By C. Michael Forsyth
COLORADO SPRINGS, Colo. — An outspoken conservative multi-millionaire is offering a $10 million reward for President Barack Obama’s lost mug shot!
Harlan Prentbody, 74, says he put the enormous bounty on the decades-old arrest photo in the interest of the “public’s right to know.”
“There are a whole bunch of other items I’d like to get my hands on, but Obama’s missing mug shot is the Holy Grail,” the Colorado businessman told reporters. “It’s concrete proof that our so-called ‘commander in chief’ is not as squeaky clean as the mainstream media would have us believe.”
Rumors that such a photo might exist have been circulating on the Internet for years, he claims.
“The sad reality is the vast majority of black men in America have been arrested at one point in their lives. There’s no proof that isn’t true of Obama,” Prentbody points out. “So where’s the mug shot? Did it mysteriously ‘disappear’ from an FBI file drawer? Or did government goons march into some Chicago police station and force ‘Officer O’Reilly’ to hand it over at gunpoint?
“The American people have a right to see that photograph.”
Besides the presidential mug shot, here are a dozen other items the conspiracy theory-loving fat cat is willing to shell out big bucks for:
No. 1) Obama’s Kenyan Birth Certificate — $5 million. “Trying to prove Barack’s Hawaiian birth certificate is a forgery is getting us nowhere,” explained the businessman, who has devoted a third of his huge fortune to funding various right-wing causes. “Let’s try to solve this case by working from the other end.”
No. 2) The original 666 Social Security Card — $2 million. According to the White House, the President’s social security number is 042-68-4425. But rumor has it the number on his original card was 042-66-6425 — including the digits 666, the number of the Beast. “The Social Security Administration claims it never assigns numbers including that sequence to anyone,” asserts Prentbody. “So the fact that it was somehow issued to Obama would be incontrovertible proof that he’s the Antichrist.”
No. 3) President Obama’s personal Koran — $1 million. “Every president since George Washington has kept a holy book in his night table to consult in a time of great crisis,” according to the controversial businessman. “Obama is no different, except that everyone suspects he takes his spiritual marching orders from the Koran. The book with his name in the ‘property of’ blank, in his own handwriting, is rock-solid proof he’s a Muslim.”
No. 4) The Communist Party membership card — $500,000. “Is he now, or has he ever been a member of the Communist Party? No one knows for sure,” says Prentbody. “But an authentic 1983 Communist Party membership card with a photo of ‘Barry,’ afro and all, will prove that the guy really is a Marxist.”
No. 5) Obama’s blonde girlfriend photo — $250,000. “Elitist liberals think of Obama as ‘safe’ because he has this Cosby-type family and his black wife Michelle,” argues the tycoon. “But you can be darned sure in college an ‘uppity’ guy like that used his rap to get into the drawers of at least one all all-American cheerleader he could show off like a trophy to all his homeboys. A picture of Mr. Perfect arm and arm with ‘Brittany’ will expose their golden boy for the phony he is, once and for all.”
No. 6) Surrender letter to Iran – $100,000. “Everyone’s heard the rumors that Obama sent a signed letter of surrender to Tehran giving up in the war before it’s even fought,” says Prentbody. “If our hippie peacenik president is guilty of ‘premature capitulation,’ we need to find out.”
No. 7) The Sarah Palin Voodoo Doll — $80,000. When then Alaska Governor Sarah Palin first emerged on the national stage in 2008, she was hailed as a political superstar who would breathe new life into John McCain’s faltering political campaign. “Within days things started going wrong, she couldn’t seem to think straight and has been ridiculed for mistakes again and again ever since,” the industrialist points out. “Voodoo originates in Africa. Coincidence?”
No. 8) Osama Bin Laden’s Presidential Pardon — $50,000. The fact that Osama’s death photo was never released has led some to suggest that his death was faked by the White House, with the terror chief’s full cooperation. “Part of the deal could be that Bin Laden is pardoned for his murders in exchange for lying low,” says the business leader.
No. 9) Masai Warrior Lion Teeth Necklace – $25,000. The Masai are a tribe of African warriors who live in Kenya, where members of the Birther movement claim President Obama was really born. “The initiation ritual of every Masai boy is to kill a lion with his bare hands,” according to the political crusader. “You bring me Obama’s lion teeth necklace and I’ll show you proof positive that he was not only born in darkest Africa, he was raised in his homeland until at least the age of 13.”
No. 10) Obama’s “Get Out of Jail Free” Card — $10,000. Constitutional experts are divided as to whether a president can pardon himself – but President Obama could be planning to put the theory to the test. “Smart as the guy thinks he is, Barack Hussein Obama is going to get into a scandal, just like so many presidents before him,” Prentbody claims. “The difference is only he is arrogant enough to try this. He may have already typed up this pardon ‘for any crimes I may commit’, signed and dated it and tucked it away for a rainy day.
“When we impeach him, he can whip out this card and say, ‘Screw you, Mr. Charlie.’ The cocky son of a gun obviously thinks he’s too good to serve his time behind bars with the ‘brothers’ who didn’t go to Harvard. ”
No. 11) The missing mix tape — $5,000. Back in the ’80s, every true soul brother created a mix tape of music to play on his boom box or groove to as his car “bounced along through the hood,” according to the multi-millionaire. “Americans have a right to know what’s on that tape. Is it obscenity-laced gansta rap about killing cops? Or, who knows, maybe it will turn out Obama loved Burt Bacharach tunes? That would certainly take some of the glamour away from this man who’s supposed to be the first ‘black’ president, wouldn’t it? Maybe Obama really isn’t black enough after all.”
No. 12) The Prom Video – $1,000. “Lost footage of Obama at his senior dance could speak volumes about who this man truly is,” says Prentbody. “Do we catch him going completely ghetto and freak-dancing with every girl with ‘back,’ regardless of race? Or will the video show that he has no rhythm at all, that the man now sitting in the Oval Office literally has no soul?”
Prentbody is quick to point out that forgery is a crime and he doesn’t want to be inundated with a mountain of poorly Photoshopped documents and pictures.
“That would be playing right into the hands of Obama and his cronies,” he said. “It would give the media an excuse to call patriots like us a bunch of rightwing kooks or something.”
C. Michael Forsyth
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