NEW YORK — Psychiatrists have identified a bizarre mental disorder that causes people to believe they’re NOT being watched and monitored by the government.
Victims of the syndrome – known as Surveillance Denial Disorder– suffer from the delusion that their emails, Internet searches, texts and phone calls are completely private. And they refuse to acknowledge the hundreds of pubic cameras capturing their every move.
“This goes far beyond normal naivety,” explains Dr. Byron Virolosky, a leading psychiatrist. “It is as if these individuals believe they are invisible to the government. When confronted with concrete evidence that someone is always watching them, they will make irrational statements such as ‘That’s ridiculous, we live in America’ or “This is a free country.’”
Roger H., 45, a fiction writer, first began exhibiting symptoms of the peculiar condition in February 2015.
“The patient’s wife reports that one morning he did a Google search for ‘cross-country skiing,’ and an hour later, noticed that ads for cross-country skis started popping up on his Facebook page. He told her, ‘Wasn’t that an odd coincidence?’ At first she thought he was joking, but he wasn’t.”
Over the succeeding months, the father of two showed increasingly disturbing signs that he couldn’t perceive even the most blatant signs of corporate and government spying.
The straw that broke the camel’s came last August, when the author was researching a spy novel — and conducted an Internet search with the keywords “How Build Dirty Bomb.” His wife asked him if he wasn’t worried that the peculiar search might cause government agents to suspect he was a terrorist.
“Roger looked at her with a puzzled expression, and asked, ‘How would anyone know?’” revealed the expert.
That’s when Roger’s wife knew she had to get him the professional help he so desperately needed.
“She realized his behavior was putting himself and the family at risk,” the psychiatric noted. “What if the search had triggered an armed Homeland Security raid on the house?”
CAMERAS in public locations help ensure public safety.
Fortunately the mental illness responds to a cocktail of psychiatric drugs, combined with weekly therapy sessions.
“Roger is thinking much more clearly now, he’s returned to reality,” the shrink said.
Exoerts say the condition is similar to pronoia, or reverse-paranoia, in which patients believe everyone in the world is conspiring to make their lives better.
“In both cases, people see the world through rose-colored glasses,” Dr. Virolosky said.
MANY years ago, believing you were being watched by government agents was considered a sign of insanity. Now it’s just the reverse!
If you enjoyed this mind-bending tale by C. Michael Forsyth, check out his collection of bizarre news, available on Kindle and in other eBook formats.
.
If you found this article by fiction writer C. Michael Forsyth entertaining, you might enjoy one of his novels, such as The Identity Thief.
The tables turn on an identity thief in the latest thriller by C. Michael Forsyth.
CUTE little Mittens may be secretly slurping your blood.
By C. Michael Forsyth
Warning: Your precious house cat may be a vampire that sneaks into your bedroom each night to lap your blood!
Sanguinem nobiscum, the parasite associated with vampirism in humans, can be transmitted from people to felines and vice versa, much like the better known toxoplasma gondii, experts say.
“The parasite rewires the brain, creating an irresistible hunger for blood,” says veterinary infectious-disease specialist Dr. Nora Kelwick. “Most pet owners are unaware of the change. Their cat slinks into the room of a family member – frequently a child – and feeds. The pinprick-sized holes it leaves are no more noticeable than mosquito bites, and the victim is aware of nothing besides increased grogginess in the morning, and perhaps a slight dizziness.”
Vampiric felines have been reported since the earliest accounts of human vampires and blood-drinking demons in ancient Egypt and Mesopotamia. Cults devoted to the worship of the Cat Goddess flourished up until 3rd century Rome, with human sacrifice quite common. In the Middle Ages, cats were feared as familiars of witches, due principally to their habit of preying on sleeping peasants. The ability of vampire cats to survive seemingly fatal accidents such as falls from tremendous heights, drowning or being run over by wagons gave rise to the superstition that cats have “nine lives.”
Here, from the expert, are nine warning signs that your beloved pet has joined the ranks of the undead:
1) Sleeps or is listless during the day, but is active at night, much like a human vampire.
