Archive for the ‘Science’ Category
By C. Michael Forsyth
Alternative facts are just as real as actual facts, most top theoretical physicists now agree.
“So-called ‘reality’ as most laymen understand it is an antiquated early 20th century concept,” explains Dr. Heath Couldwell of the Cambridge Institute for Complexity. “According to the laws of quantum mechanics, it is entirely possible for a particle to not exist and simultaneously exist. It’s easy to fall into the trap of relying on the evidence of our own eyes, but in the modern era, we mustn’t.”
As early as the 1920s, experts first began to theorize that reality is not what it seems and that there is no such thing as a “solid” fact.
“The Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle, introduced by Werner Heisenberg in 1927, holds that it is impossible to determine the precise position and momentum of a subatomic particle,” Dr. Couldwell says. “In other words, there’s a fundamental ‘fuzziness’ in nature.
“Rather than conceiving of a fact as a concrete thing, it is more helpful to picture a constellation of possible facts, some of which have a greater probability than others.”
The famous Schrödinger’s Cat Experiment demonstrated that a cat might be simultaneously dead and alive. In the bizarre thought experiment devised by Austrian physicist Erwin Schrödinger, a cat, a flask of poison and a radioactive substance are placed in a sealed box. If a Geiger counter detects that an atom has decayed, the flask is shattered, releasing the poison and killing the cat. If not, the cat lives. Since such a random subatomic event may be occurring or not occurring and there is no way to tell, the fickle feline is, for that instant, both dead and alive.
“The fact that the cat is dead and the alternative fact that the cat is alive are equally true,” Dr. Couldwell observes. “And this principle applies to everything in the world around us.”
The notion that something can be both true and not true seems counterintuitive to most non-scientists, and even the world’s most brilliant physicists admit the paradox can make their heads spin.
“Schrödinger himself was convinced that his proof of the theory was incontrovertible, yet also believed he’d proven it to be absurd,” Dr. Couldwell notes. “One thing is crystal clear: If the fact that alternative facts are equally true as true facts is true, it follows logically that the alternative fact that alternative facts are not equally true as true facts is also true.”
Top presidential aide Kellyanne Conway was mocked in the media for her belief in the concept of alternative facts, but leading scientists say she’s got it right.
Copyright C. Michael Forsyth
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VAMPIRE bat has a face only a human mother could love. (Photo taken by David Milbourne).
By C. Michael Forsyth
Bravo! In a giant leap forward for mankind, DNA scientists have successfully spliced together human genes with those from a vampire bat – creating an amazing new hybrid that some are calling the world’s first real-life vampire!
The tiny embryo, still only four weeks old, would — if allowed to come to full term — have physical traits of both homo sapiens and Desmodus rotundus, a species of vampire bat common in Mexico and South America.
“We do not of course know exactly what it would look like,” says Dr. Hans Lichtstein, head of the team of Austrian scientists. “Most likely a human torso and head, along with bat-like features such as an upturned snout and pointed ears. It will probably have leathery wings but it is unlikely it will be able to fly due to the density of its bones. Theoretically, it would drink milk in infancy and later acquire a taste for blood, the dietary trait known as hematophagy.”
The controversial project was hush-hush until news leaked to the press last week. Dazzled science writers now agree it is the most remarkable use of genetic engineering since the creation of the goat-spider hybrid by University of Wyoming eggheads in 2010.
Scientists have not yet announced whether they will destroy the embryo — which was created for research purposes — freeze their bizarre brainchild for further use, or implant it in a volunteer in the hope that it can be brought to term.
“It would certainly make a splendid entry in the annual Frankenstein Awards,” notes Dr. Lichstein, referring to the exciting competition held each October 31 in which DNA wizards unveil their latest gee-wiz creations. But the researcher hastens to add that the project is far from just fun and games.
“Work in this area of science will hopefully one day lead to the elimination of hereditary conditions such as Tays-Sachs disease, and perhaps in time, result in humans with superior intelligence and longevity.”
MIRACLE or menace? Critters like this one in the movie “Daybreakers” may soon be a common sight.
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Even the worlds greatest theoretical physicists, including Albert Einstein, have admitted the bizarre laws of quantum physics makes their head spin.
By C. Michael Forsyth
KNOXVILLE, Tenn. — Family values crusader Kevin R. Crousley has launched a campaign to ban the teaching of quantum mechanics from our nation’s high schools, arguing that its principles violate biblical teaching.
