Archive for the ‘Demons’ Category

Don’t Have Sex During Eclipse, Occult Experts Warn.   Leave a comment


eclipse love two

Love-making under full moon has less dire supernatural consequences.


By C. Michael Forsyth

Getting busy between the sheets during Monday’s solar eclipse might sound like a naughty, once-in-a-lifetime thrill — but experts warn that a child conceived during the rare celestial event could be born a demon!

“According to Eastern mythology, any child conceived during a total eclipse will become one of the ‘Children of Rahu,’ fierce creatures that suck the life force out of ordinary humans,” reveals occult researcher Roger C. Bertswill.

While most Americans will don special glasses to gawk as the moon blocks the sun for several minutes, some adventurous young lovebirds plan to celebrate by toasting with champagne and then making whoopee.

“They think it’s a romantic way to mark the occasion and that there’s something magical about becoming pregnant at the moment the earth is plunged into darkness,” explains Bertwill. “To them, it’s as special as your baby being the first delivered in a new millennium. They have no idea how dangerous these mystical forces can be.”

An ancient Hindu myth states that eclipses are the handiwork of the demon Rahu, who was punished with decapitation by the god Vishnu for drinking the elixir of eternal life.

“Only Rahu’s head survived, becoming immortal, and his vengeance on the world is to ‘swallow’ the sun, creating an eclipse,” the expert says. “For centuries, certain mystics who’ve devoted their lives to the study of forbidden texts about the powerful demonic entity have taught that a child conceived during a solar eclipse, when day turns to night, is doomed to become a Child of Rahu.”

Legend has it the demonoids can only be killed by beheading, or by being tricked into eating a very spicy Indian dish called phall. In rare instances, when raised with kindness, the strange, purple-eyed offspring can learn to serve humanity for good, becoming “demon warriors” not unlike the famed comic book hero Hellboy. But in most cases, they are highly destructive, often setting fires and carrying off livestock.

“I strongly advise Americans to refrain from engaging in intercourse during the eclipse,” Bertswill says. “But if you cannot resist the temptation, for God’s sake please use appropriate birth control.”

Copyright C. Michael Forsyth

If you enjoyed this mind-bending “what if” story by C. Michael Forsyth, check out his collection of bizarre news, available on Kindle and in other eBook formats.

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Chutes and Ladders, Not Ouija Boards, Leads to Demon Possession, Experts say   1 comment

By C. Michael Forsyth


Chutes and Ladders is one of the most popular children’s games in the world.

BOSTON — With Halloween season in full swing, many concerned parents worry that their children may be possessed by demons – particularly after playing with a Ouija board. But experts say kids are four times more likely to need a house call from the local exorcist after playing the beloved game Chutes and Ladders!

In the movie The Exorcist, young Regan (Linda Blair) is taken over by a demonic entity after monkeying with a Ouija board. Since then, numerous Hollywood films have highlighted the risks inherent in contacting the spirit world through the sinister game, most recently Ouija: Origin of Evil. Evangelical leaders frequently warn the public about the threat. But a recent study of 164 exorcisms reveals that children are far more likely to be possessed during a round of the seemingly innocuous Chutes and Ladders.


In Hollywood movies like Ouija: Origin of Evil, messing with a board is begging for trouble.

“Surprisingly, Ouija boards don’t even rank among the top 10 games when it comes to triggering possession,” says Neil Loganski, a leading expert on the occult and chief author of the study. “Number two is Chinese Checkers, followed by Scrabble and Monopoly.”

A Ouija board is marked with the letters of the alphabet, the numbers 0–9, and the words “yes”, “no” and “goodbye.” Players hold a small, heart-shaped pointer that seemingly spells out words on its own accord. Contrary to popular belief, it has no ancient Eastern roots. It was invented by an American businessman in 1890 as a fun parlor game.

“Turn out it had nothing at all to do with the occult,” Loganski reveals. “It was only later, during the spiritualism craze, that people began trying to use the boards to contact the dead. But the fact is, Ouija boards are terrible conduits for the supernatural. You’d have a better chance of getting in touch with your dead grandfather by talking into one of his old shoes. “

VARIOUS - 2006

Ouija boards are lousy means to contact dead. (Photo by Jon Santa Cruz)

Ouija is typically played by teenage girls during sleepovers – which is one of the main reason demons avoid the boards like the plague.

