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Hitler Mustache Making a Comeback   Leave a comment


Model sports novelty Hitler mustache.

By C. Michael Forsyth

With “alt-right” leaders in the White House and the movement growing in popularity, it’s perhaps not surprising that the Hitler mustache is making a comeback. Also known as the toothbrush mustache, the style has been out of fashion for decades due to its association with the mass-murdering Nazi madman, but now it’s being rehabilitated.

“It’s been more than 65 years since World War II ended. The general feeling is that it’s time to put the past behind us,” points out Oscar Huytwill, founder of a male grooming website. “The toothbrush mustache is not only acceptable again, it’s the fastest growing trend since the soul patch. Hip young trendsetters and image-conscious executives alike are sporting what is fast becoming the chic look for 2017.”

charlie-chaplin-mustachehitler-mustacheThe toothbrush mustache was born in the U.S. in the late 19th century and later spread to Germany. Silent film legend Charlie Chaplin was one of its most famous wearers, adopting the style around 1914. Hitler, a huge Chaplin fan, decided to trade in his flowing Kaiser mustache for the look, which the Fuhrer felt would make him appear to the people to be an “everyman,” just like the beloved Little Tramp. Following the despised dictator’s defeat in 1945, the facial hairstyle plummeted from popularity around the world.

Over the years, a handful of celebrities have trotted out the toothbrush mustache, but it’s rarely been well-received. Musician Ron Mael of the rock band Sparks maintained one in the  ’70s and ’80s. In 2010, basketball great Michael Jordan appeared in a Hanes underwear commercial with a Hitler mustache and fans were aghast.


Ron Mael was one of a handful of stars to pull off the Hitler stache.


Fans were baffled by Michael Jordan’s weird whiskers.

“I don’t know what the hell he was thinking and I don’t know what Hanes was thinking,” his friend, fellow basketball star Charles Barkley said at the time. “I mean it’s just stupid, it’s just bad, plain and simple.” Jordan quickly ditched the look. But now, it’s taking America by storm.

“You don’t have to be a neo-Nazi, white nationalist or alt-right to wear a toothbrush mustache,” Huytwill said. “The fashion statement you’re making is really that you are someone who changes with the times. Just as the caveman beard was emblematic of the Stone Age and the porn stache was iconic in the 1970s, the rebooted Hitler mustache perfectly captures the spirit of 2017.”


College professor Brian Ruhe is a fan of the Fuhrer’s trademark look.

Chip Bolwren, a 27-year-old, up-and-coming Manhattan marketing exec, says that wearing the postage stamp-shaped whiskers communicates the message that he’s not bound by “old school political correctness,” and is in step with the in crowd.

“I’ve received nothing but compliments from my boss, coworkers and clients,” he revealed. “My girlfriend didn’t like it at first, and that might possibly have something to do with the fact that she’s Jewish, but I know that in time she’ll get used to it.”

Copyright C. Michael Forsyth

If you enjoyed this article, check out C. Michael Forsyth’s collection of news satire, available on Kindle and in other eBook formatsBizarre News Cover 5.

“Klan-Kini” is Chic New Office Attire   Leave a comment


KKKlassy! Model sports chic new look for modern office.


By C. Michael Forsyth

NEW YORK – Now you can proudly display your political viewpoint on the job, while still maintaining proper office decorum – by donning a new kind of garment known as the klan-kini. The pared-down version of the classic KKK robe features only the hood and a shoulder covering, allowing a business suit, lab coat or company uniform to be seen.

At least four major clothing designers have introduced klan-kinis to their spring collections, and fashion experts predict the outfits will be a common sight at workplaces across America next year.

“People felt uncomfortable wearing a full-length Klan robe to work, because they feared it might be distracting to clients – and of course, it could be unsafe on a factory floor,” explains fashion editor Diane Wortenski. “The klan-kini allows you to express your political outlook in a discreet and respectful manner, while looking chic and sophisticated and blending into the office environment.”

While some companies with very strict dress codes may not allow klan-kinis, experts say increasing numbers will, as viewpoints once considered “too extreme” are now accepted as normal.

“If an employee wears a yarmulke with gray flannel suit, we certainly don’t have a problem with that,” noted a human resource manager at a leading Manhattan advertising firm. “This really isn’t so different.”

Women like the klan-kini, because it allows them to show off their classy designer duds – and their curves.

“Robes cover the clothing you’ve  spent a fortune on , as well as your figure, which is frustrating when you spend as many hours a week in the gym as I do,” said 36-year-old Kathy, a marketing executive who asked that her last name not be used. “With a klan-kini, I can wear my ‘power’ pantsuit to an important board meeting. And on Casual Friday, everyone will see my cute skirt with the high slit.”

If the trend takes off, designers will likely expand their klan-kini lines to accompany formal evening attire, club wear such as miniskirts, and even swimwear.

“Next summer, when you take the family on a Florida vacation, expect to see plenty of young beach bunnies sunbathing in thongs with klan-kini tops,” Wortenski said.

 Copyright C. Michael Forsyth

If you enjoyed this srticle, check out C. Michael Forsyth’s collection of news satire, available on Kindle and in other eBook formatsBizarre News Cover 5.

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