EDISON, N.J. –If you find yourself trapped in a haunted house with a malevolent ghost, head straight to the basement. That’s the surprising advice of a top expert in the supernatural!
“It sounds counterintuitive, but a lot of behaviors that seem stupid in a horror movie turn out to be highly successful survival strategies in the real world,” reveals Dr. Dan Greavesby of the New Jersey Institute for Paranormal Research.
“Disembodied souls generally frequent the areas of a house where they spent the most time while alive – for example the master bedroom or the kitchen. People spend hardly any time in their basement. That’s why it’s the place you’re least likely to encounter a ghost. If your haunted house doesn’t have a cellar, take refuge in the attic during a crisis.”
Here are six other vital tips from the researcher:
• ALWAYS SPLIT UP – “A ghost possesses only a finite amount of psychic energy,” Dr. Greavesby points out. “If it tries to attack five different people in five different rooms, that energy is divided and the ghost is weakened.”
SPLITTING up didn’t work out so well for the characters in “Scary Movie 2,” but in real life the strategy works.
• USE A FLICKERING FLASHLIGHT – A flashlight with a loose connection or dying batteries can save your hide. “Contrary to common belief, ghosts can’t see in the dark any better than the living can,” reveals the expert. “Indeed, you have the advantage since once the room is pitch black, you can feel your way out. Because a ghost’s hand will pass through solid objects, he or she can’t do that.”
FLASHLIGHT that doesn’t work gives you an advantage over ghosts.
• DON’T LEAVE THE HOUSE AS SOON AS YOU REALIZE IT’S HAUNTED – Packing your bags and fleeing with your family at the first sign of trouble is useless and potentially dangerous. “An evil spirit often follows a victim from one house to the next and may be angered that you’ve ‘abandoned’ it,” the expert explains.
CHAIRS mysteriously stacking themselves is no cause to put out a For Sale sign.
WHAT, me worry? Best to ignore signs something supernatural is going on.
• REFUSE TO BELIEVE THE HOUSE IS HAUNTED NO MATTER HOW OBVIOUS — Ignore the warnings of old caretakers, ominous sounds, objects that move inexplicably, dolls whose heads turn in your direction and your children’s reports of having seen dead people. “Ghosts feed on fear – it’s the primary source of their energy,” says Greavesby. “Showing no fear causes that energy to dissipate. If you appear oblivious to the presence of a ghost after two months of rigorous haunting, it will grow frustrated and weary and cease its efforts to harass you.”
WE ain’t afraid of no ghosts. Bill Murray poked fun at spirits in “Ghostbusters.”
• TAUNT THE SPIRIT – “You have to show the ghost who’s boss as soon as you move in,” explains the expert. “It’s like dealing with a bad dog. Establish early on who’s the alpha, the dominant one in the situation, and nine times out of ten it will back down.” Laughter is a potent weapon, he adds. “Mockery and insults such as classic ‘Yo mama’ jokes can quickly rob a ghost of its ‘mojo’. Curse words can be very effective, especially against spirits who lived in the 19th century and are unaccustomed to foul language.”
• HANDLE CURSED OBJECTS — Don’t hesitate to march into a “forbidden” room and pick up the dead person’s former prized possessions such as antique jewelry or an eerily lifelike portrait. Notes Greavesby, “If you boldly put on that necklace you’ve been warned never to touch, stare in the ‘haunted mirror’ and give the ghost you see behind you the finger, the spirit will know you can’t be intimidated and will most likely give up.”
WHY let the fact that a piece of jewelry is cursed stop you from putting it on?
Copyright C. Michael Forsyth
If you enjoyed this mind-bending story by C. Michael Forsyth, check out his collection of bizarre news, available on Kindle and in other eBook formats.
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The author of this article wrote the acclaimed new novel The Blood of Titans, a love story set in the golden age of Africa. To check it out, click HERE.
“The Blood of Titans” is set in the golden age of Africa.
My new novel has just been published, and it’s something completely different: a love story set in the golden age of Africa!
It’s the story of Halima, a teenage princess who falls in love with a warrior king. Enormous obstacles lie in the way of their happiness. In the course of their adventures, Princess Halima learns about loss, duty, and the high price of romantic love — and must make a choice that determines the future of kingdoms.
I was inspired to write it by my first real girlfriend. Though brainy as hell, she preferred romance novels to highbrow literature and so I began writing the book for her. I spent years researching ancient Africa, delving into arcane books on subjects ranging from religion to marriage rituals. Structually, The Blood of Titans is a traditional romance novel, and it includes nods to such classics as Wuthering Heights and Jane Eyre. What makes it unique — and presented challenges when writing it — is that the story takes place in a very different culture from a typical bodice-ripper. The Blood of Titans unfolds in a society where romantic love is a foreign concept, where polygamy is the order of the day, and women marry when they are just barely out of childhood.
The reviews so far have been glowing:
“The Blood of Titans is an epic romantic adventure that hearkens back to the origin of African civilization, told with detailed eloquence… an engrossing and well-crafted tale. Forsyth does an excellent job creating Halima’s world with details so sharp the reader is easily transported into it.” — Milton J. Davis, Editor of Griots: A Sword and Soul Anthology
“The lyrical language of The Blood of Titans quickly drew me into this richly textured novel. I could smell the air, hear the music, and see the towns and sea and grasslands and mountains. Every scene comes to life.” — Shauna Roberts, Ph.D, author of Like Mayflies in a Stream
“C. Michael Forsyth has charted new territory in the land of Sword and Soul. The Blood of Titans will carry you along on an amazing journey. I give it five spears out of five.” — Charles R. Saunders, Aurora Award-winning author of Imaro
OKLAHOMA CITY bombing was just one of countless tragedies that have taken place April 12 to April 20.
By C. Michael Forsyth
Buckle your seatbelts! The Week From Hell is upon us once again – eight disaster-prone days during which, if history is any indication, a major tragedy is likely to take place. Here are just a few of the past tragedies that have befallen the world between April 12 and April 20:
April 12: U.S. Civil War begins
April 13: Apollo 13 disaster
April 14: Lincoln Shot
April 15: Titanic Sinks
April 16: Virginia Tech Massacre
April 17: Russian troops slaughter gold mine workers
April 18: San Francisco Earthquake
April 19: Oklahoma City Bombing, Bay of Pigs, Waco tragedy.