“Demons select as their targets the most innocent among us,” notes Loganski. “Nowadays, it’s rare to find a 16-year-old American teen who hasn’t at least gotten to third base. Demons prefer victims whose minds are free of impure thoughts, highly impressionable and prone to believing in ‘imaginary friends.’ That’s why the simple games played in early elementary school are so much more dangerous.”


Fate of possessed girl is up on in the air in 1973 movie The Exorcist.

It’s not clear why Chutes and Ladders tops the possession list, but experts suspect it may have to do with the game’s origin in the mysterious Orient.

“The commercial version most of us are familiar with was introduced by game pioneer Milton Bradley in 1943,” explains Loganski, “but in fact the game dates back countless hundreds of years to ancient India, where it was known as Moksha Patam. It embodies sophisticated philosophical concepts such as karma and moksha, and was supposed to lead to enlightenment and spiritual awakening.

“Unfortunately, it now appears that it can also open the mind to the forces of darkness,” says the expert.

Around Halloween, when the barrier between the spirit world and temporal world is at its weakest, any board game – with the exception of Risk — can lead to possession, and even adults are vulnerable. Here, from the expert, are early warning signs that a player is under demonic attack:

• You become obsessed with winning, for example thinking “I’d sell my soul to land on Boardwalk.”

• Success rolling the dice seems to defy the laws of chance. Three sixes in a row are an especially ominous sign.

• While playing a game like Scrabble, suggestive words like “B-O-I-N-K” keep cropping up.

• Greed, one of the seven deadly sins, consumes you, as the drive to pile up fake money overwhelms all other concerns.

• Anger, another deadly sin, keeps filling your mind. “A normally mild-mannered player who rages at a competitor for ‘cheating’ in a voice that barely sounds like his own may be under demonic influence,” says the expert.

• You begin to overly identity with your playing piece, saying things like “You just knocked me over!”

• You develop sinful thoughts. “Lustful feelings about your neighbor’s wife ‘Miss Scarlet’ in the midst of a game of Clue is a red flag that the devil or one of his minions has entered your mind,” warns Loganski.

• You become hooked on a particular game, irresistibly drawn to play it again and again.

Copyright C. Michael Forsyth

This story was satirical, as you likely realize. No one has ever been possessed as a result of playing Chutes and Ladders. If you found the article a fun read, check out the author’s collection of news satire, available on Kindle and in other eBook formats.

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Demon Possessed by 15-Year-Old Girl!   1 comment

Demon possessed

THE DEMON Orsinox normally speaks in a deep, masculine voice and resembles this terrifying image found on Feelgraphix wallpaper.

BERLIN – Worshippers at a Satanic temple in Germany watched in stunned disbelief as a demon they’d summoned was possessed by the spirit of a 15-year-old American girl!

For close to four hours, the entity took over the hulking, nine-foot-tall abomination, causing it to speak in a valley girl accent, using phrases like “whatever” and “totally.”

“It was surreal to hear this high-pitched, bratty voice coming out of a huge, monstrous form with horns and a tail,” says eyewitness Kurt Schleinholt, high priest of the coven. “It kept twirling the little tendrils on its head as if they were locks of hair, and stamping its feet when it was mad.”

The bizarre reversal-of-fortune drama unfolded at the coven’s underground meeting place close to midnight on Halloween, the most sacred night of the year for Satanists. All started normally, as the 13 cult members sat nude within a pentagram drawn in blood, chanting incantations from a book bound in human skin.

“We were ecstatic when the demon Orsinox manifested himself out of a cloud of black smoke,” recalls Schleinholt. “We all prostrated ourselves before him and begged for his aid in destroying our list of enemies, including a pair of local Jehovah’s Witnesses who’d been pestering us at our homes for months, and one coven member’s boss at the car wash.”

At first, the demon spoke in a deep, authoritative baritone, in an ancient Babylonian dialect. Then, about 20 minutes into the forbidden ceremony, his expression changed and he twisted about in agony.

“Even his color changed, from dark red to a pinkish hue,” another eyewitness reports. “When he spoke again, it was in American-accented English.”

Orsinox, ranked the 21st most powerful demon in hell, appeared to be confused and unable to see his surroundings.

