TOP OF THE MORNING TO YOU! This isn't the kind of little person well known actor meant.
C. Michael Forsyth
LONDON – Just moments after Irish actor Dennis O’Cullen thanked “all the little people” at an awards ceremony, he was hustled off the stage by men in white coats and whisked away to a loony bin!
Now, after spending four months in the Peaceful Gardens Sanitarium, the 67-year-old star is suing both his manager and two doctors for having him involuntarily committed.
“Obviously, I was talking about the peons who work behind the scenes, like the makeup girl and the fellow who points the spotlight, as anyone but those dolts would realize,” he told a London paper.
“I haven’t believed in leprechauns since I was 15. And as anyone who has set foot in my native Ireland can tell you, we call them ‘wee folk’ not ‘little people.’ ”
Although not well known to audiences in America, where he’s made only four films, O’Cullen is a respected stage actor in Britain, where he was once hailed as the “Irish Olivier.”
ACCLAIMED actor Dennis O'Cullen first appeared as "King Lear" in this 1996 PBS presentation, but last year's Best Actor trophy was his first major award for the role.
The incident occurred at the prestigious Christopher Marlowe Awards, after O’Cullen was handed a Best Actor statuette for his starring role in King Lear.
“O’Cullen was aglow because he’d been nominated many times before and hadn’t won,” said a reporter who was covering the star-studded show. “About 30 seconds into his acceptance speech he made the “little people” remark and he was suddenly gang-tackled by four burly men in hospital uniforms. He appeared to be quite taken aback.”
The Shakespearean actor’s manager Edwin “Reggie” Baronsett has apologized profusely for the misunderstanding. However, he insists that having two doctors and several staffers from the mental health facility on hand seemed prudent under the circumstances.
“Let’s not forget that just three years ago at another awards ceremony, Mr. O’Cullen became unhinged after losing for a fifth year in a row to Kenneth Branagh. He went after the presenter Dame Judy Dench with a wooden sword — all the while limping like Richard III,” he points out. “We simply wanted to spare my client another embarrassing spectacle like that.”
O’Cullen has refused to accept the apology.
“Receiving that award should have been the crowning moment of my career,” he declares. “Instead I was made a national laughingstock and was deprived of four months of liberty.”
BELIEF in leprechauns, shown in this scene from the Disney classic "Darby O'Gill and the Little People," still remains strong in Ireland today.
Copyright C. Michael Forsyth
ALSO FROM THE WRITER OF THIS ARTICLE…
In a new novel by the author of this article, the creator of Sherlock Holmes and the world’s most famous escape artist probe a paranormal mystery.
The year is 1922. A respected judge inexplicably vanishes in a decrepit mansion and two of the world’s most remarkable men are summoned to investigate: Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, creator of Sherlock Holmes, and Harry Houdini, the world’s greatest escape artist.
Aided by a beautiful young psychic, the unlikely partners probe a mystery that becomes murkier and more perilous at every turn and brings them face to face with evil incarnate. To solve the riddle of The Spook House—and to survive its dangers—they must call upon all of their extraordinary mental and physical powers. The story draws upon the real-life friendship of Conan Doyle and Houdini, two vastly different men brought together by their fascination with the paranormal.
The book’s getting a great response. And folks from the many Sherlock Holmes societies and other fans of Conan Doyle are chafing at the bit to read it. Here’s what the first reviewer said:
“The Adventure of the Spook House is an exciting mystery full of twists, hair-breadth escapes and feats of derring-do. The author brings Conan Doyle and Houdini back to life as fully fleshed out characters who make splendid heroes. Thanks to Forsyth’s exhaustive research, the reader truly feels immersed in the 1920s. The novel captures the obsession with the supernatural that Conan Doyle shared with his friends like H.P. Lovecraft and my own great grand uncle Bram Stoker, the author of Dracula.”
—Dacre C. Stoker, co author Dracula the Un-Dead, Bram Stoker’s Lost Journal
I came up with the idea after stumbling across the intriguing fact that the two legendary figures were friends—and later bitter enemies—in real life. Writing the book took over a year of research, as I tried to capture the personalities of each historical figure as well as, of course, get the details about them and the time period right. I pored over their autobiographies, books on how Houdini managed his escapes and a huge volume of the more than 1,500 letters written by Conan Doyle’s letters. It really helped me to get a handle on how the author of the Sherlock Holmes stories thought and spoke.
Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, left, and Harry Houdini, were friends–and later enemies.