April 20: Columbine High School Massacre
And here, drawn mostly from Wikepedia, is the full list:
BROTHER vs. BROTHER: The Civil War ripped America in two.
APRIL 12
• 1861 – The U.S. Civil War begins when Confederate forces fire on Fort Sumter, in the harbor of Charleston, South Carolina.
• 1864 –The Fort Pillow massacre: Confederate forces murder most of the African American soldiers who surrendered at Fort Pillow, Tennessee.
• 1945 – U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt dies in office.
• 1968 – Nerve gas accident at Skull Valley, Utah.
• 1970 – Soviet submarine K-8, carrying four nuclear torpedoes, sinks in the Bay of Biscay four days after a fire on board.
• 2002 – A female suicide bomber blows herself up at the entrance to Jerusalem’s Mahane Yehuda market, killing 7 and wounding 104.
• 2007 – A suicide bomber penetrates the Green Zone and detonates in a cafeteria inside the parliament building, killing Iraqi MP Mohammed Awad and wounding more than 20 other people.
• 2010 – A train derails near Merano, Italy, after running into a landslide, causing nine deaths and injuring 28 people.
UNLUCKY NUMBER: Astronaut James Lovell was lost in space aboard Apollo 13.
APRIL 13
• 1945 – German troops butcher more than 1,000 political and military prisoners in Gardelegen, Germany.
• 1948 – The Hadassah medical convoy massacre: In an ambush, 79 Jewish doctors, nurses and medical students from Hadassah Hospital and a British soldier are slaughtered by Arabs in Sheikh Jarra near Jerusalem.
• 1953 – CIA director Allen Dulles launches the sinister mind-control program MKULTRA.
• 1970 – An oxygen tank aboard Apollo 13 explodes while en route to the Moon, stranding the crew in space.
• 1975 – Bus massacre in Lebanon: Attack by the Phalangist resistance kills 26 militia members of the P.F.L. of Palestine, marking the start of the 15-year Lebanese Civil War.
• 1992 – The Great Chicago Flood. Damaged wall of a utility tunnel beneath the Chicago River opens into a breach that floods basements with an estimated 250 million gallons of water.
ASSASSIN John Wilkes Booth ruins the Lincolns’ night at the theater.
APRIL 14
* 1846 – The Donner Party expedition sets out from Springfield, Illinois for California. After being trapped by heavy snow, nearly half of the 87 pioneers die, many eaten by their starving companions.
* 1865 – U.S. President Abraham Lincoln is assassinated in Ford’s Theatre by John Wilkes Booth.
• 1909 – Adana Massacre is launched by Turkey’s Ottoman Empire against Armenian civilians. Between 15,000–30,000 people are killed.
• 1944 – A massive explosion in India’s Bombay harbor kills 800.
• 1986 – President Ronald Reagan orders major bombing raids against Libya, killing 60 people including an infant girl, reportedly Colonel Gaddafi’s daughter.
• 1986 – Massive 2.2 pound hailstones fall on the Gopalganj district of Bangladesh, killing 92. These are the heaviest hailstones ever recorded.
• 1988 – The USS Samuel B. Roberts strikes a mine in the Persian Gulf.
• 1994 – In northern Iraq, two U.S. Air Force fighters mistakenly shoot down two U.S. Army helicopters, killing 26 people.
• 1999 – NATO mistakenly bombs a convoy of ethnic Albanian refugees. Yugoslav officials say 75 people are killed.
• 1999 – A severe hailstorm strikes Sydney, Australia causing $2.3 billion in insured damages, the most costly natural disaster in Australian history.
• 2010 – Nearly 2,700 are killed in a magnitude 6.9 earthquake in Yushu, Qinghai, China.
NEARER MY GOD TO THEE: A century after the disaster, the sinking of the Titantic remains a night to remember.
APRIL 15
• 1715 – The Pocotaligo Massacre triggers the start of the Yamasee War in colonial South Carolina. In the first year of the war, the Yamasee Indians lose about a quarter of their population, either killed or enslaved.
• 1912 – The RMS Titanic sinks in the North Atlantic at 2:20 a.m., two and a half hours after hitting an iceberg. 1,517 people are killed.
• 1941 – In the Belfast Blitz, the German Air Force (Luftwaffe) bombs Belfast, Northern Ireland, killing 1,000 people.
• 1969 – North Korea shoots down a United States Navy aircraft over the Sea of Japan, killing all 31 on board.
• 1970 – During the Cambodian Civil War, massacres of the Vietnamese minority results in 800 bodies flowing down the Mekong River into South Vietnam.
• 1979 – A disastrous 7.1 earthquake occurs on Montenegro coast.
• 1989 – British soccer fans crush together at Liverpool’s Hillsborough Stadium in the FA Cup Semi Final, causing 96 deaths.
• 1989 – The Tiananmen Square protests of 1989 begin in the People’s Republic of China. Thousands are massacred by Communist troops.
• 2002 – Air China Flight CA129 crashes into a hillside during heavy rain and fog near Busan, South Korea, killing 128.
CRAZED student went on killing spree at Virginia Tech.
APRIL 16
• 73 A.D. – Roman legions crush the Jewish revolt at Masada after months of seige. Hundreds of Israelites commit suicide rather than be taken as slaves.
• 1945 – About 7,000 civilians and wounded soldiers perish when the German refugee ship Goya is sunk by a Soviet submarine torpedo, marking one of the worst tragedies in maritime history.
• 1947 – Texas City Disaster: An explosion on board a freighter in port causes the city of Texas City, Texas, to catch fire, killing almost 600.
• 1990 – “Doctor Death” Jack Kevorkian carries out his first assisted suicide.
• 1992 – The Katina P. runs aground off of Maputo, Mozambique and 60,000 tons of crude oil spill into the ocean.
• 2007 – Virginia Tech massacre: The deadliest spree killing in modern American history. Seung-Hui Cho kills 32 and injures 23 before committing suicide.
THE KILLING FIELDS: Millions were slaughtered by Cambodia’s Khmer Rouge fanatics.
APRIL 17
• 1912 – Russian troops open fire on striking goldfield workers in northeast Siberia, killing at least 150.
• 1941 – Germany conquers Yugoslavia.
• 1975: Khmer Rouge forces take over Cambodia. About 1.7 million people are slaughtered by this tyrannical regime, most dumped in the infamous mass graves known as The Killing Fields.
