsen,” but this cannot possibly be true because Guðjohnsen is not an authentic Icelandic name.
ITEM: Arnor Guðjohnsen is the name a former Icelandic soccer player and the chance of two people bearing the same name in a country the size of Iceland is extremely low.
Eagle-eyed internet sleuth Sharon Hill, who runs the website Doubtful News, was the first to suspect no elf activity was involved. In an article entitled “If ‘Anthropologist Held Hostage by Elves Sounds Ridiculous That’s Because it is,” she unearths a mountain of evidence casting doubt on the story.
Theoretical physicist Dr. Jeremy Blinkley, one of the world’s most brilliant men and once hailed as The Thinking Man’s Stephen Hawking, has agreed to scour all the articles on this site in search of other questionable stories.
Right off the bat he has identified five that he suspects might not be entirely accurate:
* “French Tourist’s Speedo Spontaneously Combusts.”
* “Hell Slaps Ban on Nudity.”
* “Vatican Agents Steal Satan’s Pitchfork.”
* “Few Fairies Gay, Folklorists Now Say.”
* “TSA Finds Alien Implant During Body Cavity Search.”
The genius gives high marks to Ms. Hill for bringing the matter to light.
“It takes an extraordinarily keen intellect to detect that a seemingly believable story about elves might actually be pure fiction,” he observes. “And to put hours of painstaking research into digging up facts to debunk it, well, that points to a level of intelligence that few people I’ve encountered possess.
“Without such diligence, readers would be left to their own devices in determining whether or not elves take hostages.”
NOBLE elf Legolas, played by Orlando Bloom in “Lord of the Rings,” would never take a human hostage unless all his other options had been exhausted.
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IN OTHER NEWS…
Had a blast on Halloween. Went as Captain Kirk, my boyhood hero. One gold Star Trek shirt = $15. One night in character as William Shatner = priceless. Here’s my impression.
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At some point can’t we get past all of these silly “gotcha “, fact- based inquiries and focus on the big issues here ? Like : 1) Are Smurfs one of the lost tribes of Elfdom? 2) Are Vulcans really just Elven “Ancient Astronauts”? 3) Chocolate Chip or Fudge Stripe -which has the highest profit margin? 4) Are Hollywood plastic surgeons honoring natural Elf beauty or merely stretching actresses’ faces beyond recognition out of incompetency ? 5) Is Santa violating federal wage and hour laws ? 6) If I have 5 elves and 2 elves escape by calling a taxi cab , why in the hell aren’t I being interviewed on every news channel ,leading to my own reality TV show? 7) Are Leprechans drunken Irish Elves? 8) Will open marriage laws finally legitimize the marriage of Susan Anton to Dudley Moore ? 9) Donna Shelala , Robert Reich, Danny DiVito, Linda Hunt …am I getting warmer?
…many many more Noe because some busy body super snoop we’ll never know .
Well, I STILL believe the elf story.
p.s. – you do a great Captain Kirk.
Where’s the source to either of these? And why is that picture of Dustin Hoffman and Robert Redford there? They’re actors not journalists.
Your source on this story took you for a ride, my friend. Back in the day, it was standard operating procedure for U.S. government operatives to “leak”’ stories to tabloids about space aliens, including “autopsy photos.” The stories were designed to be easily be debunked. It was a clever ploy to make every other story about Roswell or UFOs look silly. Now sure, we all know the government of Iceland has a reputation for candor and it’s difficult to believe it would stoop to such tactics. But if they are behind this, there’s something heavy going on underground they want the public to ignore. Elves? Doubt it. More likely a secret military installation. But if it is elves, those officials should get a medal for doing something to protect a national treasure. If Her Majesty’s government had shown the same concern for leprechauns, maybe we’d still have them in the British Isles.
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