GENEVA — A defecting Russian scientist has surfaced with a mind-bending account of what REALLY occurred when he and his colleagues went missing for five days in a mysterious lake 12,366 feet beneath the Antarctic ice.
Dr. Anton Padalka told authorities in Switzerland that the researchers discovered a bizarre and deadly life form dubbed Organism 46-B – a highly intelligent octopus-like creature that claimed the lives of three of the team members.
But the government of Russian president Vladimir Putin claimed that “nothing of scientific interest” was found – because the former KGB strongman hopes to weaponize the organism.
“The discovery of such unusual life in Lake Vostok was the most important scientific breakthrough in decades, but we were ordered not to divulge it because of Mr. Putin’s sinister scheme,” the whistleblowing geologist told the Swiss.
It was in early February 2012 that members of the Russian Antarctic Expedition succeeded in the drilling through more than two miles of thick ice to Lake Vostok – a project that took more than 30 years. Because the freshwater lake has been sealed off from the rest of the world for between 15 and 34 million years, scientists had predicted they would find new species that had evolved far differently than any seen before.
“According to our research, the quantity of oxygen there exceeds that on other parts of our planet by 10 to 20 times. Any life forms that we find are likely to be unique on Earth,” Sergey Bulat, the project’s Chief Scientist said on Russian TV as the geologists were drilling down.
Previously, extremely weird creatures had been found in deep-sea vents off the coast of Antarctica including hairy-chested yeti crabs that feed on gardens of bacteria they cultivate on their bodies and carnivorous, seven-armed sea stars that can catch and kill those crabs.
Just as the eight man team neared the lake all communication with the outside world mysteriously ceased. As days crept by and the researchers failed to respond to increasing frantic efforts to reach them by radio, fellow scientists worldwide feared the worst.
“No word from the ice for 5 days,” Dr. John Priscu, a professor of ecology at Montana State University and head of a similar Antarctic exploration program grimly told Fox News at the time. “I can only imagine what it’s like.”
Or maybe he couldn’t. Dr Padalka claims that during this time, he and his colleagues were fighting for their lives in the lost world deep beneath the earth’s surface.
“We encountered Organism 46-B on day one as we were conducting a preliminary dive in our low-temperature wetsuits,” he recounts. “It disabled our radio, which we later learned to our alarm, was intentional.”
Octopuses like this vitrelladonella richardi are known for extreme intelligence.
Although the creature has 14 arms instead of the usual eight, it kills in a similar manner to an ordinary octopus — seizing its prey, injecting it with paralyzing saliva then dismembering it into small pieces with its beak. But Organism 46-B has another trick up its sleeve.
“It is able to paralyze prey at a distance of up to 150 feet by releasing its venom into the water from an organ similar to its ink sac,” explained Dr. Padlaka. “Tragically, my colleague and life-long friend Dr. Vindogradov was killed this way. He tread water wearing a blissful smile as the organism approached him. We watched helplessly as it used its arms to tear off his head, then popped his remains its mouth. It was as if it had hypnotized him telepathically.”
The 33-foot-long man-eater also boasts extraordinary camouflage that helped it stalk the researchers.
“Many species of octopus can alter their appearance, usually to avoid larger predators,” Dr. Padalka explained. “Sacs of colorful pigments called chromatophores allow them to change colors, and by contracting their muscles they can blend in with the smooth ocean floor or a craggy coral reef. The well-known mimic octopus can contort its boneless body to take on the shape of a sea snake or stingray.”
But the shape-shifting abilities of Organism 46-B sound almost diabolical.
“It shaped itself into the form of a human diver. We thought it was one my colleagues swimming toward us in scuba gear. By the time the closest scientist realized what it was, it had grabbed him and torn him to bits.”
If an arm of an ordinary octopus is cut off, the severed limb will crawl away – sometimes even seize prey and place it in the mouth of the octopus. Experts say that’s because each arm contains a cluster of neurons – essentially its own brain. The arms of Organism 46-B demonstrated a chilling knack for operating autonomously.
“After our sole female researcher chopped off one of the arms with an ax, the severed limb yanked the weapon out of her hands,” recalled the scientist. “That night the arm slithered onto the icy bank where we were sleeping and strangled her.”
The experts believe that not only does the octopus regenerate its limbs, the brainy severed tentacle may be able to form a new octopus.
Octopuses are extraordinarily intelligent, able to negotiate mazes, use tools and even build structures with Legos. The newly discovered entity is in a class by itself.
“From the way it adapted each time we changed our tactics, we became convinced it is at least as intelligent as an average human,” Dr. Padalka revealed. “If we were not all Ph.Ds, I fear it would have in the end outwitted us.”
Miraculously, the eggheads were able to capture the creature in a tank. After the five surviving scientists made their way to the surface, the program’s director ordered that the bore hole be immediately plugged. The geologists expected to be honored internationally for their amazing find. To their great disappointment, however, the Russian government claimed that the team had found no life in Lake Vostok – and denied that divers had even entered the water.
“There’s nothing much down there, I can assure you,” according to a statement by the chief of the Vostok Research Station, A. M. Yelagin. The director of the Russian Antarctic Expedition, Valery Lukin, admitted that the plug had been put in place but called the precaution “routine.”
U.S. and British experts were puzzled by the announcement.
“It’s a little bit of an anti-climax,” geologist Dr. David L. Meckenroy of the U.K. said on TV at the time. “It’s hard to believe we were so wrong about there being unusual life down there.”
COLD AS ICE: Russian President Putin is known for ruthlessness and secrecy.
Dr. Padalka claims he fled his native country in July after learning to his horror that the government is planning to put the discovery to military use.
“Some species of octopus lay 200,000 eggs,” he pointed out. “Imagine if they were deposited in reservoirs and lakes across North America?”
The Russian government calls the whistleblower’s claims preposterous.
“It is laughable. Ho, ho, ho,” declared Mikhail Belochkin of the Bureau of Truthful Information. “It sounds like something you might see on one of your science fiction TV channels. The Cold War is over, my friends. If our scientists made a discovery of such magnitude, do you seriously doubt that we would share it with the world?”
Copyright C. Michael Forsyth
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If you enjoyed this mind-bending supernatural news satire by fiction writer C. Michael Forsyth, check out his new project…
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THRILLING NEW GRAPHIC NOVEL!
In the graphic novel NIGHT CAGE, vampires overrun a women’s prison–and to escape, four surviving inmates must fight their way through an army of the undead. Picture ‘Salem’s Lot meets Orange is the New Black.
READ VOLUME ONE
If you found this mind-bending story by fiction writer C. Michael Forsyth entertaining, you’ll love Volume One of his graphic novel Night Cage,in which vampires take over a women’s prison.
If you enjoy reading fact and fiction woven artfully together check out new the thriller Houdini vs. Rasputin, written by the author of this article.
