PHOTO purportedly of bizarre catfight appeared in a Romanian newspaper.
By C. Michael Forsyth
CRAIOVA, Romania — A crowded biker bar erupted into pandemonium when a vicious catfight broke out between a female werewolf and a lady vampire!
The knock-down, drag-out brawl raged for at least 15 minutes, leaving the Red Boar Tavern in shambles, according to a bizarre news item in the February 10 edition of the People’s Daily Journal.
“There was all the kicking, hair-pulling and clothes-ripping you’d see in an ordinary girl fight,” bartender Claudiu Balescu, 45, was quoted as saying in the Romanian newspaper. “But when these two scratched each other, huge chunks of flesh went flying.
“At one point, the werewolf kicked the vampiress in the belly and she sailed 14 feet through the air and into a rack of wine bottles. The feisty little bloodsucker got up like it was nothing, picked up an old oak table that must have weighed 350 pounds and smashed it right over the werewolf’s head.”
The trouble began a little after 1:30 a.m. at the 70-year old Red Boar, a notorious watering hole for biker gangs, drug-dealers, hired killers and other unsavory characters. About 40 patrons were quietly throwing darts and shooting pool.
“This pretty girl with long black hair was chatting up a young hunk,” Balescu said. “She had an odd, old-fashioned way of talking that I hadn’t heard since my lubit bunica (beloved grandmama) was alive. She was close to talking him into going home with her when this taller girl with the tattoo of a full moon on her arm swaggered over and gave the guy a playful little pat on the rear end.
“The first girl took exception to this. She snarls, ‘Back off, b____, this one’s mine.’ ”
“The tall girl gives a not-so-friendly grin and says, ‘Better watch your tone, girlie. You don’t know who you’re messing with.’ And she gives the other girl a shove.
“The pretty girl opens her mouth and you see she’s got these gigantic white fangs. Quick as a flash, she takes a bite out of the tall girl’s throat and steps back spitting out a mouthful of gristle. We all thought the tall girl was toast. But the next thing you know, thick black hair started sprouting all over her face and arms.”
As the two women flew at each other, the saloon’s tough-guy patrons all dove for cover.
“Big, burly bruisers who toss cops through windows for fun on a regular basis hid under tables and crowded into the ladies room for safety,” Balescu revealed. “Me and all four bouncers took refuge behind the bar.”
The battling babes resorted to every dirty trick in the book to hurt and humiliate each other. At one point the vampiress ripped the werewolf’s skirt off, according to a three-page, blow-by-blow account in the newspaper.
“When the skirt came off you saw that her legs were covered in coarse black fur like a gorilla,” barmaid Narcisa Dalakis, 28, recalled. “I shouted to her, ‘Honey, you’re in serious need of a bikini wax.’ Well, actually I wished I’d said that, but I was afraid I’d get my arm chewed off.”
The fierce females had both been in their share of bar fights before, if the sophisticated techniques they employed are any indication.
“The wolf girl used a pile-driver to knock the wind out of the vampiress, and got her in a Hungarian leg lock,” revealed another eyewitness, loan shark Stephan Ibanescu. “I bet 150 leus [about $50 U.S.] that the blood-drinker would never escape, but I lost. A couple minutes later the vampire executed a roundhouse kick that would have made Chuck Norris green with envy.”
Police arrived on the scene within eight minutes of the first frantic emergency call, but made no attempt to break up the fight for at least another seven, according to eyewitnesses. The officers have come under fire for failing to intervene more swiftly.
“The cops stood around gawking as the she-creatures wrestled on the floor ripping each other’s underwear off and shrieking curses at each other,” claimed Balescu. “I swear to you, one cop pulled up a stool and actually started popping peanuts in his mouth.”
Police Sergeant Wadim Murgu bristled at the suggestion that he and the six officers under his command behaved in anything less than a professional manner.
“If you’ve ever tried to separate two fighting women, you know the risk of injury to oneself,” he told the paper. “Obviously, in this case the danger was even greater. My first duty is to ensure the safety of my men. I wasn’t about to order them to take action until we fully assessed the situation.”
When Sgt. Murgu finally blew his police whistle and ordered the combatants to surrender, both women crashed through the bar’s plate glass window and escaped.