I learned that each man was, in his own right, brilliant and remarkably athletic—perfectly suited for an adventure of this type. I would be hard pressed to think of a real-life writer and an entertainer who would make better heroes.
The official release date of the book is March 24, 2014 but advance copies of the paperback and Kindle editions are already available at Amazon.com. You can find all other eBook formats, including Nook, at Smashwords.com
OLD SCHOOL: 2005 Film version of H.P. Lovecraft’s masterpiece was produced as a silent film.
*****
By. C. Michael Forsyth
Lately I’ve been re-reading H.P. Lovecraft’s stories for the first time in since high school and joyfully rediscovering his unique vision.
During his lifetime, Lovecraft’s work was ignored by critics and relegated to pulp fiction magazines like Weird Tales that paid him a pittance. Now, of course, he’s regarded as a giant of the horror genre. Some readers still find his florid style over the top. But what might be dismissed as overwrought prose is more correctly read as poetry. His phrases like “a blasphemous monstrosity,” are like Milton’s description of Hell as “darkness visible.” They make no literal sense but are powerfully evocative.
H.P. Lovecraft’s genius went unrecognized during his lifetime.
Such language fits the theme that permeates his work: An otherworldly horror that defies reason. Almost all of Lovecraft’s stories are rooted in the same cosmology, grasping at it from different angles: Before the dawn of history, Earth was ruled by the Old Ones, monstrous god-like beings that have been banished from our world, but ever wait on its edge, seeking to gain entry.
When I stumbled across a 2005 film adaptation of Lovecraft’s masterpiece The Call of Cthulhu on Netflix, I eagerly added it to my queue, wondering how could one possibly translate that story to the screen.
The tale is about a sinister worldwide cult devoted to an Old One named Cthulhu. The main character Francis Thurston recounts his discovery of notes left behind by his great-uncle, a college professor who investigated the cult, piecing together a puzzle whose pieces are spread across oceans and decades, including the bizarre dreams of a young artist, wild rituals in the swamps outside New Orleans, Eskimo idol-worshippers and an ill-fated sea voyage.
The structure of the story is mind-bendingly complex: A frame story within a frame story within a frame story; told through a series of vignettes visited in flashback, which, as each layer is added, builds collectively to a monumental horror.
Director Andrew Leman, a founding member of the H. P. Lovecraft Historical Society, recognized that a traditional approach was doomed to failure, and so took a bold gamble: His 47-minute short feature is silent and black and white, scored and acted exactly as if it had been produced in 1926 when the story was written.The director perfectly replicates the look of German expressionistic films of that time, like The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari, giving the movie a creepy and otherworldly feel. The dream sequences in particular are clearly a loving tribute to those films.
DREAM sequence in movie was inspired by silent-era German expressionist films
It’s ambitious and in the sense that the filmmaker achieved exactly what he intended, a remarkable tour de force. But because the movie is a slavishly literal translation of the written work — including that clunky non-lineal story structure — it doesn’t completely succeed as a film. It’s certainly not scary at all. I’m not sure that viewers who are unfamiliar with Lovecraft or silent movies would appreciate the film. Indeed, they might interpret the minimalist sets and stylized acting (particularly the fight scenes) as signs of ineptitude and, quite unfairly, put it in the same category as Plan Nine From Outer Space.
Is there any way you could adapt the story into a traditional Hollywood film without completely bastardizing it? One would have to get rid of the frame story and make the great-uncle the main character. The vignettes might perhaps be simultaneous storylines that converge. And Johansen, the seaman who ultimately takes on Cthulhu face to face, would have to be a central, heroic character rather than a minor one.
GIBBERING cult member named Castro gleefully tells all about his evil sect.
The big rate-limiting factor is that when Cthulhu finally rears his ugly head, it’s hard for him to look like anything but a B-movie monster. For it to work, you’d have to create a special effect like none we’ve ever seen before, something that makes us feel that we are looking into the face of a truly unearthly and incomprehensible horror.
While we’re waiting for someone to figure out exactly how to do that, do check out this highly creative and unorthodox film.
BTW, I couldn’t resist having a bit of fun at Mr. Lovecraft’s expense in this bizarre story.
MORE from the author of this article…
The tables turn on an identity thief in the latest thriller by C. Michael Forsyth. To check it out, click HERE.
The author of this article also penned the highly acclaimed horror novel Hour of the Beast.
Embarrassed by uneven patches of fur, many female werewolves are now using “moon ray” tanning beds to achieve an all-over coat of hair. The high-tech gizmos simulate lunar rays and bombard the nude user from all sides, ensuring that hair sprouts evenly.
