Archive for the ‘Hillary Clinton’ Tag

To Foil Hackers, State Dept. Returns to Self-Destructing Tapes.   Leave a comment

self-destruct

Agent Jim Phelps (Peter Graves) tries to recall the message he just heard, on Mission:Impossible

By C. Michael Forsyth

WASHINGTON — In the wake of the Hillary Clinton email scandal, State Department officials are returning to a tried-and-true method for sending sensitive messages securely: audiotapes that self-destruct!

“Emails are just too easy to hack, whether they’re stored on a private server or a government one,” revealed a State Dept. insider, speaking on the condition of anonymity. “We’ve decided to go old school.”

Fans of TV’s Mission: Impossible will remember how spy master Jim Phelps received each assignment on an audiotape, followed by the warning, “As always, should you or any of your I.M. Force be caught or killed, the Secretary will disavow any knowledge of your actions. This tape will self-destruct in five seconds.”

The insider explained, “Unlike the emails of today, back then no one could dig up proof that a Secretary of State or the President authorized the overthrow of a brutal dictator.”

While Hillary Clinton’s use of a private email server got her in hot water, hackers believed to be working for the Russian government subsequently hacked the State Department’s own email system, in what intelligence officials called the “worst ever” cyberattack intrusion against a federal agency.

“That forced us to think outside the box and take a fresh look at older forms of communication such as telephone calls,” said the insider. “We developing a system that operates on an entirely different frequency from cell networks, to prevent signals from being intercepted. The technical details are classified, but it’s not unlike those pen phone communicators used by the agents on Man From U.N.C.L.E.“

To foil enemy agents, State Department officials may even resort to the most low-tech form of communication imaginable: meeting face to face on a park bench and trading information while sipping Starbucks coffee.

However, not everyone in the agency is excited about the throwback to antiquated technology.

Said one disgruntled official, “What’s next, shoe phones?”

 

communicators

On Man From U.N.C.L.E., Illya Kuryakin (David McCallum) could contact his boss securely using a communicator disguised as a pen.

Copyright C. Michael Forsyth

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Conservative “Lady Godiva Coalition” to March on D.C. NUDE to Protest Taxes   Leave a comment

LADY GODIVA, seen here in this famous painting by John Collier, was the first to use nudity to protest taxes.

By C. Michael Forsyth

A group of staunchly conservative women has laid bare a bold plan to protest high taxes. They’ll march through Washington with picket signs  – buck naked!

The Lady Godiva Coalition, as the anti-tax crusaders call themselves, announced yesterday that they will strut their stuff on April 17, Tax Day.

“We expect at least 40,000 women to converge on the Capitol,” says organizer Yvonne Merghell. “These are women who strongly believe in family values and that getting to keep what you earn is one of those values.”

Some of the most prominent female conservatives in the country may join in the flesh-flaunting procession. Invites have gone out to dozens of pundits including Ann Coulter, Tomi Lohren, Michelle Malkin, Stacey Dash, Lila Rose and Katie Pavlich, but no word yet if any of them will attend.

“We’re crossing our fingers that some big names will make an appearance,” reveals Merghell. “We’ve already had some positive responses but we’ll have to wait and see who actually shows up. If some ladies chicken out at the last minute I’ll certainly understand.”

The organization takes its name – and its inspiration — from the 11th century English noblewoman Lady Godiva, who protested her husband’s plan to raise taxes by riding naked through the city of Coventry. The shocking strategy worked like a charm. Her mortified mate Leofric, Earl of Mercia, hurriedly scuttled the tax hike.

This isn’t the first time activists have stripped to bring attention to a cause. Left-wing environmental, anti-war and animal-rights groups – most notably PETA – have resorted to buns-baring tactics many times over the past few decades. But it’s the first time on record that right-wing females have doffed their duds en masse in protest.

“When we first started phoning women’s organizations around the country, asking for support, we were met with some skepticism,” admits Merghell. “The chairwoman of the Southern Baptist Church Ladies League was especially hesitant. But once she understood what an important cause this was, she agreed to put it to a vote and the members agreed to participate by an overwhelming margin.”

AU NATUREL: Animal rights groups have been protesting in the all together for years.

Liberals are furious that conservatives are stealing a page from their book. Many vow to shutter their office windows to show their disdain for what they brand a “silly publicity stunt.”

“I plan to be out of town that day and so do scores of my colleagues,” sniffed one Democratic congressman. “We have no interest in seeing a bunch of flabby grandmas who hate tax fairness waddle around making fools of them.”

But GOP leaders are eagerly looking forward to the anti-tax procession and insist the naked truth is that Democrats are jealous.

“This is just sour grapes because our women are so much hotter than their women,” argues Republican pollster Andy Mossick, noting that conservative think tanks have been focusing their recruitment efforts on attractive young college grads in recent years.

“The liberals know they can’t have Hillary Clinton, Donna Brazile and the other dumpy Plain Janes in their party lead a nude march and they’re frustrated.”

LEADERS of the Lady Godiva Coalition hope that some of the prominent female conservatives below will show up — and bare all — to show their support.

Tomi lahren

Tomi Lohren

 

Conservative Ann Coulter

Ann Coulter

 

Michelle Malkin

Michelle Malkin

 

Stacey Dash

Stacey Dash

 

 

Katie Pavlich

Lila Rose

If you enjoyed this piece of news satire  by C. Michael Forsyth, check out his collection of bizarre news, available on Kindle and in other eBook formats.

Bizarre News Cover 5.

C. Michael Forsyth, the author of this article, has written a critically acclaimed horror novel Hour of the Beast, soon to be a major motion picture.

To check out Hour of the Beast visit Amazon.com or save $4 by clicking HERE. The Kindle version is just $7 and the eBook is a mere $5.

Copyright C. Michael Forsyth

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