Archive for the ‘female werewolves’ Tag

Werewolves Using Moon Ray Tanning Beds to Get All-Over Fur   Leave a comment

Embarrassed by uneven patches of fur, many female werewolves are now using “moon ray” tanning beds to achieve an all-over coat of hair. The high-tech gizmos simulate lunar rays and bombard the nude user from all sides, ensuring that hair sprouts evenly.

“Our clients are thrilled,” said Celeste Kiflinger, whose Spectral Salon is one of six specialty spas in Los Angeles area where the beds are available. “They feel much more confident romping at night with a full, lustrous coat.”

Typically, lycanthropes are exposed to the full moon when fully dressed, and exposed tissue on the face, neck and arms gets a higher dose. A bare midriff or skin below the knees when a woman is in a skirt may also receive more lunar rays, causing greater hair growth.

EVERY female werewolf longs to have lush, evenly distributed hair like North Korea's famed Wolf Girl, believed to suffer from hypertrichosis.

EVERY female werewolf longs to have lush, evenly distributed hair like North Korea’s famed Wolf Girl, believed to suffer from hypertrichosis.

“It’s like watering some parts of a lawn more than others; the grass of course grows higher in those spots,” explained Kiflinger. “When the werewolf’s clothes finally rip away, you get that ‘crazy fur’ look, with wild overgrowth on one part of the body and bare patches on another. Males typically aren’t that bothered by it, but our mostly female clientele find it embarrassing.”

Technically, a moon ray is simply a beam of sunlight that has bounced off the moon. How its properties are altered by that reflection — which takes just microseconds — is a mystery science has not yet solved.

“We are only now discovering the many ways that the moon affects life on Earth,” noted an expert. “For centuries astronomers have known that its gravitational pull is responsible for tides and we’re all familiar with those studies that show criminal behavior increases during the full moon. How precisely it triggers lycanthropic transmutation remains a riddle.”

HIGH TECH moon ray beds resemble ordinary tanning beds.

HIGH TECH moon ray beds resemble ordinary tanning beds.

The tanning beds are modified versions of those used by ordinary folks across the nation in salons and in their homes. A 30-minute session typically runs around $88.

“I am so satisfied with the treatments,” said Kelly R., a 35-year-old office worker who asked that her last name be kept confidential. “Before, loping through the park at night, I tended to stay in the shadows because my fur was so unsightly and I was ashamed of my appearance. Now I feel a lot better about myself when it’s ‘that time of the month.’”

Copyright C. Michael Forsyth

If you enjoyed this mind-bending story by C. Michael Forsyth, check out his collection of bizarre news, available on Kindle and in other eBook formats.

Bizarre News Cover 5.

SPEAKING OF WEREWOLVES …

The author of this article also penned the highly acclaimed horror novel "Hour of the Beast."

The author of this article also penned the highly acclaimed horror novel Hour of the Beast.

FEMALE WEREWOLF RESCUES BOYS TRAPPED IN MINE.   Leave a comment

HEROIC lady werewolf was motivated by maternal instinct, experts believe — unlike the dangerous creature in this movie scene.

By C. Michael Forsyth

BANSKÁ ŠTIAVNICA, Hungary — A female werewolf is being hailed as a hero after saving two boys trapped in a mine!

Edvard Ferenc and Nikola Szavo, both age 10, were “within hours” of suffocating when the shaggy she-beast led rescuers to the site, local law enforcement authorities confirm.

“People may call this creature a monster, but my family will always be grateful to the wolf woman who saved my beloved little Nikola’s life,” tearful mom Mrs. Maria Szabo told TV reporters. “Whoever she is, I just want to say, ‘Thank you, thank you, thank you!’”

The touching drama unfolded on Saturday, February 4, when the two fourth graders were exploring the abandoned silver mine at the foot of the Štiavnica Mountains. Ignoring a warning sign, they wandered down a tunnel and became trapped by a cave-in. Their parents reported the boys missing the next morning. But because the youngsters had claimed they were going fishing in a stream on the other side of town, searchers came nowhere near the old mine.

At about 11:20 p.m., Constable Iszak Hajdu, 46, was manning the front desk of the police station when what he describes as a “ferocious-looking beast walking upright on two legs” and covered head to toe in fur trotted in, foam drooling from its enormous fangs. Following procedure, he hurried to the gun cabinet and retrieved a rifle loaded with silver bullets. A law on the books since 1874 requires every Hungarian police station to maintain a firearm loaded with silver in case of just such an eventuality.

“As I raised the gun, I couldn’t help noticing that the beast had what appeared to be large, pendulous breasts,” he told reporters. “I hesitated to shoot a woman, even in animal form.

“She was whimpering and kept waving her paw as if she wanted me to follow her. I said, ‘What’s the matter, girl? Is someone in trouble?’ ”

Acting on gut instinct, the lawman warily followed the creature, flashlight in hand. It led him four miles through a winding wooded trail to the mountain. There, just feet from the mine entrance, he found a backpack belonging to one of the missing boys. Venturing inside, he saw signs of a recent collapse.

“I heard voices calling faintly from below, ‘Help!’ ” the constable recalled. “When I realized the werewolf had brought me here to save children trapped down in the mine, I was overcome with emotion. I turned to thank her, but she had scampered off into the woods.”

RELIEVED Hungarian rescue crew celebrates after pulling boys safely from mine.

A rescue operation was launched and just six and half hours later Nikola and Edvard were freed from a cavity 30 feet down.

“The boys were in a small air pocket barely five feet across,” revealed rescue coordinator Agoston Kulscar.“If we had found them a day later, they would definitely have suffocated.”

The identity of the werewolf remains unknown and attempts to follow its tracks were unsuccessful. A police investigation turned up several reports of sightings of a “mystery animal” in the vicinity.

Lycanthropy experts says such altruistic behavior on the part of a werewolf is rare, but not unheard of.

“The maternal instinct is one of the most powerful of all emotions and originates in the deepest and most primitive part of the brain,” explains Dr. Larry T. Welkerson, author of Werewolves, Shapeshifters and Theriomorphs. “For a woman to have concern for an endangered child, even when she is in wolf form, is not altogether surprising.”

FAMED TV pooch Lassie isn’t the only canine that helps people in trouble.

Speaking of werewolves, the author of this article has written a critically acclaimed horror novel. The Horror Fiction Review raves that Hour of the Beast is a “rip-snorting, action-packed sexy college romp.”

To check out Hour of the Beast and hear Chapter One read FREE click HERE!

If you enjoyed this article, check out C. Michael Forsyth’s collection of news satire, available on Kindle and in other eBook formatsBizarre News Cover 5.

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