The effeminate voice reportedly shrieked, “Kaitlan? Kaitlan? Is this one of your freaking jokes? Ha, Ha. Turn on the lights, bitch. I am so going to kick your ass!”

Linda Blair

TURNABOUT IS FAIR PLAY: Usually it’s teen girls like Linda Blair in “The Exorcist” who get possessed. But not this time!

For the next few hours, the possessed demon pranced around the chamber, cursing, ranting, whining and demanding its cell phone. When it finally became aware of its surroundings, it looked at the naked devil-worshippers and hissed, “Eww!”

Schleinholt uttered every incantation he could think of to cast out the teen spirit, who claimed to be a freshman at a place called “Riverwood High” and identified herself as Madison. The ordeal finally ended when another member of the congregation threw a bucket of unholy water on the horrific form. “Madison” abruptly abandoned the hapless demon in a puff of smoke. Orsinox looked at the group sheepishly then he, too, beat a hasty retreat.

After months of investigation, paranormal researchers in the U.S. believe they’ve tracked down Madison, identifying her as a Vermont teen who fell into a trance after playing on a Ouija board with friends on Halloween. The time frame of her coma-like state, emergency room staff confirmed, coincided exactly with the incident reported by the Berlin coven.

Dr. Dan Greavesby, of the prestigious New Jersey Institute for Paranormal Research, says such flipping of the script is highly unusual.

“This was like a supernatural version of a ‘Man Bites Dog,’ newspaper story, “ he notes. “I’m only aware of four other cases like it.”

Copyright C. Michael Forsyth

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If you found this tale by fiction writer C. Michael Forsyth entertaining, visit his website.  You’ll find book trailers for his horror novels and thrillers, his 50 greatest stories for the notorious Weekly World News and much more.


In C. Michael Forsyth’s latest thriller, two legendary figures team up to solve a paranormal mystery.

Famed Demon Hunter to Exorcise the Panties of Peril   2 comments

DESPITE their ordinary appearance, these panties are possessed by a force "beyond human comprehension," expert says.

DESPITE their ordinary appearance, these panties are possessed by a force “beyond human comprehension,” expert says.

By C. Michael Forsyth

BOSTON — The Panties of Peril, universally ranked the world’s most lethal paranormal object, have claimed the lives of eight women – and one man – who were foolish enough to put them on. All perished in bizarre freak accidents. But the dreaded drawers may have finally met their match. America’s toughest exorcist, the Reverend Jim Bookley, has vowed to rid the evil undies of the demonic entity that has possessed them.

“Either those panties are going down, or I’m going down,” declared the 54-year-old demon hunter.

The history of the Panties of Peril is well documented. But Rev. Bookley has an equally impressive track record. Among the many feathers in his cap, he cast out from a possessed German nun the infamous Legion, the only demon to go toe to toe with Jesus in the Holy Bible and live to tell the tale. After a fierce eight-day battle, he successfully exorcised a donkey that had run amok in Palermo, Italy. In 2011, the clergyman was voted Exorcist of the Year, after driving the demon Asmodeus from the body of 24-year-old Brooklyn meter maid Gina Spimacelli and sending him running off with his barbed tail between his legs.

And Rev. Bookley is coming to this new spiritual showdown loaded for bear. Included in his arsenal, along with usual implements such as holy water, Bibles and crucifixes, are:

• The Holy Collar of Antioch. Once placed on the neck of a possessed person, it renders the demon plaguing them powerless.
• The personal Bible of Pope John Paul II.
• The Chains of St. Augustine. Made of pure silver, they can supposedly bind any demon.
• The boxing gloves of Father McMurphy, once wielded by the famed Irish cleric and demon hunter.

“And it goes without saying I’ll be packing my sawed off shotgun,” he said, patting the trusty firearm.

CLERGYMEN turn to exorcism only as a last resort, as in this scene from the movie "The Last Exorcism."

CLERGYMEN turn to exorcism only as a last resort, as in this scene from the movie “The Last Exorcism.”

The Panties of Peril are currently in the possession of Boston millionaire Laurence Viskerbloom III, who purchased them last July at auction for a reported $650,000 from an unidentified dealer — although their legal ownership is in dispute. Experts say they were stolen in 2013 from the vault of the New Jersey Institute for Paranormal Research, where they were kept under lock and key in a titanium vault.

