Archive for the ‘Crusades’ Tag

BOOKSHELF BUILT BY JESUS FOUND!   2 comments

HOLY BOOKSHELF of Nazareth is nearly 2,000 years old, experts say.

By C. Michael Forsyth

CANTERBURY, England — Missing for 800 years, a bookshelf built by Jesus Christ in His father’s carpentry shop has resurfaced in an elderly English woman’s home!

The Holy Bookshelf of Nazareth has been authenticated by a leading expert, who used radiocarbon dating to confirm that it was built approximately 2,000 years ago.

“The cedar from which the shelves are made is genetically identical to trees in a grove less than half a mile outside the ancient town of Nazareth,” says Dr. Lionel Getting. “Hebrew lettering engraved on a small plaque on the back indicates that it was made by ‘Joseph and Sons,’ believed to be the name of the shop owned by Our Lord’s earthly father.

“There is no doubt in my mind that this is indeed the genuine article.”

JESUS was a competent carpenter.

The bookshelf is considered one of the most sacred pieces of furniture in Christendom, second only to the Holy End Tables of Antioch, which are said to be hewn from the cross on which Jesus was crucified, and which are now housed in the Vatican.

According to legend, the bookcase was spirited out of the Holy Land after Crusaders sacked Constantinople in 1204 A.D. It resurfaced last December in the basement of Mrs. Helen Goldbolt of Canterbury, who was using it to store jars of preserves and odds and ends.

“It had been in our family for many generations,” she told a newspaper. “I had no idea it might be valuable until a plumber working in the basement saw it and suggested I have it appraised.”

The appraiser immediately recognized the object’s antiquity and contacted Dr. Getting, a university expert who was struck by its resemblance to medieval drawings of the shelves. Thrilled, he promptly launched an investigation.

“When I realized what it was, I was dumbstruck,” Dr. Getting remembers.

Despite its incredible age, the bookshelf is in extraordinary condition, having miraculously survived through the eons when most wooden furniture made at the time has long since fallen apart. What’s more, it appears to have strange paranormal properties. Mrs. Goldbolt claims that food placed on the shelves never decays.

“Once I accidentally left a carton of milk on the top shelf,” the 78-year-old widow recalls. “Three months later it wasn’t spoiled.”

Profane objects don’t fare as well.

“The bookshelf was in my son’s bedroom when he was in his teens and he stored his collection of girlie magazines on the bottom shelf,” Mrs. Goldbolt says. “One day they burst into flames. They were reduced to ashes, but the shelves weren’t even singed.”

AT AN EARLY AGE, Jesus learned the trade of carpentry from His earthly father Joseph.

The nails used in the shelves’ construction match those employed by Hebrew carpenters in the 1st Century A.D. and recovered from archaeological digs. However, astonishingly, there is no sign of rust.

How the bookshelf survived two millennia is especially baffling because there is nothing out of the ordinary in how it is put together.

“Though by no means shoddily constructed, the Holy Bookshelf was made with no frills. For example only the minimal possible number of nails were used to adhere the vertical back cleats,” the expert notes. “This is entirely consistent with the Bible, which suggests that while Jesus was a smashing success as the Savior of mankind, He was a mediocre carpenter. Unlike His younger brother James, He had little interest in following His earthly father’s footsteps in the family business.

“As we now know, He had bigger fish to fry.”

Copyright C. Michael Forsyth

If you enjoyed this mind-bending story by C. Michael Forsyth, check out his collection of bizarre news, available on Kindle and in other eBook formats.

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MORE FROM THE AUTHOR OF THIS STORY …

The tables turn on an identity thief in the latest thriller by C. Michael Forsyth. To check it out, click HERE.

The tables turn on an identity thief in the latest thriller by C. Michael Forsyth. To check it out, click HERE.

ON THE HOUR OF THE BEAST FRONT…

ANOTHER satisfied customer. Hour of the Beast sold like hotcakes at the Mad Monster Party.

Had a great time as a vendor hawking my horror novel Hour of the Beast at the Mad Monster Party convention in Charlotte, N.C. the weekend of March 23rd. I scared the pants off guest Traci Lords, the famed former porn princess. Oops, bad choice of words. What I mean is that when she took a gander at the werewolf hand in a jar I keep as a prop on my table, she leapt back in horror and almost shrieked. BTW, she looks fantastic – you’d swear she was 25.

NAKED FEAR: Former under age porn star Traci Lords has appeared in dozens of mainstream films including “Not of this Earth” and “Blade.”

I saw two awesome screenings. One was the pilot for a TV show called “Ghost Trek.” A hilarious faux reality show, it’s like “Reno 911” with ghost hunters. The other is an indie film titled “Nail Biter.” One of the best horror films I’ve seen in years, putting most big studio fare to shame. Look for my review in my next post.