“Our clients are thrilled,” said Celeste Kiflinger, whose Spectral Salon is one of six specialty spas in Los Angeles area where the beds are available. “They feel much more confident romping at night with a full, lustrous coat.”
Typically, lycanthropes are exposed to the full moon when fully dressed, and exposed tissue on the face, neck and arms gets a higher dose. A bare midriff or skin below the knees when a woman is in a skirt may also receive more lunar rays, causing greater hair growth.
EVERY female werewolf longs to have lush, evenly distributed hair like North Korea’s famed Wolf Girl, believed to suffer from hypertrichosis.
“It’s like watering some parts of a lawn more than others; the grass of course grows higher in those spots,” explained Kiflinger. “When the werewolf’s clothes finally rip away, you get that ‘crazy fur’ look, with wild overgrowth on one part of the body and bare patches on another. Males typically aren’t that bothered by it, but our mostly female clientele find it embarrassing.”
Technically, a moon ray is simply a beam of sunlight that has bounced off the moon. How its properties are altered by that reflection — which takes just microseconds — is a mystery science has not yet solved.
“We are only now discovering the many ways that the moon affects life on Earth,” noted an expert. “For centuries astronomers have known that its gravitational pull is responsible for tides and we’re all familiar with those studies that show criminal behavior increases during the full moon. How precisely it triggers lycanthropic transmutation remains a riddle.”
HIGH TECH moon ray beds resemble ordinary tanning beds.
The tanning beds are modified versions of those used by ordinary folks across the nation in salons and in their homes. A 30-minute session typically runs around $88.
“I am so satisfied with the treatments,” said Kelly R., a 35-year-old office worker who asked that her last name be kept confidential. “Before, loping through the park at night, I tended to stay in the shadows because my fur was so unsightly and I was ashamed of my appearance. Now I feel a lot better about myself when it’s ‘that time of the month.’”
Copyright C. Michael Forsyth
If you enjoyed this mind-bending story by C. Michael Forsyth, check out his collection of bizarre news, available on Kindle and in other eBook formats.
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SPEAKING OF WEREWOLVES …
The author of this article also penned the highly acclaimed horror novel Hour of the Beast.
Clergymen provide us with spiritual guidance and emotional support, but when they go bad, they go very bad. Take a look at this roundup of 13 men of the cloth who went over to the dark side. Then vote on who’s the scariest movie preacher of all time.
BROTHER JUSTIN CROWE played by Clancy Brown in “Carnivale” (HBO, 2003-5). Powerfully built Brown has portrayed some frightening villains, most memorably The Kurgan in “Highlander.” Here he’s a fiendish, supernatural version of Father Coughlin, the hate-mongering Depression-era radio preacher. Brother Justin has the power to bring people’s sins and darkest desires to life in horrifying visions. He uses his radio show to brainwash the masses to do his bidding. But the Dust Bowl devil is not above resorting to physical means, mowing down uncooperative folks with a scythe.
CALEB, played by Nathan Fillion in “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” (Season 7, 2003). Before handsome Nathan made female viewers’ hearts flutter as Capt. Mal in “Firefly,” he terrified them as this sadistic sociopath with a pathological hatred of women. A defrocked priest, Caleb was chosen by the First Evil to lead its campaign to wipe out humanity. Able to channel its power, he possesses immense physical strength and is seemingly indestructible, making him one of Buffy’s most dangerous adversaries. The folksy, scripture-quoting madman has a real mean streak, gratuitously gouging out the eye of funny-guy Zander. Here he cuts short the career of a wannabe Slayer.
FATHER LUCAS, played by Anthony Hopkins in “The Rite” (2011). Welsh Jesuit Father Lucas is the Vatican’s top exorcist until he’s possessed by a demon himself. Incredibly, the supernatural thriller is based on real events as recounted by then exorcist-in-training, Father Gary Thomas. Yeah, sure. More believable is Hopkins’ acting. He resists the temptation to chew the scenery in favor of an understated, chilling performance. In this scene, the trainee (Colin O’Donoghue) is horrified to learn that his mentor is now batting for the other team.
REVEREND HENRY KANE, played by Julian Beck in “Poltergeist 2” (1992). Kane was the leader of 19th century doomsday cult who snuffed out the lives of his followers and became a ghostly Beast who keeps their spirits imprisoned. The character’s shockingly gaunt, skeletal appearance isn’t just good makeup. Actor Beck was dying of cancer during the shoot. Kane tries every trick in the book to gain entry into the Freeling family’s haunted house. In one grotesque scene, he transforms himself into a worm that the dad Steven (Craig T. Nelson) swallows with his tequila. The parasitic entity possesses the guy and tries to rape his wife before being vomited out as a hideous, scuttling monster. Watch these two memorable sequences: A Stranger and Let Me In.
