Archive for the ‘Armageddon’ Tag

Florida Governor Wards off Climate Change — Using Magic!   Leave a comment

CLIMATE change could soon put much of Florida underwater -- unless white magic licks the problem.

CLIMATE change could soon put much of Florida underwater — unless white magic licks the problem.

By C. Michael Forsyth

MIAMI, Florida — Governor Rick Scott has banned Florida officials from using the term “climate change” – and the age-old form of magic might actually save the state from global warming!

“This potent type of magic has been used to ward off danger since the dawn of human history,” explains Karyn Fultenbach, high priestess of a prominent Wiccan coven in Miami. “When a tribe encountered a sabretooth in a cave, the shaman would warn the others not to say the word ‘sabretooth.’ They would instead close their eyes and only use the word ‘cat.’ This would keep the early humans safe, and some experts believe this is actually how ordinary house cats evolved.”

The National Climate Assessment recently named Miami one of the U.S. cities most vulnerable to damage from rising sea levels. Experts have warned that the ocean could rise several feet, putting much of the state’s beautiful beachfront property underwater. So, soon after Scott was elected, employees of the Florida Department of Environmental Protection were sternly ordered to refrain from using the terms “climate change,” and “global warming” in official communications.

Fultenbach and her 12 fellow witches have written the governor recommending that the technique also be used to ward off specific natural disasters associated with climate change.

“He should also forbid the uses of the terms ‘flooding,’ ‘tsunami’ and ‘category 5 hurricane,’” she advises.

INNOVATIVE Gov. Rick Scott has turned to magic to keep sea levels from soon rising above tourists' heads.

INNOVATIVE Gov. Rick Scott has turned to magic to keep sea levels from soon rising above tourists’ heads.

The danger-denying form of white magic was used in ancient times to defeat demons, according to the Wiccan priestess.

“A demon god would often be referred to only as ‘He Whose Name Shall Not be Spoken,’” she reveals. “Forbidding people from mentioning it by name was a way to drive it from existence. This worked, and the concrete evidence is that few of those demon gods exist today.”

In the Middle Ages, practitioners of Wicca used the white magic technique to protect their villages from the Black Plague.

“If a stranger wandered into town covered with oozing sores, white witches would warn the people never to utter the word plague. So no one could catch the disease,” says the 43-year-old Wiccan.

GOOD witches have been using white magic to ward off disasters for centuries.

GOOD witches have been using white magic to ward off disasters for centuries.

Ironically, the lifesaving acts led to the demise of many witches. Fearful and suspicious church officials, who thought only the Devil could have spared the isolated towns, often had the witches burned at the stake.

Not everyone thinks that using white magic to battle climate change makes sense.

“It sounds crazy,” says Gus Quelby of the conservative group Florida Citizens for Common Sense. “So crazy it just might work. But resorting to paganism is dangerous. We’re a Christian state. Even if using magic does prevent global warming from affecting Florida, it goes completely against the teachings of Jesus.”

Copyright C. Michael Forsyth

if you enjoyed this story by fiction writer C. Michael Forsyth, check out his novel The Blood of Titans.


"The Blood of Titans" is a tale of love and adventure set in the Golden Age of Africa.

“The Blood of Titans” is a tale of love and adventure set in the Golden Age of Africa.

ERA OF TRANQUILITY TO FOLLOW WORLD WAR III, LEADERS VOW   Leave a comment

KABOOM! Contrary to what doom-and-gloom crowd has told us, millions of people will survive WW III, experts say.

By C. Michael Forsyth

Good News! World War III will be mankind’s last major military conflict and will be followed by an era of peace and tranquility, world leaders vow.

Meeting recently in Geneva, representatives from 152 nations, including the U.S., China, Russia and Iran, agreed to put the kibosh on warfare forever after the next Big One is over.

“World War I was dubbed the ‘War to End All Wars,’ and so was World War II. But this time we mean it,” declared Jonathan S. Alverham, special U.S. envoy to the international gathering.

“After a third world war, humanity will have had its fill of violence and bloodshed.”

Anoush Rafsanjani, the Iranian envoy, agreed wholeheartedly.

“One more big war involving most of the world’s countries and we’ll all have it out of our systems for good,” he said.