2) Stares at you for no apparent reason, as if trying to lull you into a hypnotic trance.
3) Normally an indoor cat, now attempts to slip out to hunt for victims.
4) Severe allergic reaction to garlic.
5) Shuns sunlight.
6) Visiting children – more sensitive to the supernatural – are apprehensive around it.
7) Won’t cross running water.
8) Recoils and flees when a crucifix is thrust in its face.
9) Begins to smoke when sprayed with holy water.
While roving packs of feral vampire cats have been known to prey on the homeless in some large cities – especially St. Louis – the main danger is of infecting humans.
“Spores from the parasite can be transmitted by the cat’s bite, creating a risk of conversion, especially among persons with weak immune systems,” cautions Dr. Kelwick. “If you suspect your cat is a vampire, consult a vet immediately.”
Copyright C. Michael Forsyth
CLAUSTROPHIC TERROR GETS THE MAX
If you got a chuckle out of this supernatural news satire by fiction writer C. Michael Forsyth, check out his new graphic novel Night Cage, about vampires running amok in a women’s prison.
If you enjoyed this mind-bending story by C. Michael Forsyth, check out his collection of bizarre news, available on Kindle and in other eBook formats.
.
If you found this story by fiction writer C. Michael Forsyth entertaining, you might enjoy his novels…
The creator of Sherlock Holmes and the world’s greatest magician probe a paranormal mystery in new thriller.
The tables turn on an identity thief in the latest thriller by C. Michael Forsyth. To check it out, click HERE.
In Hour of the Beast, a young bride is raped by a werewolf on her wedding night. When her sons grow up and head to college, things REALLY get out of hand.
BRASOV, Romania – In a brazen midnight raid, scores of vampires overran the Pleasant Valley Naturist Resort and feasted on the blood of the helpless, naked residents!
According to European wire services, the savage, well-coordinated attack left 14 people dead and dozens more in critical condition.
“Eight of us were soaking in the hot tub, when these vicious, hissing creatures came crashing through the window,” shaken survivor Andrei Grigorescu, 52, was quoted as saying. “They dragged the other bathers out kicking and screaming and sank their fangs into them. I was spared only because I weigh 340 pounds and was a bit too heavy for them to lift.”
Massage therapist Madalina Albescu, 23, required an emergency transfusion of 8 pints of blood, as well as treatment for 11 bite wounds on her neck, legs, breasts and buttocks.
“It was absolutely horrifying,” she said. “Two of them chased me across the volleyball court and tackled me like a pair of linebackers. They sucked my blood until I passed out. The doctors told me I was drained nearly dry.”
The nudist colony, in operation since 1973, sits at the foothills of the Faragas Mountains. Authorities had long suspected that the gloomy hill country harbored a nest of vampires and had even posted warning signs to that effect along the winding roads. But until the terrifying blitz, few at the resort paid any heed to the words of caution. Now police say it is likely that vampire scouts conducted surveillance missions in the weeks preceding the raid.
“My wife and some of the other ladies reported that sometimes they sensed that they were being watched, but we just attributed it to lads from the local high school,” revealed Claudiu Dumitrescu, the 61-year-old director of the bottom-baring establishment.
Despite the horrific nature of the tragedy, some residents of the conservative, deeply religious community near the resort show surprisingly little sympathy for the victims. They claim that the nudists’ freewheeling “hedonistic” lifestyle and lack of commonsense safety gear such as crucifixes and high collars made them easy targets for the bloodsuckers.
“Perhaps now they will confine their shameful display of their naked bodies to nude beaches – where there is plenty of sunlight,” said one elderly villager, who asked that her name not be used.
Copyright C. Michael Forsyth. All rights reserved.
——————————————————————————————————————–
If you enjoyed this mind-bending supernatural news satire by fiction writer C. Michael Forsyth, check out his new project…
——————————————————————————————————————–
THRILLING NEW GRAPHIC NOVEL!
In the graphic novel NIGHT CAGE, vampires overrun a women’s prison–and to escape, four surviving inmates must fight their way through an army of the undead. Picture ‘Salem’s Lot meets Orange is the New Black.