• 2006 – Sami Hammad, a Palestinian suicide bomber, detonates an explosive device in Tel Aviv, killing 11 people and injuring 70.
MASSIVE earthquake laid waste to San Fransico.
APRIL 18
*1880 — A powerful tornado rips through Marshfield, Missouri, leaving 99 people dead and 100 injured.
• 1897 – The Greco-Turkish War is declared between Greece and the Ottoman Empire. About 8,000 die in the brief but bloody conflict also known as The 30 Day War.
• 1902 – Quetzaltenango, the second largest city of Guatemala, is destroyed by an earthquake, killing about 900 people.
• 1906 – San Francisco earthquake destroys much of city. Death toll of 700 is often cited but experts believe as many as 2,800 may have perished in quake and resulting fires.
*1942 – U.S. planes bomb Tokyo in the Doolittle Raid as revenge for Pearl Harbor, killing 50. All the aircraft are shot down and 11 crewmen are killed or captured. After Chinese civilians help other aviators escape, Japanese massacre 250,000 of them retaliation.
• 1983 – A suicide bomber destroys the United States embassy in Beirut, Lebanon, murdering 63 people.
• 1996 – Israeli army shells the U.N. compound at Quana, Lebanon, blowing to smithereens at least 100 civilian refugees who’d taken refuge there.
• 2007 – A series of bombings wreak havoc in Baghdad, killing 198 and injuring 251.
UP IN FLAMES: The seige of a cult compound in Waco, Texas, ended in tragedy.
APRIL 19
• 1943 – German troops crush the Warsaw Ghetto Uprising. An estimated 13,000 Jews are killed, about half of those burned alive or killed by smoke inhalation. Of the 50,000 survivors, most are shipped to extermination camps.
• 1943 – Swiss chemist Dr. Albert Hofmann deliberately takes LSD for the first time, introducing the drug that will destroy thousands of minds.
• 1961 – The Bay of Pigs invasion of Cuba ends in a fiasco for the U.S., in which most of the 1,500 C.I.A.-trained invaders are captured or killed.
• 1989 – A gun turret explodes aboard the USS Iowa, killing 47 sailors.
• 1993 – The 51-day siege of the Branch Davidian compound outside Waco, Texas ends when a fire breaks out. Eighty-one people die, including 20 children and two pregnant women.
• 1993 – South Dakota governor George Mickelson and seven others are killed when their plane crashes in Iowa.
• 1995 – Oklahoma City bombing: Timothy McVeigh blows up the Alfred P. Murrah Federal Building, killing 168.
• 1997 – The Red River Flood of 1997 overwhelms region from North Dakota to Minnesota, inflicting $3.5 billion in damage.
EVIL punks massacred classmates in cafeteria of Columbine High School.
APRIL 20
• 1792 – France declares war on Austria, the beginning of French Revolutionary Wars in which tens of thousands die.
• 1889 – Nazi madman Adolf Hitler is born. He launches World War 2 in which over 60 million people are killed.
* 1914 – In the heat of a Colorado miners’ strike, coal company goons and the Colorado National Guard gun down nearly two dozen people including 11 innocent children in the Ludlow Massacre.
• 1999 – Columbine High School massacre: Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold fatally shoot 13 people and injure 24 others before committing suicide in Jefferson County, Colorado.
• 2010 – The Deepwater Horizon oil well explodes in the Gulf of Mexico, killing twelve workers and causing the BP oil spill which lasts six months.
WEALTHY folks in China are willing to go under the knife for a unique appearance.
By C. Michael Forsyth
BEIJING — In rapidly increasing numbers, members of China’s upper class are undergoing plastic surgery to look different from the rest of their countrymen, experts say.
“The new status symbol in China right now is no longer a big American automobile or designer clothes. It’s having a unique face,” confirms Bradford Kinglem, a highly respected professor of Far Eastern Studies.
Although still communist on paper, modern China is an economic powerhouse in which savvy investors can become as rich as any American. Indeed, the disparity in income between the rich and poor is greater than in any other country outside of sub-Sahara Africa, according to researchers.
OLD DAYS: In years past, individualism was not prized in China.
“The days of thousands of people riding on bicycles through the streets of Beijing wearing identical drab uniforms and identical punchbowl haircuts are long over,” says Kinglem. “People want to express their individuality.”
According to health officials, the number of people undergoing cosmetic surgery specifically to “no longer look the same as everyone else” was 34,150 in 2012 – 10 times as many as in the previous year. And if current trends continue, the Asian nation will soon outpace the U.S. in folks going under the knife, a report from the International Association of Aesthetic Plastic Surgery indicates.
FAT CAT Li Chin-Hiang shelled out big bucks for this distinctive face.
The well-to-do in China have sought out plastic surgery in small numbers for over a decade, but in the past the goal was different.
“A wealthy industrialist would alter his face to look like a popular movie star like Jackie Chan, or his wife might get the Joan Chen. Now successful people don’t want to look like anyone.”
Some officials in the Communist Party of China, which rules the country, disapprove of the show of individuality, preferring the cookie-cutter look of the past.
Grumbled one older party member, “This is not what Red China is supposed to be about. Chairman Mao must be rolling in his grave.”
The familiar mug of beloved star Jackie Chan was a popular look in the past.
Copyright C. Michael Forsyth
Speaking of unique, the author of this story penned Hour of the Beast, hailed by Horror Fiction Review as “a fast-paced, rip-snorting, action-packed, sexy college romp.” The book is available in hardcover and softcover at Amazon.com. But you can save $4 by clicking HERE! The Kindle version is just $7 and the eBbook is a measly $5. Be the first on your block to read this bone-chilling tale — before the movie comes out.
THE OLD ONES once ruled our world, according to H.P. Lovecraft, who warned of a monster-god named Cthulhu, depicted here by artist Henning Ludvigsen.
By C. Michael Forsyth
LONDON — The Old Ones, demonic god-like beings that ruled Earth eons before the dawn of man, have at last been freed from their subterranean prison — and, one by one, have begun to return to our world.
That’s the triumphant claim of ecstatic high priests of ancient, forbidden cults that worship the entities. And, horrifyingly, top occult investigators confirm it’s true!