If you enjoyed this mind-bending article by C. Michael Forsyth check out his collection of bizarre news stories, available on Kindle and in other eBook formats.
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AND ON THE HOUR OF THE BEAST FRONT…
Nice review of my novel “Hour of the Beast” was just posted at Parlor of Horror. Reviewer Michael Knight calls it “a fast-paced horror-thriller with lots of action, suspense, and comedic relief.”
The author of this article also penned the highly acclaimed horror novel “Hour of the Beast.”
Hour of the Beast is available in hardcover and softcover at Amazon.com. But you can save $4 by clicking HERE! The Kindle version is just $7 and the Ebook is a measly $5. Be the first on your block to read this bone-chilling tale — before the motion picture hits the big screen.
Bram Stoker wrote the grandpa of all vampire books.
Bram Stoker’s kinsman reclaims the famous character in this gripping sequel.
By C. Michael Forsyth
The story of Dracula ends with the blood-drinking fiend destroyed and newlyweds Jonathan and Mina Harker living happily ever after.
Or does it? In the book Dracula the Un-Dead, an exciting sequel to Bram Stoker’s classic written by the author’s great-grandnephew Dacre Stoker, the tale of terror continues to unfold.
I had the good fortune to run into Dacre at the Horror Writer’s Association’s Bram Stoker Weekend, an annual gathering that pays tribute to his famous forebear. A courtly resident of South Carolina, he was quite generous with his time. After his presentation on Bram, we chatted about the extensive research that went into the novel. We traded books, and I’ve finally had a chance to sink my teeth into this juicy vampire yarn.
The book is set in 1912, about 25 years after the events in Dracula, and the band of heroes who put the vampire down are in a sorry state.
Jonathan Harker, once a paragon of Victorian virtue, has been reduced to a whoring, alcoholic wretch. He’s tortured by his inability to sexually satisfy his wife the way that her superhuman “dark prince” could.
Mina, forever tainted by her sip of Dracula’s blood, remains eternally young like Dorian Gray. Guilt-ridden, she counts her youthful appearance as a curse, not a blessing.
Dr. Van Helsing, the wise and fearless vampire killer, is now a frail, vulnerable old man terrified of death.
Dr. Seward, once the esteemed head of the asylum that housed Dracula’s bug-eating flunky Renfield, is himself a drug-addicted lunatic.
Aristocratic Arthur Holmwood, who was forced to stake his fiancée Lucy, is a bitter recluse who blames his former friends for her fate and is driven by a death wish.
IN HAPPIER TIMES: Jonathan Harker, played by Keanu Reeves in “Bram Stoker’s Dracula” finds that middle age is “totally bogus.”
New characters are introduced, most prominently Elizabeth Bathory, a real-life relative of Vlad the Impaler, the historical Dracula. The 16th Century noblewoman was the most prolific serial killer in history, making dudes like Jack the Ripper and Ted Bundy look like pikers. The Bloody Countess tortured and killed at least 650 servant girls, bathing in their blood in a quest for immortality. Here, she too is a vampire – and a far more vicious one than the gentlemanly Count Dracula.
BLOODY COUNTESS: Elizabeth Bathory slaughtered at least 650 young maidens — for their blood.
Also taking the stage is Basarab, a handsome and charismatic actor who is Bathory’s hated foe.
Details from the original are cleverly woven into the novel and supporting characters like Renfield and Seward are fleshed out with interesting backstories. Arthur Holmwood, usually little more than an uptight prig in movies, is a fully realized character who’s led a colorful life of adventure. Even Quincy Morris, the Texan who almost never makes the cut in film versions, is given his due.
Usually just an upper-crust square (as played here by Cary Elwes) Lucy’s fiance Arthur emerges as a swashbuckling hero.
Dacre and his co-author Ian Holt, in addition to having access to family lore, dug deep into original sources to find nuggets that enrich the sequel. Dacre traveled to the Rosenbach Museum to comb through Bram Stoker’s notes. Among the fascinating tidbits he uncovered was the character sketch for a detective Bram toyed with including in Dracula but ultimately abandoned. Dacre resurrects Inspector Cotford in the sequel.
Equally painstaking research into early 20th Century London is evident in the authoritative descriptions of locations such as the Lyceum Theater that bring the setting vividly to life. Real people of the time show up, including boozing stage legend John Barrymore — and, surprisingly, Bram Stoker himself!
TOO WISE TO LIVE? Dr. Van Helsing (Everett Sloane) had the will power to resist Dracula in the 1931 Bela Lugosi movie.
Yet despite the loving attention to detail, Dracula the Un-Dead is not slavishly true to the original in that it inverts Dracula’s nature, reimagining him as a Byronic hero rather than a monster. In a sense, the book is not a sequel to Dracula as Bram Stoker told the story so much as a sequel to the story as DRACULA would have told it. (It made me think of the kids’ book My Side of the Story, in which Sleeping Beauty is retold from the witch Maleficent’s perspective.)
MR. NICE GUY? Dracula (portrayed by Gary Oldman in “Bram Stoker’s Dracula”) saw himself as a romantic hero misunderstood by medding male mortals.
In turning the Victorian worldview upside down Dracula the Un-Dead is likely quite different from the sequel Bram Stoker would have written. But who cares? Do we really need another follow-up to Dracula that carries forward the plot on its trajectory in an easily anticipated way? We’ve already seen movies and comics in which Mina’s son Quincy Harker is an elderly hero waging a crusade against the undead.
Here instead Quincy is a naïve young aspiring actor who puts his dreams of stage success above all else and fawns over his idol Basarab. (Quincy is so clueless he makes Jimmy Olsen look like Albert Einstein). That’s only the first of many surprises the book offers. Co-author Holt is a screenwriter and the fast-paced, action-packed novel is perfectly suited for a movie adaptation.
IN PAST follow-ups in comic books and movies, Quincy Harker is often a gutsy old vampire slayer.
I asked Dacre whether the Stoker clan was still living off “all the Dracula money.” He gave a wistful smile and said no. Sadly, he explained, the family lost the U.S. copyright to Dracula through a clerical error early on and it’s been in the public domain ever since. They haven’t been paid a dime by Hollywood since the 1931 Bela Lugosi movie and unlike the kin of Tarzan creator Edgar Rice Burroughs, have had no control over the wildy popular character and his many — often embarrassingly stupid — incarnations. One of Dacre’s goals was to reclaim Dracula for his family.
“I think Bram would be proud that a family member has taken this initiative and finally done justice to the legacy he created,” he writes in the afterward.
IN THE BLOOD: Dacre Stoker, great-grandnephew of Bram Stoker with C. Michael Forsyth, author of Hour of the Beast, at the Horror Writers Association convention.
IN A RELATED STORY…
PRISON life becomes even more hellish when a vampire epidemic erupts in a women’s prison.
