INVINCIBLE: Hero gunslinger Jake Lonergan (Daniel Craig) totes a superweapon.
By C. Michael Forsyth
I’ve been looking forward to Cowboys and Aliens for more than a year. Indiana Jones and James Bond turn into cowboys and kick alien butt. What red-blooded American male with an ounce of 12 year old in him wouldn’t want to see that? Plus it’s directed by Jon Favreau, who made the witty male-bonding comedy, Swingers.
I saw it last weekend along with over a million others (Unbelievably, half of you instead chose to see the Smurfs movie, feeding Hollywood’s addiction to recycling everything under the sun.) Well, I wasn’t disappointed. There’s all the non-stop action you could hope for. The plot, in which the cowboys form a posse to track down their abducted kin, provides a solid structure; and the aliens are appropriately hideous (although Hollywood effects wizards STILL haven’t quite managed to make CGI look completely real). And of course, you’ve got lots of scenes the concept demands, such as a cowboy roping an evil E.T.
Big-screen icon Harrison Ford is terrific as Colonel Woodrow Dolarhyde. Hearing about the cast, you expect Ford to play an avuncular if ornery older cowboy, to Daniel Craig’s young buck, like in your standard buddy movie. Instead he’s a ruthless cattle tycoon more in line with stock western villains. His performance is far better than Jeff Bridges as crusty Rooster Cogburn in the True Grit remake, and is reminiscent of the bigoted anti-hero John Wayne played in The Searchers. It goes without saying that Craig, the reigning 007, is convincing as an action hero, in his role as bad-ass gunslinger Jake Lonergan. It’s nice that he’s had the opportunity to expand beyond Bond films and show his acting chops, while continuing to star in the franchise – a feat that predecessors Sean Connery, Pierce Brosnan and company were unable to achieve. And some minor characters are interesting, such as a young Native American raised by the Colonel, who ends up bringing out the best in him.
Sure, the movie largely follows Hollywood formula. A startling number of elements are identical to the Syfy movie High Plains Invaders reviewed on this blog some months back. In both scripts, the hero is a murderous outlaw set to hang; there’s a wussy young doc who proves his manhood; the aliens are attacking a mining town for its natural resources and a gorgeous gun-toting woman joins in the fight. I don’t think anyone stole anyone’s idea (although movie producers aren’t above that). It’s just that those were easy and obvious choices.
Along the same lines, as soon as a tribe of “hostile” Indians shows up, it’s a given that they’ll join forces with our heroes. When a kid gets a knife as a gift, we all know where the business end will wind up. (By the way, nature endowed the aliens with a rather unlikely vulnerability).
But there ARE some deviations from the cliché. The Colonel’s whining, arrogant, useless son seems a sure bet to be killed within the first 20 minutes, doing something stupid, cowardly or both. But his fate is more interesting.
Beyond that, I had three problems with the movie that require SPOILER ALERTS:
#1 To me, the whole appeal of a cowboys versus aliens story is that the cowboys are way outgunned. Without modern technology, the heroes are even bigger underdogs than we are today. So having Daniel Craig’s character armed with a super-weapon as potent as anything the extraterrestrials have, throughout the movie (potent enough to destroy the entire alien ship) undermines the premise. It would have worked better to have the weapon disabled early on. The screenwriters had the same challenge as the ’60s Star Trek writers did. Give the crew communicators and the ability to beam out of any predicament negates most threats, so you’ve got to make them constantly go on the fritz.
# 2. That gorgeous cowgirl turns out to be a good alien in disguise. A cool plot twist. My beef is that she comes to Earth to help us completely unarmed! Her only superpower is looking cute. Okay, she can also resurrect HERSELF, but not anyone else. So she’s no more useful than any other plucky frontier woman.
#3 The aliens are here for our gold. Yeah, right. You’re capable of interstellar flight, but need to dig up gold. At least in the Syfy movie it was uranium, which has a high-tech ring. The Cowboys and Aliens screenwriters use that old trick of having a character acknowledge how ludicrous the plot point is so it doesn’t seem like a mistake. Harrison Ford’s character says incredulously, “What do they want to do – buy stuff?” But that doesn’t hide that the moviemakers got a bit mentally lazy. Just once, I’d like to see an alien-invasion movie where the motive is a little more sophisticated than wiping us all out and stealing our natural resources!
Cowboys fighting aliens is such an evocative concept that you go to the theater filled with expectations of all the exciting things that might be in such a story. Some reviewers complain that the movie could have been better than it is and yes, of course it could be. But no film could compete with the richness of a viewer’s own imagination.
WATCH THE SKIES: Daniel Craig and Harrison Ford shoot it out with space invaders.
On the HOUR OF THE BEAST front, I just finished a 20-page treatment for a film version of my first horror novel!To check out the book, CLICK HERE.
Hour of the Beast is averaging a five-star rating on Amazon.com
Only a rightful heir to the British throne can wield Excalibur
By C. Michael Forsyth
LONDON — Newly wed Prince William received an unexpected wedding gift while on his honeymoon in the Seychelles — when a mysterious female hand emerged from the sea and handed him King Arthur’s sword Excalibur!
Three highly respected members of the Royal entourage — all members of Britain’s oldest families — swear “upon our honor as English gentlemen” that they witnessed the startling scene on the secluded beach.
