Archive for the ‘anthropologist held hostage by elves’ Tag

ELF STORY IN DOUBT?   5 comments

JOURNALISM has gone down hill since the days when Bob Woodward and Carl Berstein broke the Watergate story, media-watchers say.

JOURNALISM has gone down hill since the days when Bob Woodward and Carl Bernstein broke the Watergate story, many media-watchers say.

It has come to our attention that questions have been raised about the veracity of a story on this site, “Anthropologist Held Hostage by Elves for 7 Years.” As a result, an indefinite freeze has been placed on all stories coming out of Iceland and an internal investigation has been ordered. Among the discrepancies:

ITEM: The photo that ran with the article bears a close similarity to one taken two years earlier of a nude sunbather stranded on a cliff side in the U.S.

ITEM: The anthropologist’s rescuer from Iceland’s national rescue service is identified as “Arnor Guðjohnsen,” but this cannot possibly be true because Guðjohnsen is not an authentic Icelandic name.

ITEM: Arnor Guðjohnsen is the name a former Icelandic soccer player and the chance of two people bearing the same name in a country the size of Iceland is extremely low.

Eagle-eyed internet sleuth Sharon Hill, who runs the website Doubtful News, was the first to suspect no elf activity was involved. In an article entitled “If ‘Anthropologist Held Hostage by Elves Sounds Ridiculous That’s Because it is,” she unearths a mountain of evidence casting doubt on the story.

Theoretical physicist Dr. Jeremy Blinkley, one of the world’s most brilliant men and once hailed as The Thinking Man’s Stephen Hawking, has agreed to scour all the articles on this site in search of other questionable stories.

Right off the bat he has identified five that he suspects might not be entirely accurate:

* “French Tourist’s Speedo Spontaneously Combusts.”
* “Hell Slaps Ban on Nudity.”
* “Vatican Agents Steal Satan’s Pitchfork.”
* “Few Fairies Gay, Folklorists Now Say.”
* “TSA Finds Alien Implant During Body Cavity Search.”

The genius gives high marks to Ms. Hill for bringing the matter to light.

“It takes an extraordinarily keen intellect to detect that a seemingly believable story about elves might actually be pure fiction,” he observes. “And to put hours of painstaking research into digging up facts to debunk it, well, that points to a level of intelligence that few people I’ve encountered possess.

“Without such diligence, readers would be left to their own devices in determining whether or not elves take hostages.”

NOBLE elf Legolas, played by Orlando Bloom in “Lord of the Rings,” would never take a human hostage unless all his other options had been exhausted.

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Bizarre News Cover 5.

Maybe reporters can't be trusted, but you can trust the author of this article to churn out a thrilling novel. The tables turn on an identity thief in his new thriller. To check it out, click HERE.

Maybe reporters can’t be trusted, but you can trust the author of this article to churn out an exciting novel full of twists and black humor. The tables turn on an identity thief in C. Michael Forsyth’s new thriller. To check it out, click HERE.

IN OTHER NEWS…

Had a blast on Halloween. Went as Captain Kirk, my boyhood hero. One gold Star Trek shirt = $15. One night in character as William Shatner = priceless. Here’s my impression.

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Anthropologist Held Hostage By Elves For 7 Years   252 comments

Anthropologist elves

MIRACULOUS: Icelandic authorities rescue missing scientist.

By C. Michael Forsyth

REYKJAVIK, Iceland — Seven years after she vanished without a trace, a female anthropologist emerged from a mysterious cave where authorities believe she may have been held hostage by real-life elves!

Danish researcher Kalena Søndergaard was stark naked, covered by dust and babbling incoherently when rescuers found her outside a tiny opening in the famous Elf Rock, traditionally believed to house the underground dwelling place of mankind’s tiny cousins.

“She was crouching like an animal and spoke only in a language unrelated to any we know,” said Arnor Guðjohnsen of the National Rescue Service, which airlifted the 31-year-old survivor to a hospital by helicopter.

“The only word we could understand was ‘alfur,’ an old Icelandic word for elves. On her back were strange tattoos similar to those markings Viking explorers found on rock formations when they settled Iceland in 874, traditionally known as ‘elf writing.’ ”

Kalena Best

DANISH anthropologist Kalena Søndergaard vanished without a trace.

Kalena, who was seeking proof of the existence of elves, was reported missing in January of 2006. At the time, police suspected she was the victim of foul play, but an intensive search failed to turn up any remains. On Feb. 4, 2013, hikers spotted the scientist crawling on all fours on a ledge high on the rocky hill, moving “more like an ape than a human being,” one of the hikers told a newspaper.

