Archive for the ‘True Blood’ Tag


Landing a cool vampire boyfriend can be a snap, as Sookie Stackhouse does when she wins the heart of vampire Bill in HBO’s “True Blood.”

By C. Michael Forsyth

NEW ORLEANS — Vampires are incredibly sexy and romantic, as anyone knows who’s seen the movie “Twilight,” or the hit HBO series “True Blood.” And you can snag a hot bloodsucker as a boyfriend or girlfriend using one of 20 surefire pickup lines from a knowledgeable insider.

Vinnie Banicelli spent 11 years as a bouncer at a trendy vampire bar in New Orleans, and he made note of the one-liners that worked best with attractive nosferatu.

“To hook up with vampires, it’s important to have a repertoire of pickup lines, just as it would be with ordinary people,” explains Banicelli, author of the upcoming book, Vampire Chic: Inside the Hidden World of the Undead.

“Most vampires come from a time when wit and courtly manners were highly prized. They’re attracted to people who are suave and debonair. They’re very picky when it comes to mates, but if you can show you have confidence and class, you can definitely score with them.”

Here, from the expert, are the top 20 pickup lines:


1. Are those fangs or are you just happy to see me?

2. That’s a nice looking cape. It would look even nicer on the floor at the foot of my bed.

3. You have permission to enter me anytime.

4. Do you really remember Cleopatra? (Vampire: “Yes.”) I’ll make you forget her!

5. You sound English. I can show you a bloody good time.

6. Hey big boy, I bet you can stay up all night.

7. I can make your heart beat again.

8. Will you turn into a bat for me? (Vampire: “Sure.”) A long, hard one?

9. Is there room for two in your coffin?

10. Is it true what they say about the size of a man’s canine teeth?

Smoking van Helsing brides

Hot female vampires like these gals from the hit movie “Van Helsing” are not out of the reach of a regular Joe, if he has a good rap.


1. Don’t worry, I won’t impale you…with a stake.

2. Baby, you’re so beautiful, I’d take 1,000 bites just to get one kiss from you.

3. Is it true what they say about lady vampires? That they really know how to suck?

4. You’re so beautiful, Van Helsing wouldn’t kill you.

5. You’re so sexy, you make me want to whip something out — and it’s not a crucifix.

6. Listen to them, children of the night. Let’s give them some competition.

7. Is that bloodlust I’m sensing — or just lust?

8. Is there anything human left in you? (Female vampire: “No.”) Would you like some?

9. If I said you have a beautiful corpse, would you hold it against me?

10. One hour with me and you’ll be seeing THREE reflections in a mirror.


Sexually magnetic and highly romantic, vampires make great boyfriends, as illustrated in the hit “Twilight” movie series.

Copyright C. Michael Forsyth




If you got a chuckle out of this article by fiction writer C. Michael Forsyth, check out his new graphic novel Night Cage, about vampires running amok in a women’s prison. 


What’s your favorite pickup line for humans? Leave it in the Comments section.

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Poll: Who’s the Hottest Female Vampire of All Time?   Leave a comment


Who is the sexiest female vampire ever to grace the screen? Salma Hayek, hands down? Let’s not rush to judgment. Before voting in the poll below, take a gander at this bevy of bodacious, bloodsucking beauties:

SALMA HAYEK as Satánico Pandemónium in “From Dusk till Dawn.”

caption id=”attachment_2134″ align=”aligncenter” width=”200″] KATE BECKINSALE as Selene in “Underworld.”[/caption]

JULIE BENZ as Darla in “Buffy the Vampire Slayer.”

JOSIE MARAN as Marishka in “Van Helsing” is quite fetching when she’s not buzzing peasants in her harpy form.

DEBRA ANN WOLL as Jessica Hamby in “True Blood.”

JENNIFER BEALS as Rachel in “Vampire’s Kiss.”

JAMIE GERTZ as Star in “The Lost Boys.”

RHONA MITRA as Sonja in “Underworld: Rise of the Lycans”


Doomed Sharon Tate as Sarah Shagan in “The Fearless Vampire Killers.”

KRISTINNA LOKEN as Rayne in “Bloodrayne.”

NIKKI REED as Rosalie in “Twilight: Eclipse.”

BRITT NICHOLS as Luisa Karlstein in “Dracula’s Daughter.”

ANGIE EVERHART as Lillith in “Bordello of Blood.”

ANGELA BASSETT as Rita Veder in “A Vampire in Brooklyn.”

AALIYAH as Queen Akasha in “Queen of the Damned.”

SHERYL LEE as Katrina in John Carpenter’s “Vampires” can’t bite anyone — as long as 4th Baldwin brother Daniel doesn’t fall for the newly made vamp and untie her.

JENNIFER ESPOSITO as Solina in “Dracula 2000.”

Timeless beauty CATHERINE DENEUVE as Miriam Blaylock in “The Hunger.”

Double trouble! Mary and Madeleine Collinson as Frieda and Maria Gelhorn in “Twins of Evil.”

IZABELLA MIKO as Megan in “Forsaken”

MATHILDA MAY is a psychic vampire from outer space in “Lifesforce.”

ANNE PARILLAUD as Marie in “Innocent Blood.” It’s a horror-comedy (Don Rickles is one of the vampires). But in this steamy sequence her cop boyfriend handcuffs her before lovemaking as a precaution — and she snaps them in the heat of the moment!

VERA FILATOVA (on top) as Eva in “Lesbian Vampire Killers.”

NATASSIA MALTE takes over the title role in “Bloodrayne 2.”

NATASSIA MALTE takes over as Rayne in “Bloodrayne 2.”

JENNY WRIGHT as Mae in “Near Dark.”

Did I miss a spot? EVAN RACHEL WOOD as Sophie-Anne LeClerq in “True Blood.”

AMANDA DONOHUE as Lady Sylvia Marsh in “Lair of the White Worm” has a penchant for sipping blood and violating virgins with a gianormous strap-on.

SOLEDAD MIRANDA as Condesa Oskudar in “Vampyros Lesbos.”

In this cheesy and unflattering costume TALISA SOTO hardly does justice to a comic book character known for her epic curves in “Vampirella.”

Okay, to be fair, here is TALISA SOTO again, just to show producers weren’t crazy when they cast her as Vampirella.

RACHELLE LEFEVRE as in Victoria in “Twilight.”

PHINA ORUCHE as Cym in “Forsaken.”

KRISTIN BAUER as Pam De Beaufort in “True Blood.”

KRISTIN BAUER as Pam De Beaufort in “True Blood.”

MONICA BELLUCI as one of Dracula’s brides in “Bram Stoker’s Dracula.”

LUCY LIU as Sadie Blade in “Rise: Blood Hunter.”

KRISTEN BELL as Bella Swan finally joins the other team in “Twilight: Breaking Dawn.”

LUCY PINDER as Vampire Hooker in “Strippers vs. Werewolves”

INGRID PITT as Elizabeth Bathory in “Countess Dracula.”

ERIN WASSON as Vadoma in “Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter.”

Copyright Freedoms Hammer Productions, LLC

Posted February 19, 2012 by C. Michael Forsyth in sexy vampire poll

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