“Prince William was resting in a hammock, sipping a pina colada with an umbrella in it, while Kate lay on a beach towel nearby working on an all-over tan,” says a member of the Royal couple’s tight-knit inner circle. “All of a sudden a spot in the water began to bubble and we heard eerie music, like a siren’s song. A seaweed-covered hand with long, delicate fingers came out of the water and beckoned with her index finger.
“One Royal bodyguard dove for a box of hand grenades on which a fruit platter rested, while the rest of us cowered in terror — except the Prince. He strode boldy toward the water and said in a stern voice, ‘Who goes there? As an heir to the throne of England I command you to show yourself.’
“The hand disappeared into the water for a moment like ‘Thing’ in that old American TV show ‘The Addams Family.’ When it reappeared it was holding a magnificent jeweled sword with writing in ancient runes on the side. We all gasped because we knew at once what it was. Prince William waded into the surf and fearlessly grasped the sword by the hilt. Then the hand vanished into the sea.”
TRANQUIL Seychelle Islands were setting for amazing drama for Prince William and bride Kate Middleton.
Experts in Arthurian lore say that Excalibur may only be wielded by a rightful heir to the crown and that it resurfaces only when Britain faces grave peril.
“We do not know what that peril shall be,” says Graham Whittlesbury, a leading Arthurian scholar. “There is enormous turmoil in the Middle East right now. Perhaps a threat will emerge from among the Muslims and Prince William will be called upon to lead a New Crusade to liberate the Holy Land.
“The British Isles may be faced new outbreak of the Black Plague or there might be another Potato Famine. We only know that with Excalibur in hand as a symbol of goodness and might, Prince William shall defend England from whatever danger arises.”
Young Arthur proves himself the rightful heir to the throne by pulling the mystical sword from a stone.
Excalibur is the most famous weapon in history. Called Caledfwlch in Welsh legends, it first appears in Arthurian lore as the Sword in the Stone. Buried to the hilt in an enormous boulder, it could only be pulled free by the rightful king of all England. Nobleman after nobleman tried and failed, but young Arthur succeeded — and became England’s greatest king.
King Arthur received Excalibur from the mysterious Lady of the Lake, according to legend.
The legendary sword was misplaced during a move, when King Arthur set up shop in his newly built castle Camelot. He was upset by the loss of the mystical symbol of good, but at that point all his knights’ efforts were going into the search for the Holy Grail, according to Geoffrey of Monmouth in his 12th-century work Historia Regum Britanniae. Years later, when Camelot faced a morale crisis, the mysterious hand appeared in a lake and returned Excalibur to Arthur.
“The Lady of the Lake has been identified as a Celtic water spirit named Nimue,” notes Whittlesbury.
Excalibur was by no means Arthur’s only weapon. Welsh tradition speaks of a dagger named Carnwennan and a spear named Rhongomyniad that belonged to him. He was also never without a migwrn pres (Welsh for brass knuckles) named Phillip that he kept in his left boot.
Beyond its symbolic value in rallying the knights of the Round Table, Excalibur was said to have extraordinary supernatural powers. Chief among these, the glimmering blade could blind the bearer’s enemies.
In Le Morte d’Arthur, Sir Thomas Malory writes, “It was so breyght in his enemyes eyen that it gaf light lyke thirty torchys.”
The magic sword vanished with Arthur’s death. It has only resurfaced a few times in history — always when England is in grave danger. In 1588, the island nation faced invasion from the Spanish Armada, the largest fleet ever assembled.
“Queen Elizabeth I found Excalibur in a well in her country retreat, Hampton Court,” reveals Whittlebury. “She brandished it as she ordered Sir Francis Drake and her other sea captains to ‘destroy our enemies before they ever reach England’s shores.’ ”
In June 1940, with most of continental Europe already conquered, Adolf Hitler’s Nazi hordes were massing for an all-out invasion of Britain. Prime Minister Winston Churchill had been told grimly by his generals that victory was impossible and surrender was the only option to prevent massive civilian casualties.
“Plans had already been drafted for the installation of a Vichy-style puppet government, along the lines of the one in occupied France,” reveals historian John Hetworth, author of Sir Winston Churchill and the Undelivered Speech. “RAF pilots and other military personnel were to report to internment camps and London bobbies were to be ordered to round up English Jews to be meekly turned over to the Germans.
“All blonde, blue-eyed, female members of the aristocracy were to be whisked away to ‘breeding centers’ to mate with SS officers and beef up Hitler’s Master Race.”
V FOR VICTORY: Sir Winston Churchill was England's greatest Prime Minister
On June 4, Churchil was walking along the banks of the Thames River, grimly rehearsing the speech he was to give on the radio that night, announcing his resignation and the British surrender, and telling the English people to ready themselves for occupation.
“Unfortunately for historians, only a few lines of Churchill’s intended speech are known to us,” says Hetworth. “The most familiar is, ‘The sun must set on every empire. It set on Rome, and tonight it sets on Britain.’ ”
As Churchill morosely mumbled these words to himself, he saw something that made the cigar fall from his mouth.
“Excalibur rose from the Thames, gleaming in the sunlight,” says the historian. “A few moments later it vanished, but Churchill took it as a sign.”
That night, before Parliament, instead of surrendering he issued a defiant speech, uttering the immortal words, “We shall defend our island, whatever the cost may be, we shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills; we shall never surrender.”
Hitler, who’d been told by English diplomats to expect the Brits to knuckle under that night, was furious. He’d been planning to go on the radio five minutes after Churchill and crow about the British surrender to the German people.
“He felt betrayed,” says Hetworth.
