HUNTED: Photo of Wolf Girl taken in squalid “human zoo” prior to her escape.
By C. Michael Forsyth
PYONGYANG — A month after North Korea’s famous wolf girl escaped from her cell beneath the palace of Kim Jong Un, the depraved dictator has accused the U.S. of sheltering the fugitive freak of nature in a secret C.I.A. safe house.
In a rambling, 11-minute speech on state-run television, the dangerously unstable tyrant demanded that President Donald Trump turn her over – or else.
“The Wolf Girl is a national treasure and the property of the people of North Korea,” the pudgy strongman declared. “If she is not returned within 72 hours, America will face absolute annihilation. We will unleash our mighty nuclear arsenal and the people’s missiles will reduce the city of Washington to ashes.”
The Wolf Girl, who is covered head to toe in fur-like hair, is believed to suffer from a rare birth defect called congenital universal hypertrichosis. Her heartbreaking plight first came to light when human-rights activists revealed the existence of Kim’s sick private “zoo” stocked with at least 150 human oddities beneath the presidential palace. Ironically, the diminutive despot showed little concern for the welfare of the pitiful 17-year-old creature before her daring escape from the squalid cell where she’d been held since infancy.
“Kim mistreated the Wolf Girl terribly whenever he visited his human menagerie,” revealed a palace source. “He would prod her with his walking stick and squeal with delight when she snarled.”
MADMAN Kim Jong Un gleefully mistreated the Wolf Girl when she was in his clutches.
The extreme urgency North Korea has attached to recapturing the Wolf Girl appears to be politically motivated. During her weeks on the lam, she became a symbol of freedom to peasants suffering under Kim’s brutal communist regime.
“The government cannot allow such a living symbol to remain free,” explained the insider. “It is a threat to Kim’s authority.”
The U.S. government has neither confirmed nor denied that it has given refuge to the mute teen, who communicates only in grunts, yips and howls, and crawls about on all fours. But a reliable State Department source claims that dissidents delivered her to American agents after she was found wandering the streets of the capital.
“She was naked, with her fur caked in mud and filth,” he revealed. “She was wild-eyed and terrified, nipping at anyone who tried to help her.”
DAY OF DECISION: President Donald Trump
Now President Trump is facing the greatest moral dilemma of his young presidency.
“This is a real profiles-in-courage moment,” the State Department source stated. “The President has to decide which is more important: The freedom of one brave girl whom many might consider one of ‘Mother Nature’s mistakes’ or the safety of 325 million Americans.”
Copyright C. Michael Forsyth
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A consortium of engineers has proposed a cheaper and more effective alternative to the colossal $25 billion Trump Wall: a moat protecting the 1,900-mile border between the United States and Mexico.
“A moat is far less expensive to construct than a wall, because you don’t need millions of tons of concrete and other building materials,” explains lead designer Jerry Nilcreft. “It’s essentially a glorified ditch and it doesn’t need to be very deep. As shallow as 8 feet would make it impossible for illegals to wade across. The estimated cost of the border moat is $7 billion – about a quarter of the cost of a wall.”
The proposed Freedom Moat would be supplied with water from the Rio Grande, which flows from the U.S. into Mexico.
“Filling the moat is a logistical challenge that can easily be met,” claims Nilcreft, whose group has submitted a 180-page feasibility study to the White House.
Mexicans who think they can just swim across the moat had better think again, because it will be stocked with alligators!
“The American alligator breeds very rapidly. Each female lays up to 50 eggs at a time,” the planner says. “From a small initial population obtained from the nearby Texas wetlands, we could soon have several thousand acting as America’s ‘first line of defense’ at our southern border.”
OLD SCHOOL: 3-D model of medieval castle with moat
Moats were first used in medieval Europe around 1066 A.D., the time of the Norman Conquest, to protect castles from attack.
“As a form of defense, moats were remarkably effective,” according to British historian Roberta Chepplewhite. “They made it impossible for attackers besieging a castle to either scale the walls or tunnel under them.”
In recent decades, engineers have begun to revisit the old-school approach. In the wake of the 9/11 terrorist attacks, a concrete moat was constructed around the Catawba Nuclear Station in South Carolina. In many modern zoo installations, moats instead of fences separate animals from visitors.