REVEREND LESTER LOWE, played by Everett McGill in “Silver Bullet” (1985). With the over-hanging brow that made him a perfect caveman in “Quest for Fire,” McGill is a scary-looking dude under the best of circumstances. As the werewolf in this tale from Stephen King, he’s even more terrifying. And the odds are against his target: a wheelchair-bound boy whose dopey uncle (Gary Busey) arms himself with only ONE silver bullet.
ANTHONY TIPET played by Keith Szarabajka in “The X-Files” (Season 8, Episode 7). Tipet is the leader of a religious cult who preaches that the Via Negativa or “path of darkness” is the true way to reach Nirvana. With the aid of a super-amphetamine, he’s able to open his third eye—literally a disgusting eyeball on his forehead—and enter people’s dreams to murder them, ala Freddy Krueger. Tipet racks up 20 kills this way in addition to his wife, whom he simply bludgeons to death.
REVEREND HARRY POWELL, played by Robert Mitchum in “ Night of the Hunter” (1955). As this bogus preacher and serial killer who sports the words “LOVE” and “HATE” tattooed across the knuckles of each hand, Mitchum is even more menacing here than he was as a rapist stalker in “Cape Fear.” The charismatic Rev. Powell woos the unsuspecting widow of his former cellmate to get his hands on hidden loot from a robbery. After marrying and murdering her, he relentlessly tracks her two children. The atmospheric film was inspired by the true story of Harry Powers, hanged in 1932 for the murders of two widows and three children in Clarksburg, West Virginia. Here are two memorable scenes we’ll call Not My Dad and Sleepless Preacher
ZOMBIE PRIEST played by Tony Sedgwick in “28 Days Later” (2002). Mild-mannered bicycle messenger Jim awakens from a coma to find London is besieged by zombies (worse still, fast ones) and he takes refuge in a church. An ominous sign is that the words “The End is Extremely F—ing Nigh” are scrawled on the wall. Jim is relieved when a priest emerges—until the infected clergymen tries to eat him alive.
FATHER ZACHARY MALIUS, played by Charles Cragin in “Happy Hell Night” (1992). Friendly neighborhood priest Father Malius goes crazy and slaughters seven frat boys at Winfield College, then is committed to an asylum. Twenty five years later, fun-loving students from the fraternity stage a prank at the booby hatch, and Father Malius is inadvertently freed. It appears that he has not been entirely cured, because the psycho priest promptly launches a bloody spree of murder and mayhem.
CZAKYR, played by David Sawyer in “Children of the Night” (1991).Townsfolk in peaceful Alburg were delighted when a European clergyman came to minister to them – until he began to “interfere with” children and feed on their blood. Cornered, the false priest Czakyr commits suicide, taking his young victims with him. The locals bury him in a crypt beneath the church and flood it. But when a pair of teenage girls take a late-night dip in the water, Czakyr is awakened and attacks them, unleashing a vampire plague. Before long, the town has become a bloodsucker haven like Salem’s Lot.
CARDINAL PATRICK ROARK, played by Rutger Hauer in “Sin City” (2005). Shielding pedophile priests just isn’t good enough for this corrupt and sinister church official. He protects his nephew Kevin (Elijah Wood), a cannibal serial killer who murders women, eats their bodies and mounts their heads on his wall. Cardinal Roark joins in the grisly meals and frames Mickey Rourke’s tough-guy hero for one of the murders — sins he answers for in this scene.
BISHOP ANTHONY LILLIMAN, played by John Standing in “V for Vendetta” (2006). Bishop Lilliman is a twisted pedophile as well as a high-ranking official in a fascist party that has taken over Great Britain. Despite his penchant for young girls, the bishop doesn’t mind trying to rape twenty-something Natalie Portman when she comes to warn him of his impending assassination, as we see here.
FATHER ANTONIN, played by Jack Palance in “Deadly Sanctuary” (1969). In this version of the Marquis De Sade’s “Justine,” Father Antonin livens up monastery life by subjecting the title character to torture and sexual abuse. Palance is no stranger to over-acting, but this performance is over-the top even for him, one critic calling it “one of the most bizarre ever seen on film.” Perhaps he was trying to balance out the wooden star Romina Power, daughter of screen legend Tyrone Power. “She was a like a piece of furniture,” director Jesus Franco later grumbled. “It was as if I was making Bambi 2.” Well, Bambi 2 with nudity and sadism.
