Archive for the ‘The Fearless Vampire Killers’ Tag

Poll: Who’s the Hottest Female Vampire of All Time?   Leave a comment


Who is the sexiest female vampire ever to grace the screen? Salma Hayek, hands down? Let’s not rush to judgment. Before voting in the poll below, take a gander at this bevy of bodacious, bloodsucking beauties:

SALMA HAYEK as Satánico Pandemónium in “From Dusk till Dawn.”

caption id=”attachment_2134″ align=”aligncenter” width=”200″] KATE BECKINSALE as Selene in “Underworld.”[/caption]

JULIE BENZ as Darla in “Buffy the Vampire Slayer.”

JOSIE MARAN as Marishka in “Van Helsing” is quite fetching when she’s not buzzing peasants in her harpy form.

DEBRA ANN WOLL as Jessica Hamby in “True Blood.”

JENNIFER BEALS as Rachel in “Vampire’s Kiss.”

JAMIE GERTZ as Star in “The Lost Boys.”

RHONA MITRA as Sonja in “Underworld: Rise of the Lycans”


Doomed Sharon Tate as Sarah Shagan in “The Fearless Vampire Killers.”

KRISTINNA LOKEN as Rayne in “Bloodrayne.”

NIKKI REED as Rosalie in “Twilight: Eclipse.”

BRITT NICHOLS as Luisa Karlstein in “Dracula’s Daughter.”

ANGIE EVERHART as Lillith in “Bordello of Blood.”

ANGELA BASSETT as Rita Veder in “A Vampire in Brooklyn.”

AALIYAH as Queen Akasha in “Queen of the Damned.”

SHERYL LEE as Katrina in John Carpenter’s “Vampires” can’t bite anyone — as long as 4th Baldwin brother Daniel doesn’t fall for the newly made vamp and untie her.

JENNIFER ESPOSITO as Solina in “Dracula 2000.”

Timeless beauty CATHERINE DENEUVE as Miriam Blaylock in “The Hunger.”

Double trouble! Mary and Madeleine Collinson as Frieda and Maria Gelhorn in “Twins of Evil.”

IZABELLA MIKO as Megan in “Forsaken”

MATHILDA MAY is a psychic vampire from outer space in “Lifesforce.”

ANNE PARILLAUD as Marie in “Innocent Blood.” It’s a horror-comedy (Don Rickles is one of the vampires). But in this steamy sequence her cop boyfriend handcuffs her before lovemaking as a precaution — and she snaps them in the heat of the moment!

VERA FILATOVA (on top) as Eva in “Lesbian Vampire Killers.”

NATASSIA MALTE takes over the title role in “Bloodrayne 2.”

NATASSIA MALTE takes over as Rayne in “Bloodrayne 2.”

JENNY WRIGHT as Mae in “Near Dark.”

Did I miss a spot? EVAN RACHEL WOOD as Sophie-Anne LeClerq in “True Blood.”

AMANDA DONOHUE as Lady Sylvia Marsh in “Lair of the White Worm” has a penchant for sipping blood and violating virgins with a gianormous strap-on.

SOLEDAD MIRANDA as Condesa Oskudar in “Vampyros Lesbos.”

In this cheesy and unflattering costume TALISA SOTO hardly does justice to a comic book character known for her epic curves in “Vampirella.”

Okay, to be fair, here is TALISA SOTO again, just to show producers weren’t crazy when they cast her as Vampirella.

RACHELLE LEFEVRE as in Victoria in “Twilight.”

PHINA ORUCHE as Cym in “Forsaken.”

KRISTIN BAUER as Pam De Beaufort in “True Blood.”

KRISTIN BAUER as Pam De Beaufort in “True Blood.”

MONICA BELLUCI as one of Dracula’s brides in “Bram Stoker’s Dracula.”

LUCY LIU as Sadie Blade in “Rise: Blood Hunter.”

KRISTEN BELL as Bella Swan finally joins the other team in “Twilight: Breaking Dawn.”

LUCY PINDER as Vampire Hooker in “Strippers vs. Werewolves”

INGRID PITT as Elizabeth Bathory in “Countess Dracula.”

ERIN WASSON as Vadoma in “Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter.”

