By C. Michael Forsyth
SPOKANE, Wa. — A researcher has at long last found a logical explanation for Bigfoot sightings: The hairy creatures are simply tall werewolves!
“In the darkness and confusion that usually accompanies such sightings, campers seeing a seven-foot beast covered head to toe in fur don’t realize they’re simply looking at a basketball player suffering from lycanthropy,” says veterinarian Dr. Andrew K. Luskheimer. “It’s a case of mistaken identity.
“I’ve always believed that one day science would find a rational explanation for the Bigfoot phenomenon. I’m quite tickled to have been the one to find it.”
The expert reached his startling conclusion after studying casts of footprints left behind at Bigfoot sightings throughout the Pacific Northwest with a cast of the paw print of the famous Werewolf of Abbotsham, which plagued the moors of England in the 1900s.
“The prints are virtually identical,” he points out. “There is no doubt that these two types of hirsute, nocturnal, bipedal humanoids are one and the same. This of course explains why whenever park rangers follow up Bigfoot sightings by the light of day, the creatures are nowhere to be found.”
Intriguingly, a tuft of Bigfoot hair recovered by scientists from a campsite in Yellowstone National Park in 1985 was later found to be canine.
“At the time, Bigfoot hunters were disappointed, when in fact they’d stumbled onto the answer to the riddle,” says the expert.
Virtually every authentic Bigfoot sighting has taken place during the full moon, the scientist notes. Others – such as the infamous Patterson-Gimlin film taken in 1967 – have been either exposed as fakes or are strongly suspected of being fakes.
Stories of hairy beast-men date back to the Native Americans of the northwest. The Halkomelem Indians called the mysterious creatures sasq’et, later anglicized as “Sasquash.”
“It should be noted that shape-shifting has been part of Native American culture for centuries,” said Dr. Luskheimer.
But it’s possible not all werewolves are indigenous. In 1847, reports surfaced that Indians living near Mount St. Helens believed that a race of cannibalistic “wild men” lived near its peak.
“Interestingly enough, about 90 years earlier in the 1750s, a French Canadian named Jean-Baptiste Dubonne, who had been condemned to hang for murders committed ‘while in the form of a wolf,’ escaped and fled to the area,” says Dr. Luskheimer. “Dubonne, a hulking mountain man who stood close to seven feet, likely fathered children who inherited the infection, spawning this pack of lycanthropes.”
The expert cited another fascinating case that throws light on the mystery. In 1934, a posse of armed men in Colville, Washington searched the hills following a Bigfoot sighting. One sheriff’s deputy shot at the Bigfoot and claimed to have hit it in the shoulder before it vanished.
“If you look at a newspaper photo of the posse taken the next day, you’ll see in the background a very tall rancher who appears to be well over seven feet – wearing his arm in a sling,” reveals Dr. Luskheimer. “Knowing what we do now, we can make an educated guess that this was in fact their elusive ‘Bigfoot.’ ”
Copyright C. Michael Forsyth
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