Archive for the ‘Hitler’ Category

Hitler Mustache Making a Comeback   Leave a comment

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Model sports novelty Hitler mustache.

By C. Michael Forsyth

With “alt-right” leaders in the White House and the movement growing in popularity, it’s perhaps not surprising that the Hitler moustache is making a comeback. Also known as the toothbrush mustache, the style has been out of fashion for decades due to its association with the mass-murdering Nazi madman, but now it’s being rehabilitated.

“It’s been more than 65 years since World War II ended. The general feeling is that it’s time to put the past behind us,” points out Oscar Huytwill, founder of a male grooming website. “The toothbrush mustache is not only acceptable again, it’s the fastest growing trend since the soul patch. Hip young trendsetters and image-conscious executives alike are sporting what is fast becoming the chic look for 2017.”

charlie-chaplin-mustachehitler-mustacheThe toothbrush moustache was born in the U.S. in the late 19th century and later spread to Germany. Silent film legend Charlie Chaplin was one of its most famous wearers, adopting the style around 1914. Hitler, a huge Chaplin fan, decided to trade in his flowing Kaiser moustache for the look, which the Fuhrer felt would make him appear to the people to be an “everyman,” just like the beloved Little Tramp. Following the despised dictator’s defeat in 1945, the facial hairstyle plummeted from popularity around the world.

Over the years, a handful of celebrities have trotted out the toothbrush mustache, but it’s rarely been well-received. Musician Ron Mael of the rock band Sparks maintained one in the  ’70s and ’80s. In 2010, basketball great Michael Jordan appeared in a Hanes underwear commercial with a Hitler moustache and fans were aghast.

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Ron Mael was one of a handful of stars to pull off the Hitler stache.

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Fans were baffled by Michael Jordan’s weird whiskers.

“I don’t know what the hell he was thinking and I don’t know what Hanes was thinking,” his friend, fellow basketball star Charles Barkley said at the time. “I mean it’s just stupid, it’s just bad, plain and simple.” Jordan quickly ditched the look. But now, it’s taking America by storm.

“You don’t have to be a neo-Nazi, white nationalist or alt-right to wear a toothbrush moustache,” Huytwill said. “The fashion statement you’re making is really that you are someone who changes with the times. Just as the caveman beard was emblematic of the Stone Age and the porn stache was iconic in the 1970s, the rebooted Hitler mustache perfectly captures the spirit of 2017.”

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College professor Brian Ruhe is a fan of the Fuhrer’s trademark look.

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Stand up comedian Richard Herring earns salutes from audiences with his toothbrush mustache.

Chip Bolwren, a 27-year-old, up-and-coming Manhattan marketing exec, says that wearing the postage stamp-shaped whiskers communicates the message that he’s not bound by “old school political correctness,” and is in step with the in crowd.

“I’ve received nothing but compliments from my boss, coworkers and clients,” he revealed. “My girlfriend didn’t like it at first, and that might possibly have something to do with the fact that she’s Jewish, but I know that in time she’ll get used to it.”

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A young man identified as Scott B. posted this dashing pic  on the Internet.

Copyright C. Michael Forsyth

If you enjoyed this article, check out C. Michael Forsyth’s collection of news satire, available on Kindle and in other eBook formatsBizarre News Cover 5.

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Group Demands Letter From Pope Stating Obama’s Not the Antichrist!   Leave a comment

By C. Michael Forsyth

MOBILE, Ala. — A conservative organization is demanding that the White House release credible evidence that President Barack Obama is not the Antichrist: a signed letter from the Pope!

“It’s an entirely reasonable request,” insists Dan Stantlerman, vice president of the League of Patriotic Americans for Truth.

“America is on cordial terms with the Vatican. If President Obama asked for a brief letter from Pope Benedict XVI attesting to him not being the Antichrist, I don’t think the Pontiff would have a problem with that. So why is the Administration refusing to put in the request? What does Obama have to hide?”

Surprisingly, the White House is giving serious thought to knuckling under to the outlandish demand.

“We just want to get these people off our backs,” explains a reliable White House source. “But it’s a sticky situation. What if we ask the Pope for the letter and he balks? It will look like the President really is the Antichrist.”

INFALLIBLE: A signed letter from Pope Benedict XVI could reassure many Americans that President Obama is not the Antichrist.

President Obama isn’t the first public figure suspected of being the Antichrist, a powerful dictator and incarnation of evil whose rise to power during the End Times is foretold in the Bible’s Book of Revelation. At the height of World War II, many religious folks feared that Adolf Hitler was the sinister figure. But Stantlerman and his group argue that Obama is a far more likely candidate.

ALSO suspected of being the Antichrist: Nazi madman Adolf Hitler.

“Yes, Hitler put people in concentration camps, but Obama forced universal healthcare down people’s throats,” Stantlerman points out.

“Hitler met with Stalin to sign the Warsaw Pact. Obama had that Beer Summit. Don’t you see the connection?”

Obama’s legitimacy as Commander in Chief has been a matter of controversy almost since his inauguration. Members of the “birther” movement demanded proof that he was really born in Hawaii and not in Kenya. When the White House yielded to pressure and released his long-form birth certificate back in April, that appeared to settle the matter. But soon afterward, religious-right leaders began to make the shocking Antichrist allegations from pulpits across America.

Frustrated White House aides feel they just can’t win. They worry that producing a letter from the Pope will be useless, since most born-again Christians don’t believe in the doctrine of papal infallibility and may not trust his judgment about who is and who is not the Antichrist.

“For God’s sake, some of these Bible-thumping wackos think the Pope is the Antichrist,” fumes one exasperated White House staffer.

Indeed, some hardcore “Antichristers” are already saying the papal letter won’t suffice.

“The White House needs to release a videotape, filmed by an independent third party, showing every inch of the President’s skin, from head to toe, proving that the Antichrist’s 666 logo is nowhere on his body,” declares Mary-Joe Rulerway, a prominent figure in the Antichrister movement.

“We are, of course, mindful of the President’s privacy. When the tape is made public, his face can be blacked out.”

Copyright C. Michael Forsyth

The author of this article has written a critically acclaimed horror novel. The Horror Fiction Review gives Hour of the Beast "two thumbs up and a lusty howl at the moon."

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