A highlight was getting to meet one of my favorite actors of all time, the great Chris Sarandon – a star who was a better vampire than Christopher Lee and a better Jesus than Max von Sydow! If you only know Sarandon from the original “Fright Night” you know how charismatic he is – managing to be sexier in the role of bloodsucker Jerry Dandridge than hunk Colin Farrell was in the remake. But check him out in other roles, from Al Pacino’s transsexual mate in “Dog Day Afternoon” to a macho cop in “Child’s Play” – and you’ll have a sense of his range. His acting choices are fascinating. There’s a scene in “The Day Christ Died” when Jesus is slapped, illustrating the turn the other cheek lesson. Chris, as Jesus, slowly turns the other cheek – AFTER he looks like he wants to slug the other guy. A Jesus who’s truly human and for once, a Jesus who’s actually interesting.

C. Michael Forsyth with screen legend Chris Sarandon. When my kids see “Fright Night” I can reassure them “Hey, look, he’s not scary, he’s a friend of Dad.” If that doesn’t work, I’ll tell them, “Look how much bigger Dad is than the vampire. Don’t you think he could kick his butt?”

C. Michael Forsyth, the author of this article, has written a critically acclaimed horror novel Hour of the Beast, soon to be a major motion picture.

To check out Hour of the Beast visit Amazon.com or save $4 by clicking HERE. The Kindle version is just $7 and the eBook is a mere $5.

VATICAN AGENTS STEAL SATAN’S PITCHFORK   Leave a comment

Exact age of sinister relic is unknown, but some experts believe it is at least 13,500 years old.

By C. Michael Forsyth

SAN FRANCISCO — The infamous Pitchfork of Lucifer has vanished from a vault beneath a prominent Satanist church, and authorities are 99 percent certain that Vatican agents are responsible!

Without the sinister occult object  — seen wielded by the Evil One at Black Masses dating back hundreds of years — Satan will be virtually incapable of operating in the physical world, experts say.

“Here is some upbeat news for a change,” declared Dr. Robert J. Fecklerman, a professor of history and top authority on the occult. “Yes, there will continue to be natural disasters, like that earthquake in Japan, but evils on the scale of World War II won’t happen.

“The theft of his pitchfork pretty much puts Satan out of commission.”

The break-in occurred on April 21 at about 2 am, under the noses of more than a dozen security guards at the First Church of Lucifer, Angel of Light,  near the Golden Gate Bridge.

“The perpetrators have not been identified, but in the safe, in place of the stolen object, a small silver crucifix was left, which we’ve been advised is a calling card of Vatican operatives,” said Police Detective Brian McAdeems, the lead investigator.

The notorious Pitchfork has traded hands many times over the centuries, sometimes kept under lock and key by God-fearing guardians, sometimes in the possession of evildoers.

“It’s kind of like that football trophy the Bronze Turkey which has been stolen back and forth by pranksters at Monmouth and Knox colleges for decades,” explained Dr. Fecklerman. “Except that the consequences when this artifact changes hands are far more serious.”

Undead Dick Satan

The Devil is seldom seen in public without his trademark symbol of evil, as shown in the cult classic movie “The Undead.”

The origins of the mysterious occult object are unknown. One legend has it that the Pitchfork was forged in the fires of hell itself.  A scientific study conducted on the 46-inch long, trident-like relic in 1989 — when it was in the hands of good guys — revealed that it is made of iron, lead, mercury, scandium plus several unknown alloys, including two elements not found on the periodic table.

Historians say the Pitchfork of Lucifer first surfaced in during the Crusades, when Knights Templar loyal to King Henry III retrieved it from Muslim fanatics after the liberation of Jerusalem in 1229.

“During dark times like the Spanish Inquisition and the Reign of Terror, the Pitchfork was in the hands of devil worshippers,” explains Dr. Fecklerman. “During the Age of Enlightenment and the founding of the United States, it was in the hands of the Catholic Church and other proponents of good.”

In the early 1920s, the Roaring Twenties, when the world was at peace, the Pitchfork was safely tucked away in the hands of  Tibetan monks high in the Himalayan Mountains.

But in 1923, a band of German occultists belonging to a group called the Thule Society visited the monastery and, during an overnight stay, swiped the Pitchfork from their kindly hosts.

“One of these occult enthusiasts was a mediocre postcard painter who previously showed no particular leadership skills,” says Dr. Fecklerman. “With the Pitchfork of Lucifer in his possession, he grew in power with uncanny speed.

“That man’s name was Adolf Hitler.”

The theft from the nation’s most respected Satanist church was audacious and demonstrated a high level of sophistication, authorities say. To reach the vault, the perpetrators tunneled through 30 feet of rocky soil from the basement of a building across the street. Then they used high-tech laser tools to cut through the 12-inch-thick safe.

Satanists are crying foul, accusing police of being sympathetic to the thieves, and demanding that the culprits be apprehended and brought to justice.

“I seem to remember a line in the so-called Good Book about ‘Thou shalt not steal,’” remarked Jarvis Gretzen, Archbishop of the 12,000-member Satanist church. “In committing this crime, the Papists have committed the ultimate act of hypocrisy.”

Questioned by reporters, the Vatican refused to either confirm or deny that the Pope’s agents were involved in the theft.

A Vatican spokesman said simply, “Anything that demoralizes the worshippers of evil is a positive development.”

Copyright C. Michael Forsyth

C. Michael Forsyth’s horror novel Hour of the Beast is “gripping and fast-paced,” critics say.

TO READ CHAPTER ONE OF HOUR OF THE BEAST, CLICK HERE

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