Vampires take over a women’s prison in the spooky, steamy graphic novel Night Cage, Volume 2
If you enjoyed this mind-bending story by C. Michael Forsyth, check out his collection of bizarre news, available on Kindle and in other eBook formats.
.
If you found this story by fiction writer C. Michael Forsyth entertaining, you might enjoy his novels…
The creator of Sherlock Holmes and the world’s greatest magician probe a paranormal mystery in new thriller.
The tables turn on an identity thief in the latest thriller by C. Michael Forsyth. To check it out, click HERE.
In Hour of the Beast, a young bride is raped by a werewolf on her wedding night. When her sons grow up and head to college, things REALLY get out of hand.
MR. NICE GUY: Pope Francis has called for an end to the wholesale killing of vampires.
By C. Michael Forsyth
VATICAN CITY — In yet another startling demonstration of his liberalism and compassion, Pope Francis has issued a moratorium on the destruction of vampires.
“It is our duty as Christians to be charitable toward these unfortunate individuals, following the example of our Lord,” the Pontiff said in an April 28 letter to cardinals responsible for the church’s search-and-destroy program.
The move represents a sharp U-turn for the Catholic Church, which has maintained a stern, take-no-prisoners approach to vampirism since the Middle Ages.
As recently as 1983, his more conservative predecessor John Paul II issued an edict ordering church officials to “destroy all vampires.” An elite taskforce of Vatican exorcists with specialized training carried out the missions, reportedly eliminating 109 blood-drinkers in the decades since then. The clandestine war on the undead has been a staple of fiction, most notably the 1998 John Carpenter movie Vampires.
“Medieval theologians reasoned that vampires are demons that reanimate human corpses,” explains Vatican-watcher Antonio DePlesio, an Italian journalist. “Since they lack souls and are pure evil, they must be destroyed. That is the view the holy mother church has taken ever since. Now Pope Francis is talking about taking a more nuanced approach.”
According to the new policy laid down in the Pope’s letter, a vampire is not to be harmed unless it can be shown he or she presents a direct threat to the community. They are to be treated with kindness and encouraged to surrender to the love of Jesus.
Since he was elected Pope in 2013, His Holiness has softened the Church’s stand on gays, spoken out against income inequality and warned about climate change, earning him praise from liberals in the United States. But some American preachers, especially evangelicals, have greeted the Pope’s new ceasefire order with skepticism.
“The Bible doesn’t mince words when it comes to the evil of vampirism,” declares the Reverend Coby Brokskin of Atlanta, one of the state’s best known vampire-hunters. “Genesis 9:3-4 clearly states, ‘You shall not eat flesh with its life, that is, its blood.’
“Allowing vampires to roam around free may feel good, but it goes against Scripture and also common sense. The Pope may be infallible 99% of the time, but even he gets it wrong once in a while.”
OUT OF A GIG? James Woods led a team of Vatican-sponsored vampire killers in John Carpenter’s “Vampires” (1998).
Copyright C. Michael Forsyth
If you enjoyed this mind-bending story by C. Michael Forsyth, check out his collection of bizarre news, available on Kindle and in other eBook formats.
.
If you found this story by fiction writer C. Michael Forsyth entertaining, you might enjoy his novels…
The creator of Sherlock Holmes and the world’s greatest magician probe a paranormal mystery in new thriller.
The tables turn on an identity thief in the latest thriller by C. Michael Forsyth. To check it out, click HERE.
In Hour of the Beast, a young bride is raped by a werewolf on her wedding night. When her sons grow up and head to college, things REALLY get out of hand.
ALARMING rise in zombie cases has medical experts scratching their heads.
By C. Michael Forsyth
ATLANTA — The swiftly widening zombie epidemic does not owe its origin simply to a rogue germ – it’s God’s way of punishing Americans for smoking marijuana, a respected preacher claims.
“Every major plague of the past 2,000 years has been a form a divine retribution,” declared the Reverend Harvey Stintland, a leading theologian and author. “Leprosy, for example, was sent to punish the Roman Empire for its decadence and debauchery.