Researchers know of only one more time that the sword appeared to a leader before now. Aides to Margaret Thatcher remember that seeing the legendary weapon arise from her bath water inspired England’s “Iron Lady” to rally British forces in their successsful war to keep South America’s Falkland Islands forever a free and proud part of the British Empire.
That the Lady of the Lake gave Excalibur to Prince William instead of his father Prince Charles is significant, experts say. Some have suggested this validates the sentiment of many citizens that the kingship should leap frog over the unpopular Charles and pass directly to his more handsome and better-liked son.
Referring to legends that date back to antiquity, some scholars suggest that the fact that Excalibur “chose” Prince William proves that he is actually a reincarnation of King Arthur himself.
Said Whittlebury, “That would mean that Arthur — the ‘Once and Future King’ of legend — is here to save the day as England faces what could be her deadliest threat ever.”
Copyright C. Michael Forsyth
MEANWHILE, ON THE HOUR OF THE BEAST FRONT…
Hour of the Beast is "the scariest werewolf novel since The Howling."
On the weekend of June 17, I attended the Horror Writers Association’s annual Bram Stoker Weekend, to promote my novel Hour of the Beast and soak up wisdom at the feet of industry insiders. Had the chance to hobnob with horror icons like Peter Straub.
A cool treat was getting to hang out with Dacre Stoker, great-grandnephew of Bram, the author of Dracula. A gracious, gentlemanly fellow South Carolinian, he’s co-author of The Undead, a sequel to Dracula that features Bram himself as a character. Lending the book a unique authenticity, Dacre draws upon family lore and Bram’s original notes for Dracula, including a detective character Bram created who didn’t make it into the classic novel. I asked Dacre if the family is still coasting on Dracula money. Sadly, no — it’s long gone, he says.
IN THE BLOOD: With Dacre Stoker, great-grandnephew of Bram Stoker.
Speaking of impressive horror pedigrees, Joe Hill, the son of Stephen King and an acclaimed horror writer in his own right, attended the annual Bram Stoker Awards banquet. Accepting an award on behalf of his famous father, he said, “My dad wanted me to tell you, ‘You’re a pack of sick @#!*% .’ ”
CHIP OFF THE OLD BLOCK: Horror writer Joe Hill is the son of Stephen King.
Wererabbits subdue hunter in this medieval drawing. The creatures rarely harm humans unless provoked.
By C. Michael Forsyth
LONDON — The number of wererabbits in England has tripled in the past decade to a mind-boggling total of 1. 5 million, according to a recent government estimate. And officials warn that the population explosion threatens to put carrot farmers and other crop growers out of business.
“Britain’s wererabbit population is increasing at an exponential rate,” confirms a top aide to Prime Minister David Cameron. “If something isn’t done, they will outnumber ordinary humans by 2021.”
Though they rarely harm normal folks, the big-earred creatures are devastating to agriculture. A roaming herd can devour an entire field of lettuce or other produce in a single night.
“They’re insatiable, and because they have human intelligence, they are able to get around locked gates, electric fences and other barriers with little difficulty,” explains Cathryn Juneway, a respected naturalist.
The existence of wererabbits in the British Isles has been recorded since medieval times, when they were often shot with silver arrows by farmers trying to protect their crops.
“When they died, they would revert to human form,” Juneway reveals.
Wererabbits like this one in medieval woodcut have been observed in British isles since the beginning of recorded history.
“After the First World War, the Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals launched a campaign to discourage hunting and trapping, arguing that the creatures were humans in animal form,” Juneway continued. “The government instituted a formal ban in 1964 and instituted a program educating people in rural areas to avoid running wererabbits over with their cars. The program was all too successful because their numbers are now skyrocketing.”
Wererabbits gather in fields when the moon is full, where they mate with others of their kind. Their gestation period is about 21 days — shorter than an ordinary rabbit’s. Bunnies swiftly progress to adolecense, becoming mature enough to produce offspring themselves within four months.
“They produce large litters, up eight babies at a time,” says Juneway.
Few wererabbits are willing to speak publicly — many fearing that they’ll be mocked as comical creatures, unlike the more fearsome werewolves. But accountant Reginald Danbird, 45, of Windsor, has come out of the closet and argues that the shape-shifters can’t be blamed for their frisky ways.
“Ordinary people can’t understand what it’s like when you go through the change,” he said. “All you want to do is eat, poop little pellets and meet in the meadows to mate. The gatherings get rather rambunctious. It’s like one of those swinger parties you used to hear about back in the ’70s, except everyone has buck teeth and huge, floppy ears.”
The nation’s farmers are hopping mad about what they call government inaction. The British Association of Small Farmers is petitioning Parliament to allow hunting and poisoning of the pesky critters. But government officials are reluctant to change the longstanding policy.
“I understand the frustration of these hardworking farmers,” said the Prime Minister’s aide. “But these are human beings, most of the time. A plan for the use of humane traps is being considered — but killing them isn’t the answer.”
A veggie-devouring man-beast is on the loose in “Wallace & Gromit: Curse of the Were-rabbit.”
Copyright C. Michael Forsyth
If you enjoyed this mind-bending story by C. Michael Forsyth, check out his collection of bizarre news, available on Kindle and in other eBook formats.
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MEANWHILE, ON THE HOUR OF THE BEAST FRONT…
At the Yale College Bookstore, I signed copies of my book alongside Bryan Mark Rigg, author of “Hitler’s Jewish Soldiers.”
