By C. Michael Forsyth
WASHINGTON — Each day, reckless leaders like power-hungry Russian strongman Vladimir Putin are inching the planet closer and closer to World War 3. But savvy Pentagon planners are already one step ahead, quietly developing an array of weapons designed to win World War 4 and based on the theories of genius Albert Einstein!
DARPA, the Department of Defense’s research and development wing, has churned out an impressive arsenal featuring clubs, stakes, boomerangs and a slew of other surprisingly low-tech killing devices.
“When Einstein was once asked how World War 3 would be fought, he replied, ‘I don’t know, but I know how World War 4 will be fought: with sticks and stones,’” explained a DARPA insider. “He was convinced that after the collapse of civilization, any survivors would lack the technology to manufacture sophisticated weapons such as tanks and machine guns, or the knowledge of how to use them. So we’re preparing next-generation weapons for use by fighting men and women raised in a society at the level of the last Ice Age.”
The innovative weapons created by DARPA (Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency) include:
The World War 4-winning weapons are being stockpiled in secret locations around the country, with enough “firepower” for a multi-generational conflict lasting many decades.
“Our descendants will likely lack factories or the infrastructure to mass-produce guns or bullets,” said the insider. “We’ve included in each weapons cache detailed instructions on how to build more weapons when these have run out, as well as how to use each device. In anticipation of a Paleolithic society of child-like illiterates that we predict will populate post-World War 3 North America, we’ve laid out the instructions in simple pictograms.”
War wizards are preparing for multiple scenarios, most of them variations of an occupation of what is now the United States by an Islamist or Russian-Chinese mega-power. The insider likened it to a classic Star Trek episode in which, on an Earth-like planet, descendants of Asian invaders and fur-clad Yangs (short for Yankees) duke it out with primitive weapons.
“Our goal is to ensure that one day the real-life ‘Yangs’ – our fighting men and women of tomorrow – have the tools they need to degrade, destroy and ultimately vanquish those who mean our nation harm,” declared the Defense agency insider. “Our mission, whether in the present or the future, is to support our troops.”
Copyright C. Michael Forsyth
If you found this story by fiction writer C. Michael Forsyth entertaining, you might enjoy his thriller The Identity Thief.