Archive for the ‘torture’ Tag

Tortures Being Renamed — To Sound Like Spa Treatments!   Leave a comment

"Colon Expansion," formerly known as The Judas Cradle, has been used by practitioners of enhanced interrogation techniques since the Middle Ages.

“Colon Expansion,” formerly known as The Judas Cradle, has been used by practitioners of enhanced interrogation techniques since the Middle Ages.

By C. Michael Forsyth

Chiefs of secret police forces worldwide are taking a page from Dick Cheney’s book and renaming torture techniques to sound like spa services — to ensure they can never be charged with war crimes.

Chinese Water Torture, for example, is now called Asian Aquatic Relaxation.

“According to the latest thinking in international law, if an interrogation technique sounds like a spa treatment, it’s not technically a war crime,” explained Hosni El-Shabiz, director of Syria’s Bureau of Information Extraction.

Cheney and CIA underlings dubbed enema torture “rectal hydration,” he noted.

Other name changes secret police forces have adopted:

* The Rack is now “Enhanced Spinal Decompression.”
* Bamboo shoots under the fingernails has been replaced by the more benign “Organic Subungual Therapy.”
* Cattle prod to the genitals is now known as “Intimate Area Stimulation.”
* The Iron Maiden has been switched to the friendlier “Deep Tissue Penetration.”

The names can be misleading to prisoners.

“Sometimes when you order a detainee to undress for a Dermal Abrasion session, they do it happily because they think it’s a soothing spa treatment,” El-Shabiz chuckled. “They’re usually quite taken aback when they discover that it means whipping with a cat o’ nine tails!”

Copyright C. Michael Forsyth

If you appreciated the black humor of this story, you might enjoy the irony in his latest thriller The Identity Thief.

The tables turn on an identity thief in the latest thriller by C. Michael Forsyth. To check it out, click HERE.

The tables turn on an identity thief in fast-paced thriller by C. Michael Forsyth.


NO MORE MR. NICE GUY. The Pope wants to wipe child-molesting scum off the face of the Earth.

By C. Michael Forsyth

Pope Benedict XVI has reportedly launched a secret holy war on pedophile priests and ordered his underlings to “go medieval” on them!

“Not only has the Catholic Church had to pay over $2 billion in damages to the victims, these vile false priests have demolished the image of the priesthood that it took decent men of God 2,000 years to build,” explained a Vatican insider. “His Holiness finally declared in a meeting with cardinals, ‘This madness stops today. It is time to go medieval on these fiends.’ ”

Tools of torture not employed by the Church since the Spanish Inquisition are now quietly being used to smash pedophile rings.

“We’re talking about thumbscrews, The Rack, The Wheel, The Pear of Anguish — even the infamous Judas Cradle,” revealed the insider. “When a priest is suspected of molesting children, he’s forced to admit what’s he’s done – and to cough up the names of his fellow abusers and those in the Church who’ve shielded them. Usually they try to resist, but within a matter of a few days, they’ve spilled their guts.”

BLAST FROM THE PAST: The Vatican has returned to the use of torture to root out evildoers.

Most shocking of all, the Pontiff has instructed his inner circle that men of the cloth who’ve broken their most sacred vows should no longer be allowed to confess their sins to a fellow priest and be forgiven.

“In the meeting in which His Holiness gave his marching orders to his cardinals, he said that child-molesting clerics are no longer to receive the rite of absolution,” recounts the Vatican insider. “One of the cardinals timidly raised his hand and asked him, ‘Could you clarify that, Your Holiness? Do you mean you want these pedophile priests to go to Hell?’

“The Pope said, ‘No, I’m saying I want these mutter-verdammt (mother#%@-ing) pedophile priests to go to Hell.’

“We all looked at each other, stunned. It was if he was channeling your famous American actor, Samuel M. Jackson.”

WHAT goes around, comes around. The Wheel was a popular form of torture in medieval times.

The sessions are conducted by members of the elite Pontifical Swiss Guard, who’ve served as the Pope’s personal bodyguards and agents since 1506. Although the Swiss are better known for cuckoo clocks than brutality, they’ve quickly adapted to the harsh interrogation techniques.

Suspects are kidnapped off the street, from their rectories and even from church sanctuaries as they don their robes for Mass. Then they’re whisked away to underground chambers in undisclosed locations. One priest who admits to “inappropriate contact” with altar boys gave the underground Italian newspaper Verità Nascosta a harrowing account of his treatment.

“Five goons in black garments tossed me in a dungeon that looked like something from a horror movie,” the alleged molester claimed. “When the priest in charge of the operation arrived, I was relieved and told him, ‘I am ready to confess to you, Father.’ His reply was, ‘If I want your confession, I’ll have it beaten out of you.’ Then he nodded to his henchmen and left.”

The accused pedophile was strapped to The Rack, lowered on the Judas Cradle — even waterboarded, according to the newspaper. After just three hours of torment, he tearfully gave a written confession and jotted down the names of three priest pals whom he claimed had also molested children. He was then escorted by a van to police headquarters and unceremoniously dumped on the steps, hogtied, with the confession pinned to his chest. The alleged pervert’s lawyer has asked a judge to throw out the forced confession, but admits that under Italian law that’s unlikely to happen.

