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With an elite corps of mutants like Mystique of the X-Men, Russian leader Putin could rule the world.

MOSCOW — Power-crazed Russian strongman Vladimir Putin has been rounding up mutants spawned by the Chernobyl nuclear disaster – in a bizarre bid to create a legion of superhumans!

Hundreds of helpless young citizens whose parents were exposed to radiation from the 1986 catastrophe have been plucked from their homes in broad daylight by the dictators’ goons.

“Police agents go from town to town, banging on doors and demanding that people who have shown ‘unusual’ characteristics go off with them,” said an Orthodox priest in Kursk. “These poor souls are never seen again.”

Reports of Putin’s secret plan to “weaponize” the Chernobyl mutants have sent shockwaves through the U.S. intelligence community, which now has serious doubts about his sanity.

“At first we laughed it off. The director said ‘It sounds like Putin’s been watching too many Marvel movies,’” said an NSA insider who requested anonymity. “But now multiple reports from CIA field agents confirm that he’s imprisoned at least 1,300 subjects in a vast research hospital in Siberia where they’re being tested for special abilities.
“We believe this is proof that Putin has finally gone off the deep end. It’s terrifying to think that this lunatic has his finger on the red nuclear button.”

TOO MUCH OF A GOOD THING: Six-legged deer is one of many animal mutants spawned by radioactive fallout from Chernobyl.

The disaster unfolded on April 26, 1986 when a reactor malfunctioned at the Chernobyl plant, near the city of Pripyat in the former U.S.S.R. The resulting explosion and fire sent a plume of highly radioactive fallout into the atmosphere, contaminating an area stretching more than 100,000 square kilometers over Belarus, Russia and Ukraine.

Although more than 350,000 people and their livestock were evacuated, it wasn’t enough to prevent radiation from altering the DNA of embryos. Thousands of animals were born with gross deformities such as missing or extra limbs, eyes and heads, and deformed skulls. As recently as 2005, 1,000 wild boars living hundreds of miles away from ground zero were still highly radioactive, and earlier this year high readings were found in cow milk.

“We have horned pigs, winged goats, feathered dogs and many other curiosities,” revealed Yuri Karvowzki, director of the Chernobyl Petting Zoo. “The silver lining of the tragedy is that our region boasts the most interesting and diverse fauna in the world.”

Human infants were also born with horrific birth defects, including cyclops babies, and those with “lobster claw” hands, scales, mermaid tails and centaur-like bodies. Most were stillborn or died soon after birth – but a few survived. The differences of some mutants are obvious, others are invisible and unknown.

TRAGIC: This boy’s mom was exposed to Chernobyl radiation, resulting in a harmful genetic mutation.

“The four most harmful radionuclides spread from Chernobyl were iodine-131, caseium-134, casium-137 and strontium-90,” according to nuclear physicist Kyle Fortblood of Cambridge, Mass. “Dozens of people died of radiation sickness. And hundreds more people experienced radical changes in the DNA of their sperm and egg cells.

“The Russian government has played down the number of human mutants that resulted from the disaster. We have no idea how many there really are or what unusual traits they might have.”

However, the notion that mutants could have special powers – like the X-Men of comic book and movie fame – is dubious, the expert went on

“The vast majority of genetic mutations are harmful. For every case of altered genes giving a person enhanced abilities such as telekinesis, heightened senses, or faster-than-normal speed, a million would cause severe health problems.”

RUTHLESS Russian ruler Vladimir Putin is bent on world domination — and may be out of his mind, U.S. intelligence officials fear.

Editor’s note: We apologize if this news satire seems in questionable taste (to put it mildly) given Russia’s invasion of Ukraine. At the time it was originally published several years ago, we didn’t know just how much of a bloodthirsty madman Putin really is. Chernobyl had been on no one’s mind for years and the notion of the strongman rounding people up seemed comically farfetched).

But if you enjoyed this creative mix of horror and black humor by fiction writer C. Michael Forsyth, you’ll love his graphic novel Night Cage,

A spine-tingling and steamy tale about vampires taking over a women’s prison. (Picture ‘Salem’s Lot meets Caged Heat).

Also, check out this author’s collection of news satire available on Kindle and in other eBook formats.

Bizarre News Cover 5 .

VAMPIRE bat has a face only a human mother could love. (Photo taken by David Milbourne).

By C. Michael Forsyth

Bravo! In a giant leap forward for mankind, DNA scientists have successfully spliced together human genes with those from a vampire bat – creating an amazing new hybrid that some are calling the world’s first real-life vampire!

The tiny embryo, still only four weeks old, would — if allowed to come to full term — have physical traits of both homo sapiens and Desmodus rotundus, a species of vampire bat common in Mexico and South America.

“We do not of course know exactly what it would look like,” says Dr. Hans Lichtstein, head of the team of Austrian scientists. “Most likely a human torso and head, along with bat-like features such as an upturned snout and pointed ears. It will probably have leathery wings but it is unlikely it will be able to fly due to the density of its bones. Theoretically, it would drink milk in infancy and later acquire a taste for blood, the dietary trait known as hematophagy.”

The controversial project was hush-hush until news leaked to the press last week. Dazzled science writers now agree it is the most remarkable use of genetic engineering since the creation of the goat-spider hybrid by University of Wyoming eggheads in 2010.

Scientists have not yet announced whether they will destroy the embryo — which was created for research purposes — freeze their bizarre brainchild for further use, or implant it in a volunteer in the hope that it can be brought to term.

“It would certainly make a splendid entry in the annual Frankenstein Awards,” notes Dr. Lichstein, referring to the exciting competition held each October 31 in which DNA wizards unveil their latest gee-wiz creations. But the researcher hastens to add that the project is far from just fun and games.

“Work in this area of science will hopefully one day lead to the elimination of hereditary conditions such as Tays-Sachs disease, and perhaps in time, result in humans with superior intelligence and longevity.”

MIRACLE or menace? Critters like this one in the movie “Daybreakers” may soon be a common sight.

THRILLING NEW GRAPHIC NOVEL!

Speaking of vampires, the author of this article, C. Michael Forsyth, has written a graphic novel about bloodsuckers overrunning a women’s prison, titled NIGHT CAGE.

If you enjoyed this mind-bending tale by C. Michael Forsyth, check out his collection of bizarre news, available on Kindle and in other eBook formats.