THRILLING NEW GRAPHIC NOVEL!
Vampires run amok in a women’s prison in the gorgeously illustrated, 80-page graphic novel Night Cage. When a newly made vampire is sentenced to an escape-proof, underground slammer, she quickly begins to spread the contagion.
Va-Va-VROOM! Monica Hildenbrook lived before as a car, reincarnation expert claims.
BACK TO THE FUTURE: In the 1980s, the Camaro was the epitome of cool.
By C. Michael Forsyth
LOS ANGELES, Calif. — George Kelnway was heartbroken when his beloved 1985 Camaro was totaled in a wreck 25 years ago. But he believes the object of his affection has returned to him in the form of a curvy 24-year-old blonde.
And a top expert in the psychic phenomena agrees that the evidence is “overwhelming” that Monica Hildenbrook really did live before as the canary-yellow sports car.
“This is one of the most extraordinary cases of reincarnation I’ve ever encountered,” declared paranormal researcher Dr. Bella Delungo. “It’s like that old TV show My Mother the Car, but in reverse.”
Among the striking coincidences cited by the investigator:
• Monica was born at 8:40 p.m. on May 4, 1989 – the one-year anniversary of the 1988 crash, down to the very hour and minute.
• Her hair is an unusual bright yellow that’s virtually the exact shade of Kelnway’s car, and yellow is also her favorite color.
• Her favorite song is “La Bamba” the ditty that was playing on the car radio at the moment of the accident.
• She has a lifelong affinity for automobiles and works as a model at car shows.
• Whenever she sees the color red, she stops dead in her tracks.
“Monica has headlights you can’t take your eyes off of and plenty of junk in her trunk, just like my Camaro,” declared Kelnway, a 46-year-old marketing consultant. “The moment I laid eyes on her I felt a connection. It was the same bond I had with my first car.”
The road trip into The Twilight Zone began in 1985 when Kelnway received the spanking new vehicle as a high school graduation present. He fell head over heels in love with the car.
LOVESTRUCK: Young George Kelnway couldn’t keep his hands off his yellow Camaro.
“George lavished so much tender loving care on that Camaro,” his mother Katherine recalled. “He’d spend hours detailing it, waxing and buffing it. We’d joke that it was like his girlfriend.”
But the romance screeched to halt when Kelnway got in a head-on collision with a driver who’d fallen asleep at the wheel. Miraculously, the young college student walked away with only minor injuries, but his car was damaged beyond repair.
“When the tow truck took my car away I cried like a baby,” he recalled.
TRAGEDY: George Kelnway’s Camaro was wrecked 25 years ago.
Over the years Kelnway bought and sold many other cars, but never forgot his first. Then, in May 2013, as he shopped in the canned vegetable aisle at Wal-Mart, he smelled an eerily familiar fragrance.
“I turned and saw this gorgeous blonde in a yellow mini skirt,” Kelnway remembered. “Not only was her outfit the same color as my old Camaro, her perfume smelled just like the interior. I couldn’t help blurting out ‘You smell like my first car.’ She laughed and told me ‘Everyone says this perfume is like ‘new car smell,’ but I don’t care – it’s my favorite.’”
Kelnway, feeling an instant attraction, asked for her number on the spot. Monica, who also says she felt sure she knew George from somewhere, eagerly accepted. They hit it off on the first date and have been an item every since.
George Kelnway
“When I found out that Monica loves driving at high speeds and models at car shows, the reincarnation thing began to occur to me, but it seemed too crazy to be true,” Kelnway said. “Then, on about our third date, when we were driving home from the movies, she started humming “La Bamba” and the hairs on the back of my neck stood up.”
The couple dated for several months before Kelnway dared suggest his reincarnation theory to his stunning young girlfriend. Although she thought the whole idea was silly, in September she agreed to undergo past-life regression under the supervision of Dr. Delungo. The results were mind-blowing.
“Under hypnosis, Monica remembered being put together on an assembly line, and vividly recalled the accident,” the researcher revealed. “She accurately described the make and color of the other car involved in the collision, as well as the first three letters of the license plate – information she was not privy to.”
CAR MA: In the 1965-1966 sit-com “My Mother the Car,” Jerry Van Dyke starred as a man whose mother was reincarnated as a 1928 Porter Touring Car.
