Panties of Peril Stolen — And Police Warn Thief Could Die From “Curse.”   1 comment

Can an ordinary pair of panties like these kill?

NEVER put on these panties — no matter what, authorities warn.

By C. Michael Forsyth

EDISON, N.J. — The notorious Panties of Peril, widely considered the world’s most dangerous paranormal object, have been stolen from a heavily guarded titanium vault – and authorities fear that whoever ripped off the undies is in mortal peril!

“Four women who wore this undergarment suffered cruel and bizarre deaths,” warned Dr. Dan Greavesby of the prestigious New Jersey Institute for Paranormal Research. “Second only to plutonium, we consider the Panties of Peril to be, pound for pound, the most harmful material on Earth to human life. We’re pleading with whoever took them to return them at once – before he or she suffers a similar fate.”

Investigators say the panties were stored in a 16” by 18” safe within a second 3’ by 5′ safe, 140 feet below the surface in the sub-sub basement of the famous institute. The culprits dug a tunnel beneath the safe and drilled into it from below. Police are unsure of the motives of the thief or thieves.

“It could be a collector of rare occult objects,” said Det. John Relters of the State Special Investigations Bureau. “It might be a deviant with an underwear fetish or even simply college pranksters bent on pulling off ‘the ultimate panty raid.’ But whoever is in possession of those panties is playing with fire. From what we’ve been told, even someone who horses around with the underwear on his head could die within minutes.”

The strange tale of the dreaded drawers first came to light in April, 2010 as reported here later that year. College coed Amber Walyde, 19, was electrocuted by her blow dryer soon after purchasing the innocuous-looking, pink cotton panties. Her death was quickly followed by that of her roommate, killed in a freak Segway accident, and then her kid sister Raven, who suffered an allergic reaction to a bee sting while dancing around in the panties she’d inherited. After the first victim’s Aunt Sandy was decapitated by a falling ceiling fan, the panties were turned over to the institute for safe keeping.

“The supernatural mechanism at work remains unclear,” revealed Dr. Greavesby. “We have traced the garment back to a factory in Manila, which is ground zero for a little-understood form of witchcraft known as kulam. One theory is that a disgruntled factory worker placed a curse upon the panties. Or it’s possible they are possessed by the vengeful spirit of an employee who died in a building collapse that year.”

Any contact with human skin is dangerous, experts say. The panties can be handled safely only with lead-lined gloves. A research assistant donned the underwear for two minutes in what Dr. Greavesby now acknowledges was a very risky experiment. The heart monitor used to make sure she was all right short-circuited, delivering an electrical shock that put her into cardiac arrest.

“Miraculously we were able to enter the hermitically sealed chamber and remove the panties in time to resuscitate her,” the expert divulged.

Now cops are hoping against hope that the thief they’ve dubbed the Panties of Peril Pervert will recognize how foolhardy his actions were and turn in the lethal lingerie. The Institute has offered a $100,000 reward for the safe return of the Panties of Peril.

“All we want is the underwear back – no questions asked,” the researcher said.

Copyright C. Michael Forsyth

If you enjoyed this mind-bending story by C. Michael Forsyth, check out his collection of bizarre news, available on Kindle and in other eBook formats.

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One response to “Panties of Peril Stolen — And Police Warn Thief Could Die From “Curse.”

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  1. Reblogged this on xyzzy33.

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