But won’t crafty Mexicans simply row across the Freedom Moat in boats? No – because the water will also be chock full of hippopotamuses imported from Africa. The highly territorial creatures routinely tip over canoes and other boats and use their enormous 20-inch tusks to impale the hapless passengers.
HIPPOS are not as friendly as they look.
“Contrary to their jolly image in children’s books and cartoons, hippos are extremely aggressive,” notes Nilcreft. “They kill more people than crocodiles. Would-be illegal aliens who witness such attacks in person or on TV won’t dare to attempt a crossing.”
Some critics of the plan argue that hippos would have a hard time adapting to the American southwest, but experts point to evidence of the animal’s success as an invasive species.
“In the 1980s, the notorious drug lord Pablo Escobar purchased four hippos for his private menagerie at his mansion in Columbia,” reveals zoologist Cerece Ann Moueller. “After Escobar’s death, they were left unintended and now a herd of at least 40 is thriving happily in the nearby Magdalena River.”
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The tiny African nation of Botswana has reportedly dispatched its own Mission: Impossible-type spy team to engineer the overthrow of Russian strongman Vladimir Putin. And even more shocking, their next target is American President Donald Trump!
“It’s total role reversal,” says a U.S. intelligence source who has compiled a dossier on the alleged scheme. “During the Cold War, it was the superpowers who sent spies to thwart the dictators of Third World countries. That scenario was played out again and again on the 1960s TV show Mission: Impossible, as the American spy ring concocted ingenious plots to bring about the downfall of the tin horn dictators of banana republics, played by actors like Ricardo Montalban and Fernando Lamas. Now it’s a small Third World country that’s deployed agents to rescue the two superpowers from authoritarian rule and make the world safe for democracy.”
Screen legend Ricardo Montalban frequently played tin horn dictators in ’60s spy shows.
The source likened the flip-flop to the movie The Mouse that Roared, in which the pint-sized European country of Grand Fenwick declares war on America and launches an invasion carried out by 20 men outfitted in medieval chainmail.
“The difference is that these are secret agents, not soldiers – and based on what we know of the efficiency of Botswana’s spy agency, there is a very real possibility that they will actually pull off their mission.”
President Putin is widely viewed as a vicious, cold-blooded tyrant. The former KGB boss has murdered a host of opponents, including journalists, activists, and political leaders – with radioactive materials his frequent weapon of choice — and he’s jailed scores of others, such as the peaceful protest group Pussy Riot. The Russian leader has also ruthlessly bombed civilians and rebel groups in Syria, brutalized Georgia and Chechnya, invaded Ukraine and brazenly annexed Crimea, the first such land grab in Europe since 1945.
Russians who dare to oppose Putin, like the group Pussy Riot, tend to wind up in jail — or dead.
“Putin has has flooded the West with so many spies that there are more in England today than during the Cold War – including those licensed to kill who carry out his personal vendettas,” the source revealed. “He’s a venal and violent real-life supervillain who usurped power and uses his position to enrich himself and his cronies, amassing a private fortune close to $200 billion. In the past, the CIA might have been ordered to quietly overthrow someone that evil, but that won’t happen, for obvious reasons. The government of Botswana’s president Seretse Khama Ian Khama sees Putin as a threat to world stability and feels it has a moral obligation to step in.”
Out of all the countries in Africa, it’s not entirely surprising that Botswana stepped up to the plate. While it has a miniscule population of about 2 million, it has never been conquered or colonized and is one of Africa’s most stable countries, boasting the continent’s longest continuous multi-party democracy. According to a recently BBC profile, it is virtually free of corruption and has an excellent human rights record.
“Botswana is the world’s largest producer of diamonds and the trade has transformed it into a middle income nation,” the report states. Gay rights groups have recently been granted legal recognition – a far cry from Russia, where Putin has issued draconian laws against the LGBT community. “Botswana has a long tradition of lively and unimpeded public debate,” according to the BBC, which notes that the government has allowed a “free and vigorous” press to flourish.
“In many ways it’s like the fictional country of Wakanda that the comic book hero The Black Panther calls home,” the intelligence source notes.
In contrast to the sober-minded leaders of Botswana, temperamental tycoon Trump has branded journalists “enemies of the people” – and that’s one of the red flags that raised concern in the African nation.