The expert says this isn’t the first instance of a person having lived before as a machine. There are recorded cases of humans being reincarnated as army tanks, toasters, even electric can openers.
“In the cycle of births and deaths, a soul can return to the material plane as a human, animal or inanimate object depending on the moral quality of the previous life’s actions,” Dr. Delungo explained. “In all likelihood, Monica’s soul began its journey as a human. According to the laws of karma, misdeeds caused her to be reincarnated in an animal form, then, spiraling downward, as a series of objects. Now it appears that the powers that be are giving her another shot as a human.”
After emerging from the trance, Monica had no conscious recollection of her prior existence and was stunned to hear a recording of the hypnosis session.
“I have to accept that I actually was once a car,” she said. “You can’t argue with science.
“My friends love to make wisecracks, like ‘How’s life in the fast lane?’ or ‘Did George wax your rear end this morning?’ But it doesn’t bother me. All I know is that George and I have a special bond and this time I don’t want anything to ever separate us.”
Copyright C. Michael Forsyth
If you enjoyed this mind-bending story by C. Michael Forsyth, check out his collection of bizarre news, available on Kindle and in other eBook formats.
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Speaking of karma, the tables turn on an identity thief in a new thriller by the author of this article. To check it out, click HERE.
The author of this article also penned the highly acclaimed horror novel Hour of the Beast.
JOURNALISM has gone down hill since the days when Bob Woodward and Carl Bernstein broke the Watergate story, many media-watchers say.
It has come to our attention that questions have been raised about the veracity of a story on this site, “Anthropologist Held Hostage by Elves for 7 Years.” As a result, an indefinite freeze has been placed on all stories coming out of Iceland and an internal investigation has been ordered. Among the discrepancies:
ITEM: The photo that ran with the article bears a close similarity to one taken two years earlier of a nude sunbather stranded on a cliff side in the U.S.
ITEM: The anthropologist’s rescuer from Iceland’s national rescue service is identified as “Arnor Guðjohnsen,” but this cannot possibly be true because Guðjohnsen is not an authentic Icelandic name.
ITEM: Arnor Guðjohnsen is the name a former Icelandic soccer player and the chance of two people bearing the same name in a country the size of Iceland is extremely low.
Eagle-eyed internet sleuth Sharon Hill, who runs the website Doubtful News, was the first to suspect no elf activity was involved. In an article entitled “If ‘Anthropologist Held Hostage by Elves Sounds Ridiculous That’s Because it is,” she unearths a mountain of evidence casting doubt on the story.
Theoretical physicist Dr. Jeremy Blinkley, one of the world’s most brilliant men and once hailed as The Thinking Man’s Stephen Hawking, has agreed to scour all the articles on this site in search of other questionable stories.
Right off the bat he has identified five that he suspects might not be entirely accurate:
* “French Tourist’s Speedo Spontaneously Combusts.”
* “Hell Slaps Ban on Nudity.”
* “Vatican Agents Steal Satan’s Pitchfork.”
* “Few Fairies Gay, Folklorists Now Say.”
* “TSA Finds Alien Implant During Body Cavity Search.”
The genius gives high marks to Ms. Hill for bringing the matter to light.
“It takes an extraordinarily keen intellect to detect that a seemingly believable story about elves might actually be pure fiction,” he observes. “And to put hours of painstaking research into digging up facts to debunk it, well, that points to a level of intelligence that few people I’ve encountered possess.
“Without such diligence, readers would be left to their own devices in determining whether or not elves take hostages.”
NOBLE elf Legolas, played by Orlando Bloom in “Lord of the Rings,” would never take a human hostage unless all his other options had been exhausted.
If you enjoyed this article by C. Michael Forsyth, check out his collection of bizarre news, available on Kindle and in other eBook formats.
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Maybe reporters can’t be trusted, but you can trust the author of this article to churn out an exciting novel full of twists and black humor. The tables turn on an identity thief in C. Michael Forsyth’s new thriller. To check it out, click HERE.
IN OTHER NEWS…
Had a blast on Halloween. Went as Captain Kirk, my boyhood hero. One gold Star Trek shirt = $15. One night in character as William Shatner = priceless. Here’s my impression.
The tables turn on an identity thief in action-packed novel.
My newest novel The Identity Thief has just been released! I’ve conquered the horror and romance genres and this one is a thriller. Here’s a brief synopsis:
X is an identity thief extraordinaire who steals the identity of the worst possible person! He soon becomes a fugitive, hunted by every intelligence agency in the world. To survive, X must use his talent for deceit and his chameleon-like ability to adopt one persona after another, as his predicament becomes steadily more harrowing and the stakes mount. The international adventures of this sardonic and amoral anti-hero combine the irony of The Third Man with the fast-paced thrills of The Bourne Identity.