Sturdy oak furniture had been reduced to kindling and scores of bottles of imported alcohol lay shattered. The owner estimates that he suffered 120,000 leus (the equivalent of $40,000 U.S.) in damages. The two-fisted lady monsters left behind few clues as to their identity or whereabouts.
“We recovered an antique ruby bracelet, remnants of a yellow thong panty with a floral pattern, and tuffs of animal hair which have been taken to the police lab for examination,” said Sgt. Murgu.
“The public can rest assured that we are leaving no stone unturned in our effort to identify the culprits and bring them to justice.”
If you got a chuckle out of this article by fiction writer C. Michael Forsyth, check out his new graphic novel NIGHT CAGE about vampires running amok in a women’s prison.
If you enjoyed this mind-bending story by C. Michael Forsyth, check out his collection of bizarre news, available on Kindle and in other eBook formats.
.
If you found this story by fiction writer C. Michael Forsyth entertaining, you might enjoy his novels…
The creator of Sherlock Holmes and the world’s greatest magician probe a paranormal mystery in new thriller.
The tables turn on an identity thief in the latest thriller by C. Michael Forsyth. To check it out, click HERE.
In Hour of the Beast, a young bride is raped by a werewolf on her wedding night. When her sons grow up and head to college, things REALLY get out of hand.
CAN’T WE ALL JUST GET ALONG? Contrary to this scene in the hit movie “Underworld,” vampires and werewolves actually love each other.
By C. Michael Forsyth
CHIGAGO – Forget what you’ve seen in Hollywood horror flicks like “Underworld.” Vampires and werewolves get on famously — and the friendly relationship dates back many centuries, according to top experts in the field.
“Many of my closest pals are werewolves,” reveals Charles Vinowinski, a self-proclaimed Chicago vampire who says he’s 128 years old, but looks a spry 60. “We go bowling together, hang out and visit each other’s homes to play board games on Saturday nights.”
The chummy relationship between the two species is a far cry from the “Underworld” series, which depicts a war that’s been waged for eons.
“The vampire-werewolf alliance can be traced at least as far back as ancient Rome,” asserts folklorist Dr. Hans Reintenhauser of the Berlin Institute for the Study of Unusual Phenomenon.
“During the dark ages, vampires and werewolves were known to hunt together and operate in pairs. During the day, while in human form, the lycanthrope would protect the sleeping vampire from those who would do him or her harm.
“Because in those days both species were persecuted by ordinary people, they needed to work hand in hand for the sake of their own survival.” Such “odd couples” still exist in modern times, according to the expert, author of the upcoming book Friends Forever: The Untold Story of the Vampire-Werewolf Kinship.
“Yes there is sometimes rivalry between the two, which are so different in their temperaments; some good-natured ribbing and occasional bickering,” says Dr. Reintenhauser. “But it’s like something you’d see in a buddy movie like ‘Rush Hour’ or between The Rock and Ryan Reynolds in that new movie ‘Red Notice.’ Deep down, there is an abundance of love and respect.”
Since both vampires and werewolves are believed to be immortal – barring a run-in with the business end of a sharpened stake or silver bullet – “buddy” pairs develop an incredibly strong bond over the centuries.
“Imagine a comedy duo like Abbot and Costello, who’ve worked together so long they can anticipate each other’s every thought, can finish each others’ sentences and have impeccable timing,” explains the researcher. “Now imagine that kind of link strengthening over the course of a thousand or more years.”
Bud Abbott and Lou Costello played inseparable pals on screen
Wolfman Henry Yerbrough, 241, has such a close-knit bond with his longtime associate Jean-Claude Dujardane, whom he claims he met in a field hospital during the War of 1812.
“Jean-Claude and I are like brothers,” smiles Yerbrough, of Milwaukee. “He was the best man at my wedding and I’m the godfather of his three kids. When we travel, we share a hotel room and once a year we go fishing together in the mountains.
“A lot of people assume we’re gay, especially since I work in a hair salon,” he adds with a chuckle. “But trust me, I love women as much as the next guy.”
Brooklyn native Ed Neidorf Jr., who is comparatively young as vampires go, at age 78, says he can only remember a single violent encounter with werewolves.