“Botswana sees Trump as potentially even more dangerous to world peace than Putin,” the source revealed. “A classified document we obtained describes him as an ‘emotionally unstable narcissist and pathological liar, with authoritarian tendencies.’ They fear that it’s simply too risky to allow someone like that to have his finger hovering over the red nuclear button.”
Could Trump really be overthrown like the buffoonish leader of some banana republic?
How the African secret agents intend to bring down the two leaders is as yet unknown. Experts say that the Botswana intelligence agency is highly sophisticated, modeled closely on the superpowers’ own Cold War-era spy networks.
“We anticipate the use of intricate and cunning plots, high-tech gadgets hidden in objects such as watches, cigarette lighters and shoes, the use of glamorous lady spies and other staples of the intelligence field,” the source says. “Their agents have been trained in methods such as gaining access to secure facilities by pretending to be carpet cleaners and crawling through narrow airshafts.”
The fact that the agents are African and the Russian population is almost entirely white won’t pose much of an obstacle, he adds. “There have been incredible advances in disguise technology since those masks of the Mission: Impossible era.”
TV’s Mission: Impossible team employed trickery, technology and clever disguises.
Copyright C. Michael Forsyth
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EL PASO, Texas — U.S. President Donald Trump has a totally legitimate — and top secret — reason for building his $25 billion wall at our southern border: to keep the United States from being overrun by zombies!
“Most Americans think Trump Wall is a ridiculous waste of money, but if they only knew the truth, they’d want that wall built yesterday,” revealed a Department of Homeland Security source. “South and Central America are infested by the zombie plague and without a wall, tens of thousands of the walkers could soon come shambling across the border.”
The 40-foot-plus concrete barrier envisioned by the commander in chief might be ineffective against illegal aliens, who could easily tunnel under it — but if all goes according to plan, it will stop the undead horde in its tracks.
“Unlike Mexicans, zombies can’t use shovels to dig or prop up tall ladders,” explained the insider. “They’re incapable of that level of reasoning. This is the same reason we’ll be cutting funds for the Coast Guard to help pay for the wall. Zombies rarely arrive by boat.”
In the terrifying film World War Z, Israeli officials build an enormous wall to protect the nation’s citizens from zombies, but a massive mob of the flesh-hungry creatures manages to scale it. Luckily, crafty billionaire Trump has a battery of tricks up his sleeve to keep that from happening to his wall.
“The President was highly impressed by the defenses used in the Matt Damon movie The Great Wall,” the insider revealed. “Trump Wall will be defended by an elite guard that uses bungee cords to dive down and smash zombies’ heads with golf clubs. Another weapon will be bowling-ball type projectiles rolled off the top of the wall. We also plan to deploy archers armed with high-powered crossbows.”
HERO ARCHER played by Matt Damon in The Great Wall defended China.
Some Democratic leaders privy to the real purpose of the wall have laughed off the scheme, arguing that it’s proof that Trump has “already cracked” under the mental strain of the office.
“There have been just six verified zombie sightings in the U.S. since 2010,” pointed out one high-ranking Democratic congressman. “Only two came from Mexico. The others were from Canada.”
But the White House insists it’s important to take the zombie threat seriously.
“Let’s not repeat the mistake we made with killer bees,” the insider warned.
The Africanized honey bee, better known as the killer bee, was first bred in Brazil in the 1950s in an effort to increase honey production, but in 1957, 26 swarms escaped. They gradually spread across South America, then into Mexico. Throughout the 1980s, scientists raised the alarm that killer bees were making their way north toward the U.S., but American officials ignored the doomsayers. Then in 1990, killer bee hives were found in Texas and the species is now a major problem in the southwest. When ticked off, the highly aggressive insects will chase a person a quarter of a mile and have killed some 1,000 humans, as well as animals as large as horses.
But the threat posed by zombies is far more grave, according to the DHS insider.
“A single zombie can infect five people before being taken out with a headshot,” he noted. “Each of those victims can infect five others and the number of cases increases exponentially.”
Experts believe the parasite that causes zombism was brought over from the Old World on the galleons of Spanish conquistadors in the 1500s. The plague spread gradually throughout South America and the first cases were recorded in Mexico in the late 19th century.
“In 1891, a posse of nine Texas Rangers pursued an outlaw across the border near Rio Bravo,” says historian Hugo Nubler. “They were ambushed by a zombie herd and only two made it back alive.”