Telling a story in which the protagonist is a rat was challenging. An identity thief is not a glamorous sort of criminal like a jewel thief. We despise these guys. One of the keys, I found, was to make X charming and witty. I found inspiration in the performance of Orson Welles as the charismatic but crooked Harry Lime in The Third Man. (When the movie of this book comes out, I wouldn’t mind some zither music in the background).
Orson Welles as Harry Lime was irresistably charming in the film noir classic “The Third Man.”
Needless to say, I tore my hair out when a movie titled The Identity Thief came out earlier this year – just as my book was going into the final stages of production. But what can you do? I don’t think anyone will confuse this thriller with the comedy starring Melissa McCarthy and Jason Bateman. And many people have probably forgotten about the flick by now. Last go around, my horror novel was set to be titled Nature of the Beast when I learned that was the name of several novels, movies and songs. Reluctantly I changed it to Hour of the Beast, which, with its hint of imminent danger turned out to be better.
NEVER put on these panties — no matter what, authorities warn.
By C. Michael Forsyth
EDISON, N.J. — The notorious Panties of Peril, widely considered the world’s most dangerous paranormal object, have been stolen from a heavily guarded titanium vault – and authorities fear that whoever ripped off the undies is in mortal peril!
“Four women who wore this undergarment suffered cruel and bizarre deaths,” warned Dr. Dan Greavesby of the prestigious New Jersey Institute for Paranormal Research. “Second only to plutonium, we consider the Panties of Peril to be, pound for pound, the most harmful material on Earth to human life. We’re pleading with whoever took them to return them at once – before he or she suffers a similar fate.”
Investigators say the panties were stored in a 16” by 18” safe within a second 3’ by 5′ safe, 140 feet below the surface in the sub-sub basement of the famous institute. The culprits dug a tunnel beneath the safe and drilled into it from below. Police are unsure of the motives of the thief or thieves.
“It could be a collector of rare occult objects,” said Det. John Relters of the State Special Investigations Bureau. “It might be a deviant with an underwear fetish or even simply college pranksters bent on pulling off ‘the ultimate panty raid.’ But whoever is in possession of those panties is playing with fire. From what we’ve been told, even someone who horses around with the underwear on his head could die within minutes.”
The strange tale of the dreaded drawers first came to light in April, 2010 as reported here later that year. College coed Amber Walyde, 19, was electrocuted by her blow dryer soon after purchasing the innocuous-looking, pink cotton panties. Her death was quickly followed by that of her roommate, killed in a freak Segway accident, and then her kid sister Raven, who suffered an allergic reaction to a bee sting while dancing around in the panties she’d inherited. After the first victim’s Aunt Sandy was decapitated by a falling ceiling fan, the panties were turned over to the institute for safe keeping.
“The supernatural mechanism at work remains unclear,” revealed Dr. Greavesby. “We have traced the garment back to a factory in Manila, which is ground zero for a little-understood form of witchcraft known as kulam. One theory is that a disgruntled factory worker placed a curse upon the panties. Or it’s possible they are possessed by the vengeful spirit of an employee who died in a building collapse that year.”
Any contact with human skin is dangerous, experts say. The panties can be handled safely only with lead-lined gloves. A research assistant donned the underwear for two minutes in what Dr. Greavesby now acknowledges was a very risky experiment. The heart monitor used to make sure she was all right short-circuited, delivering an electrical shock that put her into cardiac arrest.
“Miraculously we were able to enter the hermitically sealed chamber and remove the panties in time to resuscitate her,” the expert divulged.
Now cops are hoping against hope that the thief they’ve dubbed the Panties of Peril Pervert will recognize how foolhardy his actions were and turn in the lethal lingerie. The Institute has offered a $100,000 reward for the safe return of the Panties of Peril.
“All we want is the underwear back – no questions asked,” the researcher said.
Copyright C. Michael Forsyth
If you enjoyed this mind-bending story by C. Michael Forsyth, check out his collection of bizarre news, available on Kindle and in other eBook formats.
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This article was written by the author of the acclaimed horror novel Hour of the Beast. Check it out by clicking HERE!
Responsible parents dress their children in protective costumes like these each Halloween.
By C. Michael Forsyth
SALEM, Mass. — In recent years, millions of devout born-again Christians nationwide have begun to ban their children from dressing up on Halloween night, hoping to protect them from ungodly influences. But that has backfired — and made the innocent tots easy prey for evil spirits, a top expert warns.