While attending my Yale College reunion on the May 28, 2011, I signed copies of my new book Hour of the Beast. It was quite an honor sitting beside a half-dozen other alumni authors. I was a bit intimidated, at first, showing up with my horror novel when most of the other books were dead-serious, scholarly works. But the other writers were a friendly and interesting bunch. Among the coolest dudes was Bryan Mark Rigg, author of Lives of Hitler’s Jewish Soldiers. Now that might sound like the shortest book ever written, but it turns out there’s a mind-blowing untold story here. As Rigg explained it, Hitler actually cut some slack to guys who were only a half or quarter Jewish. If you could demonstrate you had an exemplary military record, you could get a letter — signed by the Fuhrer himself — explaining that you’d been “purified” of your Jewish blood. And have the honor of fighting for Germany in World War II!
Hour of the Beast is set at a fictional Ivy League college inspired by Yale, with the same enormous Gothic buildings and mysterious tunnels. I thought I’d exaggerated the spookiness of the place in the book, but when I visited for the first time in years, I realized that the campus is, if anything, scarier at night than I remembered.
My alma mater Yale is even more Gothic than I remembered it.
The best part of the signing is that the first three people to buy the book were old friends from freshman year — the cute blonde cheerleader-type, the guy who directed me in our school play and the wacky girl with the great sense of humor who loved weird stories — and still does. How cool is that!
In my scariest childhood nightmare ever, a man hears a weird whistle that draws him like a siren into a ruined mansion — where he’s cut into mincemeat by an unseen, supernatural entity. In the scariest play I’ve ever seen, “The Woman in Black,” a vengeful undead wraith preys on whoever sets foot in her decaying home. In the last movie to genuinely frighten me, “The Grudge”, a hideous harpy with wild, ragged hair hides out in a haunted house and murders every unlucky visitor (even tracking down and dispatching folks who heed the obvious warnings to get out).
So it was quite an unusual, sum-of-all-fears reading experience to find those elements combined in a single bone-chilling, atmospheric comic titled “Pigeons from Hell.”
The ultra-creepy comic is based on a 1932 short story by Robert E. Howard. (Yep, Conan’s creator did more than just churn out yarns about pumped up he-men with Viking hats. A buddy of H.P. Lovecraft, he too was a master of the horror genre and the pair engaged in a robust correspondence about the supernatural.)
The chiller is just one of 30 great zombie tales in The Mammoth Book of Zombie Comics, edited by David Kendall.
An eerie whistle lures a victim to the lair of this zombie she-devil in “Pigeons from Hell.”
You might expect that a 453-page anthology packed with nothing but zombie stories would get old in a hurry. But nothing could be further from the truth. What I love about this book is the astonishing variety of plots, themes, and visual styles.
In the blackly humorous “Dead Eyes Open,” the theme of discrimination is explored when millions of people return from the dead with their minds fully intact. The first celebrity “returner” is Wil Wheaton of Star Trek: The Next Generation fame. The undead former child actor pleads for acceptance of the new minority group and an end to the “re-murder” of his kind by trigger-happy vigilantes.
Based on an old folktale, “The Zombie“ takes place in Africa, where voodoo has its roots and zombies are the tragic victims of sorcerers.
In “Necrotic: Dead Flesh on a Living Body,” an Egyptologist discovers that mummification provides the key to immortality — with a terrible price.
An Egyptologist’s bid to cheat death has a few glitches in “Necrotic: Dead Flesh on a Living Body.”
The book offers a visual buffet, featuring styles ranging from the three-dimensional realism of the space-zombie story “Flight from Earth,” illustrated by Roman Surzhenko, to the minimalist avante guarde approach taken by artist Iain Laurie in “Pariah.”
Previously, I’d never found zombies either interesting or all that scary (after the shock of my first viewing of “Night of the Living Dead” as a kid). Unlike vampires and werewolves, who have an inner life and are often tortured by guilt, zombies are almost always presented on film as mindless, flesh-eating killing machines. And usually pretty easy to kill, once you figure out to shoot ’em in the head. (Often they can be taken out of commission by a baseball bat or solid uppercut).
But the stories in this collection pose some deep philosophical questions. “Zombies,” for example, explores that old trick of mimicking the infected to slip by them — dating back at least as far as “Invasion of the Body Snatchers” and parodied to hilarious effect in “Shaun of the Dead.” The shocking ending raises the question, “How far would you be willing to go to survive?”
This interview with a zombified Star Trek C-list celeb Wil Wheaton would have been the perfect finale for Oprah’s TV show.
Varying rules and explanations for zombism abound; the creators are not restricted by the mythology established in Hollywood by Romero. Some zombies are created the old fashioned way by wicked voodoo practitioners, while in “Amy,” disembodied alien invaders travel light-years to animate the corpses of earthlings.
You know, when “28 Days Later” came out, many reviewers praised director Danny Boyle for “reinventing the zombie genre.” Bull. While deserving of kudos for its grim, digital-video look, artistic flourishes and thought-provoking climax, the zombies themselves were the same brainless, cannibalistic monsters of “Night of the Living Dead” and its sequels — just a whole lot quicker.
And while the character-driven “Walking Dead” graphic novel and the TV series based on it boast some intriguing situations and relationships, these truly ARE your father’s zombies. Comic book writer Robert Kirkman makes no claim to have re-invented the genre. He doesn’t believe it needs re-invention. In his intro to Volume One, he extols the virtues of well-scripted zombie flicks like the “Dawn of the Dead” remake, acknowledging his debt to them. Really, the mess hero Rick Grimes and his fellow survivors find themselves in could have been ANY end-of-the world scenario; those shambling, “classic” zombies are just a plot device.