The White House has used the “illegal immigrant” cover story to avoid panicking the public. But much to the chagrin of officials, word has leaked out. Rumors are now spreading like wildfire on the Internet and there is already a computer game in which the player takes on the role of the President defending Trump Wall from zombies.
“It’s all fun and games until TV viewers in the U.S. see images of thousands of zombies marching straight toward us,” warns the insider.
In bizarre new computer game, you play as Trump defending his wall from zombies.
Copyright C. Michael Forsyth
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Force fields are a staple of Hollywood movies like “The Fantastic Four.”
By C. Michael Forsyth
RALEIGH, N.C. — Donald Trump may not have to build that giant wall between the U.S. and Mexico after all. A maverick North Carolina scientist has designed a 300-foot-high force field to keep illegal aliens out.
“I call it the Freedom Wall,” declared Emmett Houseleg, a self-described amateur quantum physicist and inventor. “It will be invisible, keeping the majestic landscape at our southern border unblemished, but it will present an impassable barrier no illegal alien can penetrate.”
He also envisions his invention being used on a far smaller scale to protect individual buildings and even specific rooms.
“A force field could block transgenders from entering the wrong restroom, for example,” notes the scientist, whose other inventions include a solar-powered toaster oven.
Houseleg claims he has a working prototype of the force field set up around the dog house in his backyard. He refuses to divulge specifics of how it works, except to fellow scientists. But he did reveal that it draws upon the latest breakthroughs in plasma shield technology.
“In layman’s terms, my force field is a wall of superheated, ionized gas compressed by magnetic fields until it’s so dense that nothing can pass through it — not even air molecules,” he explained.
Force fields have been a staple of science fiction since Star Trek and Lost in Space first aired on TV. Yet while the real-life nutty professor’s claims might sound outlandish, experts confirm that such technology is indeed within our reach.
Famed physicist Michio Kaku demonstrated in his book Physics of the Impossible that force fields are theoretically feasible. And Boeing recently patented a force field it’s developing for military vehicles, using plasma to deflect shockwaves from explosions. The shield is dubbed a “shockwave attenuation via electromagnetic arc.”
“The system creates a shell of ionized air — a plasma field — between an oncoming blast and the tank or Humvee,” explains science writer Jock Breakgrund.
He is skeptical, however, about the proposed Freedom Wall.
“Even if it such a device could be put in place, it would consume a staggering amount of energy,” he points out. “The cost to maintain it would be prohibitive.”
Nevertheless, North Carolina lawmakers are intrigued by news of the invention and want to hear more.
“Imagine if our state had something like this during the Civil War,” one observed. “We would have been able to keep the Yankees out and slaves in.”
Copyright C. Michael Forsyth
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WASHINGTON — Zombies rise from the grave craving sex, not hungering for human flesh, according to startling eyewitness reports. In dozens of cases coast to coast, the lust-crazed walking dead have made awkward advances at living people — and have sometimes even bedded them.
“Remember, when zombies return to life, their brains retain only the most primitive instincts,” explains a CDC researcher who helped compile the mountain of evidence. “The primary drive is sexual desire. Hunger is a distant second, particularly since in many cases, their digestive systems have rotted away.
“If you see a zombie shambling toward you, the odds are he or she is more interested in hooking up than eating your brain.”
In one shocking incident that took place in Bishopville, SC., a terrified homemaker watched a “walker” approach as she planted gardenias in her backyard.
“He was drooling, and as he got closer, I got a better look at his ragged pants,” she told investigators. “Suddenly the phrase ‘the dead shall rise’ took on a whole new meaning. From the look in his eyes, I could tell just what he had in mind.”
Fortunately, the quick-thinking housewife managed to ward off the amorous creature with a weedwacker.
LIFE IMITATES ART: In this “The Walking Dead” porn parody, zombies crave flesh in a very different way. And experts say this time, Hollywood got it right!
In another case outside Philadelphia, an eyewitness identified only as Ken B. heard a knock on his front door, opened it and was stunned to see a former high school acquaintance who’d been buried weeks earlier.
“The right side of Kimberly’s face had mostly rotted away, but she’d kept her figure. I was surprised when she suddenly ripped open her shirt and those double D hooters that made her so popular back in school came spilling out,” Ken B. told a researcher. “The weird part was that back when Kim was a cheerleader and I was in the band, she would never give me the time of day.
