Archive for the ‘space alien’ Tag


“MY EYES ARE UP HERE, PITIFUL EARTHLING.” Breast augmentation is now commonplace among female space aliens, experts say.

By C. Michael Forsyth

Feeling inadequate compared to well-endowed Earth women, female extraterrestrials are turning to breast implants in increasing numbers, UFO investigators report. Scores of eyewitnesses who’ve had close encounters in the past two years report seeing lady space aliens sporting humongous headlights.

Abductee Ryan Hettles of West Virginia claims that the female E.T. who conducted experiments on him as he lay immobilized on a metal slab was at least a 38-DD.

“They were huge, but at the same time high and perky as a teenager’s, which is what made me suspect they might not be natural,” he told researchers. “And the thing was, she kept leaning over me as if she wanted me to get a real good look at them.

“Her skin was a grayish green and she had a big, bulging forehead. People asked me if she had black, almond-shaped eyes but to be honest, I don’t even remember seeing them. If I hadn’t been paralyzed, I think I would have been tempted to reach out and touch.”

Experts call such accounts a dramatic change from reports dating back to the 1950s that describe gray-type aliens as neuter, with no external genitalia or secondary sexual characteristics. “Mammary glands are either absent or appear to be merely vestigial,” according to a classified Air Force document leaked in 1996.

BEFORE: In years past, female aliens were virtually indistinguishable from males.

A leading UFO researcher believes E.T.s are opting for breast enlargement because decades of observing pop culture images of busty Earthlings have made them insecure and envious.

“Women undergoing cosmetic procedures to resemble those in a society they’ve come in contact with is actually a common phenomenon,” notes Dr. Harold F. Gluckenbaum. “We saw it in cases of Japanese women who had their eyes ‘fixed’ to look more American in the decades following the World War 2, or immigrants from the Middle East who undergo laser hair removal to get rid of their so-called unibrows.

BOMBARDED by images like this one of Star Trek’s Borg beauty Seven of Nine, many female visitors to our planet are now dissatisfied with their bodies.



“What is intriguing to me is that normally females from a less-powerful society imitate the dominant culture, not vice versa. You’d expect alien females from a vastly superior civilization to look down on Earth women, not seek to emulate them. It suggests that some aliens have been hanging around our planet so long, they’ve been brainwashed into accepting our standards of beauty.”

Dr. Gluckenbaum’s theory is borne out by the 2006 case of two Georgia fishermen whose pickup was intercepted on the road by a saucer-shaped craft.

“Three aliens with spindly bodies and long arms got out. The shortest one seemed to be the leader,” recalls Earl Furgam, now 48. “My cousin Bobby gave the small one a friendly wave and said, ‘We’ll take you to our leader if you like. We don’t want any trouble, sir.’

“Soon as the word ‘sir’ came out of his mouth, the alien looked real frustrated and stomped its foot. It pulled this gun out that looked like it came from Star Wars and fired a blue ray that incinerated Bobby on the spot.”

“Afterward I figured that most likely the leader was female. But how were we supposed to know that? She was flat as an ironing board.”

alien butt augmented_smaller

FEMALE E.T.s have also resorted to butt implants, this top secret Air Force photo suggests.


Copyright C. Michael Forsyth

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STRIPPER SAVES EARTH FROM INVASION — After E.T. Reveals Plans During Lap Dance!   Leave a comment

Eye-popping surveilance video from strip club V.I.P. room reveals what is believed to be an extraterrestrial.

By C. Michael Forsyth

TAMPA — A spunky stripper is being credited with foiling an alien invasion — after a loose-lipped E.T. spilled the beans about an imminent attack during a lap dance!

The quick-thinking 36D-24-38 dancer promptly alerted military officials, who used high-tech “Star Wars” hardware to zap the alien mother ship outside the Earth’s atmosphere.

Curvaceous Candy, whose real name is being withheld for reasons of national security, will be awarded the Medal of Freedom, the nation’s highest civilian honor, in a secret White House ceremony, a reliable Department of Defense source confirmed.

Incredibly, the 23-year-old entertainer doesn’t consider herself a hero.

“I just did what any other concerned citizen would do,” she said modestly.

The bizarre close encounter took place May 2 at about 1 a.m., at a popular gentleman’s club in Tampa, Florida. Candy had just come off the stage when she was approached by the creature, which had a glowing green face.

“He asked me my name and said he wanted a lap dance,” the bosomy blonde recalled. “I said sure and led him back to the V.I.P. room.

“He was wearing this bright Star Treky uniform, but I didn’t think much of it at the time because there was a science fiction convention in town. His face was green and eyes were all black, including where the whites should be, but I just figured it was some kind of mask. He also smelled funny, which I thought was bad cologne.”

As topless Candy ground her G-string-clad behind into the peculiar patron’s crotch, he guzzled beer and his tongue began to loosen.

“He said he was from outer space, a ‘planet just beyond Alpha Proxima’ and that his people were way superior to us humans,” the beauty said.

“The more he drank, the more he got to talking. He said that him and his friends had a big ship hiding behind the moon and that in six days they were going to attack Earth.

“He kept bragging about how they would crush our soldiers ‘like ants’ and all Earthlings would be ‘exterminated’ except for a few that would be kept as pets. He told me I could be one of the lucky ones if I played my cards right, and he asked for my phone number.

‘Well, I figured him for some pathetic sci-fi nerd. So I‘m like, ‘Okay, that sounds great,’ and I gave him the number to Dunkin Donuts.”

The steamy session lasted through eight three–minute songs. Then the E.T. staggered to his feet.

“He took out this metal thing shaped like a pen and pointed it at my forehead,” the exotic dancer remembers.

“I think it may have been one of those memory-erasing gadgets, like in Men in Black, you know?

“But he must have been pointing it the wrong way, ’cause after the flash, he asks me my name all over again like we’d never met. He says he wants a lap dance, but when he looks in his wallet, it’s empty. He looks confused, like he’s wondering where all his money went. Then he mutters something in a funny foreign language and stumbles out of the bar.”

At first Candy dismissed the strange customer as just another lonely weirdo. But when she awoke the next morning, what she calls her “ho’s intuition” kicked in . She reported the incident to her brother, who serves as a mechanic in the U.S. Air Force. The report went swiftly up the chain of command until it reached the desk of Secretary of Defense Robert Gates.

“The report raised red flags because mysterious signals had indeed been picked up near the moon,” said the Pentagon source. “The military people connected the dots. Secretary Gates communicated with the President, who okayed the shoot-down.”

The alien craft was intercepted as it emerged from behind the moon. The source refused to divulge exactly what kind of weapon was used to attack the colossal vessel, other than that it “fried” the guidance systems.

“The ship went down near the Sea of Japan,” the source revealed. “A special retrieval team has been dispatched to recover the wreckage. The best part is we’ll have the opportunity to appropriate captured alien technology for the first time since 1991.”

Although Candy’s award is top secret, the source said the President will personally deliver it and he has said the “nation and indeed the world will forever be in her debt.”

“I’m just glad it was me that alien picked for a lap dance,” Candy observes. “If it had been one of those three real bimbos who work here, things could have turned out a whole lot different.”


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Copyright C. Michael Forsyth

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