I’m excited to announce the launch of my first graphic novel, Night Cage! The premise of the horror story is simple: Vampires take over a women’s prison. Just imagine Orange is the New Black meets Salem’s Lot.
The project is being funded through Kickstarter. Folks who jump on the bandwagon will get a boatload of goodies and rewards, ranging from advance copies of the book and exclusive art, posters and T-shirts to a chance to be drawn into the graphic novel as a character!
Please check out the video out HERE, and share the news with all your social media friends!
PRISONERS fight for survival against a bloodthirsty army of the undead in the graphic novel Night Cage.
ON THE HOUR OF THE BEAST FRONT…
I attended Dragon*con 2012 in Atlanta to promote my horror novel Hour of the Beast and pick up tips on independent filmmaking. Some great panels on subjects ranging from movie pre-production and distribution to the future of black science fiction. The highlight was Stan Lee talking to a packed ballroom. The comic-industry giant is feisty as ever, his brain still bubbling with creativity. Of course, I didn’t completely ignore the gazillion gals in skimpy costumes. Some were marvelously imaginative, others not so much. You’d think a guy would never get tired of seeing women in that barely-there bandage getup from “The Fifth Element,” but after number 30, I did!
STAN THE MAN
DEJA VU ALL OVER AGAIN
SHREK’S GAL
LADY IN RED
The author of this article also wrote the acclaimed horror novel Hour of the Beast. In the opening chapter, a bride is raped by a werewolf on her wedding night. Then things get out of hand.
Hour of the Beast is available in hardcover and softcover at Amazon.com. But you can save $4 by clicking HERE! The Kindle version is just $7 and the Ebook is a measly $5. Be the first on your block to read this bone-chilling tale — before the motion picture hits the big screen.
In Vengeance, a man does the unthinkable to strike back at the vampires who destroyed his family.
By C. Michael Forsyth
I finally got a chance to read the book Vengeance, the first novel by Robert Cruchfield. I picked up a copy after serving on a panel with the author at the Undead Con organized by the Anne Rice Vampire Lestat Fan Club.
The back story here intrigued me. Crutchfield was a U.S. soldier fighting overseas during the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan when he began reading Anne Rice’s vampire series in the base library. He was so inspired, an idea for a vampire novel of his own came to him. In a fan email to the author he mentioned what was then a vague aspiration to write. To his surprise the mistress of the macabre emailed him back within a few days and encouraged him to put his story on paper. And so he did.
The plot revolves around Jayden Endsley, a high school football coach In Las Vegas whose family is decimated by a pack of vampires. To seek revenge on the ruthless bloodsuckers, he does the unthinkable: He allows himself to be converted into a vampire so he can take the gang on. Before long, Jayden’s surviving family members join him among the ranks of the undead.
The book is fast-paced, well-written and many of the action sequences are especially vivid. The scene in which Jayden’s family is set upon by the vampire crew is genuinely horrifying. I liked the idea of an ordinary middle-class family suddenly becoming vampires. And there are touches of humor. After her conversion, Jayden’s teen daughter Katie comes out of the movie “Twilight” complaining about the corny manner in which vamps are portrayed.
My biggest complaint about the book is that after Jayden turns into a vampire, has no qualms about murdering innocent people. Nor does he think twice about converting loved ones – even his teenage daughter. This threw me for a loop because the hero’s personality appears to make the human-to-vampire transition intact.
There’s also one glaring plot flaw. The vamps target Jayden because he’s inadvertently come into possession of a book prized by their kind. Jayden, who knows the book is valuable and has it tucked away in a safe, has a chance to bargain for his family’s safety, yet inexplicably, he doesn’t do so. The vampires, likewise, could simply drop in on the Endsley household and use their mind-reading skills to get the book from Jayden. But they insist on doing things the hard way.
JESUS would be unlikely to condone the spilling — or drinking — of blood.
The book treads into controversial territory: Vampirism is linked to disciples of Jesus who consumed the Savior’s blood at the Last Supper.
This isn’t the first time an author has had Jesus mix it up with the undead. Previous writers have picked up on the similarity between elements of vampirism and the New Testament themes of blood-drinking, supernatural powers and return from the grave.
In some books, Jesus himself is a vampire, such as Shadows and Saints and The Last Days of Christ the Vampire. In other variations on the theme, Judas becomes a vampire, as in the movie “Dracula 2000,” or the soldiers who crucified the Messiah are cursed to walk the Earth forever as nosferatu. Sometimes, Jesus bats for the human team, most famously the movie “Jesus Christ, Vampire Hunter,” a bizarre musical comedy about the Second Coming.
What I found a bit disconcerting in this book is how Jesus and his followers are portrayed. Hopped up on the blood of Jesus and endowed with super strength and speed, Saint Peter and other disciples take bloody revenge on those who put him to death, launching a sadistic killing spree that leaves Pontius Pilate, Herod and scores of others dead.
When Jesus returns from the grave and learns of the bloodbath, he tells Peter, “I cannot say I condone it.” You’d expect our Lord to take a firmer stance on mass slaughter! And you’d think if anything, drinking Jesus’ blood would make you more peace-loving.
Nevertheless, on the whole, I’d call it a successful and entertaining outing from a first-time author. Keep an eye out for Robert Crutchfield’s name. I have a feeling he’s just warming up.
The author of this article also wrote the acclaimed horror novel Hour of the Beast. In the opening chapter, a bride is raped by a werewolf on her wedding night. Then things get out of hand.
Hour of the Beast is available in hardcover and softcover at Amazon.com. But you can save $4 by clicking HERE! The Kindle version is just $7 and the Ebook is a measly $5. Be the first on your block to read this bone-chilling tale — before the motion picture hits the big screen.
SKIMPY Speedos are the preferred beach attire of Frenchmen, who usually wear them with no ill effects.
By C. Michael Forsyth
MIAMI — As 51-year-old French tourist Jean-Claude Rumiere strutted down Miami Beach in a Speedo, he hoped to dazzle lady beachgoers with the sight of his pudgy bod in all its glory. But that plan went up in smoke when his skimpy swimwear mysteriously burst into flame!
More than 20 eyewitnesses watched aghast as the businessman’s teensy bikini-style trunks became enveloped in what they describe as a “bright bluish blaze” and were reduced to ashes within seconds.
“The guy was waddling down the beach with his gut hanging out over his tight bathing suit and his ‘package’ on full display,” said eyewitness Bill Yerling, 38. “He obviously thought he looked great, but it was pretty gross. I covered my daughter’s eyes and a lot of people were glaring at him.
“Suddenly smoke started to come from his Speedo and it caught fire. The guy screamed his head off and ran into the water to put it out.”
Rumiere suffered second-degree burns on his buttocks and genitals, say police, who are investigating the bizarre August 12 incident.