“She reached for me – or I should say, a particular part of me. I’ve got to admit, I was tempted to go through with it, because I’d always had a crush on her. But I just couldn’t get past that eye dangling from the socket, and plus my wife was in the kitchen. I slammed the door in her face. Later I heard that she made stops at three of our other classmates.”
But not everyone has the willpower to resist the charms of undead hotties and hunks. A Texas man confessed to having a close encounter with a winsome walker as he was out hunting in a remote area.
“This girl came shambling toward me out of the bushes — buck naked and with a morgue tag still attached to her toe,” the hunter told investigators. “Her skin was gray and there were chunks of flesh missing in places, but I guess I’d still rate her about an 8.
“I unslung my Winchester Model 700 and was just about to take the zombie out with a headshot, when she got down on all fours and gave me this ‘come hither’ look over her shoulder. I’m ashamed to say I took advantage of the situation.”
DON’T be tempted by curvaceous zombie vixens, medical experts warn.
Authorities warn that such behavior is high risk, because it often results in transmission of the virus responsible for zombieism, known scientifically as Ambulatory Lazarus Syndrome. Just how many victims have been infected by sexual contact with the raunchy roamers is unclear. But the CDC insider involved in the agency’s hush-hush research into the widening epidemic says it could be “in the hundreds,” with the numbers growing each year.
“The old narrative was that the zombie contagion was principally spread through bites,” explains the researcher, who requested anonymity. “The new narrative is that it is a sexually transmitted disease. Even a hickey from a zombie can cause you to turn.”
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In the graphic novel Night Cage, vampires overrun a women’s prison–and to escape, four surviving inmates must fight their way through an army of the undead. Picture ‘Salem’s Lot meets Orange is the New Black.
Vampires take over a women’s prison in the spooky, steamy graphic novel Night Cage, Volume 2
Va-Va-VROOM! Monica Hildenbrook lived before as a car, reincarnation expert claims.
BACK TO THE FUTURE: In the 1980s, the Camaro was the epitome of cool.
By C. Michael Forsyth
LOS ANGELES, Calif. — George Kelnway was heartbroken when his beloved 1985 Camaro was totaled in a wreck 25 years ago. But he believes the object of his affection has returned to him in the form of a curvy 24-year-old blonde.
And a top expert in the psychic phenomena agrees that the evidence is “overwhelming” that Monica Hildenbrook really did live before as the canary-yellow sports car.
“This is one of the most extraordinary cases of reincarnation I’ve ever encountered,” declared paranormal researcher Dr. Bella Delungo. “It’s like that old TV show My Mother the Car, but in reverse.”
Among the striking coincidences cited by the investigator:
• Monica was born at 8:40 p.m. on May 4, 1989 – the one-year anniversary of the 1988 crash, down to the very hour and minute.
• Her hair is an unusual bright yellow that’s virtually the exact shade of Kelnway’s car, and yellow is also her favorite color.
• Her favorite song is “La Bamba” the ditty that was playing on the car radio at the moment of the accident.
• She has a lifelong affinity for automobiles and works as a model at car shows.
• Whenever she sees the color red, she stops dead in her tracks.
“Monica has headlights you can’t take your eyes off of and plenty of junk in her trunk, just like my Camaro,” declared Kelnway, a 46-year-old marketing consultant. “The moment I laid eyes on her I felt a connection. It was the same bond I had with my first car.”
The road trip into The Twilight Zone began in 1985 when Kelnway received the spanking new vehicle as a high school graduation present. He fell head over heels in love with the car.
LOVESTRUCK: Young George Kelnway couldn’t keep his hands off his yellow Camaro.
“George lavished so much tender loving care on that Camaro,” his mother Katherine recalled. “He’d spend hours detailing it, waxing and buffing it. We’d joke that it was like his girlfriend.”
But the romance screeched to halt when Kelnway got in a head-on collision with a driver who’d fallen asleep at the wheel. Miraculously, the young college student walked away with only minor injuries, but his car was damaged beyond repair.
“When the tow truck took my car away I cried like a baby,” he recalled.
TRAGEDY: George Kelnway’s Camaro was wrecked 25 years ago.