“AIDS was, of course, His punishment for homosexuality, just as herpes was His wrathful response to the Sexual Revolution. What we’re seeing now across the country is, once again, the Lord using his tiniest creatures — viruses — to teach sinful humans a lesson.”
The earliest known zombie outbreak in the United States was reported in June 1964, just as pot use was emerging among hippies, the Baptist minister points out.
“This was literally days after Bob Dylan introduced the Beatles to ‘grass,’” Rev. Stintland notes. “Now, just as states like Alaska, Colorado and Oregon legalize marijuana, we’re seeing a record number of zombism sufferers. Can that be merely a coincidence? Logic tells us otherwise.”
LIGHT ‘EM UP! Weed is now legal in many states.
Statistics show a troubling rise in the bizarre ailment, called Sarcophagic Lazarus Syndrome by medical professionals. At least 675 cases nationwide were reported in 2014, three times the figure from the previous year. Yet government scientists dismiss Rev. Stintland’s claims.
“You don’t have to bring God or the supernatural into it to explain zombies,” observed a CDC insider. “It’s a matter of cold, hard science.”
According to the clergyman, the Almighty smacks the human race with epidemics from time to time for our own good.
“Our Lord is a loving God, but he is also a stern disciplinarian, not unlike a father who must sometimes take his children to the woodshed. He’s not above using biological warfare to whup some sense into mankind when we disobey His law,” explained Rev. Stintland, author of the upcoming book Germs From God.
SPANISH FLU was God’s punishment for the senseless slaughter of World War 1, according to expert.
Here, from the theologian, are other major epidemics and what God was punishing people for:
Plague of Athens (426-429 B.C., death toll 100,000) — Punishment for paganism
Black Death (1346 -1353 A.D., death toll 50 million) — Punishment for false piety, i.e. being “too” religious
Yellow Fever Epidemic (1793-1798, death toll 5,000 ) — Punishment for secular humanism
Cholera Pandemic (1816 -1828, death toll, 30,000) — Punishment for slave trade
Smallpox epidemic (1827-38, death toll 1800) — Punishment of Indians for resisting Manifest Destiny
Spanish Flu (1918-1920, death toll 75 million) — Punishment for World War I
“Contagious diseases don’t just happen,” the clergyman says. “They are God’s holy will.”
TOO MUCH OF A GOOD THING? In the 14th century, when the Black Death struck, belief in God was at an all time high.
Copyright C. Michael Forsyth
If you enjoyed this mind-bending story by C. Michael Forsyth, check out his collection of bizarre news, available on Kindle and in other eBook formats.
.
SPEAKING OF ZOMBIES…
ZOMBIE master Robert Kirkman’s graphic novel “Thief of Thieves” is even better than his “The Walking Dead.”
As I prepare to launch my first graphic novel, I’ve been boning up on the format, and one of the best I’ve come across was written by Robert Kirkman of The Walking Dead fame. Thief of Thieves is even more cinematic than the zombie comic that spawned the hit TV series. It’s essentially a movie on paper. What makes it unusual is that it doesn’t look like a movie storyboard. The layout is almost entirely narrow rectangular panels that stretch across the page, stacked horizontally. As you get used to the steadfastly unchanging aspect ratio, it becomes like watching images flickering on the screen. The caper story, akin to a movie like The Italian Job, is twisty and adult. The charismatic, broad-shouldered, hairy chested hero is presented so vividly, you think, “They’ve really got to cast the same actor in the movie” — until you remember he’s not a real person!
CINEMATIC panel shape, realistic facial expressions and Kirkman’s trademark timing make “Thief of Thieves” feel like a movie.
In the purely horror vein, I’ve also become hip to Crossed. It’s a zombie apocalypse saga, but makes The Walking Dead seem optimistic and wholesome as milk by comparison. In this version of hell on earth, the infected legions don’t just cannibalize victims, they gleefully rape, sodomize and mutilate them in an orgy of violence. Then eat them — although in some cases, the atrocities are simultaneous.
PLAY BALL! Mayhem ensues when the contagion hits a football stadium.