Authorities believe the culprit was transvestite performer Frank Yinsley, better known as Lady Charlize, who was later found dead in his apartment while wearing the panties. He’d succumbed to the bite of a rabid bat after chasing it with a broom, and breaking a chandelier, investigators determined. The panties vanished from a police evidence room two weeks later.

Viskerbloom purchased the panties for his wife Bethany, a devotee of the occult who believed they could endow her with rare magical powers. Instead, tragically, she was electrocuted when the candles she’d lit for a special ceremony caught her robes on fire. The panties, eerily, were untouched by the blaze.

“Those panties took my Bethany,” Viskerbloom told reporters. “Whatever it is that’s haunting them has to be destroyed.”

DON'T PANIC: The vast majority of panties are safe to wear, experts say.

DON’T PANIC: The vast majority of panties are safe to wear, experts say.

Researchers at the prestigious New Jersey Institute for Paranormal Research have tracked the innocuous-looking pink panties to a sweatshop outside Denpaser, Indonesia. They believe they are possessed by the vengeful spirit of a factory worker who was killed along with 90 others when the building collapsed.

“The worker was a practitioner of kulam, a sinister, voodoo-like form of black magic so dangerous it’s been outlawed by the Indonesian government,” revealed the Institute’s director Dr. Dan Greavesby.

His organization is suing for the return of the panties. And he’s appealing to Rev. Bookley to call off the exorcism, scheduled for next month.

“These are incredibly powerful forces at work here, almost beyond human comprehension,” the expert warns. “To take them on before we’ve had a chance to fully study them is foolhardy.”

Copyright C. Michael Forsyth

If you enjoyed this mind-bending story by C. Michael Forsyth, check out his collection of bizarre news, available on Kindle and in other eBook formats.

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This story was written by the author of the acclaimed horror novel Hour of the Beast. Check it out along with his other books HERE.

In Hour of the Beast, a young bride is raped by a werewolf on her wedding night. When her sons grow up and head to college, things REALLY get out of hand.

In Hour of the Beast, a young bride is raped by a werewolf on her wedding night. When her sons grow up and head to college, things REALLY get out of hand.


Six children in costumes trick or treating at woman's house

Responsible parents dress their children in protective costumes like these each Halloween.

By C. Michael Forsyth

SALEM, Mass. — In recent years, millions of devout born-again Christians nationwide have begun to ban their children from dressing up on Halloween night, hoping to protect them from ungodly influences. But that has backfired — and made the innocent tots easy prey for evil spirits, a top expert warns.

“Not putting a costume on your child on Halloween night is incredibly dangerous and irresponsible,” warns Vatican-trained exorcist Dr. James Huntingworth, a leading expert on the occult. “You might as well send them bike riding without a helmet or tell them to go play stickball in the middle of a busy six-lane highway.”

While few Christians complained about Halloween in decades past, lately many evangelical preachers have told their flocks not to celebrate the October 31st holiday because it has pagan roots.

“They say that it dates back to Celtic times, when it was known as the festival of Samhain, the Day of the Dead,” says Dr. Huntingworth. “And that much is true. The ancient Druids believed that on Halloween night, the boundary between the worlds of the living and the dead blurred and the spirits of the departed walked the Earth.

“Now here’s the important part, which these preachers forget to tell you: The Druid priests taught that wicked spirits would hunt for living bodies to possess. And the only way to foil these roving ghosts was to dress in an ugly costume to make your body unattractive. The practice worked and kept the ancient British islanders safe from possession for hundreds of years. And the tradition, carried on over here, protected generations of American children as well.”

In the wholesome 1950s, when Beaver Cleaver and almost every other child in the United States went trick-or-treating in costume, possession by ghosts was extremely rare – virtually unheard of, the expert points out.

“But in the last 15 years, as more and more parents have forbidden their kids from wearing costumes, we’ve seen a disturbing trend,” reveals Dr. Huntingworth. “Possession is steadily on the rise. In 2014 alone, there were a reported 452 possessions of U.S. children on Halloween night — and those are just the ones we know about.

“I investigated 27 of these cases and in every single one, the child was not wearing a costume. The children’s parents were all born-again Christians who didn’t allow them to dress up. Not putting a protective costume on your child exposes them to the very real risk of being possessed by the evil dead. It’s like taping a target on their back, or a sign that says, ‘Come get me.’”