Over the years Kelnway bought and sold many other cars, but never forgot his first. Then, in May 2013, as he shopped in the canned vegetable aisle at Wal-Mart, he smelled an eerily familiar fragrance.
“I turned and saw this gorgeous blonde in a yellow mini skirt,” Kelnway remembered. “Not only was her outfit the same color as my old Camaro, her perfume smelled just like the interior. I couldn’t help blurting out ‘You smell like my first car.’ She laughed and told me ‘Everyone says this perfume is like ‘new car smell,’ but I don’t care – it’s my favorite.’”
Kelnway, feeling an instant attraction, asked for her number on the spot. Monica, who also says she felt sure she knew George from somewhere, eagerly accepted. They hit it off on the first date and have been an item every since.
George Kelnway
“When I found out that Monica loves driving at high speeds and models at car shows, the reincarnation thing began to occur to me, but it seemed too crazy to be true,” Kelnway said. “Then, on about our third date, when we were driving home from the movies, she started humming “La Bamba” and the hairs on the back of my neck stood up.”
The couple dated for several months before Kelnway dared suggest his reincarnation theory to his stunning young girlfriend. Although she thought the whole idea was silly, in September she agreed to undergo past-life regression under the supervision of Dr. Delungo. The results were mind-blowing.
“Under hypnosis, Monica remembered being put together on an assembly line, and vividly recalled the accident,” the researcher revealed. “She accurately described the make and color of the other car involved in the collision, as well as the first three letters of the license plate – information she was not privy to.”
CAR MA: In the 1965-1966 sit-com “My Mother the Car,” Jerry Van Dyke starred as a man whose mother was reincarnated as a 1928 Porter Touring Car.
The expert says this isn’t the first instance of a person having lived before as a machine. There are recorded cases of humans being reincarnated as army tanks, toasters, even electric can openers.
“In the cycle of births and deaths, a soul can return to the material plane as a human, animal or inanimate object depending on the moral quality of the previous life’s actions,” Dr. Delungo explained. “In all likelihood, Monica’s soul began its journey as a human. According to the laws of karma, misdeeds caused her to be reincarnated in an animal form, then, spiraling downward, as a series of objects. Now it appears that the powers that be are giving her another shot as a human.”
After emerging from the trance, Monica had no conscious recollection of her prior existence and was stunned to hear a recording of the hypnosis session.
“I have to accept that I actually was once a car,” she said. “You can’t argue with science.
“My friends love to make wisecracks, like ‘How’s life in the fast lane?’ or ‘Did George wax your rear end this morning?’ But it doesn’t bother me. All I know is that George and I have a special bond and this time I don’t want anything to ever separate us.”
Copyright C. Michael Forsyth
If you enjoyed this mind-bending story by C. Michael Forsyth, check out his collection of bizarre news, available on Kindle and in other eBook formats.
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Speaking of karma, the tables turn on an identity thief in a new thriller by the author of this article. To check it out, click HERE.
The author of this article also penned the highly acclaimed horror novel Hour of the Beast.
AC/DC: Actresses Selma Blair and Sarah Michelle Gellar give bisexuality a shot in “Cruel Intentions.”
By C. Michael Forsyth
TRENTON, N.J. — Gay rights activists, family values crusaders and men’s organizations all see merit in a new form of therapy that trains teenage girls to be bisexual.
Known as Best of Both Worlds Therapy, the treatment takes girls leaning toward lesbianism, but still on the fence, and helps cement their orientation as bisexual instead.
Droves of psychologists have been taking seminars in the approach, in anticipation of a pending New Jersey law that would make it illegal for a licensed therapist to try to “convert” a gay minor to heterosexuality.
“Politics is all about compromise,” explains Ron Whulbred of the U.S. Association for Christian Values. “Of course, in a perfect world, we’d like every American girl to be a red-blooded heterosexual. But we’d certainly prefer her to be bisexual than all the way gay.”
Some gay rights groups, while still wary of Best of Both Worlds Therapy, see it as a vast improvement over Conversion Therapy, also known as “Reparative Therapy.” And even men’s organizations that are sometimes viewed as stuck in the 1970s when it comes to sexuality give a thumbs up to the 12-week program.