Cult watchers say that a hideous ritual was conducted simultaneously last December 31 by fanatical followers around the globe: defrocked cardinals in the haunted Parisian catacombs; jabbering witch doctors over vats of flesh in the Congo; bloodthirsty Thuggees in a secret necropolis beneath the Great Hole of Calcutta; hooded necromancers within a circle of Celtic monoliths in Wales and thousands of other degenerates.
FORBIDDEN rites that predate the Druids took place in Northern Wales.
That act of insanity on a day the stars align precisely only once in 90 years unsealed a “gate” protecting our universe from the fiendish beings’ hellish dimension — allowing the first three of the seven Old Ones to emerge, investigators warn.
“When all seven come through, it will mean the end of man’s dominion over Earth and a new dark age that will never end,” warns Dr. Herbert A. Thackens of Cambridge, Mass., a professor of archaeology and a highly respected authority on the occult.
“Cultists have yearned for this day for centuries. Their priests will reign like Oriental despots over the handful of humans who survive — for a time — as sacrificial lambs, food for these accursed gods. The Old Ones are more ancient than Chaos, more evil than any demon in the deepest circle of Hell — and will be omnipotent once all seven sit on their thrones.”
CULTISTS from as far away as darkest Africa and Easter Island worked in concert to open the “gate” guarding our world from an alien universe.
Yet some cult leaders admit they are beginning to regret their rash act.
“The Old Ones will usher in an epoch of horror and madness, full of unthinkable abominations,” says Roger Whittenbow, high priest of the Order of Thursis, a London-based branch of Satanism banned by mainstream Satanists for being too evil. “That part is splendid. What’s a bit off putting is how cranky the Old Ones are. They constantly complain about how much Earth has changed for the worse since they last walked it.
“One of the Old Ones, named P’thantu Rami, commanded us to bring Him 700 virgins for a grotesque rite of human sacrifice. I humbly told the great lord that it might take time to round up that many because virgins aren’t so plentiful in Britain now. He spent the next half hour railing about how much more chaste women were in ancient times. He and His brethren don’t care much for cars or the Internet either.”
The Old Ones are proving alarmingly forgetful, he added.
“The second lord, Cthoko Ba’al, summoned me. As I knelt before Him, He ordered that I arrange a bacchanalian orgy so vile in its description it made the most obscene atrocity a depraved syphilitic whore might envision in a fever dream sound like a toddler’s lisping bedroom prayer by comparison,” revealed Whittenbow.
“As I began phoning around to find a suitable venue, the Old One called me back in and gave the exact same order again. He’d forgotten what He’d said 10 minutes earlier! Another time, Cthoko Ba’al commanded us to look for His unholy crown, forged from the bones of warlords who’d sold their souls in a forgotten age. But He was already wearing it!”
SINISTER catacombs beneath Paris, ranked among of the most haunted places on Earth, were one of 57 places the unholy ritual took place.
Worst of all are the old jokes, repeated ad nauseum.
“The third Old One to come through is known as the Lord of Mirth,” explained Whittenbow. “In ancient times, when He manifested Himself in Persia, He induced fits of laughter in which the entire population of cities cackled joylessly until tears of blood dripped from their eyes and, unable to even eat, they starved to death.
“But to put it frankly, no one appreciates His brand of humor anymore. His routine went over like a lead balloon. No one got His references and when He tried to be topical — with ‘How about that Vladimir Putin?’ stuff — it was even more excruciating. We all clapped politely at first. But after hearing the same stale jokes for the 20th time, you feel like sacrificing yourself on a stone altar.”
H.P. Lovecraft often wrote of the Old Ones in his weird tales.
Tales of the Old Ones have been around since before recorded history, often hinted at obliquely in obscure or banned texts. Early 20th century horror writer H.P. Lovecraft warned of their existence and the notorious occultist Aleister Crowley — known as “the Wickedest Man in the World” — gleefully predicted their imminent return.
THE NECRONOMICON: Bloodcurdling book warns of the unspeakable Old Ones.
“They have been known by many names in many cultures,” says Dr. Thackens. “From the chaos monster-gods such as Angra Mainyu and the monstrous bird-god Anzu of Mesopotamia in the third millenium B.C., and Asag, a Babylonian ‘gallu’ of hideous strength, to Buer, described as ‘The Great President of Hell’ in the 16th century grimoire Pseudomonarchia Daemonum.”
TERRIFYING Mesopotamian chaos monster-god Anzu may have been one of the Old Ones.
The Celtic deity Ogmios, who seduced humans with words and led them into the underworld with chains through their ears, is also believed to have been one of the Old Ones. And many Bible scholars believe the Nephilim of the Holy Scriptures refer to the terrifying entities.
HIDEOUS demon known as Buer may have been one of the Old Ones.
The incredibly well-coordinated December 31 ritual reportedly took place in 57 places associated with mysticism, devil-worship or the paranormal, including Easter Island where naked cultists sacrificed 13 “volunteers” and pranced in front of the mysterious giant heads called moai. Other locales, according to cult-watchers, include the town of Triora in the ancient hills of Liguria, where witches were burned alive in the 1500s for their horrific rites. Also, temples in a massive cave in the Valley of Valchuisella, in the foothills of the Alps, constructed by an Italian who had seen them in a vision at age 10.
OCCULTIST Aleister Crowley was one of many to foresee the Old Ones’ return.
The first Old One made his comeback near Merlin’s Cave in Cornwall, England, a site of mystical rites dating back 8,000 years, long before the Druids. About 500 followers gathered around Witch’s Hill, chanting an ancient spell (whose utterance carries the death penalty in Turkey, Romania and Iraq) in unison with fellow fanatics around the globe. Cult members have been strictly forbidden to speak of what they saw, but several weeks later on January 21, an anonymous eyewitness posted this bone-chilling account on his blog, Demon Talk:
“The scull-shaped hillock, of sinister repute since before the Roman conquest, erupted, like a putrid boil pregnant with corruption suddenly bursting. The explosion created a sinkhole far deeper than the Mariana Trench or any other abyss into which a submariner might venture even in a nightmare. The pit was blindingly radiant in its absolute blackness, a place at once in the center of our Earth and outside our world.
CULTS worshipping the Old Ones date back countless millenia.
“My nostrils were assaulted by a stench more vile than 10,000 open graves, an almost physical force that could split a human psyche as a cleaver slices meat. Then tendrils loathsome as rat tails but fantastically immense emerged. And something colossal began to haul itself out of the pit.
