By C. Michael Forsyth
ISIS, the diabolical and barbaric band of fanatics bent on imposing a vast Islamic state in the Middle East, is desperately seeking a new name–and it needs YOUR help!
“When our leaders found out that Isis is the name of an Egyptian goddess once worshipped by infidels, they went ballistic,” revealed a PR wing insider who requested anonymity. “We need a new name quick or heads will roll, and yes I DO mean that literally.”
One roadblock, the insider noted, is that most of the really good evil organization names like HYDRA, SPECTRE and CHAOS have already been taken, used in movies, TV shows or comic books. The outfit is also known as ISIL, but that’s widely regarded as too bland.
“It sounds like a computer programming language that nerds would drone on about in a college dorm,” he said.
The public relations staff is extremely reluctant to turn to “decadent western infidels” for help, but they’ve been forced to acknowledge that young Americans have a better handle on popular culture.
“It’s tricky. The name needs pizzazz to appeal to the young lions we hope to recruit, particularly in the west, yet have the gravitas to satisfy the old guard in our leadership,” explained the insider.
It’s also imperative that the name doesn’t have an embarrassing meaning in any of the nearly 7,000 languages spoken worldwide.
“We came close to going with U.T.S.U.K., standing for the United Terrorist State’s Ultimate Killers, but a last-minute Google check revealed that the word Utsuk means “vagina” in Greenlandic,” the ISIS underling divulged. “Our leaders were none too pleased with the staff member who came up with that name. Let’s put it this way: He won’t be shopping for turbans any time soon.”
Can you think of a better name for ISIS? If you can, leave it in the comment section below. This website is in no way affiliated with the militant group, but if it does adopt your suggestion, you’ll win two free “Hour of the Beast” T—shirts.
This writer is the author of the acclaimed horror novel Hour of the Beast. Check it out along with his other books HERE.