Copyright Freedoms Hammer Productions, LLC

Posted February 19, 2012 by C. Michael Forsyth in sexy vampire poll

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Laugh Until You Die: The Ten Best Horror-Comedies of all Time   5 comments

by C. Michael Forsyth

We love movies that scare us. We love movies that make us laugh. Movies that do both can be among our favorites. Below are my picks for the best horror-comedies of all time.  I’ve kept off the list movies that are unintentionally funny, or so-bad-they’re-good, like “Plan Nine From Outer Space.”  At the bottom is a poll asking which is your choice for THE best horror-comedy ever.  In chronological order:

1) “Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein” (1948) – One of the first of this genre, it sets the bar high for future horror-comedies. Bela Lugosi and Lon Chaney Jr. reprise their roles as the classic Universal monsters Dracula and the Wolfman respectively. (Boris Karloff refused to return as the Frankenstein monster, but personally trained a lookalike). What makes the film so brilliant is that they play their roles absolutely straight. The humor comes from the reactions of America’s most famous comedy duo. Favorite scene: Costello searches for Lon Chaney’s character Larry Talbot in his hotel room, unaware that the Wolfman has transformed. The werewolf keeps diving for him – and missing!

LOOK INTO MY EYES: Bela Lugosi plays it straight as he puts the whammy on Lou Costello

2) “The Fearless Vampire Killers” (1967) – Just as Abbott and Costello spoofed the Universal horror movies, director Roman Polanski sends up the Hammer pictures of the  ’60s. With loving attention to detail, he recreates the look, the atmosphere — and yes, those heaving bosoms. Polanski himself proves himself quite an adept comedic actor as the buffoonish assistant to a Van Helsing-like vampire slayer. As one might expect from the master director, there are plenty of artistic touches. In one scene, a human woman dances at a crowded ball in a vampire’s castle, then it is revealed in a mirror that only she casts a reflection.  Adding to the creepiness of the film, the leading lady is Sharon Tate, who two years later would meet her end at the hands of real life monsters – the Manson family.

HAPPIER TIMES: Roman Polanski comes to rescue Sharon Tate from bloodsuckers

3) “Young Frankenstein” (1974) –  Mel Brooks, the comic genius who created “Blazing Saddles” and TV’s “Get Smart,” affectionately parodies the early Frankenstein movies. He perfectly mimics the sets, lighting and costumes – and even got his hands on actual laboratory equipment and props uses in James Wale’s 1931 masterpiece “Frankenstein.” The movie was shot in black and white, a highly unusual choice at the time, especially for a comedy. The dead-serious look of the film makes the antics of Gene Wilder, Marty Feldman and the rest of the cast all the funnier. My favorite scene: Wilder, as Dr. Frankenstein’s descendant, demonstrates his new creation’s abilities in front of a theater full of colleagues – by joining the Monster in a tap-dancing rendition of the musical number “Putting on the Ritz,” complete with top hats and tails!

IS HE ALIVE? Gene Wilder and Teri Garr inspect The Monster (Peter Boyle).

4) “Love at First Bite” (1979) – Throughout the 1960s and until the tail end of the 1970s, George Hamilton was a perennial favorite on talk shows and one of the most famous movie stars in the world – without ever having had a starring role in a major motion picture! He was one of those celebrities like Zsa Zsa Gabor, who was famous for being famous, a handsome, amiable fellow with a terrific tan. But here, in his role as Dracula, he demonstrates a surprising  flair for comedy. Hamilton followed this movie up with the lesser known but equally funny “Zorro and the Gay Blade,” one of the few comedies that literally made me laugh until I cried.

NO TAN: Who knew George Hamilton was funny?

5) “Ghostbusters” (1984) – Bill Murray is at his smirking, wiseass best, while fellow “Saturday Night Live” alumni Dan Ackroyd earns laughs with his trademark mock-serious delivery. Rather than spoofing any prior film, “Ghostbusters” introduces a highly original – and hysterically funny — concept: a  ghost-hunting team that operates like a pest-control company. Ackroyd, himself an armchair paranormal sleuth, wrote the first version of the story and his genuine interest in psychic phenomenon lends an air of loony authenticity to the jargon. As he often does, Murray ad-libbed many of his one-liners. My favorite is when confronting a possessed Sigourney Weaver, he  says, “This chick is toast!”