Dr. Huntingworth is aware that, with time running out before Halloween night, the pickings may be slim at discount stores. But any costume that disguises your child will work.

“Even if you have to dig up an old bed sheet, cut out eye holes and call it a ghost costume, do it,” the exorcist advises. “Sure, your child may get teased, and if he’s African American, he might hear, ‘Hey, Tyrone, I see you’re a Klansman this year.’ But which is more important, avoiding some good-natured ribbing, or avoiding possession?

“If you don’t mind having little Billy’s body get taken over by the likes of Ted Bundy, or waking up the morning after Halloween with your daughter Sally standing over your bed with Lizzie Borden inhabiting her, by all means keep them out of costumes. But if you care about your child’s immortal soul, I’m begging you: please, please, PLEASE dress them up this Halloween.”

Although youngsters are far more vulnerable to possession, the expert adds that it’s vital for grownups to dress up too. Even the most pious individual can be taken over by an evil spirit — and indeed, the Devil’s minions consider it their greatest triumph to possess the innocent.

“It can be as simple as a zombie mask, a pirate outfit or even a cheap little Groucho Marx nose, mustache and glasses,” Dr. Huntingworth explains. “If you’re a modest, church-going woman, there’s no need to put on some revealing maid or nurse costume. In fact, a really sexy get-up defeats the whole purpose of wearing a costume — making your body unattractive to ghosts — and can actually invite them in. Just put on a simple Hillary Clinton mask or go as a clown if you’re the shy type.”

And while convincing many adult males to wear a costume can be like pulling teeth, the expert warns that it’s absolutely crucial that wives do it.

“Otherwise, you make wake up with Adolf Hitler’s ghost in your husband.”

Copyright C. Michael Forsyth. All rights reserved

If you enjoyed this mind-bending story by C. Michael Forsyth, check out his collection of bizarre news, available on Kindle and in other eBook formats.

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Had a blast on Halloween. Went as Captain Kirk, my boyhood hero. One gold Star Trek shirt = $15. One night in character as William Shatner = priceless. Here’s my impression.
Speaking of Halloween, what could be a better gift for the holiday than the acclaimed horror novel Hour of the Beast, penned by the  author of this article. Order HERE by October 31 and you'll receive a free T-shirt featuring the awesome art! acclaimed novel Hour of The Beast Speaking of Halloween, what could be a better gift for the holiday than the acclaimed horror novel Hour of the Beast, penned by the author of this article. Order HERE by October 31 and you’ll receive a free T-shirt featuring the awesome art!

H.P. LOVECRAFT WAS RIGHT: THE OLD ONES ARE RETURNING! They’re Cranky and Forgetful.   1 comment


THE OLD ONES once ruled our world, according to H.P. Lovecraft, who warned of a monster-god named Cthulhu, depicted here by artist Henning Ludvigsen.

By C. Michael Forsyth

LONDON — The Old Ones, demonic god-like beings that ruled Earth eons before the dawn of man, have at last been freed from their subterranean prison — and, one by one, have begun to return to our world.

That’s the triumphant claim of ecstatic high priests of ancient, forbidden cults that worship the entities. And, horrifyingly, top occult investigators confirm it’s true!

Cult watchers say that a hideous ritual was conducted simultaneously last December 31 by fanatical followers around the globe: defrocked cardinals in the haunted Parisian catacombs; jabbering witch doctors over vats of flesh in the Congo; bloodthirsty Thuggees in a secret necropolis beneath the Great Hole of Calcutta; hooded necromancers within a circle of Celtic monoliths in Wales and thousands of other degenerates.

FORBIDDEN rites that predate the Druids took place in Northern Wales.

FORBIDDEN rites that predate the Druids took place in Northern Wales.

That act of insanity on a day the stars align precisely only once in 90 years unsealed a “gate” protecting our universe from the fiendish beings’ hellish dimension — allowing the first three of the seven Old Ones to emerge, investigators warn.

“When all seven come through, it will mean the end of man’s dominion over Earth and a new dark age that will never end,” warns Dr. Herbert A. Thackens of Cambridge, Mass., a professor of archaeology and a highly respected authority on the occult.

“Cultists have yearned for this day for centuries. Their priests will reign like Oriental despots over the handful of humans who survive — for a time — as sacrificial lambs, food for these accursed gods. The Old Ones are more ancient than Chaos, more evil than any demon in the deepest circle of Hell — and will be omnipotent once all seven sit on their thrones.”