Psychic researcher Lee-Anne Pryce calls it an apparent case of spontaneous human combustion or SHC. She believes that the hostile stares of dozens of beachgoers combined into highly focused psychic energy.
“It’s called the social pyrokinetic effect, and it’s believed to be responsible for about 1 in 5 cases of SHC,” explained Atlanta-based Pryce.
“We all have heard of the experiment in which hundreds of college students were instructed to concentrate on a candle in the middle of a stadium and ‘will’ it to light. Famously, they succeeded. In the Miami case, something very similar occurred. The only difference was that the energy was directed unconsciously.”
Pryce recounted a 1972 case in which a British bride burst into flame at the altar as several of the groom’s former girlfriends stared angrily at her.
“In that instance, the long, flowing gown went up like a Roman candle and the victim was quickly incinerated,” the expert noted. “Most cases of SHC are fatal. What probably saved Mr. Rumiere is that the article of clothing that caught fire was so small.”
Copyright C. Michael Forsyth
If you enjoyed this mind-bending story by C. Michael Forsyth, check out his collection of bizarre news, available on Kindle and in other eBook formats.
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The author of this article also wrote the acclaimed horror novel Hour of the Beast. In the opening chapter, the unthinkable happens. Then things get out of hand.
Hour of the Beast is available in hardcover and softcover at Amazon.com. But you can save $4 by clicking HERE! The Kindle version is just $7 and the Ebook is a measly $5. Be the first on your block to read this bone-chilling tale — before the motion picture hits the big screen.
There are great horror movies that even aficionados of the genre have missed and are often overlooked on top 100 lists. Here are a dozen rarely viewed films that gave me the willies:
A remote forest is home turf for a demon in “Equinox.”
EQUINOX, 1970
Four young people searching a remote forest for a missing scientist get more than they bargained for when they encounter the demon Asmodeus. Taking refuge in a cave, they come across an ancient book the evil being needs to spread destruction beyond his wooded domain. Heroically, the humans fight to keep The Book out of the demon’s claws, while trapped within his forest by a mysterious force field. Asmodeus sends a series of monstrous minions, including a giant ape-like creature with cloven hooves, to retrieve The Book.
Though shot on a shoestring budget, the movie makes create use of Ray Harryhausen-type stop motion animation. Plot-wise, it is a forerunner to “The Evil Dead,” and the filmmakers could show the producers of “The Blair Witch Project” a thing or two about telling an entertaining story with no dough.
A rustic European town harbors a terrible secret in “Vampyr.”
VAMPYR, 1932
Most horror buffs have seen the silent-era vampire film “Nosferatu,” an unauthorized adaptation of Dracula, but only hardcore enthusiasts have seen this 1932 picture from Danish director Carl Theodor Dreyer. Though less well known, it’s every bit as creepy as “Nosferatu.” Inspired by a tale by Carmilla author J. Sheridan Le Fanu, it’s about a student of the occult who stumbles across a village under the curse of a vampire hag.
Although made in the sound era, it too is silent. It benefits from a haunting atmosphere and imaginative effects. Among the most striking, the vampires slinking around the deserted town are seen only as shadows.
A young woman rubs shoulders with history’s most infamous sadist in “Waxwork.”
WAXWORK, 1988
A group of students visit a wax museum featuring 18 villains from horror lore and history. Two are sucked into the waxwork displays, where they run into a werewolf and Dracula. Another two find themselves pitted against zombies and the infamous Marquis de Sade. The concept of universes within the displays struck me as quite original, and I loved how each one is depicted as real as our own. A kinky highlight of the film arises when the teenage girl drawn into de Sade’s world is whipped by the infamous sadist…and kind of likes it! Zach Galligan, who had vanished from the screen after “Gremlins,” does a smashing job as the young hero struggling to rescue her.
Homeowner Jesse (Ayre Gross, left) learns there’s more problems with his new digs than mice in the attic in “House 2.”
HOUSE 2
This horror comedy is a rare case of the sequel surpassing the original. Charlie and Jesse, a pair of yuppie pals, move into an old mansion Jesse has inherited. Rummaging through the basement, Jesse finds a picture of his great-great grandfather in front of a Mayan temple holding a crystal skull. The buddies soon learn that the house has been transformed by the skull his ancestor swiped and that each room is a doorway across space and time. The guys must keep the skull out of the hands of evildoers, while their mettle is tested in a series of harrowing adventures on the other side of these portals. Jonathan Stark, best known as the vampire’s henchman in the original “Fright Night,” is great as the goofier member of the duo. And look for an appearance from a smartalecky young Bill Maher.
A visit to the family crypt reveals clues to an awful curse in “The Undying Monster.”
THE UNDYING MONSTER, 1942
Mystery and horror combine in the curious case of the Hammond family which has been cursed since the Crusades and whose members frequently die under strange circumstances. When the latest Hammond heir is slain by an unidentified creature, intrepid private detective Robert Curtis and his plucky sidekick Christy are summoned to investigate. An early clue is a very peculiar statue in the Hammond family crypt.
What delights me about the film is the successful blend of genres. Curtis brings the logic of a Sherlock Holmes to the case and his relationship with Christy is reminiscent of Nick and Nora of “The Thin Man” fame. The detective takes a scientific approach, which makes the increasingly uncanny events all the more alarming. In one memorable sequence, he uses a microscope to examine a strange hair and it vanishes before his eyes!
Boris Karloff is a father who returns home from a vampire hunt and brings terror with him in “Black Sabbath.”
BLACK SABBATH, 1963
This anthology film boasts some truly terrifying segments. My favorite, “The Wurdalak,” is drawn from a common theme of vampire folklore rarely depicted on film: that when the undead return they first prey on their own relatives.
In 19th century Russia, a young nobleman on a long trip stops at a small rural cottage to ask for shelter. He learns that the family patriarch has disappeared for five days while searching for a vampire, or “wurdalak” as the locals call it. At the stroke of midnight, Dad — Boris Karloff at his creepy best — shows up at the cottage. His disheveled appearance and odd behavior lead his sons to suspect he’s joined the ranks of the undead. The situation makes for a rather tense evening.
“I tell you, I’m not crazy. Now get that hand off my mouth.” Michael Redgrave is a ventriloquist with a sinister dummy in “Dead of Night.”
DEAD OF NIGHT, 1945
Another chilling anthology film, it includes the granddaddy of all evil-ventriloquist-dummy stories and a chilling yarn about a haunted antique mirror. The frame story itself (often laughable in such movies) is truly unnerving. In the frame story, a man arrives at a country house party where he reveals to the assembled guests that he has seen them all in a dream. They begin to tell various tales of the supernatural and the uncanny. The frame story climaxes with a haunting twist ending.
“I don’t much like the look of that.” Peter Cushing, right, finds that a fellow scientist has created a deadly new lifeform in “Island of Terror.”
