Archive for the ‘animal rights’ Tag

Prince William Leads Fight to Ban Werewolf Hunting   2 comments

MEDIEVAL tapestry shows noblemen in hot pursuit of a werewolf.

By C. Michael Forsyth

LONDON — Britain’s big-hearted Prince William is spearheading a campaign to ban the controversial English sport of werewolf hunting once and for all!

Delighted animal-rights activists are hailing the royal for following in the footsteps of his mother, Princess Di, known as “The People’s Princess.”

“Princess Diana devoted herself to humanitarian causes such as the eradication of land mines,” notes Kimba Ellington-Hyde, of the London-based Animal Protection League. “Prince William, in leading the charge against the inhumane practice of werewolf-hunting, shows that he has inherited her concern for the less fortunate.”

HUMANITARIAN: Prince William is under fire from fellow aristocrats for his brave stand.

But aristocrats whose families have taken part in the festive weekend hunting jaunts for generations are up in arms, denouncing the handsome blueblood as a traitor to his class.

“If the Prince lacks the fortitude to join in the hunts, and prefers to stay at home tending to his tulip garden, that is all well and good,” says a prominent baron, who requested anonymity. “But to try to put an end to a sport that generations of English gentlemen have enjoyed, and in which countless young men have proved their mettle, is outrageous. First bear-baiting, then fox hunting. What fine old English tradition will these meddling do-gooders try to take away next? Cricket or afternoon tea?”

Werewolf hunts have been documented in England and France since the Middle Ages. Indeed, in feudal times it was considered part of a nobleman’s duty to put down any werewolf stalking his lands.

“It was an essential element of noblesse oblige, meaning a local lord’s obligation to his vassals,” reveals historian Colin Helfwich. “There are tapestries dating back to the 13th century that show mounted knights chasing down werewolves with the aid of hunting dogs and slaying them with silver lances.”

MONSTER SLAYER: King Henry VIII led many werewolf hunts.

King Henry VIII was a prodigious hunter and was never seen without his trademark werewolf pelt vest or a strip of the creatures’ fur hanging from his belt beside his codpiece. The hunts were so successful that by 1760, werewolves were virtually extinct in the British Isles, along with ordinary wolves that were caught in the crossfire.

“After werewolves were eliminated as a threat to the common good, hunting them became more of a sport,” Helfwich explains. “Lords and ladies would gather at a country estate when word reached them that a werewolf was afoot in the vicinity. They enjoyed a lavish outdoor buffet, sipped champagne, and then took off on horseback to the hearty cry of ‘tally ho!’ With hounds following the scent, they’d pursue the creature across the moors and countryside, until it was cornered in the brush and dispatched.”

The Royal Family remained avid supporters of the hunts until recently. A famous 1935 photograph shows King Edward VII holding aloft a werewolf head after a hunt. He presented the grisly trophy to his houseguest Wallis Simpson, the divorcee for whom he would abdicate the throne a short time later. Close chums and relatives of royals routinely joined them on hunts. Legendary war hero Lord Mountbatten is said to have carried the stump of a werewolf tail in his pocket for years as a lucky charm.

“Perhaps the key chain really worked because he survived many of the bloodiest naval battles of World War II by the skin of his teeth,” notes the historian. “The first time he went to sea without the charm, in 1979, his yacht was blown to smithereens by the IRA.”

TALLY HO! Aristocrats set off on a “fun” werewolf hunt.

Prince Phillip and Queen Elizabeth are known to have participated in at least six hunts. But in a 1980 interview nature-lover Prince Charles publicly expressed concern that the hunts violated human rights, since “after all, the poor devils are human, if you follow me.”

Animal-rights activists have been battling to outlaw the practice for decades, forcing aristocrats to conduct them out of the public eye, with little fanfare and no press coverage permitted.