“No words could begin to describe that blasphemous monstrosity. I say only that it had a malignant aura more malignant than malignancy itself. Many went insane as they beheld it, their minds unable to comprehend this gargantuan being that violated every law of physics and warped the space around it. Those of us who’d spent a lifetime steeling our minds for this ‘Medusa effect’ fell prostrate to worship, many weeping or writhing in ecstasy.
Cthoko Ba’al has been known by many names, including Ba’al, Belial and, by Satanists in the 1940s, as Mr. Big.
“P’thantu Rami opened His mouth — if one could rightly call that maw that made a mockery of all that is natural a mouth. But He did not speak, He sang. The sound was rife with the shrieks of 10 million souls consumed in sacrifices over countless centuries, so chaotic Dionysus himself would cover his ears in horror. Yet interlaced with that cacophony was a sweet and seductive melody that instantly commanded the love of all who were present. It actually reminded me of the tunes of Bacharach.”
Within days, two more Old Ones emerged, greeted by fawning worshippers and a marching band. There were celebratory orgies, exuberant desecration of cemeteries, hearty exchanges of high-fives and toasts at Satanist bars in every city. But within a month, the “bloom was off the rose,” as one disappointed British cultist put it. With their non-stop carping and unreasonable demands — complaining that their quarters are too hot, then too cold, then too hot again — the Old Ones have already outworn their welcome.
Although Whitttenbow strenuously denies it, there are rumors that some cultists are meeting in secret dens, seeking a way to send the old ones back through the hellhole from whence they came.
HAPPY DAYS are here again for followers of ancient cult, who celebrated with orgies.
“This is like having an elderly aunt staying in your house,” explained a cult member who asked for anonymity out of fear of destruction. “At first, you’re pleased as punch to see her and learn about the good old days. But when you keep hearing the same old stories again and again, she starts rearranging furniture, criticizing your wife’s cooking and lambasting your teenage daughter for dressing like a ‘tramp,’ well, you can’t wait to give her the heave-ho.”
WIDESPREAD PANIC: The Great Day when all 7 Old Ones have returned will make the Apocalypse look like a Sunday picnic, experts warn.
KUNDIAWA, Papua New Guinea — The Ngadi tribe has not yet invented the wheel, live in crude dwellings in treetops and call airplanes “sky birds” — yet they communicate almost entirely in sophisticated sarcastic banter!
British anthropologist Bernard Hodgequist made the astounding discovery when he encountered the rarely visited people outside their remote jungle village in the highlands.
“I was surrounded by eight warriors who pointed their spears at me in a menacing manner,” he recounted in the February edition of the New Journal of Exploration. “I’d heard stories that they practiced cannibalism and was fearful for my life. In the language of a neighboring tribe who live 250 miles away, I said, ‘Are you going to eat me?’ The leader of the group replied, ‘No, we’re not going to eat you. We’re going to worship you as a god.’
“Surprised, I said, ‘Really?’ The warrior said, ‘Oh yes, we’re going to build a temple for you 100 feet high and we will supply you with 20 virgins. Is that not true, men?’
“Another warrior shook his head and said, ‘No, that’s not true. We can only provide you with 15 virgins and five girls who are not very experienced. Would that be good enough, O Great White One?’ He seemed to be sneering.”
The anthropologist was roughly escorted to the primitive village where, to his relief, the chief spared his life. As they sat around the fire, he was served a bowl of ground grubs for supper.
“I took a whiff of it and asked the chief politely if they had anything else,” Hodgequist recalled. “He told me, ‘Yes, we have some smoked salmon in the back. Would you like some?’ ”
“I realized he was having a bit of fun with me and it’s then that it dawned on me that I’d stumbled onto something quite extraordinary.”
THICK jungle of Papua New Guinea’s highlands is home to many primitive tribes.
Linguists who’ve since analyzed more than 1,000 hours of recordings of the Ngadi talking with each other have confirmed that at least 75 percent of what they say is sarcastic. The trait is evident even in non-verbal speech; the sarcastic clap is their most common hand gesture.
“It’s extraordinary. In virtually every other way, their civilization is at the Stone Age level, but their sense of irony is extraordinarily developed,” notes Dr. Anne Kipling-Westcott of the London Institute for Linguistics and Translation. “The reply to a question such as, ‘Should we build a fire’ might be ‘No, I think we should wait here for lightning to strike.’ ”
The expert calls the peculiar adaptation analogous to the ancient Macedonian dialect in which every question was answered with a question (known as reflexive interrogative speech).
VANISHED: Did explorer Phillip Stanley teach sarcasm to the Ngadi before winding up as dinner?
How the Ngadi developed their unique form of communication remains a mystery. The British explorer Phillip Stanley – grandnephew of the famous African explorer – vanished in the region in the early 1930s, and one researcher speculates that he introduced to the tribe the brand of biting wit for which he was well known. But there is no evidence the adventurer ever crossed the Ramu River into Ngadi territory.
Hodgequist says his two-month stay among the sardonic tribesmen often felt surreal.
“One would be sitting on a rock helping to dip arrowheads in poison and a pair of women in loincloths with baskets on their heads would sashay by, making snarky comments about their peers like American teenagers at a mall,” he writes in the article.
“The chief had the most devastating wit of them all. It was as if you were with a half-naked Oscar Wilde with a bone through his nose.”
Copyright C. Michael Forsyth
If you enjoyed this mind-bending story by C. Michael Forsyth, check out his collection of bizarre news, available on Kindle and in other eBook formats.
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The author of this article wrote the blood-curdling horror novel Hour of the Beast, considered by many the best werewolf story since The Howling. In the shocking and controversial first 13 pages, a young bride is raped by a werewolf on her wedding night. After that, things start to get out of hand.
To check out Hour of the Beast and hear Chapter One read FREE click HERE! The Ebook is a measly $5. It’s available on Amazon.com, but you can save $4 by ordering it on the website.
LOS ANGELES — For more than 20 years, life coach Denise Castleberry has been dispensing advice – and in scores of cases it has led to tragedy, failure and catastrophe.
Among the worst disasters, she advised:
• O.J. Simpson to “stop holding your anger in.”
• John F. Kennedy Jr. to “get an adventurous hobby.”
• Whitney Houston to “find a new way to relax.”
• Lance Armstrong to “stop at nothing to win.”
• New York Governor Eliot Spitzer to “Loosen up when it comes to sex.”