ISLAND OF TERROR, 1966
The great Peter Cushing stars as a scientist investigating the peculiar case of a farmer found dead on a remote British isle without a single bone in his body. He and his companions learn that a researcher working on the island accidentally created a new lifeform from the silicon atom while searching for a cancer cure.
The tentacled creatures, dubbed “silicates,” kill their victims by injecting a bone-dissolving enzyme into their bodies and are virtually indestructible. Trapped on the isolated island, the heroes battle the monsters with guns, Molotov cocktails, dynamite and other weapons to no avail. In one hair-raising scene, Cushing is grabbed by a silicate. With a stiff upper lip, the Englishman sternly instructs a companion to chop off his hand with an ax before its too late.
Wicca is for wimps. These witches are the real deal in “Horror Hotel.”
HORROR HOTEL, 1960
A college coed visits a small Massachusetts town to research the witchcraft trials, unaware that her landlady is the reincarnation of an infamous witch burned at the stake in the 1600s. The accused witch wasn’t innocent – not by a longshot. She and her evil cohorts practice virgin sacrifice in order to remain immortal. Christopher Lee as the missing girl’s professor and her friends must solve the mystery of her disappearance before an unholy ritual on Candlemass Eve. Look for one of the most startling heroic rescue scenes in horror cinema history.
A madman (Patrick O’Neal) doesn’t let a disablity stand in the way of exacting bloody vengeance in “Chamber of Horrors.”
CHAMBER OF HORRORS, 1966
Cesare Danova, the suave actor with the sexy foreign accent that made him a ubiquitous TV guest star, plays the proprietor of a wax museum and amateur sleuth, aided by a dwarf sidekick. When a deranged man named Jason Cravette murders a woman and marries her corpse, Danova helps police bring him to justice.
Unfortunately, the killer escapes from a manacle by amputating his hand and vows vengeance on everyone involved in his capture and trial. In place of his hand, the madman wears an array of deadly weapons. He associates his foes with body parts – for instance, the cop who arrested him is the “arm of the law.” So after each revenge killing he makes off with that body part. The wax museum owner has a special incentive to stop the culprit, because he solved the initial murder and Cravette has indentified him as “the head of the law.” Gulp.
The movie was filmed as a pilot for a series to be called “House of Wax,” but it was deemed too gory for TV. But I would have tuned into such a show every week!
The devil is afoot in Merry Old England in “Blood on Satan’s Claw.”
BLOOD ON SATAN’S CLAW, 1971
This movie is set in village in 17th century England, where a series of bizarre events suggest to superstitious peasants that the devil is afoot. The trouble begins when a farmer plowing a field uncovers a deformed skull with one leering eye. Later, young townsfolk begin to sprout patches of fur and other odd markings on their bodies. It’s up to the local judge, a rational man who is initially skeptical of the supernatural, to stop the epidemic and solve the mystery. High production values and convincing period dialogue elevate the film. It’s like watching a version of “The Crucible” in which Satan really is on the prowl.
Dinner is served! An army officer resorts to cannibalism in “Ravenous.”
RAVENOUS, 1999
The always compelling Guy Pearce ( “L.A. Confidential”) stars in this film, which offers a unique take on cannibalism.
The story takes place during in 1840s California during the Mexican-American War. Pearce plays a U.S. Army captain who comes across the aftermath of a Donner Party-like disaster. The sole survivor, a Colonel Ives, is now hooked on human flesh. According to a Native American legend recounted in the movie, a man who consumes the flesh of his enemies takes their strength but becomes a Wendigo, a demon cursed by a hunger for man meat. Turns out the Indians were right. Col. Ives has cured himself of tuberculosis and turned himself into an invincible superman through cannibalism. Worse still, he gets others addicted and is bent on turning our hero Capt. Boyd into a cannibal too.
I found the notion of cannibal as a sort of vampire thought-provoking and appreciated the film’s dark humor. With great performances from Pearce and Robert Carlyle as the sinister Colonel Ives.
The author of this article also wrote the acclaimed horror novel Hour of the Beast. In the opening chapter, the unthinkable happens. Then things get out of hand.
Hour of the Beast is available in hardcover and softcover at Amazon.com. But you can save $4 by clicking HERE! The Kindle version is just $7 and the Ebook is a measly $5. Be the first on your block to read this bone-chilling tale — before the motion picture hits the big screen.
There are basically two types of zombie movies. The kind that sound pretty good so you go see them and the kind that have such ridiculous titles you HAVE to see them!
Below is a list of the 100 wackiest zombie movie titles of all time:
Wiseguys vs. Zombies
Mark Of The Astro Zombies
Dead and Too Stupid to Know It
Retardead
Juan of the Dead (Cuba)
Holy Virgin Vs. the Evil Dead
Stag Night of the Dead
Jesus H. Zombie
The Legend of Zombie Road
Zombie Commando
Zombie Cheerleader Camp
Brunch of the Living Dead
Zombiegeddon
Die You Zombie Bastards!
Zombies on Broadway
Dorm of the Dead
Swamp Zombies
The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed Up Zombies
The Quick and the Undead
“You’ll sleep with the fishes…again.”
Zombie Dearest
The Worst Horror Movie Ever Made
Vampires Vs. Zombies
Zombie Farm
ZA: Zombies Anonymous
Zombie Brigade
Zombie Honeymoon
Zombie Island Massacre
Zombie Women of Satan
I Was a Zombie for the F.B.I.
Invasion of the Not Quite Dead
Dead and Deader
Zombie Campout
Big Tits Zombie
Ninjas vs. Zombies
Redneck Zombies
Give me a Z…
Zombies Gone Wild
Zombie Strippers
Boy Eats Girl
Zombie Roadkill
Zombies, Zombies, Zombies
A Virgin Among the Living Dead
Dr. Terror’s Gallery of Horrors
Kung Fu Zombie
Enter the Zombies
Mutant Vampire Zombies from the ‘Hood
No exploitation here.
Violent Shit III: Infantry of Doom
Zombie Vegetarians
Zombies Vs. Mardi Gras
Vengeance of the Zombies
Zombie Ninja Gangbangers
Wrath of the Zombies
Silent Night, Zombie Night
Trailer Park of Terror
Ghouls Gone Wild
Giant of Evil Island
Tombs of the Blind Dead
Schoolgirl Apocalypse
Summer Among the Zombies
Space Zombie Bingo
Romeo & Juliet vs. The Living Dead
Punk Rock Zombie Kung Fu Catfight
O.C. Babes and the Slasher of Zombietown
Looks like C. Thomas Howell’s career isn’t coming back from the dead anytime soon.
Oh! My Zombie Mermaid
Rising Up: The Story of the Zombie Rights Movement
Motocross Zombies from Hell
Flesh Eating Mothers
Night of the Living Babes
Nudist Colony of the Dead
Night of the Living Heads
Eat the Parents
Entrails of a Beautiful Girl
Can she make a dead man come back for more?