“Although hunters are armed with rifles loaded with silver bullets, it is tradition that silver pikes be used to kill the surrounded werewolf,” explains animal-rights crusader Ellington-Hyde.

“I assure you, any American who saw a terrified, helpless werewolf being slowly butchered this way would be repulsed and appalled.”

PRE-HUNT BRUNCH: Werewolf hunts are festive all-weekend get-togethers for upper crust. Brits.

Evidently, sons William and Harry picked up their father’s aversion to the sport. While frequently pictured in the press playing polo and rugby, neither has ever been photographed in werewolf-hunting attire.

Prince William reportedly stated in a letter to the Prime Minister that he supports “an immediate and comprehensive ban on the hunting of lycanthropes.”

The ban would impose hefty 130,000 pound fine on anyone who shoots a werewolf except in self defense.The measure is moving through Parliament and could come up for a vote as early as next month. If passed, England would be only the second U.N. country where the killing of a monster is outlawed. Shooting a zombie in the head has been a violation of Haitian law since 1988.

Opponents vow to fight the law tooth and nail.

“Perhaps when Great Britain is once again overrun by packs of bloodthirsty werewolves ravaging the countryside, the wisdom of our forefathers in holding these hunts will at last be understood,” declared the baron.

Copyright C. Michael Forsyth




If you got a chuckle out of this mind-bending tale by fiction writer C. Michael Forsyth, check out his new graphic novel Night Cage, about vampires running amok in a women’s prison. 

If you enjoyed this article by C. Michael Forsyth, also be sure to check out Forsyth’s collection of bizarre news, available on Kindle and in other eBook formats.

Bizarre News Cover 5.

Speaking of werewolves…

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The FACE OF EVIL: Twisted maniac Kim Jong Il hates animals

By C. Michael Forsyth

PYONGYANG, North Korea – In an unspeakably cruel act, heartless tyrant Kim Jong il has ordered the slaughter of all of his nation’s unicorns!
     The endangered creatures, believed to number fewer than 100 in the wild, could all be rounded up and shot by as early as January if the diminutive despot gets his way.
     “This is heartbreaking beyond measure,” declared Ms. Akemi R. Yamashita of the Tokyo-based League for Animal Justice. “These magnificent creatures are not only majestic and breathtakingly beautiful, they are a centuries-old symbol of purity and good. To destroy them wholesale is both senseless and evil.”
     Unicorns were long believed to be merely the stuff of myth, until the 1992 discovery of a single specimen in Vietnam’s Vu Quang Nature Preserve, near the Laotian border. The sensational find, along with the discovery of a previously unknown species of egg-laying mammal, made headlines worldwide, although news accounts became muddled due to a photograph of its close relative the saola just hours earlier the same day.
     Experts believe unicorns were hunted to the brink of extinction by peasants who used the gentle animals’ horns, in powdered form, as an aphrodisiac.
     The majority of the remaining herds dwell in the remote Mount Paekdu Reserve in North Korea. The sprawling, 326,000-acre jungle is the habitat of many other endangered species, including the Siberian tiger, and is a protected U. N. forest preserve. But that didn’t stop pint-sized potentate Kim Jong il from issuing his bizarre October 18 decree that “useless” unicorns are to be “destroyed by year’s end.”
    Though widely condemned by animal-rights organizations across Asia, the communist government of the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea vigorously defends the madman’s decision. Officials claim that meat from the horse-like mammals is badly needed to feed the country’s starving people.
    “First the capitalists attack our noble leader for not doing enough about the famine in our nation. Now, when he takes decisive action, he is maligned again,” argued Da-Hyung Nang, a spokesman for the Ministry of Information. “Which is more important, human life or a handful of horses with horns?”

Copyright C. Michael Forsyth. All rights reserved


     You can join the fight to save these precious creatures – before they are wiped off the face of the Earth forever. Email letters of support to your local chapter of PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals). They’ll see that your voice his heard by U.N. officials, who will put pressure on North Korea.

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