“This was in the early 1950s and there was a ‘rumble’ between a couple of rival vampire and werewolf gangs,” recalls the plumbing contactor, who still sports jet-black hair. “No one was killed, but there were some minor injuries. I remember some pretty nasty epithets being hurled at me, like ‘bloodsucker’ and “leech.’
“We were all just young and stupid then.”
When vampires and lycanthropes see movies like “Underworld” and “Twilight Saga: New Moon,” which also portrays the two groups as age-old enemies, it makes their blood boil.
“Hollywood makes it look as if we fight like cats and dogs,” fumes Vinowinski, a house inspector. “Nothing could be further from the truth.”
Copyright C. Michael Forsyth. All rights reserved
——————————————————————————————————————–
I hope you enjoyed this article. If you did, please take a moment to check out my latest project…
THRILLING NEW GRAPHIC NOVEL!
In the two-part graphic novel Night Cage, vampires overrun a women’s prison–and to escape, four surviving inmates must fight their way through an army of the undead. Picture ‘Salem’s Lot meets Orange is the New Black.
CLAUSTROPHIC TERROR GETS THE MAX
If you got a chuckle out of this mind-bending article by fiction writer C. Michael Forsyth, check out his new graphic novel Night Cage, about vampires running amok in a women’s prison.
If you enjoyed this mind-bending story by C. Michael Forsyth, check out his collection of bizarre news, available on Kindle and in other eBook formats.
.
If you found this story by fiction writer C. Michael Forsyth entertaining, you might enjoy his novels…
The creator of Sherlock Holmes and the world’s greatest magician probe a paranormal mystery in new thriller.
The tables turn on an identity thief in the latest thriller by C. Michael Forsyth. To check it out, click HERE.
In Hour of the Beast, a young bride is raped by a werewolf on her wedding night. When her sons grow up and head to college, things REALLY get out of hand.
Like Bigfoot, werewolves are huge, hairy and stand upright, as this costume illustrates.
MISTAKEN IDENTITY? Could the Bigfoot in this famous photo really be merely a werewolf?
By C. Michael Forsyth
SPOKANE, Wa. — A researcher has at long last found a logical explanation for Bigfoot sightings: The hairy creatures are simply tall werewolves!
“In the darkness and confusion that usually accompanies such sightings, campers seeing a seven-foot beast covered head to toe in fur don’t realize they’re simply looking at a basketball player suffering from lycanthropy,” says veterinarian Dr. Andrew K. Luskheimer. “It’s a case of mistaken identity.
“I’ve always believed that one day science would find a rational explanation for the Bigfoot phenomenon. I’m quite tickled to have been the one to find it.”
The expert reached his startling conclusion after studying casts of footprints left behind at Bigfoot sightings throughout the Pacific Northwest with a cast of the paw print of the famous Werewolf of Abbotsham, which plagued the moors of England in the 1900s.
“The prints are virtually identical,” he points out. “There is no doubt that these two types of hirsute, nocturnal, bipedal humanoids are one and the same. This of course explains why whenever park rangers follow up Bigfoot sightings by the light of day, the creatures are nowhere to be found.”
Intriguingly, a tuft of Bigfoot hair recovered by scientists from a campsite in Yellowstone National Park in 1985 was later found to be canine.
“At the time, Bigfoot hunters were disappointed, when in fact they’d stumbled onto the answer to the riddle,” says the expert.
FOOTPRINT left behind by the notorious Werewolf of Abbotsham was preserved in this plaster cast.
CAST of Bigfoot print found near Roseburg Ore.
Virtually every authentic Bigfoot sighting has taken place during the full moon, the scientist notes. Others – such as the infamous Patterson-Gimlin film taken in 1967 – have been either exposed as fakes or are strongly suspected of being fakes.
Stories of hairy beast-men date back to the Native Americans of the northwest. The Halkomelem Indians called the mysterious creatures sasq’et, later anglicized as “Sasquash.”
“It should be noted that shape-shifting has been part of Native American culture for centuries,” said Dr. Luskheimer.
But it’s possible not all werewolves are indigenous. In 1847, reports surfaced that Indians living near Mount St. Helens believed that a race of cannibalistic “wild men” lived near its peak.