Zombies of the Stratosphere
Confederate Zombie Massacre!
Onechanbara: Zombie Bikini Squad
Hood of the Living Dead
Z: A Zombie Musical
ZMD: Zombies of Mass Destruction
The Naked and the Living Dead
Nudist Camp Zombie Massacre
Nympho Zombie Coeds
“We no make Olympic swim team, but we make plenty zombie kill dead.”
Oasis of the Zombies
Female Mercenaries on Zombie Island
Hamilton Carver – Zombie P.I.
I Eat Your Skin
Urban Scumbags vs. Countryside Zombies
Living Dead in Denmark
Poultrygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead
Platoon of the Dead
Gay of the Dead
Attack Girls Swim Team vs the Undead (AKA Inglorious Zombie Hunters)
Knight of the Living Dead
Teenage Zombie House Massacre
I Spit on Your Rave
Hard Rock Zombies
Atom the Amazing Zombie Killer
Hot Wax Zombies on Wheels
The Harvard Zombie Massacre
Erotic Nights of the Living Dead
Thomas Haden Church battles an implacable and furry foe.
Flight of the Living Dead: Outbreak on a Plane
Graveyard Alive: A Zombie Nurse in Love
Fast Zombies with Guns
The Corporate Zombie Killers
Biker Zombies from Detroit
Devil Fetus
Deadheads
Gangs of the Dead
The Drunken Dead Guy
Mad Doctor of Blood Island
The Horror of Party Beach
Dead Clowns
Beverly Hills Bodysnatchers
Die and Let Live
Night of the Living Schlong
Bad enough they don’t shamble anymore. Now they’re carrying freaking GUNS?
Chopper Chicks in Zombie Town
Night of the Living Dorks
The Curse of the Screaming Dead
Gory, Gory Hallelujah
Dong of the Dead
The Bloodfest Club
Paris By Night of the Living Dead
Bloodsucking Nazi Zombies
The Book of Zombie
Gore-Met, Zombie Chef from Hell
Bong of the Dead
Bachelor Party in the Bungalow of the Damned
Attack of the Flesh Devouring Space Worms from Outer Space
BFF Zombie
The Aliens and Kong Kong Zombie
Zombie Beavers
You can count on my former bosses at Troma to make a contribution to the schlock zombie flick genre.
Vampires run amok in a women’s prison in the gorgeously illustrated, 80-page graphic novel Night Cage. When a newly made vampire is sentenced to an escape-proof, underground slammer, she quickly begins to spread the contagion.
If you enjoyed this article, check out C. Michael Forsyth’s collection of news satire, available on Kindle and in other eBook formats.
The author of this article also wrote the acclaimed horror novel Hour of the Beast. In the opening chapter, the unthinkable happens. Then things get out of hand.
Hour of the Beast is available in hardcover and softcover at Amazon.com. But you can save $4 by clicking HERE! The Kindle version is just $7 and the Ebook is a measly $5. Be the first on your block to read this bone-chilling tale — before the motion picture hits the big screen.
OUT: The Landing Strip and other waxing styles are out of fashion.
IN: A more overgrown look is all the rage among the chic set.
By C. Michael Forsyth
LOS ANGELES – Ladies, don’t schedule that bikini wax yet. Lush lady gardens are the hot new look this summer!
Top celebrities including Angelina Jolie, Megan Fox and Reese Witherspoon are reportedly putting aside their razors, canceling private waxing sessions and sporting a natural bikini area.
“The fuller look is definitely in vogue among chic young women this season,” confirms fashion editor Christine Guldstens. “Trendsetters such as Hollywood stars, music industry icons and supermodels are choosing what’s called Jungle Jane style in overwhelming numbers.”
A whopping 80 percent of women ages 18 to 25 said they don’t plan to trim “down there” this summer, according to a poll conducted by a leading women’s magazine. That may sound like fuzzy math, but a waxing industry trade journal reports a precipitous drop in revenue since October. The downturn reverses 20 years of growth in “honey pot” tidying services and the rise of popular styles such as the Landing Strip, Brazilian, French, Hollywood and of course the Bald Eagle.
TIME-CONSUMING waxing, shaving and laser hair removal are not in vogue among Hollywood superstars.
The easy-to-maintain look goes hand in hand with the more modest swimsuits that are dominating 2012.
“You can’t carry off the Jungle Jane in a thong,” explains Guldstens, “unless you have a high tolerance for kids throwing sand at you and calling you Chewbacca.”
By and large, men appear to be taking the change in stride.
“I never really understood why my girlfriend spent all that time and money just to end up looking just like my cousin Cindy did playing doctor at age six whenever she dropped her underwear,” says sports photographer Ed Hilkey, 34. “Frankly that hairless look on grown women gives me the heebie jeebies.
“I’m so glad she’s switched to this Jungle Jane thing. Hopefully this means us guys won’t be expected to do ‘manscaping’ anymore either.”
DARING swimsuits like this one from Toxic Lingerie are less common on the beach this summer than in years past.
Copyright C. Michael Forsyth
If you enjoyed this mind-bending story by C. Michael Forsyth, check out his collection of bizarre news, available on Kindle and in other eBook formats.
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The author of this article also wrote Hour of the Beast, considered by many the best werewolf novel since The Howling.
Hour of the Beast is available in hardcover and softcover at Amazon.com. But you can save $4 by clicking HERE! The Kindle version is just $7 and the Ebook is a measly $5. Be the first on your block to read this bone-chilling tale — before the motion picture hits the big screen.
PERFECT CASTING: Benjamin Walker is a better young Abe Lincoln than Henry Fonda.
By C. Michael Forsyth
As a former writer for Weekly World News, I appreciate the craft that goes into taking a ludicrous premise and making it come true. I was once assigned an article headlined “Karl Marx was one of the Marx Brothers.” A challenging task, since the father of communism died before any of the comedians were born.
Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter makes the absurd believable with the greatest success of any horror movie since Darkness Falls rebooted the Tooth Fairy as a monster.
The filmmakers pull off this tour de force thanks largely to brilliant casting. Benjamin Walker is a terrific Honest Abe and his earnest performance helps us forget that history is being turned on its head. Strapping and handsome, with just the right mix of naivety and gravitas, he’s as perfect for the role as Christopher Reeve was as Superman.
Second only to Jesus, Lincoln is the most difficult acting role. Even a great actor like Sam Waterson tends to appear corny when he dons that iconic stovepipe hat and starts spouting folksy aphorisms. Just ask the poor dude who played Lincoln in that Star Trek episode where aliens force history’s heroes and villains to duke it out (arguably the series’ worst). Walker is actually a more convincing young Abe Lincoln than Henry Fonda and in makeup as old Abe looks strikingly like photos of the martyred president.
