Archive for November 2013
JOURNALISM has gone down hill since the days when Bob Woodward and Carl Bernstein broke the Watergate story, many media-watchers say.
It has come to our attention that questions have been raised about the veracity of a story on this site, “Anthropologist Held Hostage by Elves for 7 Years.” As a result, an indefinite freeze has been placed on all stories coming out of Iceland and an internal investigation has been ordered. Among the discrepancies:
ITEM: The photo that ran with the article bears a close similarity to one taken two years earlier of a nude sunbather stranded on a cliff side in the U.S.
ITEM: The anthropologist’s rescuer from Iceland’s national rescue service is identified as “Arnor Guðjohnsen,” but this cannot possibly be true because Guðjohnsen is not an authentic Icelandic name.
ITEM: Arnor Guðjohnsen is the name a former Icelandic soccer player and the chance of two people bearing the same name in a country the size of Iceland is extremely low.
Eagle-eyed internet sleuth Sharon Hill, who runs the website Doubtful News, was the first to suspect no elf activity was involved. In an article entitled “If ‘Anthropologist Held Hostage by Elves Sounds Ridiculous That’s Because it is,” she unearths a mountain of evidence casting doubt on the story.
Theoretical physicist Dr. Jeremy Blinkley, one of the world’s most brilliant men and once hailed as The Thinking Man’s Stephen Hawking, has agreed to scour all the articles on this site in search of other questionable stories.
Right off the bat he has identified five that he suspects might not be entirely accurate:
* “French Tourist’s Speedo Spontaneously Combusts.”
* “Hell Slaps Ban on Nudity.”
* “Vatican Agents Steal Satan’s Pitchfork.”
* “Few Fairies Gay, Folklorists Now Say.”
* “TSA Finds Alien Implant During Body Cavity Search.”
The genius gives high marks to Ms. Hill for bringing the matter to light.
“It takes an extraordinarily keen intellect to detect that a seemingly believable story about elves might actually be pure fiction,” he observes. “And to put hours of painstaking research into digging up facts to debunk it, well, that points to a level of intelligence that few people I’ve encountered possess.
“Without such diligence, readers would be left to their own devices in determining whether or not elves take hostages.”
NOBLE elf Legolas, played by Orlando Bloom in “Lord of the Rings,” would never take a human hostage unless all his other options had been exhausted.
If you enjoyed this article by C. Michael Forsyth, check out his collection of bizarre news, available on Kindle and in other eBook formats.
.
Maybe reporters can’t be trusted, but you can trust the author of this article to churn out an exciting novel full of twists and black humor. The tables turn on an identity thief in C. Michael Forsyth’s new thriller. To check it out, click HERE.
IN OTHER NEWS…
Had a blast on Halloween. Went as Captain Kirk, my boyhood hero. One gold Star Trek shirt = $15. One night in character as William Shatner = priceless. Here’s my impression.
The tables turn on an identity thief in action-packed novel.
My newest novel The Identity Thief has just been released! I’ve conquered the horror and romance genres and this one is a thriller. Here’s a brief synopsis:
X is an identity thief extraordinaire who steals the identity of the worst possible person! He soon becomes a fugitive, hunted by every intelligence agency in the world. To survive, X must use his talent for deceit and his chameleon-like ability to adopt one persona after another, as his predicament becomes steadily more harrowing and the stakes mount. The international adventures of this sardonic and amoral anti-hero combine the irony of The Third Man with the fast-paced thrills of The Bourne Identity.
Telling a story in which the protagonist is a rat was challenging. An identity thief is not a glamorous sort of criminal like a jewel thief. We despise these guys. One of the keys, I found, was to make X charming and witty. I found inspiration in the performance of Orson Welles as the charismatic but crooked Harry Lime in The Third Man. (When the movie of this book comes out, I wouldn’t mind some zither music in the background).
Orson Welles as Harry Lime was irresistably charming in the film noir classic “The Third Man.”
Needless to say, I tore my hair out when a movie titled
The Identity Thief came out earlier this year – just as my book was going into the final stages of production. But what can you do? I don’t think anyone will confuse this thriller with the comedy starring Melissa McCarthy and Jason Bateman. And many people have probably forgotten about the flick by now. Last go around, my horror novel was set to be titled
Nature of the Beast when I learned that was the name of several novels, movies and songs. Reluctantly I changed it to
Hour of the Beast, which, with its hint of imminent danger turned out to be better.
You can order The Identity Thief at http://freedomshammer.com or at Amazon.com
NEVER put on these panties — no matter what, authorities warn.
By C. Michael Forsyth
EDISON, N.J. — The notorious Panties of Peril, widely considered the world’s most dangerous paranormal object, have been stolen from a heavily guarded titanium vault – and authorities fear that whoever ripped off the undies is in mortal peril!
“Four women who wore this undergarment suffered cruel and bizarre deaths,” warned Dr. Dan Greavesby of the prestigious New Jersey Institute for Paranormal Research. “Second only to plutonium, we consider the Panties of Peril to be, pound for pound, the most harmful material on Earth to human life. We’re pleading with whoever took them to return them at once – before he or she suffers a similar fate.”
Investigators say the panties were stored in a 16” by 18” safe within a second 3’ by 5′ safe, 140 feet below the surface in the sub-sub basement of the famous institute. The culprits dug a tunnel beneath the safe and drilled into it from below. Police are unsure of the motives of the thief or thieves.
“It could be a collector of rare occult objects,” said Det. John Relters of the State Special Investigations Bureau. “It might be a deviant with an underwear fetish or even simply college pranksters bent on pulling off ‘the ultimate panty raid.’ But whoever is in possession of those panties is playing with fire. From what we’ve been told, even someone who horses around with the underwear on his head could die within minutes.”
The strange tale of the dreaded drawers first came to light in April, 2010 as reported here later that year. College coed Amber Walyde, 19, was electrocuted by her blow dryer soon after purchasing the innocuous-looking, pink cotton panties. Her death was quickly followed by that of her roommate, killed in a freak Segway accident, and then her kid sister Raven, who suffered an allergic reaction to a bee sting while dancing around in the panties she’d inherited. After the first victim’s Aunt Sandy was decapitated by a falling ceiling fan, the panties were turned over to the institute for safe keeping.
“The supernatural mechanism at work remains unclear,” revealed Dr. Greavesby. “We have traced the garment back to a factory in Manila, which is ground zero for a little-understood form of witchcraft known as kulam. One theory is that a disgruntled factory worker placed a curse upon the panties. Or it’s possible they are possessed by the vengeful spirit of an employee who died in a building collapse that year.”
Any contact with human skin is dangerous, experts say. The panties can be handled safely only with lead-lined gloves. A research assistant donned the underwear for two minutes in what Dr. Greavesby now acknowledges was a very risky experiment. The heart monitor used to make sure she was all right short-circuited, delivering an electrical shock that put her into cardiac arrest.
“Miraculously we were able to enter the hermitically sealed chamber and remove the panties in time to resuscitate her,” the expert divulged.
Now cops are hoping against hope that the thief they’ve dubbed the Panties of Peril Pervert will recognize how foolhardy his actions were and turn in the lethal lingerie. The Institute has offered a $100,000 reward for the safe return of the Panties of Peril.
“All we want is the underwear back – no questions asked,” the researcher said.
Copyright C. Michael Forsyth
If you enjoyed this mind-bending story by C. Michael Forsyth, check out his collection of bizarre news, available on Kindle and in other eBook formats.
.
This article was written by the author of the acclaimed horror novel Hour of the Beast. Check it out by clicking HERE !
Horror News 