“Particles popping in out of existence or being two places at once – you show me anything in the Bible about that,” declares the tireless advocate for Christian rights. “And this so-called ‘spooky action at a distance’ sounds a whole heck of a lot like old-fashioned magic to me.”
Crousley is determined that he get full credit for starting the movement, before others jump on the bandwagon.
“I was out there challenging the global warming nonsense decades before anybody else,” he asserts. “This time I’m getting the word out loud and clear before some Johnny Come Lately comes along and steals the credit.”
SCHOOL kids should not be exposed to equations like this, family values advocate says.
Most non-scientists are perplexed by quantum physics, which deals mainly with subatomic particles that disobey the rules of the world we see about us.
One counter-intuitive notion is that events don’t unfold according to the laws of cause of effect, but are governed by “probability clouds.” The Everett Many-Worlds Theory holds that every possible outcome takes place simultaneously, occuring in a “multiverse” made up of parallel universes.
What’s more, when two particles such as electrons interact and then become separated they become “entangled” and can instantaneously affect each other — even if they are light years apart!
LEGENDARY physicist Werner Heisenberg
Crousley’s biggest beef is with the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle, which posits that a particle has no definite position until scientists measure it.
“If it’s so uncertain, why should we be ramming it down our children’s throats?” Crousley demands.
The family values proponent is especially appalled by the famous Schrödinger’s Cat thought experiment, in which a cat in a sealed box may be killed by cyanide yet, paradoxically, also be alive until the box is checked.
HEARTLESS: Schrödinger’s Cat Experiment is a textbook case of animal cruelty, critic charges.
“What kind of twisted, atheistic egghead sits around dreaming up ways to murder cats — and/or not murder them at the same time?” blasts Crousley. “It’s sick and ungodly.”
If Crousley gets his way, teachers nationwide will no longer be able to mention quantum physics in class – and face a fine of up to $10,000 if they do. To critics who claim the proposal violates the First Amendment, he has a ready answer.
“It’s bad enough that science instructors are teaching Darwin’s theory of evolution as if it were a law like the law of gravity, ‘What goes up must come down,’ ” he says. “Now they’re teaching pure hogwash that almost no one can understand, let alone believe.”
Copyright C. Michael Forsyth
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CREEPY critters are a cinch to create with gene-splicing.
By C. Michael Forsyth
ZURICH, Switzerland — Halloween is around the corner and you know what that means. That’s right, another annual gathering of the world’s top genetic engineers as they parade their kookiest creations at the Frankenstein Awards.
Each year, scientists present life forms they’ve created through gene-splicing. Past winners have included a goat-spider hybrid, a camel with the head of a pig, a bouncy, meowing marvel playfully dubbed the Katgaroo, and last year’s recipient of a Victor in the Most Frightening category: a wriggling, legless poodle with a dash of earthworm DNA.
“The Frankenstein Awards is an opportunity for genetic engineers to get out of the lab, let their hair down and show their creative side,” explains Swiss science writer Julien Anliker.
The Parade of Monsters held on October 31 is the climax of a three-day convention featuring panels, lectures and late-night karaoke.
This year’s presentation is expected to be livelier than ever because for the first time hybrids with human DNA will be included in the competition. Teams of researchers from around the world have been laboring in secret, each hoping to blow away their colleagues with a dazzling new living wonder.
“The Brits have reportedly been working on a human-hamster mix they’ve nicknamed The Humster,” said Anliker. “The Greek team, led by Professor Demetrikos, is going with a cultural theme this year. It’s rumored they’ve been developing a life form inspired by Greek mythology, perhaps a centaur or a minotaur. That’s one of the most eagerly anticipated entries.”
WE CAN make a real minotaur, so why not?
While in past years some critics have denounced the awards ceremony for trivializing genetic research, participants insist that they learn a lot from cultivating their colorful creations. And the scientists point out that DNA manipulation is a boon to mankind.
Dr. Boris Petrovsky of Russia predicts, “One day soon, we will wipe out many genetic diseases such as cystic fibrosis, discover a cure for cancer, and perhaps engineer a race of superior humans that will serve as the replacement species for homo sapiens.”
CENTAURS figured prominently in Greek mythology.
Copyright C. Michael Forsyth
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