Also well cast are Rufus Sewell as Adam, the icy and domineering king of the vampires, and Erin Wasson as his henchwoman. The blonde with the bee-stung lips is one of the most gorgeous female bloodsuckers ever to grace the silver screen.
VAMPIRE LORD (Rufus Sewell) is a formidable foe.
Another reason the film works is that regardless of the goofy concept, there is a truth at its core. When I read the book by Seth Grahame-Smith, I took it as more than just an clever interweaving of biographical information and fantasy. It’s an allegory. Slave masters were in a very real sense vampires: pseudo-aristocratic parasites living off humans they saw as cattle.
The movie manages to overcome a hurdle as high as the laughable premise: That we know the hero can’t die (at least not until he relaxes with an outing to the theater). I call this the James Bond Time Bomb Dilemma. When 007 is diffusing a nuclear weapon that’s ticking down from 90 seconds, we’re supposed to be on the edge of our seats. But in reality it’s bogus suspense since we all know he’s going to survive. Who really sweats?
Director Timur Bekmambetov slams the audience with vampire-battling scenes so dynamic that viewers forget Lincoln must prevail. One of the most memorable fights takes place in the midst of a stampede. Grahame-Smith, who also wrote the screenplay, lends a hand by throwing out most of the confrontations in the book and replacing them with more ingenious ones. So even if you’ve read the novel, you’re constantly startled.
Thankfully, the writer also alters the ending, which I found the most unsatisfying of any novel I’ve ever read.
RUNAWAY TRAIN: ABE and his boyhood pal Will (Anthony Mackie) see trouble down the line.
Of course, not every critic found this theater-going experience as delightful as I did. One reviewer admonished the movie-makers for indulging in “revisionist history.” And, sadly, he wasn’t deliberately trying to be funny. That’s like calling The Lion King an inaccurate nature documentary!
Some just couldn’t get past the silliness of the whole idea of juxtaposing a famous historical figure with popular movie monsters. Hey, to me that’s where the fun comes in. Others found the “reimagining” of the Civil War as a battle against pure evil too heavy-handed.
Hello? The Civil War was a battle against pure evil, as surely as World War II. What the heck do you think Hitler was trying to create? A society made up of a Master Race and slaves. The antebellum south was the Nazi state fully realized, and thank God Abraham Lincoln took an ax to it.
If you have any doubt about this, re-read the Gettysburg Address. You’ll see that the “stakes” were as high in the real Civil War as the one depicted in this vampire flick.
HONEST ABE took an ax to slavery.
Copyright C. Michael Forsyth
PRISON life becomes even more hellish when a vampire epidemic erupts in a women’s prison.
I’m excited to announce the launch of my first graphic novel, Night Cage! The premise of the horror story is simple: Vampires take over a women’s prison. Just imagine Orange is the New Black meets Salem’s Lot.
The project is being funded through Kickstarter. Folks who jump on the bandwagon will get a boatload of goodies and rewards, ranging from advance copies of the book and exclusive art, posters and T-shirts to a chance to be drawn into the graphic novel as a character!
Please check out the video out HERE, and share the news with all your social media friends!
PRISONERS fight for survival against a bloodthirsty army of the undead in the graphic novel Night Cage.
President Lincoln may have wiped out America's vampires, but werewolves still roam free. The author of this article wrote the horror novel Hour of the Beast, considered by many the best werewolf novel since The Howling.
To check out Hour of the Beast and hear Chapter One read FREE click HERE! The Ebook is a measly $5.
NEW HOPE FOR THE DEAD: Researchers may have solved riddle of Sarcophagic Lazarus Syndrome.
ATLANTA — Researchers report that they are tantalizingly close to developing a treatment for zombism that could halt the widening epidemic.
“We are cautiously optimistic,” said microbiologist Dr. Emily Urthway, an infectious disease specialist. “We’re keeping our fingers crossed that we’re finally on the right track.”
The breakthrough follows the recent discovery that a parasitic fungus that turns ants into zombies is it itself vulnerable to a white fungus that destroys it. Experts believe this newly found “hyperparastic” fungus can be honed into a weapon against the parasite that causes cannibalistic zombism in humans.
“We’ve known since the 1990s that the fungus ophiocordyceps which hijacks the brains of carpenter ants is genetically quite similar to the organism responsible for human zombism, known medically as Sarcophagic Lazarus Syndrome,” explains Dr. Urthway.
“We believe that by culturing in the lab mass quantities of the hyperparasite that feeds on ophiocordyceps we can deal a death blow to the zombie epidemic. Our preliminary results are very encouraging.”
MAY one of God’s tiniest creatures hold the clue to a cure? A fungus zombifies ants, feeds on their brains and grows right out of their heads.
The ant research, based on examinations of the remains of 432 zombie ants in the rain forests of Brazil, was conducted by an international team of scientists, including top experts from Penn State and the University of Copenhagen, and was published in the respected journal PLoS One.
When an ant is infected by spores from the fungus, the organism swiftly takes control of the insect’s brain. The ant is compelled to leave the safety of its nest, climb a tree, latch onto a leaf and stay there, serving as little more than a fungus factory. Eventually its head splits open and spores rain down on unsuspecting ants below, spreading the zombie plague.
SCENES like this one, from TV’s “The Walking Dead” may soon be a thing of the past.
“Zombism in humans progresses in a remarkably similar fashion,” according to Dr. Urthway. “The fungus makes a beeline for the cerebral cortex, our center for information processing, decision-making and consciousness, and literally commandeers it.
“The organism feeds on gray matter and within a matter of days rational thought becomes impossible. Brain damage also leads to the classic ‘shambling’ gait associated with the disease.”
Brain funtion may be so impaired that sufferers fall into a catatonic state resembling death and don’t awaken until the foreign organism has seized control. Most sinister of all, the crafty fungus compels hapless victims to bite fellow humans, thus spreading the contagion.
SUFFERERS of zombism may experience headaches as fungus seizes control of their brains.
The first known case of Sarcophagic Lazarus Syndrome in the United States occurred in the early 1950s, when a woman who had “died” after complaints of a splitting headache sat up in a hospital morgue and lurched toward befuddled staffers. A minor outbreak in 1964 outside Pittsburgh is said to have inspired budding filmmaker George Romero, creator of “Night of the Living Dead.” The director also says he was influenced by Richard Matheson’s creepy horror novel I am Legend.
REAL LIFE outbreak in early ’60s influenced “Night of the Living Dead” and this remake.
Over the years, many conspiracy theorists have suggested that the “zombie bug” was engineered in a lab, perhaps by Nazi scientists bent on creating death-resistant super-soldiers. Others insist the Soviets were the culprits, or that the U.S. itself developed the organism as a germ warfare weapon to spread chaos in enemy cities and that it escaped from a secret lab. But most experts believe the organism is simply a naturally occurring mutation of ophiocordyceps.