Despite her nickname in the advice industry as the World’s Worst Life Coach, Castleberry, who launched her business in 1987, insists she knows what she’s doing.
“Everyone – especially envious colleagues in the field – likes to talk about cases that didn’t turn out perfectly,” she said in a recent interview. “No one talks about the thousands of stars, politicians and CEOs who owe their success to me.”
TAXES, what taxes? Wesley Snipes should have thought twice about advice to “not fixate” on financial details.
LEARNING to fly introduced adventure to the handsome son of President Kennedy.
O.J. SIMPSON learned to let his anger out.
WIN at all costs approach doomed bicyclist Lance Armstrong
DISGRACED N.Y. Gov. Eliot Spitzer resigned after prostitute scandal.
Indeed, Castleberry’s more than 200 clients in the entertainment and corporate world swear by her.
“I call Denise at least once a week,” said a music industry executive who requested anonymity. “Her practical suggestions have taken my career to a new level and vastly improved my outlook on life. I can’t imagine where I would be without her.”
While the coach’s current client list is confidential, among those rumored to be among Castleberry’s clientele are Lindsay Lohan, Charlie Sheen, Elizabeth Berkeley and Wesley Snipes.
“Yes, some of my clients have gotten in their share of trouble, but imagine what a mess their lives would be in if they hadn’t been receiving help,” she points out.
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Elizabeth Berkeley’s career tanked after following advice to take role in “Showgirls.”
WINNING formula? Life coach’s advice may not have been done wonders for Charlie.
TROUBLE follows starlet Lindsay Lohan.
If you enjoyed this mind-bending story by C. Michael Forsyth, check out his collection of bizarre news, available on Kindle and in other eBook formats.
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The author of this article wrote the blood-curdling horror novel Hour of the Beast, considered by many the best werewolf story since The Howling. In the riveting first 13 pages, a woman is raped by a werewolf on her wedding night. After that, things start to get out of hand.
To check out Hour of the Beast and hear Chapter One read FREE click HERE! The Ebook is a measly $5.
The dead try to reach us using the means they did in life, experts say.
By. C. Michael Forsyth
DENVER, Colo. — Researchers have identified a baffling paranormal phenomenon they’ve dubbed “texts from the dead” — and they say it’s becoming increasingly prevalent.
The eerie messages from beyond are the modern equivalent of those inexplicable phone calls from the dead that have been reported since the late 19th century.
Scientists from the Colorado Institute for Paranormal Research analyzed 132 mysterious texts received by loved ones hours, days or months after the phone’s owner passed away. And they confirmed that in 94 of those cases, the only reasonable explanation is that the messages originated in the Great Beyond.
“The slang and abbreviations people use when texting are as individualistic as handwriting,” explains lead researcher Dr. Nick Horn. “We were able to confirm with a high degree of certainty that the messages were indeed composed by people who were no longer living.”
In one striking case, a 19-year-old New Mexico college student was killed in a head-on collision after a heated quarrel with her mother. The last text the mother received read, “Soree mom. 4 giv me.” Incredibly, investigation revealed that the message was sent two hours AFTER the teen was pronounced dead at the hospital.
“There is no possibility that someone else texted the mother as a cruel prank,” Dr. Horn notes. “The phone was recovered from the wreck smashed to bits and melted.”
RECEIVING a phone call from a dead loved one can be unsettling, as in this “Twilight Zone” episode.
The dear departed are not above sexting, researchers were startled to discover. Six months after a Minnesota man’s fiancée died of a brain tumor, he received a sexually explicit text from her phone. Uncannily, at the time the spicy message was sent, the deceased woman’s phone was in a kitchen drawer, uncharged, and the account had been deactivated.
“The message invited him to join her in specific physical acts using coded phrases such as ‘play helicopter’ only the two of them understood,” says the expert. “Attached to the text was the blurry image of a nude figure that resembled the deceased fiancée.”
The first known case of what parapsychologists refer to technically as the “phantom text messaging effect” or PTME was in 2006 and since then the number of reports have steadily risen. In some instances a restless soul pours out a declaration of love or fires off a parting shot in the form of an insult, such as, “nvr lked U, A-hole.” Other texts are more mundane, such as reminders to pick up dry cleaning, horse racing tips, or the location of insurance documents.
INVENTOR Alexander Graham Bell patented the telephone in 1876.
While the phenomenon is relatively new, phone calls from the dead have been cited as proof of life after death — and have been a staple of ghost stories — for decades.
“The first phantom phone call was reported in 1886, just ten years after Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone, “ revealed Dr. Horn. “Three years after the Titanic sank, an S.O.S from the vessel was received by a Norwegian freighter, the first known ghost Morse Code message. The first fax from the other side was reported in 1987, a few years after the fax machine came into popular use. And emails from the dead began to crop up in the mid-1990s.
“The departed are always trying to communicate with their loved ones and they use the means they were familiar with in life. With every technological advance, the paranormal application trails a little bit behind.
“We anticipate getting reports on tweets from the dead in the next year or two.”
Copyright C. Michael Forsyth
If you enjoyed this mind-bending tale by C. Michael Forsyth, check out his collection of bizarre news, available on Kindle and in other eBook formats.
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ALSO FROM THE WRITER OF THIS ARTICLE…
The author of this article wrote the blood-curdling horror novel Hour of the Beast, considered by many the best werewolf story since The Howling. In the riveting first 13 pages, a woman is raped by a werewolf on her wedding night. After that, things start to get out of hand.
To check out Hour of the Beast and hear Chapter One read FREE click HERE! The Ebook is a measly $5.
I find the unending stream of movie remakes depressing. It’s a kind of self-cannibalization that generally signals a culture is entering its death throes.
Typically, Hollywood remakes movies that were perfectly executed the first time, like “Nightmare on Elm Street,” and the remakes tend to be inferior. The most unnecessary was the shot-for-shot remake of “Psycho” with Vince Vaughan standing in for Anthony Perkins (who was far better suited for the role).
A remake of “Carrie” (1976) came out in 2020 – despite the movie already having been remade in 2002 and 2013. And although director Sam Raimi remade “The Evil Dead” (1981) with a better script and higher budget as “The Evil Dead 2″ a remake came out in 2013.