Elf colorized better

ELUSIVE, small humanoids like the one in this 19th century illustration live beneath Iceland, a majority of citizens believe. And now scientists believe they may be right!

Belief in elves is widespread in the frigid island nation. One poll shows that 70 % of inhabitants believe they share the country with the pint-size underground race they call the Huldufolk or “hidden people.”

“The hidden people live in the underworld right beneath the ground in rocks and hills,” according to Haukur Ingi Jónasson, a leading Icelandic theologian and psychoanalyst.

UNEXPLAINED: Iceland's government protects reputed elf dwellings like this one.

UNEXPLAINED: Iceland’s government protects reputed elf dwellings like this one.

The government takes age-old legends about elves so seriously that roads are built around rocks formations associated with the creatures. Factories cannot be constructed until government experts certify there are no underground elf dwellings at the site.

Dr. Niels Kristiansen was one of Kalena’s colleagues of at the University of Copenhagen in Denmark and says the anthropologist wrote her doctoral thesis on elf folklore.

“Until recently most experts assumed that stories about elves in Iceland were merely fairytales,” reveals Dr. Kristiansen. “But the discovery in 2003 of the so-called Hobbit in Liang Bua cave on the remote Indonesian island of Flores confirmed that a race of diminutive humanoids lived there as recently as 12,000 years ago.

STUNNING 2003 discovery of the Hobbit, , on a remote island, raised scientific speculation that Iceland's elves exist.

STUNNING 2003 discovery of the Hobbit on a remote island raised scientific speculation that Iceland’s elves also exist.

“Had it not been for a volcanic eruption those close relatives of homo sapiens might have survived up to the present day. Since no such catastrophe occurred in Iceland, it’s a reasonable hypothesis that this species of tiny humanoids existed on the island at the time of the Vikings. Certainly this aboriginal race would have had a good reason to take refuge underground to hide from the fierce warriors.

“Kalena was excited about the possibility that elves exist. That’s why she went to Iceland in 2005 to pursue her investigation.”

A logical starting point was the enormous hill Alfarkirkjan, known as Elf Rock. Located in the Sælingsdalur Valley, it has remained unchanged since the Ice Age. The mysterious rock, sometimes called the Cathedral of the Elves, has been the site of elf sightings for centuries and many psychics claim to have communicated telepathically with the beings who live deep in its bowels.

OMINOUS Elf Rock has been the site of encounters with the “hidden people” for more than 1,000 years.

According to one folktale, a pair of brothers had a close encounter with the hidden people. The younger brother Sveinn often disappeared for days without explanation and was rumored to have learned to talk with elves. One night, his brother Arnór went to Elf Rock in search of him. To his amazement, a secret opening in the hill appeared and Arnór saw Sveinn surrounded by knee-high, pointy-eared men who were about to initiate the mesmerized youth in a bizarre ritual. Arnór convinced his brother to escape with him. Furious at having been denied their prize, the elves chased the brothers and almost killed them.

Generally, elves rarely attack humans unless provoked. However, there are many Icelandic folktales about the Huldufolk invading farmhouses for food during the rough winters. Why they would have taken the attractive young scientist prisoner remains a mystery.

“Kalena may have stumbled onto an entryway to their kingdom,” Dr. Kristiansen speculates. “That act of trespass may have angered the hidden people and perhaps they took her captive so she couldn’t reveal their secret doorway to other outsiders.”

Though found without a stitch of clothing, the bedraggled woman did not appear to have been sexually abused. But authorities have not ruled out the possibility that she had voluntary relations with her captors.

“Elves reputedly have an interest in human females and are known to use mind control to seduce them,” observes folklore expert Eva Bryndísarson.

HEROES: Iceland's elite rescue team whisked traumatized scientist back to civilization.

HEROES: Iceland’s elite rescue team whisked traumatized scientist back to civilization.

Tradition holds that elves use magic for either good or ill. They can establish a psychic link with humans, although people who engage in such contact run the risk of becoming insane. That might explain why the brainy Ph.D’s mind is scrambled.

“Kalena’s brain is Swiss cheese now. She has been through a terrible ordeal,” says Dr. Kristiansen. “We are hopeful that she will someday be able to provide a lucid account of what happened.”

While scientists are eager to enter the crevice through which the anthropologist miraculously escaped, that may not happen for years — if ever.

“The government of Iceland is very protective of elf-related sites,” notes Dr. Kristiansen. “It’s doubtful they would allow an expedition into this secret underworld.”

Copyright C. Michael Forsyth

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If you enjoyed this mind-blowing tale, check out C. Michael Forsyth’s collection of bizarre news, available on Kindle and in other eBook formatsBizarre News Cover 5.

 

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