RACING AGAINST TIME: Scientists take every precaution while studying highly infectious fungus believed to be responsible for zombism.
Fungi are notoriously difficult to eradicate, especially from the brain, and past efforts to cure zombified humans or formulate a vaccine have failed. Infection rates have reached alarming new levels since 2013.
Following a rash of high-profile reports of zombie-like attacks across the nations, the Centers for Disease Control issued a statement recently assuring the public that there is no need to panic.
“Trust me, whenever we issue a statement that there’s no need to panic, it IS time to panic,” admitted a CDC source. “We’re getting perilously close to a ‘tipping point’ with this epidemic. The hyperparasite approach sounds promising. Let’s all hope there’s still time to beat this thing.”
Copyright C. Michael Forsyth
If you enjoyed this mind-bending story by C. Michael Forsyth, check out his collection of bizarre news, available on Kindle and in other eBook formats.
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Zombies aren’t the only menace facing mankind. The author of this article has written a critically acclaimed horror novel about werewolves. The Horror Fiction Review raves that Hour of the Beast is a “rip-snorting, action-packed sexy college romp.”
To check out Hour of the Beast and hear Chapter One read FREE click HERE! The Ebook is a measly $5.
NO MORE MR. NICE GUY. The Pope wants to wipe child-molesting scum off the face of the Earth.
By C. Michael Forsyth
Pope Benedict XVI has reportedly launched a secret holy war on pedophile priests and ordered his underlings to “go medieval” on them!
“Not only has the Catholic Church had to pay over $2 billion in damages to the victims, these vile false priests have demolished the image of the priesthood that it took decent men of God 2,000 years to build,” explained a Vatican insider. “His Holiness finally declared in a meeting with cardinals, ‘This madness stops today. It is time to go medieval on these fiends.’ ”
Tools of torture not employed by the Church since the Spanish Inquisition are now quietly being used to smash pedophile rings.
“We’re talking about thumbscrews, The Rack, The Wheel, The Pear of Anguish — even the infamous Judas Cradle,” revealed the insider. “When a priest is suspected of molesting children, he’s forced to admit what’s he’s done – and to cough up the names of his fellow abusers and those in the Church who’ve shielded them. Usually they try to resist, but within a matter of a few days, they’ve spilled their guts.”
BLAST FROM THE PAST: The Vatican has returned to the use of torture to root out evildoers.
Most shocking of all, the Pontiff has instructed his inner circle that men of the cloth who’ve broken their most sacred vows should no longer be allowed to confess their sins to a fellow priest and be forgiven.
“In the meeting in which His Holiness gave his marching orders to his cardinals, he said that child-molesting clerics are no longer to receive the rite of absolution,” recounts the Vatican insider. “One of the cardinals timidly raised his hand and asked him, ‘Could you clarify that, Your Holiness? Do you mean you want these pedophile priests to go to Hell?’
“The Pope said, ‘No, I’m saying I want these mutter-verdammt (mother#%@-ing) pedophile priests to go to Hell.’
“We all looked at each other, stunned. It was if he was channeling your famous American actor, Samuel M. Jackson.”
WHAT goes around, comes around. The Wheel was a popular form of torture in medieval times.
The sessions are conducted by members of the elite Pontifical Swiss Guard, who’ve served as the Pope’s personal bodyguards and agents since 1506. Although the Swiss are better known for cuckoo clocks than brutality, they’ve quickly adapted to the harsh interrogation techniques.
Suspects are kidnapped off the street, from their rectories and even from church sanctuaries as they don their robes for Mass. Then they’re whisked away to underground chambers in undisclosed locations. One priest who admits to “inappropriate contact” with altar boys gave the underground Italian newspaper Verità Nascosta a harrowing account of his treatment.
“Five goons in black garments tossed me in a dungeon that looked like something from a horror movie,” the alleged molester claimed. “When the priest in charge of the operation arrived, I was relieved and told him, ‘I am ready to confess to you, Father.’ His reply was, ‘If I want your confession, I’ll have it beaten out of you.’ Then he nodded to his henchmen and left.”
The accused pedophile was strapped to The Rack, lowered on the Judas Cradle — even waterboarded, according to the newspaper. After just three hours of torment, he tearfully gave a written confession and jotted down the names of three priest pals whom he claimed had also molested children. He was then escorted by a van to police headquarters and unceremoniously dumped on the steps, hogtied, with the confession pinned to his chest. The alleged pervert’s lawyer has asked a judge to throw out the forced confession, but admits that under Italian law that’s unlikely to happen.
The enhanced interrogation technique known as waterboarding has been around since the Spanish Inquisition.
Although kidnapping and torture are illegal in Italy, police appear to be looking the other way when the Pope’s squads engage in hardball tactics.
“The police hate child molesters more than any other type of criminal,” explained crime reporter Carlo Bennetiani, who penned the article. “They’re eager to get them off the streets by any means necessary.”
The first cases of abduction were reported in Rome in early February and 15 others have cropped up elsewhere in Europe over the past few months. No instances have yet been reported in the U.S., but experts say that the no-nonsense approach is even more likely to succeed when it spreads here.
“American authorities are acclimated to the use of torture when it’s for a good cause,” observed Washington-based legal expert Jodi Yeakerman.
OUCH! The Judas Cradle is one of the most painful and humiliating tortures ever invented.
The dramatic move represents a total about face for the Catholic Church, which for years shuffled pedophiles around from parish to parish or sent them away for “treatment” when the threat of exposure loomed. While in the wake of costly lawsuits, church officials have agreed to cooperate with prosecutors, they’ve never before waged such a vigorous campaign to root out evildoers.
Victims’ rights advocates couldn’t be more delighted.
“This is long overdue,” declared Holly Margretson, whose nephew was molested by a Boston cleric in the mid 1980s.
Child molesters are furious at the Pope’s new take-no-prisoners attitude.
“To literally tell us to go to Hell is turning the Holy Mother Church upside down,” complained Robbe-Guilliame van der Goosen, director of the International Association for the Advancement of Intergenerational Romance, headquartered in Belgium. “The Pope may be ‘infallible’ but this is outrageous.”
TOUGH GUY actor Samuel L. Jackson, seen here as Nick Fury, rarely minces words.
Copyright C. Michael Forsyth
The author of this article has written a critically acclaimed horror novel. The Horror Fiction Review raves that Hour of the Beast is a "rip-snorting, action-packed sexy college romp."
To check out Hour of the Beast and hear Chapter One read FREE click HERE! The Ebook is a measly $5.
C. Michael Forsyth is the author of "Sir Arthur Conan Doyle & Harry Houdini in The Adventure of the Spook House,""The Blood of Titans," "Hour of the Beast" and "The Identity Thief." He is a Yale graduate and former senior writer for The Weekly World News
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