But in “The Mammoth book of Zombie Comics,” you WILL find the genre re-invented again and again in delightful, deliciously scary way
Vampires run amok in a women’s prison in the gorgeously illustrated, 80-page graphic novel Night Cage. When a newly made vampire is sentenced to an escape-proof, underground slammer, she quickly begins to spread the contagion.
ZURICH — Is your werewolf’s constant misbehavior driving you crazy? Stop pulling your hair out and enroll your wolfman in one of four obedience schools that have cropped up in Switzerland.
At institutions like the Lycanthrope Academy outside Zurich, ill-mannered man-beasts are trained to become docile and obedient.
“Werewolves come here tearing up furniture, chasing postmen and sullenly ignoring commands,” states Juergan Lichtenwalter, director of the school. “They leave here helpful companions that will obey orders instantly and even delight their masters’ guests with a variety of tricks.”
Werewolves are common household pets in Switzerland, Germany and France, and function in a broad range of service roles as well. Some serve as guard dogs, rescue animals, sheep herders, drug sniffers and of course companions to the blind.
When well trained, the loyal and intelligent creatures can be wonderful in all those roles, outshining even German shepherds. But unruly, poorly trained and disobedient werewolves can be a nightmare.
“Before we brought King to the obedience school, he was always leaving poop around the house and no amount of swats on the behind with rolled up newspaper would stop him,” reveals Annalise Landenber, 42. “He wouldn’t quit humping my leg. And once, when I tried to take our milkman’s femur away from him, he snapped at me.
“King wouldn’t even answer to his own name. But after six weeks at the school, he’s like a whole new wolfman. If you say ‘Come,’ he comes. ‘Roll over’ or ‘Beg’ and he rolls over and begs.”
The exclusive Lycanthrope Academy, which opened its doors three years ago, accepts only pedigreed werewolves, while its three imitators train mixed breeds as well.
The owners of the academy refuse to divulge their training methods, calling them a “trade secret.” But the director disputes accusations on an animal rights blog that cattle prods and silver canes are used to cow the creatures into submission.
“Our approach draws upon the latest research in both animal and human psychology,” explains Licthenwalter. “Once you understand that a werewolf has two sides – the canine side that is pack-oriented, intuitive and uninhibited and the human side, which is intelligent and rational — it’s mostly a matter of communicating with them in a gentle but firm manner.
“You have to show them that you love them, but also who’s the boss.”
Ms. Landenber, an administrative assistant and mother of four, couldn’t be happier.
“I’m seriously thinking about entering him in the big contest in Geneva this fall,” she reveals. “I think he could win Best in Show.”
A good candidate for obedience school.
On the Hour of the Beast front, the book launch party for my new horror novel was a smashing success! A good time was had by readers who packed Fiction Addiction in Greenville, SC. You can get the scoop on this bone-chilling werewolf story by clicking HERE.
My book launch party at Fiction Addiction drew readers from all walks of life, from sewing teacher Eileen Bunch to contractor Sam Lewis.
Copyright C. Michael Forsyth
If you enjoyed this article, check out C. Michael Forsyth’s collection of news satire, available on Kindle and in other eBook formats.
I have a terrific new book to recommend: Hour of the Beast. Of course, I’m a wee bit prejudiced, since I wrote it!
That’s right, folks. My much-anticipated first novel has been published at last. You can order it at any bookstore, and it’s available on Amazon. But the easiest, fasted and cheapest way to get it is at http://freedomshammer.com.
It’s a pretty cool website. Among other things, you’ll find my 50 best Weekly World News stories, plus Chapter One read by yours truly. (Sorry, Morgan Freeman was booked up). And yes, for you cheapos they’ve got it in eBook format too.
Here’s a quick synopsis:
The nightmare begins on a lonely country road when young bride Elaine Stern suffers “a fate worse than death” at the hands of a werewolf. Nine months later, the traumatized woman gives birth to a pair of fraternal twins.
One, Jason, is frail, bespectacled and timid. The other, Joshua, is aggressive and hairy, with uncanny strength. When the boys are in their teens, they arrive at HallertonCollege, a mysterious place where weird things tend to happen even before they get there. The horror goes into overdrive when a string of grisly murders paralyzes the campus. As the body count mounts, Jason begins to suspect that his brother has inherited the curse of lycanthropy. He races to find a cure, enlisting the help of the wise, adventurous and beautiful Professor Cairo Oldewood.
Also along for the ride are Cameron, a gorgeous blonde coed, and Jason’s roommate Dylan, a fearless extreme-sports junkie who will do anything for a thrill — even face the full fury of a rampaging monster. Together, to save Joshua’s soul, they must solve a centuries-old mystery before the full moon rises again, and before the hour of the beast is upon them!
I’ve got some enthusiastic feedback pouring in from the fellow writers who’ve read it so far:
“A new master of the horror genre is upon us! Hour of the Beast is a gripping story, filled with great characters and some stunning plot twists. A fresh, sexy new take on the classic werewolf story. From the opening chapter, the tension increases as the action accelerates toward a precarious pinnacle. Plot lines introduced early return in a frenetic bundle at the climax of this fast-moving tale.”
– John J. Stevens, author ofFire Island.