The disease, which brands those who’ve been bitten (or otherwise taken in bodily fluids) with a distinctive cross-shaped rash on the face, erases all inhibitions, turning them into rage-fueled, sex-crazed killing machines who love to disfigure both hapless victims and themselves. Worse still, unlike your standard shambling walker, their minds still function — albeit far from rationally — allowing them to use weapons, drive cars and operate motorboats. Imagine 28 Days Later meets Road Warrior meets Hellraiser. Crossed is definitely adults only, due to the unrelenting sexual violence, and not for the faint of heart.
Speaking of crime dramas like Thief of Thieves, if you enjoyed the writing in this article by C. Michael Forsyth, you might enjoy his novelThe Identity Thief.
The tables turn on an identity thief in the latest thriller by C. Michael Forsyth.
Susanne Dubhthach says the happiest day of her life came when she married a real-life leprechaun in 2013. But her dream wedding has turned into a nightmare thanks to her meddling in-laws who believe she’s a “gold digger.”
“They think I just married Gwrtheyrn to get my hands on his pot of gold,” Susanne told a Belfast newspaper tearfully. “But that’s not true. I love him with all my heart – and those two little monsters are doing everything in their power to drive a wedge between us.”
Susanne, 26, charges that mother-in-law Genovefa Dubhthach and her husband Corraidhin have pulled every trick in the book to torpedo her marriage, including:
* Tossing the traditional meal she’d prepared for a major festival in the garbage because it had “too many turnips. “
* Calling her a “barren wench” in front of a cottage-full of relatives for failing to produce grandchildren in four years of marriage.
* Stranding her for hours in a deep wood said to be inhabited by banshees.
* Using “the olde magyck” to turn her once porcelain-white skin an ugly beet red.
“I spent two days in the kitchen preparing that dish of rumbledethumps for the Grand Feast,” Susanne recalled. “When Genovefa tasted it, gave a look of disgust and threw it in the trash, it brought me to tears. I don’t know how much more of this I can take.”
SKEPTICAL of banks, many leprechauns still prefer to store their wealth in containers of gold known as crocks.
As late as 1957, leprechauns were widely believed to be merely mythological creatures. But that year, anthropologists stumbled across a small population of the clannish, reclusive folks in a clutch of hamlets in Tipperary County. Experts believe the diminutive humans with distinctive pointy ears are descendants of the pint-sized inhabitants of the British Isles who dwelled there before the coming of the Celts in the fifth century B.C. Remarkably, many less-well-educated Americans still believe leprechauns are purely fictional. In a 2014 survey, a whopping 66 percent of Americans with a high school diploma or less agreed with the statement, “Leprechauns do not exist.”
“Leprechauns prefer to be known as ‘The Lurigadawne,’” reveals reporter Colin O’Meadley, who interviewed the Dubhthaches. “They rarely wear green and they’re not too fond of the way their kind have been exploited by the tourist industry.”
Gwrtheyrn, 34, and his family operate a successful shoe-making business. He met attractive, redhead Susanne when she was working as a barmaid on the outskirts of the county, which leprechauns still call by its ancient name, Contae Thiobraid Árann.
“He came in for a pint, we talked and hit it off immediately,” Susanne recalled.
But when the pair began dating, Gwrtheyrn’s protective mom tried to put a kibosh on the relationship.
“She immediately ran credit and criminal background checks on me,” Susanne said. “She spent hours grilling me about my ‘intentions.’ That woman as much as accused me of being a hussy who only was interested in a man two feet shorter than me because he has this huge ‘crock of gold’ somewhere.”
The marriage ceremony held by a pond in Fairie Wood in May 14, 2013 was like something out of a fairytale.
“We stood barefoot as a white witch tied our wrists together with a silver sash,” Susanne remembered wistfully. “I wore a garland in my hair and a band played traditional leprechaun music with pipes and drums.”
But since then, Susanne says nothing she does ever pleases her demanding mother-in-law. Mrs. Dubhthach insists her daughter-in-law is making a mountain out of a molehill.