The enhanced interrogation technique known as waterboarding has been around since the Spanish Inquisition.

Although kidnapping and torture are illegal in Italy, police appear to be looking the other way when the Pope’s squads engage in hardball tactics.

“The police hate child molesters more than any other type of criminal,” explained crime reporter Carlo Bennetiani, who penned the article. “They’re eager to get them off the streets by any means necessary.”

The first cases of abduction were reported in Rome in early February and 15 others have cropped up elsewhere in Europe over the past few months. No instances have yet been reported in the U.S., but experts say that the no-nonsense approach is even more likely to succeed when it spreads here.

“American authorities are acclimated to the use of torture when it’s for a good cause,” observed Washington-based legal expert Jodi Yeakerman.

OUCH! The Judas Cradle is one of the most painful and humiliating tortures ever invented.

The dramatic move represents a total about face for the Catholic Church, which for years shuffled pedophiles around from parish to parish or sent them away for “treatment” when the threat of exposure loomed. While in the wake of costly lawsuits, church officials have agreed to cooperate with prosecutors, they’ve never before waged such a vigorous campaign to root out evildoers.

Victims’ rights advocates couldn’t be more delighted.

“This is long overdue,” declared Holly Margretson, whose nephew was molested by a Boston cleric in the mid 1980s.

Child molesters are furious at the Pope’s new take-no-prisoners attitude.

“To literally tell us to go to Hell is turning the Holy Mother Church upside down,” complained Robbe-Guilliame van der Goosen, director of the International Association for the Advancement of Intergenerational Romance, headquartered in Belgium. “The Pope may be ‘infallible’ but this is outrageous.”

TOUGH GUY actor Samuel L. Jackson, seen here as Nick Fury, rarely minces words.

Copyright C. Michael Forsyth

The author of this article has written a critically acclaimed horror novel. The Horror Fiction Review raves that Hour of the Beast is a "rip-snorting, action-packed sexy college romp."

To check out Hour of the Beast and hear Chapter One read FREE click HERE! The Ebook is a measly $5.

THE BAD OLD DAYS: “The Black Death” Visits Merry Olde England   1 comment

HOLY WARRIOR: Sean Bean stars as the brave but fanatical Ulric.

By C. Michael Forsyth

I’ve always counted myself tremendously lucky to have been born in the United States rather than in some Third World hellhole, and in the 20th century rather than the 19th, when, as an African-American, I doubtless would have been a slave.

And if you never counted your lucky stars you didn’t live in the Middle Ages, you will after you see “Black Death.” Brutal slaughter, gruesome torture, painful death by incurable disease, religious fanaticism and blind ignorance are all features of everyday life in medieval times put on vivid display in this atmospheric film, now on DVD.

The movie is set in 1348, when the Black Plague that wiped out at least a third of Europe’s population ravages England. A single isolated village has mysteriously remained unscathed and the bishop suspects that locals have resorted to devil-worship to escape the disease. His envoy is tasked with capturing the necromancer at the heart of the conspiracy and bringing him back for what good ol’ Dubya would call “enhanced interrogation techniques.”

It’s curious that the movie is listed in the horror category, since nothing truly paranormal occurs. It’s more like “Deliverance” with knights. (Don’t worry, no one is ordered to “squealeth like a pig.”) But it richly earns the horror label. The shocking violence, high body count, and overall creepiness make it as scary as any “Saw” sequel.

Sean Bean is compelling as scraggly haired Ulric, the driven, Solomon Kane-like envoy. Like Beowulf, he grimly leads a band of fierce warriors against the forces of darkness. His guide is Osmund (Eddie Redmayne), a naïve young monk who’s strayed from his vows by falling in love with a maiden.

IN OVER HIS HEAD: Clueless young monk Osmund (Eddie Redmayne) is Ulric's guide.

When the crusaders cross a moor to the village, they find it populated by warm and welcoming townsfolk — a tranquil, idyllic oasis from the cruel and chaotic outside world. Still, fanatical Ulric remains convinced that the Devil is at work in the town. The question quickly becomes: are the villagers evil demon-raisers or peace-loving pre-hippies who at most indulge in folk medicine and Wicca?

The only flaw I found with the movie is that this question is answered far too soon. I would have preferred to have been kept guessing a bit longer and given time to mull over the philosophical issues it raises. Other than that, I give “Black Death” a solid two bloody sickles up.

IS SHE OR ISN'T SHE? Is townswoman Langiva (Carice Van Houten) a kindly practioner of folk medicine or an evil witch?

The Middle Ages may have been a bad time to be alive, but your bright college days are ones to treasure -- even if there IS a werewolf running amok on the campus, as in Hour of the Beast

This writer’s horror novel Hour of the Beast has been hailed by critics as “gripping,” “uniquely written” and “very difficult to put down. To check it out, look for it on or CLICK HERE. The eBook is just $5!

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