“Interestingly enough, about 90 years earlier in the 1750s, a French Canadian named Jean-Baptiste Dubonne, who had been condemned to hang for murders committed ‘while in the form of a wolf,’ escaped and fled to the area,” says Dr. Luskheimer. “Dubonne, a hulking mountain man who stood close to seven feet, likely fathered children who inherited the infection, spawning this pack of lycanthropes.”
The expert cited another fascinating case that throws light on the mystery. In 1934, a posse of armed men in Colville, Washington searched the hills following a Bigfoot sighting. One sheriff’s deputy shot at the Bigfoot and claimed to have hit it in the shoulder before it vanished.
“If you look at a newspaper photo of the posse taken the next day, you’ll see in the background a very tall rancher who appears to be well over seven feet – wearing his arm in a sling,” reveals Dr. Luskheimer. “Knowing what we do now, we can make an educated guess that this was in fact their elusive ‘Bigfoot.’ ”
Copyright C. Michael Forsyth
If you enjoyed this mind-bending story by C. Michael Forsyth, check out his collection of bizarre news, available on Kindle and in other eBook formats.
.
If you found this story by fiction writer C. Michael Forsyth entertaining, you might enjoy his novels…
The creator of Sherlock Holmes and the world’s greatest magician probe a paranormal mystery in new thriller.
The tables turn on an identity thief in the latest thriller by C. Michael Forsyth. To check it out, click HERE.
In Hour of the Beast, a young bride is raped by a werewolf on her wedding night. When her sons grow up and head to college, things REALLY get out of hand.
No “Gone with the Wind” or even “Howard the Duck.”
By C. Michael Forsyth
It would seem impossible to screw up some movies. Take “Strippers Versus Werewolves.” As a viewer, your expectations aren’t very high. You just want a campy, tongue-in-cheek romp with a healthy dose of T & A and a few scares.
Sadly, nothing is completely idiot-proof. This amateurishly filmed excuse for a horror-comedy makes the dismal “Zombie Strippers” look like a cinematic masterpiece.
First problem is that the strippers are clad in unflattering and unrevealing outfits, while executing dance routines that are relentlessly unsexy. Second problem is that less effort went into creating believable werewolves than would take place in an unambitious student film.
HUBBA HUBBA! If images like this get you hot and bothered you’ll love the movie’s striptease scenes.
I’ve long wanted to see another werewolf flick with minimal makeup, like Henry Hull’s in “The Werewolf of London” or Jack Nicholson’s in “Wolf. “But the rubber noses, ears and fangs in this British movie look like they came from the Halloween discount bin at Wal-Mart — not even a real costume shop.
LESS-than-convincing werewolf effects put a silver bullet in the heart of this film.
The one starlet in the picture I wouldn’t kick out of bed for eating crackers is spectacularly well-endowed Lucy Pinder. Unfortunately, instead of making full use of her assets, the producers don’t Lucy cast as a stripper — but rather, almost perversely, as a member of a vampire duo who show up for a few seconds.
ASSETS UNDERUTILIZED: Lucy Pinder appears but, tragically, NOT as a stripper.
DOUBLE D TROUBLE: Vampire duo add to the woes.
There’s one cool idea: The pack of werewolves are basically a gang of English houligans. There’s one really good performance: Robert Compston as a young member of the pack whose girlfriend turns out to be one of the strippers. Robert Englund has a cameo as the imprisoned former leader of the gang, the Alpha male” as he puts it, and the “Nightmare on Elm Street” star is at his menacing best in the five minutes he’s on screen. But Englund, who also livened up “Zombie Strippers” a bit as a sleazy club owner, couldn’t save this dog of a werewolf movie.
Instead of blowing cash on this DVD release, better to invest in a lap dance at your local topless watering hole.
ALPHA MALE: Robert Englund has brief cameo as ex-pack leader.
Vampires run amok in a women’s prison in the gorgeously illustrated, 80-page graphic novel Night Cage. When a newly made vampire is sentenced to an escape-proof, underground slammer, she quickly begins to spread the contagion.
Werewolf hunters for hire pursue their most dangerous quarry ever — a man-beast who attacks even when the moon isn’t full.