“First of all, I think it shows how little Susanne has bothered to learn about our culture that she would suggest all leprechauns use ‘magic,’” she said. “If you have fair skin, red hair and decide to sunbathe in a skimpy swimsuit on the meadow where all the neighbors can see, of course you’re going to turn red.
“I’ve done everything possible to welcome Susanne into our home, despite her background, and one would think she would appreciate that.”
For his part, Gwrtheyrn only wants peace under his roof.
“I just want Susanne and my mother to get along,” he told the reporter.
Copyright C. Michael Forsyth
If you enjoyed this mind-bending story by C. Michael Forsyth, check out his collection of bizarre news, available on Kindle and in other eBook formats.
.
If you enjoyed this whimsical tale by C. Michael Forsyth, you might enjoy his blackly funny thriller The Identity Thief.
The tables turn on an identity thief in the latest thriller by C. Michael Forsyth.
CLIMATE change could soon put much of Florida underwater — unless white magic licks the problem.
By C. Michael Forsyth
MIAMI, Florida — Governor Rick Scott has banned Florida officials from using the term “climate change” – and the age-old form of magic might actually save the state from global warming!
“This potent type of magic has been used to ward off danger since the dawn of human history,” explains Karyn Fultenbach, high priestess of a prominent Wiccan coven in Miami. “When a tribe encountered a sabretooth in a cave, the shaman would warn the others not to say the word ‘sabretooth.’ They would instead close their eyes and only use the word ‘cat.’ This would keep the early humans safe, and some experts believe this is actually how ordinary house cats evolved.”
The National Climate Assessment recently named Miami one of the U.S. cities most vulnerable to damage from rising sea levels. Experts have warned that the ocean could rise several feet, putting much of the state’s beautiful beachfront property underwater. So, soon after Scott was elected, employees of the Florida Department of Environmental Protection were sternly ordered to refrain from using the terms “climate change,” and “global warming” in official communications.
Fultenbach and her 12 fellow witches have written the governor recommending that the technique also be used to ward off specific natural disasters associated with climate change.
“He should also forbid the uses of the terms ‘flooding,’ ‘tsunami’ and ‘category 5 hurricane,’” she advises.
INNOVATIVE Gov. Rick Scott has turned to magic to keep sea levels from soon rising above tourists’ heads.
The danger-denying form of white magic was used in ancient times to defeat demons, according to the Wiccan priestess.
“A demon god would often be referred to only as ‘He Whose Name Shall Not be Spoken,’” she reveals. “Forbidding people from mentioning it by name was a way to drive it from existence. This worked, and the concrete evidence is that few of those demon gods exist today.”
In the Middle Ages, practitioners of Wicca used the white magic technique to protect their villages from the Black Plague.
“If a stranger wandered into town covered with oozing sores, white witches would warn the people never to utter the word plague. So no one could catch the disease,” says the 43-year-old Wiccan.
GOOD witches have been using white magic to ward off disasters for centuries.
Ironically, the lifesaving acts led to the demise of many witches. Fearful and suspicious church officials, who thought only the Devil could have spared the isolated towns, often had the witches burned at the stake.
Not everyone thinks that using white magic to battle climate change makes sense.
“It sounds crazy,” says Gus Quelby of the conservative group Florida Citizens for Common Sense. “So crazy it just might work. But resorting to paganism is dangerous. We’re a Christian state. Even if using magic does prevent global warming from affecting Florida, it goes completely against the teachings of Jesus.”
Copyright C. Michael Forsyth
if you enjoyed this story by fiction writer C. Michael Forsyth, check out his novelThe Blood of Titans.
“The Blood of Titans” is a tale of love and adventure set in the Golden Age of Africa.
Surprise! Most real-life zombies subsist on a diet of berries and nuts, researchers now say – a far cry from Hollywood’s depiction of them as fierce cannibals.
“Zombies are what anthropologists call gatherers,” explains Dr. Henry Coblinsaw, chief author of a recently published study. “Their digestive system has atrophied, making it very difficult to digest meat. And because of their familiar shambling gait, chasing game such as deer or stray dogs is not an option, likewise humans, of course.”