While at the height of the Cold War, it was assumed that World War III would mean nuclear Armageddon and the extinction of the human race, most experts today believe such fears are exaggerated. Experts speaking at the meeting say that it unlikely that the United States and Russia would fire their entire nuclear arsenals at each other, lighting up the globe, and in most current scenarios would actually be allies.

“We estimate that at least one in six people will survive the conflict, leaving a robust population of more than a billion to repopulate the Earth,” British military analyst Rupert Hillcock said at one panel.

“Their leaders will have learned their lesson about the ills of war once and for all and will build a civilization founded on non-violence and harmony.”

Copyright C. Michael Forsyth

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Scientists Rally to Save Humanity – AS ANDROMEDA GALAXY HURTLES TOWARD MILKY WAY!   Leave a comment

Not even Bruce Willis can save Earth this time, scared-stiff scientists warn.

By C. Michael Forsyth

MONTRÉAL, Canada – Just weeks after the bone-chilling discovery that the Andromeda Galaxy and the Milky Way are on a collision course, astrophysicists and rocket scientists from around the globe are scrambling to save the human race from extinction!

“It’s inspiring,” said one top astronomer. “Experts from Iceland to Zimbabwe are teaming up to find a solution to this impending disaster. We have even been joined by scientists from Iran and North Korea. Old differences like religion and geopolitics are being put aside and we are facing this incredible menace united.

“Even if we ultimately fail, this will be remembered as one of the scientific community’s finest hours.” 

It was in early October that Professor Duncan Forbes and his colleagues at Quebec University made the alarming discovery that our neighboring galaxy Andromeda is zooming toward our own galaxy the Milky Way at a blinding 50 miles per second. The finding, announced in a publication of the Royal Astronomical Society, made headlines in scientific journals worldwide, but was overshadowed in the mainstream media by the departure of a popular contestant on “Dancing with the Stars.”

“A vast event, the collision of the Milky Way and the giant spiral galaxy Andromeda is due to take place,” according to the October 6 edition of the respected online publication Science Alert.

The magnitude of the upcoming mega-disaster is almost beyond human comprehension.

“Picture an 18-wheeler bearing down on you at top speed,” a leading astrophysicist tried to explain to reporters in layman’s terms. “Now picture an 18-wheeler with the mass of a trillion stars making a beeline for you. We’re talking about the mother of all fender benders.”

The Canadian astronomers’ figures have been checked and rechecked and American experts grimly concur with the conclusion that the impact is inevitable.

“It’s now believed the two will collide,” confirmed renowned Minneapolis astronomer Mike Lynch, author of Washington Starwatch.

While racing against the clock to come up with an answer, scientists warn that there may be no way to stop the smash-up from occurring.

“This is not the scenario pictured in the old sci-fi novel, ‘When Worlds Collide,’” says a NASA engineer. “This isn’t just a planet, it’s an entire galaxy coming straight at us.

“And it’s certainly nothing like the movie ‘Armageddon,’ where it was just an asteroid headed our way. This time, we can’t just send up Bruce Willis with a nuke to blow it to smithereens.”

In “When Worlds Collide,” scientists manage to build a pair of rocket ships that whisk a handful of human survivors away to another planet just before the deadly impact. And a similar solution may be our last, best hope now. Some experts believe that we can construct an armada of star ships that evacuate Earth and fly the entire population to our nearest neighbor, the Canis Major Dwarf galaxy.

They admit the task is “somewhat daunting,” since Canis Major is a mind-bending 42,000 light years away, and the Earth’s population now tops a whopping 6.8 billion people. But they insist that time is on our side.

“No one knows exactly when Andromeda will hit – some estimate it could be more than 4 billion years,” explains the NASA engineer. “Keep in mind, it took a billion years for life to evolve on Earth. That gives us four times as much time to develop the technology to get everyone safely to another galaxy.

“We have the time, we just need to muster the will —  and use the combined know-how of all the nations of Earth.”

Amazingly, some scientists say there’s nothing to worry about and that instead, people should adopt a “wait and see” attitude. They claim there’s a high probability that when the collision occurs, the two galaxies won’t destroy each other, they’ll merely merge to form one huge galaxy.

But the NASA expert says, “We can’t be sure of what will happen when the two galaxies collide. I just know I wouldn’t want to be there when they do – and I don’t want my great, great, great, great grandchildren to be there for the big light show either.”

Copyright C. Michael Forsyth. All rights reserved.

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