“Hour of the Beast is written in fire and blood. This gripping, fast-paced mystery/thriller features anIndiana Jones-type heroine, Cairo Oldewood. It will keep you turning the page to the very last horror.” –
– J.e. Franklin, winner of New York Drama Desk Award.
And you can bet your sweet bippy Stephen King will feel exactly the same way as soon as he’s done reading it.
So, visit the website and order your copy – plus the dynamite poster of the cover art by the great British artist Martin McKenna, and a t-shirt while you’re at it. (Key chains, caps, mugs and of course Hour of the Beast thongs are on the way).
Or run, don’t walk to your nearest bookstore to order your copy of Hour of the Beast.
Exact age of sinister relic is unknown, but some experts believe it is at least 13,500 years old.
By C. Michael Forsyth
SAN FRANCISCO — The infamous Pitchfork of Lucifer has vanished from a vault beneath a prominent Satanist church, and authorities are 99 percent certain that Vatican agents are responsible!
Without the sinister occult object — seen wielded by the Evil One at Black Masses dating back hundreds of years — Satan will be virtually incapable of operating in the physical world, experts say.
“Here is some upbeat news for a change,” declared Dr. Robert J. Fecklerman, a professor of history and top authority on the occult. “Yes, there will continue to be natural disasters, like that earthquake in Japan, but evils on the scale of World War II won’t happen.
“The theft of his pitchfork pretty much puts Satan out of commission.”
The break-in occurred on April 21 at about 2 am, under the noses of more than a dozen security guards at the First Church of Lucifer, Angel of Light, near the Golden Gate Bridge.
“The perpetrators have not been identified, but in the safe, in place of the stolen object, a small silver crucifix was left, which we’ve been advised is a calling card of Vatican operatives,” said Police Detective Brian McAdeems, the lead investigator.
The notorious Pitchfork has traded hands many times over the centuries, sometimes kept under lock and key by God-fearing guardians, sometimes in the possession of evildoers.
“It’s kind of like that football trophy the Bronze Turkey which has been stolen back and forth by pranksters at Monmouth and Knox colleges for decades,” explained Dr. Fecklerman. “Except that the consequences when this artifact changes hands are far more serious.”
The Devil is seldom seen in public without his trademark symbol of evil, as shown in the cult classic movie “The Undead.”
The origins of the mysterious occult object are unknown. One legend has it that the Pitchfork was forged in the fires of hell itself. A scientific study conducted on the 46-inch long, trident-like relic in 1989 — when it was in the hands of good guys — revealed that it is made of iron, lead, mercury, scandium plus several unknown alloys, including two elements not found on the periodic table.
Historians say the Pitchfork of Lucifer first surfaced in during the Crusades, when Knights Templar loyal to King Henry III retrieved it from Muslim fanatics after the liberation of Jerusalem in 1229.
“During dark times like the Spanish Inquisition and the Reign of Terror, the Pitchfork was in the hands of devil worshippers,” explains Dr. Fecklerman. “During the Age of Enlightenment and the founding of the United States, it was in the hands of the Catholic Church and other proponents of good.”
In the early 1920s, the Roaring Twenties, when the world was at peace, the Pitchfork was safely tucked away in the hands of Tibetan monks high in the Himalayan Mountains.
But in 1923, a band of German occultists belonging to a group called the Thule Society visited the monastery and, during an overnight stay, swiped the Pitchfork from their kindly hosts.
“One of these occult enthusiasts was a mediocre postcard painter who previously showed no particular leadership skills,” says Dr. Fecklerman. “With the Pitchfork of Lucifer in his possession, he grew in power with uncanny speed.
“That man’s name was Adolf Hitler.”
The theft from the nation’s most respected Satanist church was audacious and demonstrated a high level of sophistication, authorities say. To reach the vault, the perpetrators tunneled through 30 feet of rocky soil from the basement of a building across the street. Then they used high-tech laser tools to cut through the 12-inch-thick safe.
Satanists are crying foul, accusing police of being sympathetic to the thieves, and demanding that the culprits be apprehended and brought to justice.
“I seem to remember a line in the so-called Good Book about ‘Thou shalt not steal,’” remarked Jarvis Gretzen, Archbishop of the 12,000-member Satanist church. “In committing this crime, the Papists have committed the ultimate act of hypocrisy.”
Questioned by reporters, the Vatican refused to either confirm or deny that the Pope’s agents were involved in the theft.
A Vatican spokesman said simply, “Anything that demoralizes the worshippers of evil is a positive development.”
Copyright C. Michael Forsyth
C. Michael Forsyth’s horror novel Hour of the Beast is “gripping and fast-paced,” critics say.
TO READ CHAPTER ONE OF HOUR OF THE BEAST, CLICK HERE
On “South Park,” Cartman learns that alien probes are no laughing matter — or are they?
By C. Michael Forsyth
CAMBRIDGE, Mass. — Those embarrassing alien probes you’ve heard so much about serve no legitimate scientific purpose whatsoever — and are conducted purely for kicks, a startling new university study reveals.
“Extraterrestrials first began visiting our planet in the late 1940s,” explains Robert S. Tangeman, PhD, lead author of the 68-page report. “Their technology is hundreds of years more advanced than anything we possess, as evidenced by their achievement of interstellar flight.
“Most likely, they learned everything there is to know about human anatomy within the first four months of their arrival. At the absolute latest, by 1951 their sophisticated scanners had mapped the entire human digestive tract from end to end.
“Therefore, our team has come to the inescapable conclusion that aliens perform these invasive alien probes for entertainment.”