Climbing trees is also impossible, so only low-hanging fruit is on the menu. Wild berries and nuts that have fallen to the ground are a zombie’s most commonly consumed food source.
“An Arizona zombie that was dissected in 2018 was found to have six walnuts in its stomach,” the expert reveals.
“No thanks. Have any walnuts?” Real zombies do not eat rats, contrary to this scene in The Walking Dead.
In movies like Night of the Living Dead and the hit TV series The Walking Dead, zombies are shown ripping ordinary people apart and feeding on their body parts. But with slowly decaying muscles and low levels of adrenaline, real zombies simply don’t have the strength or energy to do that. According to the researcher, there have been only eight cases of zombies eating human flesh since 1905.
Brain damage due to the loss of oxygen between death and revival is another factor that explains their dietary restrictions.
“Zombies are quite docile, which is what made them such easily controlled fieldworkers in Haiti from the 1700s up until the 1930s,” notes Dr. Coblinsaw. “They rely on the most primitive instincts residing in the surviving areas of the brain. That means eating fruit, nuts and berries like our tree-dwelling ape-like ancestors.”
The only real hazard zombies present to normal people is when a herd ambles through a strawberry patch, field of corn or other crops.
“They are a real pest to farmers,” says the researcher. “They pass through a cornfield, stripping the stalks bare like locusts. The only solution farmers have found is to post ‘scarecrows,’ cardboard cutouts of figures with chainsaws or cricket bats.”
CARDBOARD cutouts like this one in an Iowa cornfield are used to ward off zombies and protect crops.
If you enjoyed this whimsical story by fiction writer C. Michael Forsyth, check out his upcoming project:
Vampires take over a women’s prison in this graphic novel. A Kickstarter is underway right now!
CLAUSTROPHIC TERROR GETS THE MAX
If you got a chuckle out of this mind-bending tale by fiction writer C. Michael Forsyth, check out his new graphic novel Night Cage, about vampires running amok in a women’s prison.
If you enjoyed this mind-bending story by C. Michael Forsyth, check out his collection of bizarre news, available on Kindle and in other eBook formats.
.
This story was written by the author of the acclaimed horror novel Hour of the Beast. Check it out along with his other exciting books HERE.
In Hour of the Beast, a young bride is raped by a werewolf on her wedding night. When her sons grow up and head to college, things REALLY get out of hand.
BOSTON — The Panties of Peril, universally ranked the world’s most lethal paranormal object, have claimed the lives of eight women – and one man – who were foolish enough to put them on. All perished in bizarre freak accidents. But the dreaded drawers may have finally met their match. America’s toughest exorcist, the Reverend Jim Bookley, has vowed to rid the evil undies of the demonic entity that has possessed them.
“Either those panties are going down, or I’m going down,” declared the 54-year-old demon hunter.
The history of the Panties of Peril is well documented. But Rev. Bookley has an equally impressive track record. Among the many feathers in his cap, he cast out from a possessed German nun the infamous Legion, the only demon to go toe to toe with Jesus in the Holy Bible and live to tell the tale. After a fierce eight-day battle, he successfully exorcised a donkey that had run amok in Palermo, Italy. In 2011, the clergyman was voted Exorcist of the Year, after driving the demon Asmodeus from the body of 24-year-old Brooklyn meter maid Gina Spimacelli and sending him running off with his barbed tail between his legs.
And Rev. Bookley is coming to this new spiritual showdown loaded for bear. Included in his arsenal, along with usual implements such as holy water, Bibles and crucifixes, are:
• The Holy Collar of Antioch. Once placed on the neck of a possessed person, it renders the demon plaguing them powerless.
• The personal Bible of Pope John Paul II.
• The Chains of St. Augustine. Made of pure silver, they can supposedly bind any demon.
• The boxing gloves of Father McMurphy, once wielded by the famed Irish cleric and demon hunter.
“And it goes without saying I’ll be packing my sawed off shotgun,” he said, patting the trusty firearm.
CLERGYMEN turn to exorcism only as a last resort, as in this scene from the movie “The Last Exorcism.”
