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“Klan-Kini” is Chic New Office Attire   Leave a comment

klan-kini

KKKlassy! Model sports chic new look for modern office.


 

By C. Michael Forsyth

NEW YORK – Now you can proudly display your political viewpoint on the job, while still maintaining proper office decorum – by donning a new kind of garment known as the klan-kini. The pared-down version of the classic KKK robe features only the hood and a shoulder covering, allowing a business suit, lab coat or company uniform to be seen.

At least four major clothing designers have introduced klan-kinis to their spring collections, and fashion experts predict the outfits will be a common sight at workplaces across America next year.

“People felt uncomfortable wearing a full-length Klan robe to work, because they feared it might be distracting to clients – and of course, it could be unsafe on a factory floor,” explains fashion editor Diane Wortenski. “The klan-kini allows you to express your political outlook in a discreet and respectful manner, while looking chic and sophisticated and blending into the office environment.”

While some companies with very strict dress codes may not allow klan-kinis, experts say increasing numbers will, as viewpoints once considered “too extreme” are now accepted as normal.

“If an employee wears a yarmulke with gray flannel suit, we certainly don’t have a problem with that,” noted a human resource manager at a leading Manhattan advertising firm. “This really isn’t so different.”

Women like the klan-kini, because it allows them to show off their classy designer duds – and their curves.

“Robes cover the clothing you’ve  spent a fortune on , as well as your figure, which is frustrating when you spend as many hours a week in the gym as I do,” said 36-year-old Kathy, a marketing executive who asked that her last name not be used. “With a klan-kini, I can wear my ‘power’ pantsuit to an important board meeting. And on Casual Friday, everyone will see my cute skirt with the high slit.”

If the trend takes off, designers will likely expand their klan-kini lines to accompany formal evening attire, club wear such as miniskirts, and even swimwear.

“Next summer, when you take the family on a Florida vacation, expect to see plenty of young beach bunnies sunbathing in thongs with klan-kini tops,” Wortenski said.

 Copyright C. Michael Forsyth

If you enjoyed this srticle, check out C. Michael Forsyth’s collection of news satire, available on Kindle and in other eBook formatsBizarre News Cover 5.

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BIKINI WAXING IS OUT, A FULLER LOOK IS IN, FASHION GURUS SAY   Leave a comment

OUT: The Landing Strip and other waxing styles are out of fashion.

IN: A more overgrown look is all the rage among the chic set.

By C. Michael Forsyth

LOS ANGELES – Ladies, don’t schedule that bikini wax yet. Lush lady gardens are the hot new look this summer!

Top celebrities including Angelina Jolie, Megan Fox and Reese Witherspoon are reportedly putting aside their razors, canceling private waxing sessions and sporting a natural bikini area.

“The fuller look is definitely in vogue among chic young women this season,” confirms fashion editor Christine Guldstens. “Trendsetters such as Hollywood stars, music industry icons and supermodels are choosing what’s called Jungle Jane style in overwhelming numbers.”

A whopping 80 percent of women ages 18 to 25 said they don’t plan to trim “down there” this summer, according to a poll conducted by a leading women’s magazine. That may sound like fuzzy math, but a waxing industry trade journal reports a precipitous drop in revenue since October. The downturn reverses 20 years of growth in “honey pot” tidying services and the rise of popular styles such as the Landing Strip, Brazilian, French, Hollywood and of course the Bald Eagle.

TIME-CONSUMING waxing, shaving and laser hair removal are not in vogue among Hollywood superstars.

The easy-to-maintain look goes hand in hand with the more modest swimsuits that are dominating 2012.

“You can’t carry off the Jungle Jane in a thong,” explains Guldstens, “unless you have a high tolerance for kids throwing sand at you and calling you Chewbacca.”

By and large, men appear to be taking the change in stride.

“I never really understood why my girlfriend spent all that time and money just to end up looking just like my cousin Cindy did playing doctor at age six whenever she dropped her underwear,” says sports photographer Ed Hilkey, 34. “Frankly that hairless look on grown women gives me the heebie jeebies.

“I’m so glad she’s switched to this Jungle Jane thing. Hopefully this means us guys won’t be expected to do ‘manscaping’ anymore either.”

DARING swimsuits like this one from Toxic Lingerie are less common on the beach this summer than in years past.

Copyright C. Michael Forsyth

If you enjoyed this mind-bending story by C. Michael Forsyth, check out his collection of bizarre news, available on Kindle and in other eBook formats.

Bizarre News Cover 5.

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