By C. Michael Forsyth
My friend Sean, a horror aficionado with an encyclopedic knowledge of the genre, recommended “Werewolf: the Beast Among Us,” and he didn’t steer me wrong. I really enjoyed this fun, twisty B movie.
Shot in Romania with excellent production values, it’s in some ways a throwback to the old Hammer films. No automatic weapons, no sweet and glittery monsters. Some might call this anachronistic, but I dug the old-fashioned good-versus-evil battle.
The movie, set in the 1800s, features a band of werewolf hunters for hire that comes to the rescue of a town plagued by a lycanthrope. Alarmingly, the creature strikes even when the moon isn’t full! They’re aided by a young man desperate to save his village from the unstoppable beast, which has slain dozens. It’s “The Magnificent Seven” with werewolves – a high concept I just love.
The team is led by Charles (Ed Quinn), a taciturn American gunslinger, and each of the mercenaries has different quirks and specialties. My favorite is the sexy girl bounty hunter Kazia who wields a crossbow and wears a bite-proof corset. There’s also the suave, unflappable Englishman Stephan, who sports a vest full of throwing knives. Steven Bauer (Al Pacino’s right-hand man in “Scarface” and almost unrecognizable here) is aboard as the grizzled, beer-swilling Hyde.
Action and gore abound and there’s a mystery too. Which villager is the beast? Could it be the youth himself? His mother, who always appears to be missing when the attacks occur? His girlfriend? Her reclusive, wealthy father?
Day to day life in a town besieged by a werewolf is depicted with entertaining realism. In one memorable scene, the beleaguered town doctor (Stephen Rea from “The Crying Game”) is deluged by victims – and mercifully puts down a bitten farmer to spare him from the curse.
TAKE NO PRISONERS: Werewolf stomper Kazia (Ana Ularu) is deadly with a crossbow.
SPOILER ALERT – SPOILER ALERT – SPOILER ALERT
The identity of the werewolf isn’t too hard to figure out – the culprit practically has “lycanthrope” stamped on his forehead. But there are some clever red herrings, including the suspicious town constable who turns out merely to have epilepsy. (It might have been prudent for him to warn fellow villagers, “I foam at the mouth from time to time, so please don’t shoot me.”)
Although it’s the most surprising twist, I didn’t really like the revelation that Stephan is a vampire – I preferred him as a cocky dandy. I mean, when Charles recruited a vampire didn’t it occur to him that the guy might TURN OUT TO BE EVIL???
Likewise, the ending in which Charles takes on the werewolf as Stephan’s replacement seems a bit dubious. Having a monster on board didn’t really work out all that well. And wouldn’t the new recruit be a little reticent about killing other werewolves? ——————————————–
THRILLING NEW GRAPHIC NOVEL
If you enjoyed this article by C. Michael Forsyth, check out his latest work. Vampires take over a women’s prison in the graphic novel Night Cage. Imagine ‘Salem’s Lot meets Orange is the New Black.
Speaking of our hairy pals, the author of this review also penned the highly acclaimed horror novel “Hour of the Beast.” Hour of the Beast is available in hardcover and softcover at Amazon.com. But you can save $4 by clicking HERE! The Kindle version is just $7 and the Ebook is a measly $5. Be the first on your block to read this bone-chilling tale — before the movie comes out.
MEDIEVAL tapestry shows noblemen in hot pursuit of a werewolf.
By C. Michael Forsyth
LONDON — Britain’s big-hearted Prince William is spearheading a campaign to ban the controversial English sport of werewolf hunting once and for all!
Delighted animal-rights activists are hailing the royal for following in the footsteps of his mother, Princess Di, known as “The People’s Princess.”
“Princess Diana devoted herself to humanitarian causes such as the eradication of land mines,” notes Kimba Ellington-Hyde, of the London-based Animal Protection League. “Prince William, in leading the charge against the inhumane practice of werewolf-hunting, shows that he has inherited her concern for the less fortunate.”
HUMANITARIAN: Prince William is under fire from fellow aristocrats for his brave stand.
But aristocrats whose families have taken part in the festive weekend hunting jaunts for generations are up in arms, denouncing the handsome blueblood as a traitor to his class.