Old Ones post card smaller

CULTISTS from as far away as darkest Africa and Easter Island worked in concert to open the “gate” guarding our world from an alien universe.

Yet some cult leaders admit they are beginning to regret their rash act.

“The Old Ones will usher in an epoch of horror and madness, full of unthinkable abominations,” says Roger Whittenbow, high priest of the Order of Thursis, a London-based branch of Satanism banned by mainstream Satanists for being too evil. “That part is splendid. What’s a bit off putting is how cranky the Old Ones are. They constantly complain about how much Earth has changed for the worse since they last walked it.

“One of the Old Ones, named P’thantu Rami, commanded us to bring Him 700 virgins for a grotesque rite of human sacrifice. I humbly told the great lord that it might take time to round up that many because virgins aren’t so plentiful in Britain now. He spent the next half hour railing about how much more chaste women were in ancient times. He and His brethren don’t care much for cars or the Internet either.”

The Old Ones are proving alarmingly forgetful, he added.

“The second lord, Cthoko Ba’al, summoned me. As I knelt before Him, He ordered that I arrange a bacchanalian orgy so vile in its description it made the most obscene atrocity a depraved syphilitic whore might envision in a fever dream sound like a toddler’s lisping bedroom prayer by comparison,” revealed Whittenbow.

“As I began phoning around to find a suitable venue, the Old One called me back in and gave the exact same order again. He’d forgotten what He’d said 10 minutes earlier! Another time, Cthoko Ba’al commanded us to look for His unholy crown, forged from the bones of warlords who’d sold their souls in a forgotten age. But He was already wearing it!”

SINISTER Catacombs beneath Paris, ranked among of the most haunted places on Earth, were one of 57 places the bizarre ritual took place.

SINISTER catacombs beneath Paris, ranked among of the most haunted places on Earth, were one of 57 places the unholy ritual took place.

Worst of all are the old jokes, repeated ad nauseum.

“The third Old One to come through is known as the Lord of Mirth,” explained Whittenbow. “In ancient times, when He manifested Himself in Persia, He induced fits of laughter in which the entire population of cities cackled joylessly until tears of blood dripped from their eyes and, unable to even eat, they starved to death.

“But to put it frankly, no one appreciates His brand of humor anymore. His routine went over like a lead balloon. No one got His references and when He tried to be topical — with ‘How about that Vladimir Putin?’ stuff — it was even more excruciating. We all clapped politely at first. But after hearing the same stale jokes for the 20th time, you feel like sacrificing yourself on a stone altar.”

H.P. Lovecraft often wrote of the Old Ones in his weird tales.

H.P. Lovecraft often wrote of the Old Ones in his weird tales.

Tales of the Old Ones have been around since before recorded history, often hinted at obliquely in obscure or banned texts. Early 20th century horror writer H.P. Lovecraft warned of their existence and the notorious occultist Aleister Crowley — known as “the Wickedest Man in the World” — gleefully predicted their imminent return.

THE NECRONOMICON: Bloodcurdling book warns of the unspeakable Old Ones.

THE NECRONOMICON: Bloodcurdling book warns of the unspeakable Old Ones.



“They have been known by many names in many cultures,” says Dr. Thackens. “From the chaos monster-gods such as Angra Mainyu and the monstrous bird-god Anzu of Mesopotamia in the third millenium B.C., and Asag, a Babylonian ‘gallu’ of hideous strength, to Buer, described as ‘The Great President of Hell’ in the 16th century grimoire Pseudomonarchia Daemonum.”

TERRIFYING Mesopotamian chaos monster-god  Anzu may have been one of the Old Ones.

TERRIFYING Mesopotamian chaos monster-god Anzu may have been one of the Old Ones.

The Celtic deity Ogmios, who seduced humans with words and led them into the underworld with chains through their ears, is also believed to have been one of the Old Ones. And many Bible scholars believe the Nephilim of the Holy Scriptures refer to the terrifying entities.

HIDEOUS demon known as Buer may have been  one of the Old Ones.

HIDEOUS demon known as Buer may have been one of the Old Ones.