Researchers from the five top universities that participated in the study interviewed 2,506 people who claimed to have been abducted between 1972 and 2010. Though many subjects were initially reluctant to discuss the nitty-gritty details of their alien examination ordeals, a disturbing pattern quickly emerged: Abductees heard strange sounds that sounded distinctly like laughter during the probes.
Mysterious alien probe, now housed at Area 51 museum and gift shop, was recovered from saucer wreck in the 1980s
A typical case is the account of subject Fred B., a husky 45-year-old truck driver from Abilene, Texas.
“When I woke up in this round white room, stark naked and strapped face down over a table, I was terrified,” he told the researchers. “The room was full of weird-looking scientific equipment and there were three little gray men with giant foreheads and black eyes moving around the room.
“I heard this loud humming sound and when I looked over my shoulder, I saw a strange, hose-like thing with a flashing light on the end swimming through the air toward me — making a beeline for my keister.
“I’d read enough supermarket tabloids to know what was coming next. I gritted my teeth and told myself, ‘Well, it’s for the sake of science, and maybe it’ll end up helping understanding and peace between our planet and their’s. So I’ll just have to grin and bear it.’ ”
But midway through the grueling 10-minute check, Fred got an unpleasant surprise.
“I heard this high-pitched tittering sound coming from behind me. At first I thought it was my imagination, but then I heard it again, louder — and all three of them were doing it. The SOBs were laughing hysterically at me!
“You can bet your life I was mad as hell. When they dropped me off near my truck, I thought they might zap my memory, like you hear about. But unfortunately, I remember every minute of that sickening experience.”
Highly respected writer Whitley Strieber gave a chilling true account of his alien-probe ordeal.
Few abductees were willing to discuss the humiliating exams until 1987, when highly respected writer Whitley Strieber detailed his shocking rectal probe by 4-foot-tall, insect-like aliens in his groundbreaking non-fiction book Communion. Since then, hundreds of men and women from around the world have come forward with their own harrowing tales of invasive probes of their most intimate areas.
“When we began our study, I was convinced that the ‘tittering’ sound must actually be some form of language,” said Tangeman. “But we have eyewitness accounts of aliens elbowing each other and literally laughing until they cried.
“There’s really no doubt that the aliens perform these probes because they think our reactions are funny.
“The only upside is that it means that extraterrestrials are much more like humans that we ever knew. They need entertainment and they have a sense of humor — even though that sense of humor is far less sophisticated than you might expect from such a highly evolved civilization.”
“YOU”RE GOING TO PUT WHAT, WHERE?” Milla Vovovich finds herself at the wrong end of an alien probe in “The Fourth Kind.”
Copyright C. Michael Forsyth
If you enjoyed this mind-bending story by C. Michael Forsyth, check out his collection of bizarre news, available on Kindle and in other eBook formats.
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C. Michael Forsyth’s novel Hour of the Beast is “gripping and fast-paced,” critics say.
GEROMINO! Building a vast, interplanetary empire will take some military muscle, as foreseen in this early comic book
By C. Michael Forsyth
CAPE CANAVERAL, Fla. — Good news! NASA scientists have uncovered evidence that there are scores of inhabitable planets within rocket-ship distance — and Earthmen may soon be able to build a vast galactic empire!
“Astronomers have cracked the Milky Way like a piñata, and planets are pouring out so fast they don’t know what to do with them all,” the prestigious New York Times announced triumphantly.
“Scientists operating NASA’s planet-hunting Kepler satellite reported that they had identified 1,235 possible planets orbiting other stars, tripling the number of known planets.”
Best of all, many of these “exoplanets” are believed to be what are dubbed Type M planets in Star Trek lingo — planets capable of sustaining human life!
“Fifty four of the exoplanets are in so-called habitable zones of stars, where temperatures should be moderate enough for liquid water,” the Times reports.
The discovery by Kepler, which was launched in 2009, opens the door to colonization of other planets, most likely led by the only superpower in the world with the necessary money and technical know-how — the United States.
“It boggles the mind,” Kepler’s team leader William Bourick of the Ames Research Center in Northern California told the paper excitedly.
NEW WORLDS TO CONQUER! Our galaxy is packed with planets, as shown in this NASA artist's conception.
Plans are already being drawn up by NASA for colonies on the closest of the planets. Though some planets may require domed colonies because they lack the proper atmosphere, others may have all the oxygen we need, in addition to drinkable water, fertile land and valuable natural resources.
“For the first time in human history we have a pool of rocky, habitable planets.” declared top MIT expert Sara Seager.
The sheer number of planets — all ripe for the picking — has astounded scientists, who once doubted there were any other Earth-like planets in the galaxy, or perhaps only a small handful.
“This is sending me back to the drawing board,” flabbergasted Kepler astronomer Jack Lissauer told the science mag Nature.
One top Yale astronomer strongly agreed, telling a Times reporter that the game-changing discovery “blows the lid off everything we thought we knew about expolanets”
Experts say this will go down as one of the key turning points in human history, right up there with our ape-like ancestors’ descent from the trees.
Geoffrey W. Marcy of the University of California, Berkeley declared that what he called the “extraordinary planet windfall” is a “moment that will be written in textbooks.”
If the stunning New York Times report is accurate — and given the paper’s solid reputation there’s no reason to believe it’s not — it means that contact with intelligent life on nearby worlds is almost inevitable.
A few scientists — including famed astrophysicist Stephen Hawking — have expressed concern that our alien neighbors may soon invade Earth and have warned that we cease and desist beaming “Hi, here we are“ radio messages into space.