“Not putting a costume on your child on Halloween night is incredibly dangerous and irresponsible,” warns Vatican-trained exorcist Dr. James Huntingworth, a leading expert on the occult. “You might as well send them bike riding without a helmet or tell them to go play stickball in the middle of a busy six-lane highway.”
While few Christians complained about Halloween in decades past, lately many evangelical preachers have told their flocks not to celebrate the October 31st holiday because it has pagan roots.
“They say that it dates back to Celtic times, when it was known as the festival of Samhain, the Day of the Dead,” says Dr. Huntingworth. “And that much is true. The ancient Druids believed that on Halloween night, the boundary between the worlds of the living and the dead blurred and the spirits of the departed walked the Earth.
“Now here’s the important part, which these preachers forget to tell you: The Druid priests taught that wicked spirits would hunt for living bodies to possess. And the only way to foil these roving ghosts was to dress in an ugly costume to make your body unattractive. The practice worked and kept the ancient British islanders safe from possession for hundreds of years. And the tradition, carried on over here, protected generations of American children as well.”
In the wholesome 1950s, when Beaver Cleaver and almost every other child in the United States went trick-or-treating in costume, possession by ghosts was extremely rare – virtually unheard of, the expert points out.
“But in the last 15 years, as more and more parents have forbidden their kids from wearing costumes, we’ve seen a disturbing trend,” reveals Dr. Huntingworth. “Possession is steadily on the rise. In 2014 alone, there were a reported 452 possessions of U.S. children on Halloween night — and those are just the ones we know about.
“I investigated 27 of these cases and in every single one, the child was not wearing a costume. The children’s parents were all born-again Christians who didn’t allow them to dress up. Not putting a protective costume on your child exposes them to the very real risk of being possessed by the evil dead. It’s like taping a target on their back, or a sign that says, ‘Come get me.’”
Dr. Huntingworth is aware that, with time running out before Halloween night, the pickings may be slim at discount stores. But any costume that disguises your child will work.
“Even if you have to dig up an old bed sheet, cut out eye holes and call it a ghost costume, do it,” the exorcist advises. “Sure, your child may get teased, and if he’s African American, he might hear, ‘Hey, Tyrone, I see you’re a Klansman this year.’ But which is more important, avoiding some good-natured ribbing, or avoiding possession?
“If you don’t mind having little Billy’s body get taken over by the likes of Ted Bundy, or waking up the morning after Halloween with your daughter Sally standing over your bed with Lizzie Borden inhabiting her, by all means keep them out of costumes. But if you care about your child’s immortal soul, I’m begging you: please, please, PLEASE dress them up this Halloween.”
Although youngsters are far more vulnerable to possession, the expert adds that it’s vital for grownups to dress up too. Even the most pious individual can be taken over by an evil spirit — and indeed, the Devil’s minions consider it their greatest triumph to possess the innocent.
“It can be as simple as a zombie mask, a pirate outfit or even a cheap little Groucho Marx nose, mustache and glasses,” Dr. Huntingworth explains. “If you’re a modest, church-going woman, there’s no need to put on some revealing maid or nurse costume. In fact, a really sexy get-up defeats the whole purpose of wearing a costume — making your body unattractive to ghosts — and can actually invite them in. Just put on a simple Hillary Clinton mask or go as a clown if you’re the shy type.”
And while convincing many adult males to wear a costume can be like pulling teeth, the expert warns that it’s absolutely crucial that wives do it.
“Otherwise, you make wake up with Adolf Hitler’s ghost in your husband.”
Copyright C. Michael Forsyth. All rights reserved
If you enjoyed this mind-bending story by C. Michael Forsyth, check out his collection of bizarre news, available on Kindle and in other eBook formats.
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IN A RELATED STORY…
Had a blast on Halloween. Went as Captain Kirk, my boyhood hero. One gold Star Trek shirt = $15. One night in character as William Shatner = priceless. Here’s my impression. Speaking of Halloween, what could be a better gift for the holiday than the acclaimed horror novel Hour of the Beast, penned by the author of this article. Order HEREby October 31 and you’ll receive a free T-shirt featuring the awesome art!
C. Michael Forsyth is the author of "Sir Arthur Conan Doyle & Harry Houdini in The Adventure of the Spook House,""The Blood of Titans," "Hour of the Beast" and "The Identity Thief." He is a Yale graduate and former senior writer for The Weekly World News
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