The trend will continue as long as producers feel the public doesn’t care much about originality and that they can cash in on name recognition. But what if remakes were chosen for artistic reasons? Why not pick movies that perhaps had a good premise but didn’t turn out as well as they might have due to low-budgets, poor scripting or primitive special effects?
For example, “The Killer Shrews” (1959) is ranked among the silliest ever made, but the premise is pretty good. A scientist experimenting on shrews on a remote island causes the voracious creatures – which consume three times their body weight each day – to become huge. That plunges a band of humans stranded on the island into a desperate fight for survival. There’s plenty of conflict between the besieged protagonists and the way they finally escape their predicament is nifty. The movie’s main flaw is that due to budget constraints the shrews were portrayed by collies in masks! In 2016, it was remade as a comedy horror flick, “Attack of the Killer Shrews.”
Here are a dozen other movies that SHOULD be remade.
Due to budget limitations, collies in masks portrayed the giant shrews.
Giant ants threaten mankind in “Them.”
“Them” (1954) — In this flick, radiation spawns ants bigger than elephants in the New Mexico desert, courtesy of A-bomb testing. A strong performance by James Whitmore as a small town cop pitted against the enormous insects helps make this one of the best giant monster movies ever made. The special effects were impressive at the time, but imagine what could be done today.
Giant monster wreaks havoc in London in “Gorgo.”
“Gorgo” (1961) – A Nessie-type monster is captured off the coast of Ireland and put on display by circus owners in London. The surprise ending, as well as the relationship between Gorgo and a young Irish lad, are quite touching. However, as in “Godzilla,” a man in a lizard suit portrays the monster – the best that could be done at the time.
GIT OUT OF TOWN BY SUNRISE: “Billy the Kid Vs. Dracula”
“Billy the Kid Versus Dracula” (1966) – One of the most laughable movie titles of all time. But the premise has potential. We’ve seen how well the cowboy and sci-fi genres blended in “Cowboys & Aliens.” Why NOT have this iconic outlaw, who still fascinates historians – go mano-a-mano against the king of the vampires? (A better title might be in order, though).
Winged menace hits on Jennifer Salt in in “Gargoyles.”
“Gargoyles” (1972) – In this made-for-TV movie, it turns out that those statues that adorn cathedrals depict creatures that really exist — mankind’s most ancient enemy. An anthropologist and his daughter must defeat the winged humanoids before their brood of eggs hatch and they plague the world again. Cornel Wilde as the aging but still virile professor makes a splendid hero. And a young, hunky Scott Glenn as a long-haired biker made my big sister’s heart flutter when the TV movie aired. Although the makeup that transformed Bernie Casey into a gargoyle was convincing, the flight sequences were not. Now 21st century special effects could create a terrifying squadron of the gargoyles.
BAD VERSUS WORSE: Gabriel Byrne as a Nazi soldier battles an ancient entity in “The Keep.”
“The Keep” (1983) – When I read the book by F. Paul Wilson long ago, I found the premise mind-blowing. During World War II a troop of Nazi soldiers takes refuge in a crumbling fortress – unaware that imprisoned in its bowels is an ancient being far more dangerous than they are. Despite a stellar cast including Ian McKellen and Gabriel Byrne, the movie was a critical flop. Hollywood ought to take another crack at the evil vs. eviler story.
Swashbuckling hero takes a break from vampire-slaying in “Captain Kronos, Vampire Hunter.”
“Captain Kronos, Vampire Hunter” (1974) – The title character is a master swordsman and former soldier who travels the countryside slaying bloodsuckers with the aide of his sidekick, a hunchbacked professor. I love the premise that there are different species of vampires, each with its own powers and vulnerabilities. The vampire Captain Kronos encounters this time can’t be killed with wooden stakes. There is an element of mystery in addition to horror and action, since Kronos and the professor must figure out both who the vampire is and how to destroy him. My only complaint is that Horst Janson as Kronos is a bit wooden. A better actor could make for a rousing remake.
“Van Helsing” hero bore little resemblence to the old doctor in Dracula.
“Van Helsing” (2004) – Normally, I hate remakes of recent movies, as in the case of the 2008 remake of the 2003 “The Incredible Hulk.” And I enjoyed this supernatural adventure, especially the scene where vampire harpies buzz terrified villagers. But the Clint Eastwood-type hero played by Hugh Jackman bears virtually no resemblance to the cerebral Dutch professor Abraham Van Helsing as we know him from Dracula. The steampunk, gadget-using cowboy actually is more like the hero of “The Wild, Wild West.” In fact, if you changed the name of the protagonist, you could just as easily have titled the movie “James West.” Why not a version featuring a young medical student Dr. Van Helsing based on Bram Stoker’s character, encountering the supernatural for the first time?
TOO CLOSE FOR COMFORT: Rosey Grier and Ray Milland reluctantly share a body in the “Thing with Two Heads.”
“The Thing with Two Heads” (1972) – A dying racist millionaire arranges for his head to be surgically implanted on the body of a black man, in this misbegotten attempt to cross the blaxploitation and mad scientist genres. Oscar-winning screen legend Ray Milland humiliates himself spectacularly as the old bigot hitching a ride on Rosey Greer’s bulky body. But what if you remade this turkey as an all-out comedy? I’d love to see Kelsey Grammer as a snooty one-percenter forced to share shoulders with wisecracking Chris Rock.
Cannibalistic Humanoid Underground Dwellers haunt New York sewers in “C.H.U.D.”
“C.H.U.D.” (1984) — Beneath the streets of New York City lurk Cannibalistic Humanoid Underground Dwellers — homeless people living in the sewers who’ve been mutated by toxic waste into hideous, flesh-eating creatures. Having exhausted the supply of sewer workers, they’re now surfacing through manholes to feed on ordinary New Yorkers. The movie suffers because more screen time is spent on authorities covering up the crisis than on the monsters themselves. And when the C.H.U.D. do show up the makeup is cheesy. But it’s a great idea, given all the urban legends involving the labyrinthine tunnels, and with good monsters, a remake could be really frightening.
Heroine finds herself in over her head in “The Brain that Wouldn’t Die.”