But the vast majority of experts contend that its far more likely that WE will be the conquerors and in a relatively short time will have dozens of colonies — perhaps as new U.S. states — under our belt.
That’s because most life forms on other planets are likely to be pre-industrial, agrarian folks who’ve barely developed muskets — if they’ve even invented the bow and arrow. They’ll be no match for an armada of American-made spaceships armed to the teeth with smart bombs, laser-guided missiles and tactical nukes, Defense Department planners by and large agree.
There’s a small possibility that the U.S. may instead establish peaceful relationship with the locals, with a strict no-interfering-with-the-natives rule like the inviolable (and routinely broken) “Prime Directive” in Star Trek. However, given America’s track record, that’s highly doubtful.
“Within the next 40 years or so you’ll be reading about indigenous E.T.s being rounded up and removed to special ‘protective’ areas on their planets,” predicted a Harvard historian. “If you don’t believe me, go ask a Mohican.”
E.T. and his buddies won’t have a prayer when confronted by the superior firepower of America’s brave soldier-astronauts, depicted here in the movie “Starship Troopers.”
Copyright C. Michael Forsyth
TERRIFYING, SEXY: C. Michael Forsyth's horror novel Hour of the Beast.
To hear Chapter One of Hour of the Beast FREE click HERE.
Long before Boris Karloff appeared in "The Mummy," Sir. Arthur Conan Doyle wrote of a tragic, immortal Egyptian obsessed with an ancient love.
By C. Michael Forsyth
Every reader knows of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle as the creator of Sherlock Holmes. Fewer are aware that he also invented Professor Challenger, whose visit to a plateau frozen in prehistory in The Lost World was a forerunner to Jurassic Park.
But hardly anyone knows that Doyle also wrote many horror stories and was a brilliant master of the genre. A collection of these can be found in TheHorror of the Heights & Other Strange Tales. And what a delightful treat these tales are!
I suppose one shouldn’t be surprised that the father of literature’s most enduring character would bring considerable creativity to bear. But it’s remarkable how Doyle invented many of the staples of supernatural fiction.
His story “The Great Keinplatz Experiment,” anticipates the many body-swapping movies Hollywood has churned out, like “Freaky Friday,” “18 Again,” “Prelude to a Kiss,” and Rob Schneider’s hilarious “The Hot Chick.”
AHEAD OF HIS TIME: Sir Arthur Conan Doyle could frighten readers as well as baffle them with mysteries,
His “Lot. 249” introduces the shambling, homicidal mummy that would decades later send chills up the spines of movie goers in The Mummy. Another story, “The Ring of Thoth,” precedes “The Mummy” ’s theme of an immortal Egyptian driven by love spanning the centuries.
The story “The Horror of the Heights,” is about an airplane menaced by a monster that dwells in the clouds. It would be echoed in the classic 1963 “Twilight Zone” episode in which William Shatner, recovering from a nervous breakdown, is the only passenger aboard a plane to see a mysterious creature tampering with the engine.
As a writer, I’m often frustrated at how often I’ll come up with what I believe to be an original idea for a supernatural story, only to discover that “The Twilight Zone” got there first. Well, again and again, Conan Doyle beats Rod Serling to the punch.
"STEWARDESS!" William Shatner discovers a new reason to take the bus in the classic Twilight Zone episode "Terror at 20,000 feet."
The most truly fascinating thing about these stories is that each includes a clearly outlined mechanism for the supernatural occurrence, lending the tales unusual realism.
Remember, Conan Doyle was an ardent believer in the occult. He vouched for mediums and ascribed to their pseudoscientific cosmology (ectoplasm, astral planes and the like). He believed in telepathy, psychometry, clairvoyance — and even fairies, championing those dubious “fairy photographs” as legitimate.
In most modern horror novels and movies, the supernatural element requires total suspension of disbelief. We are simply supposed to accept that there are vampires, werewolves, ghosts, zombies or whatever, with the why and how left unanswered.
In occult-expert Conan Doyle’s stories there is always a logical explanation for the supernatural events, no matter how fantastic. For example, in the body-switching story, the spooky fun starts when a professor and his assistant, sitting side by side, simultaneously attempt out-of-body projection.
And in “Horror of the Heights,” the denizens of the upper atmosphere are life forms that one might reasonably believe could inhabit the sky — unlike the lumbering, Abominable Snowman-like “gremlin” of “The Twilight Zone” episode.
IT'S A WRAP! The 1932 movie "The Mummy" has a precursor in one of Conan Doyle's stories.
Beyond that, the twisty, sometimes grimly humorous stories deliver the requisite scares. There were none that I didn’t like. My favorite was “The Parasite,” in which a hypnotist’s parlor exhibition at a cocktail party leads to harrowing consequences for the subject. This tale features a storyline you definitely WON’T recognize from Hollywood movies. And it builds up to a nail-biting climax even Sherlock Holmes wouldn’t foresee.
Horror reaches new heights in collection of scary tales by the creator of Sherlock Holmes.
Copyright C. Michael Forsyth
If you only read ONE werewolf novel this week, make it Hour of the Beast by C. Michael Forsyth.
C. Michael Forsyth is the author of "Sir Arthur Conan Doyle & Harry Houdini in The Adventure of the Spook House,""The Blood of Titans," "Hour of the Beast" and "The Identity Thief." He is a Yale graduate and former senior writer for The Weekly World News
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