“It’s a win-win,” enthuses Rick Scraszholtz, president of Fairness for Men. “Every guy in America wishes his girlfriend was bi. Anyone who can convince thousands of teenage cheerleaders to swing both ways is doing a service to the whole male race.”
The therapy is aimed at “at risk” teens, girls who appear to be tomboys, eschew makeup, excel in traditionally lesbian sports such as softball or fixate on attractive female pop stars like Katy Perry.
“Typically you’ll have a girl of 16 or 17 who has had a boyfriend, then gets drunk at a party and starts kissing another female,” says therapist Dr. Herbert L. Pachivski. “She’ll panic and thinks she’s gay. Her distraught parents, often devoutly religious, will bring her in for counseling. Through talk therapy, I’ll show her that while, yes, she’s attracted to women, she’s probably bisexual, not a lesbian. The relief these girls feel is palpable.”
THREE’S COMPANY? Most men would love to have a girlfriend like smoking hot starlet Megan Fox, who is openly bisexual.
A California law signed by Gov. Jerry Brown last year put the kibosh on Conversion Therapy, branding efforts to flip homosexuals discredited “quackery” that could have a harmful impact on impressionable young gays. But a judge slapped an injunction on the law and as of last week, a federal appeals court in San Francisco was still hearing arguments about it. The New Jersey bill, which recently cleared a state senate panel, is also in jeopardy and some gay organizations consider Best of Both Worlds Therapy an acceptable compromise.
As one lesbian rights activist put it, “We’d rather have young women ‘batting for both teams’ than be strictly on the other side.”
But the innovative therapy has a handful of adamant critics in the LGBT community.
“This sounds to me a lot like certain anti-gay psychologists are trying to make an end run around the law,” declares openly gay journalist Genelle McAverbee. “You’re born either straight, gay or bisexual and nobody can change it, unless you go to prison or something like that.”
Copyright C. Michael Forsyth
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The author of this article penned Hour of the Beast, hailed by critics “a fast-paced, rip-snorting, sexy romp” and the “must-read book of the summer.” The book is available in hardcover and softcover at Amazon.com. But you can save $4 by clicking HERE! The Kindle version is just $7 and the eBbook is a measly $5. Be the first on your block to read this bone-chilling tale — before the movie comes out.
Like Bigfoot, werewolves are huge, hairy and stand upright, as this costume illustrates.
MISTAKEN IDENTITY? Could the Bigfoot in this famous photo really be merely a werewolf?
By C. Michael Forsyth
SPOKANE, Wa. — A researcher has at long last found a logical explanation for Bigfoot sightings: The hairy creatures are simply tall werewolves!
“In the darkness and confusion that usually accompanies such sightings, campers seeing a seven-foot beast covered head to toe in fur don’t realize they’re simply looking at a basketball player suffering from lycanthropy,” says veterinarian Dr. Andrew K. Luskheimer. “It’s a case of mistaken identity.
“I’ve always believed that one day science would find a rational explanation for the Bigfoot phenomenon. I’m quite tickled to have been the one to find it.”
The expert reached his startling conclusion after studying casts of footprints left behind at Bigfoot sightings throughout the Pacific Northwest with a cast of the paw print of the famous Werewolf of Abbotsham, which plagued the moors of England in the 1900s.
“The prints are virtually identical,” he points out. “There is no doubt that these two types of hirsute, nocturnal, bipedal humanoids are one and the same. This of course explains why whenever park rangers follow up Bigfoot sightings by the light of day, the creatures are nowhere to be found.”
Intriguingly, a tuft of Bigfoot hair recovered by scientists from a campsite in Yellowstone National Park in 1985 was later found to be canine.
“At the time, Bigfoot hunters were disappointed, when in fact they’d stumbled onto the answer to the riddle,” says the expert.
FOOTPRINT left behind by the notorious Werewolf of Abbotsham was preserved in this plaster cast.
CAST of Bigfoot print found near Roseburg Ore.
Virtually every authentic Bigfoot sighting has taken place during the full moon, the scientist notes. Others – such as the infamous Patterson-Gimlin film taken in 1967 – have been either exposed as fakes or are strongly suspected of being fakes.
Stories of hairy beast-men date back to the Native Americans of the northwest. The Halkomelem Indians called the mysterious creatures sasq’et, later anglicized as “Sasquash.”
“It should be noted that shape-shifting has been part of Native American culture for centuries,” said Dr. Luskheimer.