“If the Prince lacks the fortitude to join in the hunts, and prefers to stay at home tending to his tulip garden, that is all well and good,” says a prominent baron, who requested anonymity. “But to try to put an end to a sport that generations of English gentlemen have enjoyed, and in which countless young men have proved their mettle, is outrageous. First bear-baiting, then fox hunting. What fine old English tradition will these meddling do-gooders try to take away next? Cricket or afternoon tea?”
Werewolf hunts have been documented in England and France since the Middle Ages. Indeed, in feudal times it was considered part of a nobleman’s duty to put down any werewolf stalking his lands.
“It was an essential element of noblesse oblige, meaning a local lord’s obligation to his vassals,” reveals historian Colin Helfwich. “There are tapestries dating back to the 13th century that show mounted knights chasing down werewolves with the aid of hunting dogs and slaying them with silver lances.”
MONSTER SLAYER: King Henry VIII led many werewolf hunts.
King Henry VIII was a prodigious hunter and was never seen without his trademark werewolf pelt vest or a strip of the creatures’ fur hanging from his belt beside his codpiece. The hunts were so successful that by 1760, werewolves were virtually extinct in the British Isles, along with ordinary wolves that were caught in the crossfire.
“After werewolves were eliminated as a threat to the common good, hunting them became more of a sport,” Helfwich explains. “Lords and ladies would gather at a country estate when word reached them that a werewolf was afoot in the vicinity. They enjoyed a lavish outdoor buffet, sipped champagne, and then took off on horseback to the hearty cry of ‘tally ho!’ With hounds following the scent, they’d pursue the creature across the moors and countryside, until it was cornered in the brush and dispatched.”
The Royal Family remained avid supporters of the hunts until recently. A famous 1935 photograph shows King Edward VII holding aloft a werewolf head after a hunt. He presented the grisly trophy to his houseguest Wallis Simpson, the divorcee for whom he would abdicate the throne a short time later. Close chums and relatives of royals routinely joined them on hunts. Legendary war hero Lord Mountbatten is said to have carried the stump of a werewolf tail in his pocket for years as a lucky charm.
“Perhaps the key chain really worked because he survived many of the bloodiest naval battles of World War II by the skin of his teeth,” notes the historian. “The first time he went to sea without the charm, in 1979, his yacht was blown to smithereens by the IRA.”
TALLY HO! Aristocrats set off on a “fun” werewolf hunt.
Prince Phillip and Queen Elizabeth are known to have participated in at least six hunts. But in a 1980 interview nature-lover Prince Charles publicly expressed concern that the hunts violated human rights, since “after all, the poor devils are human, if you follow me.”
Animal-rights activists have been battling to outlaw the practice for decades, forcing aristocrats to conduct them out of the public eye, with little fanfare and no press coverage permitted.
“Although hunters are armed with rifles loaded with silver bullets, it is tradition that silver pikes be used to kill the surrounded werewolf,” explains animal-rights crusader Ellington-Hyde.
“I assure you, any American who saw a terrified, helpless werewolf being slowly butchered this way would be repulsed and appalled.”
PRE-HUNT BRUNCH: Werewolf hunts are festive all-weekend get-togethers for upper crust. Brits.
Evidently, sons William and Harry picked up their father’s aversion to the sport. While frequently pictured in the press playing polo and rugby, neither has ever been photographed in werewolf-hunting attire.
Prince William reportedly stated in a letter to the Prime Minister that he supports “an immediate and comprehensive ban on the hunting of lycanthropes.”
The ban would impose hefty 130,000 pound fine on anyone who shoots a werewolf except in self defense.The measure is moving through Parliament and could come up for a vote as early as next month. If passed, England would be only the second U.N. country where the killing of a monster is outlawed. Shooting a zombie in the head has been a violation of Haitian law since 1988.
Opponents vow to fight the law tooth and nail.
“Perhaps when Great Britain is once again overrun by packs of bloodthirsty werewolves ravaging the countryside, the wisdom of our forefathers in holding these hunts will at last be understood,” declared the baron.
If you got a chuckle out of this mind-bending tale by fiction writer C. Michael Forsyth, check out his new graphic novel Night Cage, about vampires running amok in a women’s prison.
If you enjoyed this article by C. Michael Forsyth, also be sure to check out Forsyth’s collection of bizarre news, available on Kindle and in other eBook formats.