The Panties of Peril are currently in the possession of Boston millionaire Laurence Viskerbloom III, who purchased them last July at auction for a reported $650,000 from an unidentified dealer — although their legal ownership is in dispute. Experts say they were stolen in 2013 from the vault of the New Jersey Institute for Paranormal Research, where they were kept under lock and key in a titanium vault.
Authorities believe the culprit was transvestite performer Frank Yinsley, better known as Lady Charlize, who was later found dead in his apartment while wearing the panties. He’d succumbed to the bite of a rabid bat after chasing it with a broom, and breaking a chandelier, investigators determined. The panties vanished from a police evidence room two weeks later.
Viskerbloom purchased the panties for his wife Bethany, a devotee of the occult who believed they could endow her with rare magical powers. Instead, tragically, she was electrocuted when the candles she’d lit for a special ceremony caught her robes on fire. The panties, eerily, were untouched by the blaze.
“Those panties took my Bethany,” Viskerbloom told reporters. “Whatever it is that’s haunting them has to be destroyed.”
DON’T PANIC: The vast majority of panties are safe to wear, experts say.
Researchers at the prestigious New Jersey Institute for Paranormal Research have tracked the innocuous-looking pink panties to a sweatshop outside Denpaser, Indonesia. They believe they are possessed by the vengeful spirit of a factory worker who was killed along with 90 others when the building collapsed.
“The worker was a practitioner of kulam, a sinister, voodoo-like form of black magic so dangerous it’s been outlawed by the Indonesian government,” revealed the Institute’s director Dr. Dan Greavesby.
His organization is suing for the return of the panties. And he’s appealing to Rev. Bookley to call off the exorcism, scheduled for next month.
“These are incredibly powerful forces at work here, almost beyond human comprehension,” the expert warns. “To take them on before we’ve had a chance to fully study them is foolhardy.”
Copyright C. Michael Forsyth
If you enjoyed this mind-bending story by C. Michael Forsyth, check out his collection of bizarre news, available on Kindle and in other eBook formats.
.
This story was written by the author of the acclaimed horror novel Hour of the Beast. Check it out along with his other books HERE.
In Hour of the Beast, a young bride is raped by a werewolf on her wedding night. When her sons grow up and head to college, things REALLY get out of hand.
“Colon Expansion,” formerly known as The Judas Cradle, has been used by practitioners of enhanced interrogation techniques since the Middle Ages.
By C. Michael Forsyth
Chiefs of secret police forces worldwide are taking a page from Dick Cheney’s book and renaming torture techniques to sound like spa services — to ensure they can never be charged with war crimes.
Chinese Water Torture, for example, is now called Asian Aquatic Relaxation.
“According to the latest thinking in international law, if an interrogation technique sounds like a spa treatment, it’s not technically a war crime,” explained Hosni El-Shabiz, director of Syria’s Bureau of Information Extraction.
Cheney and CIA underlings dubbed enema torture “rectal hydration,” he noted.
Other name changes secret police forces have adopted:
* The Rack is now “Enhanced Spinal Decompression.”
* Bamboo shoots under the fingernails has been replaced by the more benign “Organic Subungual Therapy.”
* Cattle prod to the genitals is now known as “Intimate Area Stimulation.”
* The Iron Maiden has been switched to the friendlier “Deep Tissue Penetration.”
The names can be misleading to prisoners.
“Sometimes when you order a detainee to undress for a Dermal Abrasion session, they do it happily because they think it’s a soothing spa treatment,” El-Shabiz chuckled. “They’re usually quite taken aback when they discover that it means whipping with a cat o’ nine tails!”
Copyright C. Michael Forsyth
If you appreciated the black humor of this story, you might enjoy the irony in his latest thriller The Identity Thief.
The tables turn on an identity thief in fast-paced thriller by C. Michael Forsyth.
C. Michael Forsyth is the author of "Sir Arthur Conan Doyle & Harry Houdini in The Adventure of the Spook House,""The Blood of Titans," "Hour of the Beast" and "The Identity Thief." He is a Yale graduate and former senior writer for The Weekly World News
.
.
Horror News 