But it’s possible not all werewolves are indigenous. In 1847, reports surfaced that Indians living near Mount St. Helens believed that a race of cannibalistic “wild men” lived near its peak.
“Interestingly enough, about 90 years earlier in the 1750s, a French Canadian named Jean-Baptiste Dubonne, who had been condemned to hang for murders committed ‘while in the form of a wolf,’ escaped and fled to the area,” says Dr. Luskheimer. “Dubonne, a hulking mountain man who stood close to seven feet, likely fathered children who inherited the infection, spawning this pack of lycanthropes.”
The expert cited another fascinating case that throws light on the mystery. In 1934, a posse of armed men in Colville, Washington searched the hills following a Bigfoot sighting. One sheriff’s deputy shot at the Bigfoot and claimed to have hit it in the shoulder before it vanished.
“If you look at a newspaper photo of the posse taken the next day, you’ll see in the background a very tall rancher who appears to be well over seven feet – wearing his arm in a sling,” reveals Dr. Luskheimer. “Knowing what we do now, we can make an educated guess that this was in fact their elusive ‘Bigfoot.’ ”
Copyright C. Michael Forsyth
If you enjoyed this mind-bending story by C. Michael Forsyth, check out his collection of bizarre news, available on Kindle and in other eBook formats.
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If you found this story by fiction writer C. Michael Forsyth entertaining, you might enjoy his novels…
The creator of Sherlock Holmes and the world’s greatest magician probe a paranormal mystery in new thriller.
The tables turn on an identity thief in the latest thriller by C. Michael Forsyth. To check it out, click HERE.
In Hour of the Beast, a young bride is raped by a werewolf on her wedding night. When her sons grow up and head to college, things REALLY get out of hand.
WEALTHY folks in China are willing to go under the knife for a unique appearance.
By C. Michael Forsyth
BEIJING — In rapidly increasing numbers, members of China’s upper class are undergoing plastic surgery to look different from the rest of their countrymen, experts say.
“The new status symbol in China right now is no longer a big American automobile or designer clothes. It’s having a unique face,” confirms Bradford Kinglem, a highly respected professor of Far Eastern Studies.
Although still communist on paper, modern China is an economic powerhouse in which savvy investors can become as rich as any American. Indeed, the disparity in income between the rich and poor is greater than in any other country outside of sub-Sahara Africa, according to researchers.
OLD DAYS: In years past, individualism was not prized in China.
“The days of thousands of people riding on bicycles through the streets of Beijing wearing identical drab uniforms and identical punchbowl haircuts are long over,” says Kinglem. “People want to express their individuality.”
According to health officials, the number of people undergoing cosmetic surgery specifically to “no longer look the same as everyone else” was 34,150 in 2012 – 10 times as many as in the previous year. And if current trends continue, the Asian nation will soon outpace the U.S. in folks going under the knife, a report from the International Association of Aesthetic Plastic Surgery indicates.
FAT CAT Li Chin-Hiang shelled out big bucks for this distinctive face.
The well-to-do in China have sought out plastic surgery in small numbers for over a decade, but in the past the goal was different.
“A wealthy industrialist would alter his face to look like a popular movie star like Jackie Chan, or his wife might get the Joan Chen. Now successful people don’t want to look like anyone.”
Some officials in the Communist Party of China, which rules the country, disapprove of the show of individuality, preferring the cookie-cutter look of the past.
Grumbled one older party member, “This is not what Red China is supposed to be about. Chairman Mao must be rolling in his grave.”
The familiar mug of beloved star Jackie Chan was a popular look in the past.
Copyright C. Michael Forsyth
Speaking of unique, the author of this story penned Hour of the Beast, hailed by Horror Fiction Review as “a fast-paced, rip-snorting, action-packed, sexy college romp.” The book is available in hardcover and softcover at Amazon.com. But you can save $4 by clicking HERE! The Kindle version is just $7 and the eBbook is a measly $5. Be the first on your block to read this bone-chilling tale — before the movie comes out.
C. Michael Forsyth is the author of "Sir Arthur Conan Doyle & Harry Houdini in The Adventure of the Spook House,""The Blood of Titans," "Hour of the Beast" and "The Identity Thief." He is a Yale graduate and former senior writer for The Weekly World News
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