.
Speaking of werewolves…
C. Michael Forsyth’s new horror novel Hour of the Beast is “the best summer read ever,” one Amazon reviewer declares.
EVEN GOOD GIRLS can become werewolves, as illustrated here by artist Kacey Miyagami
By C. Michael Forsyth
BUDAPEST, Hungary – When police found a stark-naked woman asleep on a park bench and arrested her for indecent exposure, she offered a novel excuse for her undignified state. The buxom blonde claimed that she’s a werewolf who shed her clothes to romp under the full moon the night before!
“In my 32 years on the bench, I thought I’d heard everything, but this takes ‘weird’ to a new level,” Judge Bartalan Gyori declared.
Irenke Fodor, a 28-year-old factory worker, was discovered on the east side of Varolsliget Park on the morning of October 17, police say.
“She was sprawled out with her legs wide apart, completely naked,” says police officer Peterke Bakos, who made the eye-popping discovery while on patrol with his female partner. “Her hair was a tangled mess, full of leaves, and her body was caked in mud. She was snoring loudly and it took several pokes with our batons to rouse her.
“We naturally assumed she was a party girl who’d had one too many at one of the local bars, stripped and went frolicking in the park.”
Fellow officer Anasztaizia Kardo says, “It was disgusting. She looked like a kurva (total skank). When we finally woke her, she leapt up and tried frantically to cover up her wares – as if she hadn’t put them on lewd display the night before. I frisked her, while my partner read the filthy little hussy her rights.”
The cops slapped handcuffs on the buck-naked beauty and carted her off to jail. It looked like an open and shut case – until Irenke’s lawyer stunned the courtroom at a preliminary hearing.
“My client’s position is that her garments were torn off when, without her volition, she transformed into a werewolf,” attorney Rezso Jozsa told the judge. “There was no criminal intent to expose herself indecently.”
The case has created a stir among court-watchers and Irenke has become a minor celebrity, nicknamed the “Naked Wolf Girl” by courthouse wags.
Due to harsh laws dating back to the werewolf panic of the 1700s, the young woman faces up to six years behind bars, should she plead guilty to the “crime” of lycanthropy. That’s a far stiffer penalty than the 30 days in jail and 100,000 forint (about $500 U.S) fine she would likely receive if convicted for the first time of indecent exposure. Yet, ignoring her attorney’s pleas, she stubbornly intends to cop a plea to the more serious crime at her next hearing, set for November 24.
“I want people to know that I am a decent woman,” Irenke told a reporter adamantly. “I am not some boozing slut.”
Copyright 2010, C. Michael Forsyth
SEXY AND TERRIFYING: Hour of the Beast by C. Michael Forsyth is “gripping and fast-paced,” critics say.
“The Wolfman” could not possibly find a more receptive audience than yours truly. As a child I was scared out of my wits by the 1941 original. (I was even terrified by Lon Chaney Jr.’s straight-faced reprise of the role in “Abbot and Costello Meet Frankenstein”). The movie gave me werewolf nightmares for decades. I’ve always found the flesh-ripping, rampaging man-beasts more frightening than those urbane vampires, with whom one could conceivably reason. While I’m not a big believer in remakes, when I learned that a “Wolfman” update was in the works, I eagerly anticipated it. The prospect of what modern special effects could add to the story intrigued me. And when I saw the trailer, with its grade A set design and period costumes, along with gorgeous cinematography, I immediately put the film on the top of my must-see list.
To boot, the picture stars two of my favorite actors. I’ve been a fan of Anthony Hopkins since his chilling performance as a crazed ventriloquist in 1978’s “Magic.” (Just watch his face contort as a psychiatrist makes him try to keep his evil dummy silent for one minute). I’ve been following Benicio del Toro’s career with interest since his riveting turn as a brooding, switchblade-wielding henchman in the 1989 James Bond movie “License to Kill.” He even made my list of the top five Bond henchman.
Unfortunately, this man-wolf movie turns out to be a dog.
PROBLEM NUMBER 1: THE FILM ISN’T SCARY. The monster shows up way too early and appears on screen way too long. As is usually the case with movie monsters, this diminishes its ability to menace. I must admit, though, that the werewolf makeup — an update of the classic Universal version of the ‘40s — is pretty good, and a nice change from the usual “Howling”-type lycanthrope.