WE AIN’T AFRAID OF NO GHOSTS: Harold Ramis, Bill Murray and Dan Ackroyd take on pesky poltergeists

6) “Return of the Living Dead” (1985) – A direct sequel to George Romero’s Night of the Living Dead” that ignores previous follow-ups, this black comedy has become a cult classic in its own right. The premise is that the zombie outbreak of the original film actually occurred (in slightly different form), but was covered up by the government. When a pair of bungling employees at a medical-supply warehouse accidentally release toxic gas from a barrel containing zombie remains, all hell breaks loose. The movie owes much of its success to the wonderful comic timing and dead-pan delivery of Clu Gulager – an actor I’ve never seen before or since — as the warehouse owner. My favorite scene is when he’s asked by a suspicious cop what’s in a garbage bag full of squirming body parts. He replies, “Rabid weasels.” A bonus is the appearance of scream queen Linnea Quigley as a skanky punk girl who is stripped and ravaged by a gang of male zombies. She emerges as a ravenous zombie and remains nude for the rest of the movie, her perfect body inexplicably – and gloriously – intact.

OUCH! Zombies can take a licking and keep on ticking.

7) “Army of Darkness” (1993) – In the final installment of the “Evil Dead” trilogy, director Sam Raimi continues the progression from nightmare-inducing horror to comedy. Bruce Campbell’s protagonist Ash, little more than a pointy-chinned hunk in the first movie, here emerges as a full-fledged comic character, a cowardly hero of the classic Bob Hope variety. Macho, blustering and alternating savvy and stupid, Campbell is a joy to watch as a modern-day American trapped in a medieval kingdom beset by a horde of demons.  There are genuinely scary scenes, such as when an old serving woman suddenly becomes possessed in the supposedly “safe” castle. But the real appeal of the film comes from Ash’s wisecracks and the slapstick comedy. At one point, Ash engages in an eye-poking Three Stooges routine while battling a skeleton. My favorite line: A woman in the S-Mart where Ash works turns into a horrifying demon, and the shotgun-toting hero tells her,” Lady, I’m going to have to ask you to leave the store.”

GIVE ME SOME SUGAR BABY! This poster captures the film’s goofy high heroics.

8) Scary Movie (2000) — Keenan Ivory Wayans, creator of the hysterical sketch-comedy show “In Living Color,” directs this “Airplane”-style parody of Wes Craven’s “Scream.” The most pleasant surprise here is that his kid brothers Shawn and Marlon are actually funny, for the first time on film. The spoof of the super-successful slasher flick brings on the gags fast and furious. My favorite scene: the heroine Cindy (Anna Faris) is terrorized over the phone by the masked killer – then, when another call comes in, puts him on hold to babble girl talk to a friend.

CURVACEOUS Carmen Electra takes time out from fleeing a knife-wielding maniac to flaunt her gorgeous figure.

9) “Scary Movie 3” (2003) – Number 2 was a disappointment, but the series gets back on track in the competent hands of director David Zucker, co-creator of “Airplane” and “The Naked Gun.”  The movie spoofs “Signs” and “The Ring,” combining the plots imaginatively. Like “Airplane,” and as in the case with the best comedies, the plot makes sense. Indeed, this parody actually comes together more logically than “Signs.” If you recall, in that M. Night Shyamalan thriller, the invading aliens are capable of interstellar travel yet incapable of getting into a boarded-up house; they had plotted their attack for decades, but neglect to wear suits to protect them from water — which kills them on contact!

WATCH THE SKIES: Anthony Anderson, Simon Rex and Charlie Sheen prepare to do battle with aliens.

10) “Shaun of the Dead” (2004) – If you’ve only seen Simon Pegg as Scotty in the “Star Trek” reboot, you missed out on one of Britain’s finest comedic actors. Look for him in movies like “Run, Fat Boy, Run,” and “Hot Fuzz.” Here, he’s engaging as a loser who rises to the occasion when England is overrun by zombies. Though funny as hell, the movie actually works as a zombie flick. My favorite scene occurs when Pegg, as Shaun, proposes to a group of survivors that they take refuge in the oaken-doored bar where he took his girlfriend the previous night. His snooty love rival shoots back, “How can you put your faith in a man whose idea of a romantic nightspot and an impenetrable fortress are the same thing?”

FAUX ZOMBIES: Shaun (Simon Pegg) and fellow survivors attempt to “blend in” with zombies.

Copyright C. Michael Forsyth. All rights Reserved.


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