The incredibly well-coordinated December 31 ritual reportedly took place in 57 places associated with mysticism, devil-worship or the paranormal, including Easter Island where naked cultists sacrificed 13 “volunteers” and pranced in front of the mysterious giant heads called moai. Other locales, according to cult-watchers, include the town of Triora in the ancient hills of Liguria, where witches were burned alive in the 1500s for their horrific rites. Also, temples in a massive cave in the Valley of Valchuisella, in the foothills of the Alps, constructed by an Italian who had seen them in a vision at age 10.


OCCULTIST Aleister Crowley was one of many to foresee the Old Ones' return.

OCCULTIST Aleister Crowley was one of many to foresee the Old Ones’ return.

The first Old One made his comeback near Merlin’s Cave in Cornwall, England, a site of mystical rites dating back 8,000 years, long before the Druids. About 500 followers gathered around Witch’s Hill, chanting an ancient spell (whose utterance carries the death penalty in Turkey, Romania and Iraq) in unison with fellow fanatics around the globe. Cult members have been strictly forbidden to speak of what they saw, but several weeks later on January 21, an anonymous eyewitness posted this bone-chilling account on his blog, Demon Talk:

“The scull-shaped hillock, of sinister repute since before the Roman conquest, erupted, like a putrid boil pregnant with corruption suddenly bursting. The explosion created a sinkhole far deeper than the Mariana Trench or any other abyss into which a submariner might venture even in a nightmare. The pit was blindingly radiant in its absolute blackness, a place at once in the center of our Earth and outside our world.

CULTS worshipping the Old Ones date back countless millenia.

CULTS worshipping the Old Ones date back countless millenia.

“My nostrils were assaulted by a stench more vile than 10,000 open graves, an almost physical force that could split a human psyche as a cleaver slices meat. Then tendrils loathsome as rat tails but fantastically immense emerged. And something colossal began to haul itself out of the pit.

“No words could begin to describe that blasphemous monstrosity. I say only that it had a malignant aura more malignant than malignancy itself. Many went insane as they beheld it, their minds unable to comprehend this gargantuan being that violated every law of physics and warped the space around it. Those of us who’d spent a lifetime steeling our minds for this ‘Medusa effect’ fell prostrate to worship, many weeping or writhing in ecstasy.

Cthoko Ba’al has been known by many names, including Ba'al, Belial and, by Satanists in the 1940s, as Mr. Big.

Cthoko Ba’al has been known by many names, including Ba’al, Belial and, by Satanists in the 1940s, as Mr. Big.

“P’thantu Rami opened His mouth — if one could rightly call that maw that made a mockery of all that is natural a mouth. But He did not speak, He sang. The sound was rife with the shrieks of 10 million souls consumed in sacrifices over countless centuries, so chaotic Dionysus himself would cover his ears in horror. Yet interlaced with that cacophony was a sweet and seductive melody that instantly commanded the love of all who were present. It actually reminded me of the tunes of Bacharach.”

Within days, two more Old Ones emerged, greeted by fawning worshippers and a marching band. There were celebratory orgies, exuberant desecration of cemeteries, hearty exchanges of high-fives and toasts at Satanist bars in every city. But within a month, the “bloom was off the rose,” as one disappointed British cultist put it. With their non-stop carping and unreasonable demands — complaining that their quarters are too hot, then too cold, then too hot again — the Old Ones have already outworn their welcome.

Although Whitttenbow strenuously denies it, there are rumors that some cultists are meeting in secret dens, seeking a way to send the old ones back through the hellhole from whence they came.

HAPPY DAYS are here again for followers of ancient cult, who celebrated with orgies.

HAPPY DAYS are here again for followers of ancient cult, who celebrated with orgies.

“This is like having an elderly aunt staying in your house,” explained a cult member who asked for anonymity out of fear of destruction. “At first, you’re pleased as punch to see her and learn about the good old days. But when you keep hearing the same old stories again and again, she starts rearranging furniture, criticizing your wife’s cooking and lambasting your teenage daughter for dressing like a ‘tramp,’ well, you can’t wait to give her the heave-ho.”

WIDESPREAD PANIC: The Great Day when all 7 Old Ones have returned will make the Apocalpse look like a Sunday picnic, experts warn.

WIDESPREAD PANIC: The Great Day when all 7 Old Ones have returned will make the Apocalypse look like a Sunday picnic, experts warn.

Copyright C. Michael Forsyth

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