While the body count is impressive (I guarantee you’ll lose count) virtually all of the killings are of anonymous characters we’ve never seen before; monster fodder we couldn’t care less about.
PROBLEM NUMBER 2: THE FILM’S MAJOR PLOT TWIST IS INTERESTING, BUT IT’S TELEGRAPHED EARLY ON. Actually, “telegraphed” is far too generous. After all, to understand a telegraph machine, you need to know Morse code. This twist is displayed in bright red letters so big that unless you have trouble seeing the “E” on an eye chart, you’ll spot it a mile away.
PROBLEM NUMBER 3: THE PERFORMANCES ARE DREADFUL. Hopkins, who won an Oscar for his portrayal of Hannibal Lecter in “Silence of the Lambs,” phones in this performance as the title character’s dad. Perhaps Sir Anthony has become too high and mighty to give a “mere” horror movie his all. Or maybe the veteran actor’s experienced nose recognized the movie as a turkey and he decided to just take the money and run. Or perhaps he was just having a bad few weeks. Hopkins is one of those actors (like fellow Welshman Richard Burton) who is really good when he’s good, and REALLY bad when he’s bad).
But it’s del Toro’s wooden performance as the doomed, werewolf-bitten protagonist Larry Talbot that really sinks the film. He wears only one expression throughout the 103-minute movie: brooding. Come to think if it, he was at his best as the BROODING cop in “Traffic.” Maybe as an actor the guy is just a one-trick pony.
It’s interesting that in the remake, the screenwriters chose to make Talbot an actor. But it’s a stretch to believe del Toro’s character has the risibility to emote on stage (especially during the 19th century, an era of extreme theatrical flamboyance).
In this story, the monster is also the hero, so if we can’t empathize with him, the drama falls flat. Lon Chaney Jr. was no Laurence Olivier (nor even a Lon Chaney Sr.). But he killed as Lenny in “Of Mice and Men” and he killed as Larry Talbot (no pun intended). We rooted for him to somehow escape his tragic predicament, just as we would later feel we were in the trenches with “that Doctor Pepper guy” in “An American Werewolf in London.” We don’t give two cents about del Toro’s lackluster Larry.
PROBLEM NUMBER 4: THE MOVIE’S CLIMAX FEATURES THE MOST ANNOYING HORROR CLICHÉ: TWO MONSTERS FIGHTING. My apologies to those of you who salivated at the prospect of Jason taking on Freddy Krueger, or Alien going toe-to-toe with Predator, but I usually find such clashes more comical than gripping. And most of the time, I find myself asking, “Who are we supposed to root for?”
SO TO RECAP, we’re talking about a horror movie that isn’t scary, a plot twist that doesn’t surprise us, a leading man who can’t act and a climax that’s laughable. Does at least the romantic SUBPLOT work? Nope.
PROBLEM NUMBER 5: THE ROMANCE BETWEEN TALBOT AND HIS SISTER-IN-LAW GWEN (EMILY BLUNT) IS UNCONVINCING. The love angle is called for by the movie’s structure, but it comes out of nowhere and feels forced. Plus del Toro and Blunt have little onscreen chemistry.
This hurts because the film’s denouement hinges on our belief that Gwen would risk her life for Larry. When Gwen vows to rescue Larry from the curse and seeks the counsel of the old Gypsy woman, the screenwriters had an opportunity to inject an interesting new element into the “Wolfman” mythology: a possible cure. Instead, the meeting is a bust. So Gwen rushes to the dangerous Talbot estate with no plan – except to run like hell. And, as we recall from the cult classic “Tremors,” “Running isn’t a plan. Running is what you do when a plan fails.”
However, in this case, I would say that if you happen to come across “The Wolfman” on the shelf in your local Blockbuster, that SHOULD be your plan: run like hell!
C. Michael Forsyth is the author of "Sir Arthur Conan Doyle & Harry Houdini in The Adventure of the Spook House,""The Blood of Titans," "Hour of the Beast" and "The Identity Thief." He is a Yale graduate and former senior writer for The Weekly World News
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