“The Brain That Wouldn’t Die” (1962) — A scientist develops a means of keeping body parts alive. He finds a practical application for the breakthrough when his fiancée is decapitated in a car wreck. The lovesick scientist rushes her head to his laboratory, where he manages to keep it alive — and quite talkative — in a liquid-filled tray. Now all he needs is an attractive new body to attach to his sweetheart’s head. As the unhinged doc cruises bars for a suitable specimen, his fiancée goes a bit batty herself, communicating telepathically with a hideous experiment-gone-wrong locked in the laboratory cell. It’s all pretty crazy. So crazy it just might work, as a gory black comedy along the lines of “Re-animator.” (Imagine acid-tongued comedian Sarah Silverman as the nagging head).
Terror swoops from above in “The Vulture.”
“The Vulture” (1967) — I remember being scared out of my wits by this film about a half-man, half-vulture creature terrorizing people in a Cornish village. The townsfolk fear it is the vengeful incarnation of a sailor their ancestors buried alive with his pet vulture. However, I was 8 years old at the time. In retrospect, the special effects were awful and the “scientific” explanation revealed at the end is absurd. Still, vulture claws are among God’s scariest creations and, with a decent script and effects, you could scare the bejesus out of an audience.
MATHILDA MAY is a psychic vampire from outerspace in “Lifeforce.”
“LIFEFORCE” (1985) — While scouting Haley’s Comet, astronauts find a spaceship that contains the bodies of three human-like aliens in suspended animation. They bring the specimens aboard their ship for scientific study, but the specimens turn out to be vampires that drain psychic energy rather than blood from their victims. They overcome the spacemen and escape to Earth, where they unleash a vampire plague in London. Unfortunately, the movie is slow-paced and unexciting. And Steve Railsback — straight off a riveting performance as Charles Manson in “Helter Skelter” — is surprisingly bland as the surviving astronaut racing to stop the epidemic. I’d like to see a version of the space-vampire flick that doesn’t suck.
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THRILLING NEW GRAPHIC NOVEL!
Vampires run amok in a women’s prison in the gorgeously illustrated, 80-page graphic novel Night Cage. When a newly made vampire is sentenced to an escape-proof, underground slammer, she quickly begins to spread the contagion.
The tables turn on an identity thief in the latest thriller by C. Michael Forsyth. To check it out, click HERE.
Of course, sometimes creative folks get it right the first time. The author of this article wrote the sexy and scary novel Hour of the Beast.
Obama poses 6 terrifyng threats to America — or does he?
By C. Michael Forsyth
WASHINGTON — U.S. President Barack Obama is evil in a half dozen ways that menace America – but miraculously, the six threats cancel each other out!
“Obama is a socialist, a Muslim, a Kenyan, a member of the Illuminati, the Antichrist and a leader of the Trilateral Commission,” declares author Jonathan R. Bernyard, one of the nation’s leading experts on Obama conspiracies. “Any single one of these would make him a danger to our freedom.
“However, the forms of evil are in pairs that operate against each other. It’s like that 19th century case of the British traveler in the Carpathian Mountains who was bitten by a vampire, a werewolf, a zombie and a mummy in the course of a week. Put together, the venoms canceled each other out and he was fine.
“That story may be aprocryphal, but the principle is absolutely certain. As every schoolboy learns in science class, when equally balanced forces act on an object from opposite directions, it doesn’t move. For the very same reason, President Obama cannot harm America.”
Bernyard lays out his unorthodox theory in an upcoming book, The Obama Factor. Here’s a quick break down:
FIERCE African warriors believe in survival of the fittest.
* Obama is a native of Kenya who spent his formative years in a savage, winner-take-all culture.
“The Masai are fierce warriors who from infancy are taught that only the strong survive. The weak who are unable to fend for themselves must be allowed to perish,” Bernyard explains. “That Kenyan mentality makes Obama instinctively inclined to shred our country’s social safety net with a spear, leaving millions of poor Americans to literally starve. It’s social Darwinism at its worst.
“But remember, Obama attended one of our liberal colleges, where he was indoctrinated in radical socialism. He believes in his heart in the redistribution of wealth. That cancels out the harsh individualistic streak in his blood.”
DON’T be deceived. This Jesus lookalike in a painting by Luca Signorelli is the Antichrist
* Many top Bible scholars warn that the President is the Antichrist, the evil tyrant whose rise to power is foretold in the Bible’s book of Revelation.
“Belief in the Antichrist is a central doctrine of Christianity,” Bernyard observes. “The Beast, as this sinister figure is also known, must of course believe wholeheartedly in the prophecy and that his purpose here on earth is to fulfill it.
“However, as is well-documented, Barack Hussein Obama is a Muslim and the Islamic worldview was drummed into him at an early age in a madrassa in Indonesia. That worldview simply does not allow for the existence of the Antichrist. Obama will thus reject his Satan-given role as the embodiment of evil because his Moslem upbringing does not allow him to accept the existence of Lucifer.”
This symbol of capitalism and of the Illumanti bent on destroying it can be found on the back of the $1 bill.
* Obama is a member of the Illuminati, a sinister secret society that dates back to the 18th century.
“The goal of the Illuminati is to sweep aside everything we hold dear and usher in a new world order,” the expert declares. “They are credited with having sparked the French Revolution in which aristocrats were hunted down and executed. They want to erase all traditional centers of power. As far back as the 1700s, they were caught in a plot to assassinate all the kings of Europe as well as the Pope, a plot that nearly succeeded.
“Yet it has also been proven that Obama is a card-carrying member of the Trilateral Commission, like presidents George Herbert Walker Bush and Jimmy Carter before him. The Trilateral Commission is dedicated to centralizing power among a small elite of establishment figures – presidents, royalty, heads of prominent corporations. This completely counterbalances Obama’s involvement with the Illuminati.”
If Bernyard’s analysis is correct, it means that President Obama offers no direct threat to the people of the United States. The author insists that the earnest efforts of patriots like Donald Trump, who has called for revolution in the wake of Barack’s re-election, and others petitioning to secede from America or boycott the Electoral College, should be put on hold.
“These conflicting forces render Obama helpless to harm America,” he says. “Ironically, he may thus turn out to be one of the best presidents we’ve ever had.”
Copyright C. Michael Forsyth
The author of this article penned the critically acclaimed horror novel Hour of the Beast. Hear Chapter One read for free by clicking HERE then choosing Audio Clip.
C. Michael Forsyth is the author of "Sir Arthur Conan Doyle & Harry Houdini in The Adventure of the Spook House,""The Blood of Titans," "Hour of the Beast" and "The Identity Thief." He is a Yale graduate and former senior writer for The Weekly World News
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